for Northern Escape3/23 c9 TSCSupremeCommander
This is an excellent example of creativity being used to make a story in Fallout outside of the ordinary!
This is an excellent example of creativity being used to make a story in Fallout outside of the ordinary!
10/26/2012 c27 Anonymous
Good story, nice plot, well placed details, a few disturbing grammatical & spelling errors, but very nicely done.
Good story, nice plot, well placed details, a few disturbing grammatical & spelling errors, but very nicely done.
8/31/2012 c27 Tom-Ato13
I do have to agree with many of the points Jack Hargreave(sp?) has stated.
While I did like the story, it really felt incomplete. You brought up all this stuff, Le Divin, a war in Canada, these robots, that crazy ass clown thing at the very start, the two big factions who I can't recall. Many of those are probably all related too. I understand that the story revolved around Mike and Catherine's journey, and their budding romance, but despite that, I don't feel closure with this story. Too many unanswered questions and things that are still gnawing at my head.
I don't think you specified when this story takes place in concern to the Fallout 3 timeline. LW gets to the Wasteland in 2277 iirc, and I will assume he/she was good karma and Talon Company had contracts on him/her. So yes, maybe Eben and Talon Company would not have the men and resources to send an expedition to Canada to hunt down a single merc, but if this happened pre-LW, and TC had good enough reason to, they'd do it. I don't even really know why Catherine was being hunted by Eben. Did you go into detail with that? If so, I must have missed it.
I don't know if you plan anything more for Mike and Catherine, but I hope you do, and I also hope that the things I mentioned in my first paragraph can be expanded on.
I do have to agree with many of the points Jack Hargreave(sp?) has stated.
While I did like the story, it really felt incomplete. You brought up all this stuff, Le Divin, a war in Canada, these robots, that crazy ass clown thing at the very start, the two big factions who I can't recall. Many of those are probably all related too. I understand that the story revolved around Mike and Catherine's journey, and their budding romance, but despite that, I don't feel closure with this story. Too many unanswered questions and things that are still gnawing at my head.
I don't think you specified when this story takes place in concern to the Fallout 3 timeline. LW gets to the Wasteland in 2277 iirc, and I will assume he/she was good karma and Talon Company had contracts on him/her. So yes, maybe Eben and Talon Company would not have the men and resources to send an expedition to Canada to hunt down a single merc, but if this happened pre-LW, and TC had good enough reason to, they'd do it. I don't even really know why Catherine was being hunted by Eben. Did you go into detail with that? If so, I must have missed it.
I don't know if you plan anything more for Mike and Catherine, but I hope you do, and I also hope that the things I mentioned in my first paragraph can be expanded on.
8/23/2012 c26 
4Jack Hargreave
Well, this story has both ups and downs.
I like the way you implemented the Robo-Scorpions, they're tough enemies too be sure.
That the Talon Company would go that far away from their base of operations is very unlikely, they got enough problems in DC as it is, and considering that hardly anyone knows what's going on in Pittsburg, north and south on the coast and so on.
And considering how things are in the DC ruins, how would Talon Company have figured that Catherine went AWOL and killed her comrades instead if just assuming that they had been killed by Super Mutants and she had been captured and turned into one of those freaks.
The story also seems to miss an real goal. The idea of an civil war between the high and lower class was an interesting idea, but you never used it to its full potential. The joker should also have been used more. Great concepts, mate, an intimidating and malicius enemy who could turn into an interesting character. But you left it behind, and I think that was an waste of good material.
Catherine's and Mike's journey also felt a bit lacking. Fallout is all about interesting places, but we barely got to see anything that striking. I think that you skipped ahead too quickly, and the location isn't that interesting in this kind of story. They trek through snow most of the time, in search of what? I never got a real conviction. Mike was too much of a "covard" to fight in the war, but he doesn't seem like an pacifist eather. Catherine also seems a bit strange for an hardened mercenary. I was surprised she didn't kill Mike in the earlier chapters after he tried to rob her. Sure, she may feel bad about doing the wrong thing against innocents, but no one like her would have had anything to do with him after such an encounter. Kill him or get rid of him would probably have been the most logical things to do.
I'm sorry if I'm ranting, but I try to be honest.
4Jack HargreaveWell, this story has both ups and downs.
I like the way you implemented the Robo-Scorpions, they're tough enemies too be sure.
That the Talon Company would go that far away from their base of operations is very unlikely, they got enough problems in DC as it is, and considering that hardly anyone knows what's going on in Pittsburg, north and south on the coast and so on.
And considering how things are in the DC ruins, how would Talon Company have figured that Catherine went AWOL and killed her comrades instead if just assuming that they had been killed by Super Mutants and she had been captured and turned into one of those freaks.
The story also seems to miss an real goal. The idea of an civil war between the high and lower class was an interesting idea, but you never used it to its full potential. The joker should also have been used more. Great concepts, mate, an intimidating and malicius enemy who could turn into an interesting character. But you left it behind, and I think that was an waste of good material.
Catherine's and Mike's journey also felt a bit lacking. Fallout is all about interesting places, but we barely got to see anything that striking. I think that you skipped ahead too quickly, and the location isn't that interesting in this kind of story. They trek through snow most of the time, in search of what? I never got a real conviction. Mike was too much of a "covard" to fight in the war, but he doesn't seem like an pacifist eather. Catherine also seems a bit strange for an hardened mercenary. I was surprised she didn't kill Mike in the earlier chapters after he tried to rob her. Sure, she may feel bad about doing the wrong thing against innocents, but no one like her would have had anything to do with him after such an encounter. Kill him or get rid of him would probably have been the most logical things to do.
I'm sorry if I'm ranting, but I try to be honest.
8/16/2012 c1 Jack Hargreave
First impressions:
This is pretty well written, no glaring errors or anything like that.
Setting the story in Montreal is an nice change of place, and I wonder how much you'll follow the Fallout lore in this story. Canada in the post-war world is largelly unexplored, with the state of "Ronto" (Toronto) being mentioned in Fallout 3.
I'll see what you can put together with interest.
First impressions:
This is pretty well written, no glaring errors or anything like that.
Setting the story in Montreal is an nice change of place, and I wonder how much you'll follow the Fallout lore in this story. Canada in the post-war world is largelly unexplored, with the state of "Ronto" (Toronto) being mentioned in Fallout 3.
I'll see what you can put together with interest.
8/14/2012 c13 sirnagle
An amazing story, this is by far the best fallout story i have read yet and i love that it takes place in canada
An amazing story, this is by far the best fallout story i have read yet and i love that it takes place in canada
7/16/2012 c22 Savage Kill
well that was somewhat a distraction or rather odd conversation between the two... Tell me, are there going to be other awkward conversations? lol
Update soon!
well that was somewhat a distraction or rather odd conversation between the two... Tell me, are there going to be other awkward conversations? lol
Update soon!