for By The Spring11/25/2012 c2 Elise
I am happy with this chapter! :D It's a really good story and I'd love to read more. Though I hope you'll elaborate a little more on how Kariko died and Akkarin and Sonea's relationship!
I am happy with this chapter! :D It's a really good story and I'd love to read more. Though I hope you'll elaborate a little more on how Kariko died and Akkarin and Sonea's relationship!
6/3/2012 c2 
2Ravengirlx
ahhhhhhhh! so cute!
i love akkarin! (with sonea obviously)
want to see what happens at the dance, update, update, update! (please?)
2Ravengirlxahhhhhhhh! so cute!
i love akkarin! (with sonea obviously)
want to see what happens at the dance, update, update, update! (please?)
2/17/2012 c2 2KyralianKyliann
There's not much to say about this chapter, since not much happened there, but I would have a question : when you speak about a rogue, do you mean Sonea ? Because in fact, she's not a rogue, just a natural. Another thing, but it is only a small detail : I don't think anyone in Kyralia would say "for God's sake" since obviously there's no Christ there. But again, it's just something I noted, nothing of importance.
btw, I find your casting idea very interesting ! See my comment on youtube for details ;-)
2KyralianKyliannThere's not much to say about this chapter, since not much happened there, but I would have a question : when you speak about a rogue, do you mean Sonea ? Because in fact, she's not a rogue, just a natural. Another thing, but it is only a small detail : I don't think anyone in Kyralia would say "for God's sake" since obviously there's no Christ there. But again, it's just something I noted, nothing of importance.
btw, I find your casting idea very interesting ! See my comment on youtube for details ;-)
2/8/2012 c1 KyralianKyliann
I liked it ! Hope you'll update soon.
I just want to point out something which disturbed me a bit : you constantly change the point of view, without any indication. I think you should try writing either from a character's pov, or even several characters' -but then please help us understand who is speaking at the moment -, or from an external pov, like a narrator. Mixing both way seems strange to me, and as I said, a little disturbing.
Apart from this point, I'm quite impatient to know what's going to happen next, so please don't be upset with my criticism and keep writing =)
I liked it ! Hope you'll update soon.
I just want to point out something which disturbed me a bit : you constantly change the point of view, without any indication. I think you should try writing either from a character's pov, or even several characters' -but then please help us understand who is speaking at the moment -, or from an external pov, like a narrator. Mixing both way seems strange to me, and as I said, a little disturbing.
Apart from this point, I'm quite impatient to know what's going to happen next, so please don't be upset with my criticism and keep writing =)