for Wanderer: The beginning5/6/2012 c2 
4Zaidee
Oh dear, I wonder who it was that saw Yue change her clothes? Again, I’m happy that you finally had some time to update your stories. Can’t wait to find out more. Sometimes so of the lines seemed like maybe they could have been written differently, but then who am “I to talk when I often find myself find lines in my own story and thinking, how can I change this? Otherwise I really enjoyed this and can’t wait to read more.
There was one line that was line in particular that had a wrong word in place but otherwise I didn’t see any obvious mistakes to me.
"I heard you 'take' about your wish" - talk should be 'talk'; "when I heard you talk about wish". And even that is poor English when you put it with the read of the line around it; it should be something more along the lines of;
"I’ve watched over you for years; judging if I should step aside, so when I heard your wish, I knew- I knew that you were indeed destined to surpass me and step up to the responsibility.” Or something along those lines.
Hope to be able to read more soon and I hope you don’t take offence to my comments.
4ZaideeOh dear, I wonder who it was that saw Yue change her clothes? Again, I’m happy that you finally had some time to update your stories. Can’t wait to find out more. Sometimes so of the lines seemed like maybe they could have been written differently, but then who am “I to talk when I often find myself find lines in my own story and thinking, how can I change this? Otherwise I really enjoyed this and can’t wait to read more.
There was one line that was line in particular that had a wrong word in place but otherwise I didn’t see any obvious mistakes to me.
"I heard you 'take' about your wish" - talk should be 'talk'; "when I heard you talk about wish". And even that is poor English when you put it with the read of the line around it; it should be something more along the lines of;
"I’ve watched over you for years; judging if I should step aside, so when I heard your wish, I knew- I knew that you were indeed destined to surpass me and step up to the responsibility.” Or something along those lines.
Hope to be able to read more soon and I hope you don’t take offence to my comments.
4/8/2012 c1 Zaidee
Hmm, when I read your other story last night I didn't realise that it was part of a series. I will admit I felt a bit like laughing reading this but that because back in 2011 as a challenge to myself; I started a very similar story idea but instead of jumping between words, several words were moulded into one.
It’s not posted here though because it was meant to be a fan-fiction but when I wrote so much my friend told me to make it an original story. Let me just tell you, it is extremely hard to have re-write a story when you already have it laid out one way, plus you then have to completely change names, appearances and background stories. Annoying, but any way I'm really excited to see how this works out. I hope that you update either of your stories some time soon. I would really like to see how it all works out.
Hmm, when I read your other story last night I didn't realise that it was part of a series. I will admit I felt a bit like laughing reading this but that because back in 2011 as a challenge to myself; I started a very similar story idea but instead of jumping between words, several words were moulded into one.
It’s not posted here though because it was meant to be a fan-fiction but when I wrote so much my friend told me to make it an original story. Let me just tell you, it is extremely hard to have re-write a story when you already have it laid out one way, plus you then have to completely change names, appearances and background stories. Annoying, but any way I'm really excited to see how this works out. I hope that you update either of your stories some time soon. I would really like to see how it all works out.