for Keep It Simple3/18/2012 c1 
55beeftony
Well, I did promise you I'd take a look. So here goes. I have a fondness for stories around this length, so I can tell we're going to get along great.
Your writing is obviously at an advanced level, and you've got an advantage on me when it comes to clever description. That said, you tend to tell a lot rather than show. You skim over large portions of the dinner conversation like you're in a rush to get to the parts of the story you're actually interested in telling. While that's okay to an extent, a little idle conversation helps to set atmosphere and immerse us in the story. Instead of telling us that they talked about inane subjects like the weather, have Wally mention that it was a cloudy day or something. Telling tends to be useful when you're conveying what happens over a longer period of time, but when you want to pull us into the moment, showing is better.
The plot itself is a fun little adventure, even if I've grown a little weary of Spitfire because it doesn't seem to be going anywhere in the show (and Slap Slap Kiss relationships tend to annoy me anyway). That said, you write their relationship well and the story is enjoyable. I like the references to their friends and colleagues to indicate that they're still part of a larger world while still making it feel like a series of private moments.
Good job! :)
55beeftonyWell, I did promise you I'd take a look. So here goes. I have a fondness for stories around this length, so I can tell we're going to get along great.
Your writing is obviously at an advanced level, and you've got an advantage on me when it comes to clever description. That said, you tend to tell a lot rather than show. You skim over large portions of the dinner conversation like you're in a rush to get to the parts of the story you're actually interested in telling. While that's okay to an extent, a little idle conversation helps to set atmosphere and immerse us in the story. Instead of telling us that they talked about inane subjects like the weather, have Wally mention that it was a cloudy day or something. Telling tends to be useful when you're conveying what happens over a longer period of time, but when you want to pull us into the moment, showing is better.
The plot itself is a fun little adventure, even if I've grown a little weary of Spitfire because it doesn't seem to be going anywhere in the show (and Slap Slap Kiss relationships tend to annoy me anyway). That said, you write their relationship well and the story is enjoyable. I like the references to their friends and colleagues to indicate that they're still part of a larger world while still making it feel like a series of private moments.
Good job! :)
2/20/2012 c1 113thecivilunrest
OH CLAIRE. Holy craaaap I forgot how wonderful your Wally/Artemis is, that's how long it's been since you've written them. Please write them forever, kthxbye.
This story was just overall /adorable/ and I kind of squealed and smiled a lot because it was so amazing. I love their fluff, but so few people do it right so this was a REALLY nice read.
The little details that you put into your stories are always really nice, and this fic was no exception. Like the whole 'Artemis is allergic to daises' thing and how at Ray's no one cares if Wally orders three plates of pasta, they were really, really nice to imagine and I just loved that.
I don't know if I've ever told you this, but I really love the way that you slowly lead us into the story with Wally and Artemis or whoever you're writing about. It's sort of like a camera panning out before the director brings the shot back to whoever the movie is about, and it's something that you don't see much in fics, so I just always find that really interesting! If you ever wrote something on anon for a fic exchange or something, I'll bet I could tell which story was yours. (:
Anyway, let me get my favorite parts and gush about them, since you love that so much!
/"'Sweet cheeks' does not qualify as flattering or romantic, Wally," Artemis replied, not looking at him but instead turning the message over in her hands. "As I remember, that was one of your favorite nicknames for Megan. Sweet cheeks, sugar, Megalicious," she lowered her voice, "hot alien babe—"
"Oh, so you were keeping track of what I called her? A little jealous, perhaps?"
She finally raised her eyes. "In your dreams, sugar."/
Okay, I laughed at this because ARTEMIS, U SO SASSY. But I mean really, they'd totally mess with each other like this, and I loved reading it. Sigh. It was /perfect/.
Also, Zatanna's (lol you wrote Zatanna kind of) present and how Artemis tried to lie to Wally-I loved that a lot because it's so in character and wonderful and I was just grinning from ear to ear. /"I don't think Conner even knows that a person can be allergic to daisies./ Heehee. (: And them dancing together was just too sweet and I loved the image of it.
OMG ARTEMIS RUINED HIS WORKSPACE LOL. I just,that whole bit was too funny because poor both of them. They made something blow up! It was probably a hazard to do what they were going to do in a lab anyway, and then they had to prove that right by blow their basement up. Which is just too funny. They're so sexy they make things blow up! rofl
/Artemis and Wally remained frozen on the floor. Artemis held a stiletto in one hand, ready to use it as a weapon, seeing as she was half-naked and thus missing her bow. Wally remained curled on top of her until he was completely sure the chemicals had not turned his wife and himself into monkeys. After a moment, he pulled the fire blanket away and gazed out at the wreckage.
"Well, look at that," he commented, squinting his eyes against the pelting sprinkler rain. "I guess we survived another near-death experience. It isn't exactly unusual, but I suppose it calls for some champagne." He looked back down at Artemis and grinned.
"Happy anniversary?"/
Oh goodness, that was perfect.
Poor Artemis, she was so upset. And it was perfectly understandable too, the poor dear. But it was still kind of funny and I was still laughing at both of them, because they're both perfect.
/"What do you mean, simple?" she asked wearily. "When is our relationship ever simple, Wally? How do we even do simple?"
A pause.
"Like this."/
So them. Also this:
/Contrary to popular belief, she tried for Wally. She tried so hard. She tried to keep their relationship alive and healthy more than she tried for anything else. She wanted him, and she wanted him happy. It just so happened that she wasn't always sure where happiness came from. She understood sarcasm, she understood laughter, she understood punching a sand-filled bag until knuckles were cracked and breaths came in pants. She understood passion and desperation, anger and sadness. But when happiness sparked in her life, it always came as a surprise. Like a present in the mail. Not unpleasant, but unexpected.
Like this./
And I mean, this /is/ Wally and Artemis at the core. They truly belong together, and it's that simple. They can be simple, if they allowed themselves to be. Gosh, I love this so much and I love you! Wonderful job, bb. I have basically no crit at all, which is rare for me but you know, sometimes perfect things are perfect. I loved it!
113thecivilunrestOH CLAIRE. Holy craaaap I forgot how wonderful your Wally/Artemis is, that's how long it's been since you've written them. Please write them forever, kthxbye.
This story was just overall /adorable/ and I kind of squealed and smiled a lot because it was so amazing. I love their fluff, but so few people do it right so this was a REALLY nice read.
The little details that you put into your stories are always really nice, and this fic was no exception. Like the whole 'Artemis is allergic to daises' thing and how at Ray's no one cares if Wally orders three plates of pasta, they were really, really nice to imagine and I just loved that.
I don't know if I've ever told you this, but I really love the way that you slowly lead us into the story with Wally and Artemis or whoever you're writing about. It's sort of like a camera panning out before the director brings the shot back to whoever the movie is about, and it's something that you don't see much in fics, so I just always find that really interesting! If you ever wrote something on anon for a fic exchange or something, I'll bet I could tell which story was yours. (:
Anyway, let me get my favorite parts and gush about them, since you love that so much!
/"'Sweet cheeks' does not qualify as flattering or romantic, Wally," Artemis replied, not looking at him but instead turning the message over in her hands. "As I remember, that was one of your favorite nicknames for Megan. Sweet cheeks, sugar, Megalicious," she lowered her voice, "hot alien babe—"
"Oh, so you were keeping track of what I called her? A little jealous, perhaps?"
She finally raised her eyes. "In your dreams, sugar."/
Okay, I laughed at this because ARTEMIS, U SO SASSY. But I mean really, they'd totally mess with each other like this, and I loved reading it. Sigh. It was /perfect/.
Also, Zatanna's (lol you wrote Zatanna kind of) present and how Artemis tried to lie to Wally-I loved that a lot because it's so in character and wonderful and I was just grinning from ear to ear. /"I don't think Conner even knows that a person can be allergic to daisies./ Heehee. (: And them dancing together was just too sweet and I loved the image of it.
OMG ARTEMIS RUINED HIS WORKSPACE LOL. I just,that whole bit was too funny because poor both of them. They made something blow up! It was probably a hazard to do what they were going to do in a lab anyway, and then they had to prove that right by blow their basement up. Which is just too funny. They're so sexy they make things blow up! rofl
/Artemis and Wally remained frozen on the floor. Artemis held a stiletto in one hand, ready to use it as a weapon, seeing as she was half-naked and thus missing her bow. Wally remained curled on top of her until he was completely sure the chemicals had not turned his wife and himself into monkeys. After a moment, he pulled the fire blanket away and gazed out at the wreckage.
"Well, look at that," he commented, squinting his eyes against the pelting sprinkler rain. "I guess we survived another near-death experience. It isn't exactly unusual, but I suppose it calls for some champagne." He looked back down at Artemis and grinned.
"Happy anniversary?"/
Oh goodness, that was perfect.
Poor Artemis, she was so upset. And it was perfectly understandable too, the poor dear. But it was still kind of funny and I was still laughing at both of them, because they're both perfect.
/"What do you mean, simple?" she asked wearily. "When is our relationship ever simple, Wally? How do we even do simple?"
A pause.
"Like this."/
So them. Also this:
/Contrary to popular belief, she tried for Wally. She tried so hard. She tried to keep their relationship alive and healthy more than she tried for anything else. She wanted him, and she wanted him happy. It just so happened that she wasn't always sure where happiness came from. She understood sarcasm, she understood laughter, she understood punching a sand-filled bag until knuckles were cracked and breaths came in pants. She understood passion and desperation, anger and sadness. But when happiness sparked in her life, it always came as a surprise. Like a present in the mail. Not unpleasant, but unexpected.
Like this./
And I mean, this /is/ Wally and Artemis at the core. They truly belong together, and it's that simple. They can be simple, if they allowed themselves to be. Gosh, I love this so much and I love you! Wonderful job, bb. I have basically no crit at all, which is rare for me but you know, sometimes perfect things are perfect. I loved it!
2/18/2012 c1 19Black Licorice Addict
This...was by far...the best aniversary spitfire story I've read thus far. There was just the right amount of humor, seriousness, and coyly awkward flirting that seems so characteristic of this duo. Your descriptive settings were spot on, and I love the way you ended this lovely story. Perfect. Just perfect.
19Black Licorice AddictThis...was by far...the best aniversary spitfire story I've read thus far. There was just the right amount of humor, seriousness, and coyly awkward flirting that seems so characteristic of this duo. Your descriptive settings were spot on, and I love the way you ended this lovely story. Perfect. Just perfect.
2/18/2012 c1 DSBB
http:/damnsmartblueboxes.tumblr.com/post/15381056524/nerd-appeal-artemis
^Pic yes that pic. I already had my feels all over tumblr so I will try something more coherent later. Also: I 3 this fic.
http:/damnsmartblueboxes.tumblr.com/post/15381056524/nerd-appeal-artemis
^Pic yes that pic. I already had my feels all over tumblr so I will try something more coherent later. Also: I 3 this fic.