for Mass & Energy One11/3/2012 c11 
5CuHnadian
The dialogue was not bad (Though there was a consistent misusage of "Their"), however the sudden change in location and tone came across as rushed. It felt to me as if these characters were acting this way because the plot says so. It would've been great to see the characters head down this path as they got their ship and took jobs all across the galaxy, rather than just imply change and get to the angst. Still, I'll be waiting for the next chapter to arrive (hopefully soon).
Keep it up, PEACE.
P.S. I meant to review this the day it came out but got distracted, sorry.
5CuHnadianThe dialogue was not bad (Though there was a consistent misusage of "Their"), however the sudden change in location and tone came across as rushed. It felt to me as if these characters were acting this way because the plot says so. It would've been great to see the characters head down this path as they got their ship and took jobs all across the galaxy, rather than just imply change and get to the angst. Still, I'll be waiting for the next chapter to arrive (hopefully soon).
Keep it up, PEACE.
P.S. I meant to review this the day it came out but got distracted, sorry.
9/22/2012 c10 Anon Whocares
Here we go!
Here we go!
9/18/2012 c10 Anon 441337139
Excellent!
Excellent!
8/16/2012 c10 5Gavoon
Heh, I'm hoping you guys run into alcatraz at a later date.
Anyways, good chapter, and I'm hoping for the next one(s) soon.
5GavoonHeh, I'm hoping you guys run into alcatraz at a later date.
Anyways, good chapter, and I'm hoping for the next one(s) soon.
7/29/2012 c10 5CuHnadian
It was interesting to see a different take on this chapter and from a different perspective. Only little error was TWB has one shuttle, not two.
Keep it up, PEACE.
5CuHnadianIt was interesting to see a different take on this chapter and from a different perspective. Only little error was TWB has one shuttle, not two.
Keep it up, PEACE.
7/29/2012 c10 2Whoa Heavy
Reading this alongside CuHnadian's chapter is hiralous. Seeing the differences and Charon's little snarky thoguhts on the whole process compared to The Wild bunch's more actiony and important side. Great chapter.
2Whoa HeavyReading this alongside CuHnadian's chapter is hiralous. Seeing the differences and Charon's little snarky thoguhts on the whole process compared to The Wild bunch's more actiony and important side. Great chapter.
7/12/2012 c9 Azatel
After reading your self insert guide, I decided to read your take on self inserts. There are spelling errors, but not too many as to distract. It's clear who the main character is, but you develop the others well. And the general theme of your story is less "sweet, im in a self insert, time to save the galaxy" more "how do we keep alive" 4 out of 5.
After reading your self insert guide, I decided to read your take on self inserts. There are spelling errors, but not too many as to distract. It's clear who the main character is, but you develop the others well. And the general theme of your story is less "sweet, im in a self insert, time to save the galaxy" more "how do we keep alive" 4 out of 5.
7/11/2012 c9 5CuHnadian
KNEW IT! It was fun to finally see this chapter out, even if there were a few spelling errors here and there.
Keep it up, PEACE.
5CuHnadianKNEW IT! It was fun to finally see this chapter out, even if there were a few spelling errors here and there.
Keep it up, PEACE.
7/11/2012 c9 2Super duper Sumo
Hey, you're alive. Great chapter, reading this at the same time as the Mass Affect version is most... Illumising, especially seeing both their thoughts on the situation, and the misunderstandings. However, there's something strange with the font near the end. Don't know what it is but you may want to clear that up.
2Super duper SumoHey, you're alive. Great chapter, reading this at the same time as the Mass Affect version is most... Illumising, especially seeing both their thoughts on the situation, and the misunderstandings. However, there's something strange with the font near the end. Don't know what it is but you may want to clear that up.
5/6/2012 c8 5CuHnadian
Very good chapter even with the odd speller error here and there. The atmosphere of planet was really well done and the premise was cool too. The action scene could have used a tad more descriptions at the end but it was well done overall. The sudden shock of the sniper fire immediately grabbed my attention.
Can't wait to see the next chapter. PEACE.
P.S. The Deus Ex 1 Theme fits the last bit perfectly, lol.
5CuHnadianVery good chapter even with the odd speller error here and there. The atmosphere of planet was really well done and the premise was cool too. The action scene could have used a tad more descriptions at the end but it was well done overall. The sudden shock of the sniper fire immediately grabbed my attention.
Can't wait to see the next chapter. PEACE.
P.S. The Deus Ex 1 Theme fits the last bit perfectly, lol.
5/6/2012 c8 kenegi
Noble team eh? That isn't a bad name but is the group going to see the people of aishland later?
Noble team eh? That isn't a bad name but is the group going to see the people of aishland later?
5/6/2012 c8 2Super duper Sumo
Brilliant. The look into how being a SI might affect someone mentally is good, and the delvopment of Scott becoming more angry and possibly insane and Alex becoming more excited to be in this universe could lead to a conflict later. Also, nice action scene.
2Super duper SumoBrilliant. The look into how being a SI might affect someone mentally is good, and the delvopment of Scott becoming more angry and possibly insane and Alex becoming more excited to be in this universe could lead to a conflict later. Also, nice action scene.