for A Family Of Diablos3/25/2012 c5 oscar
love this story especially chapter 2 can't stop reading this the diablos are so cute next chapter
love this story especially chapter 2 can't stop reading this the diablos are so cute next chapter
3/6/2012 c1 Anon
This is a a really cute story, I like the idea of it. However there are a few things that kind of made it hard for me to read. I'm not really sure what your level of writing is, but I can see that this could be something you wish to persue. I hope you don't mind if I help you with suggestions on how to improve? :)
You seem to use a lot of commas in a paragraph and that's one of the things that kind of made it challenging to read. Know that when you use a comma there is a slight pause in a sentence. I've had the problem of placing too many commas in a paragraph before and it felt as if there was a -pause- like this -pause- for example -pause- and the sentence did not really flow. What helped me overcome this problem was by rereading the paragraph I wrote, out loud, so that I can pick out where the comma will fit and where it won't fit. It would help if you could add a period somewhere in there too, not just at the end. I also noticed that you repeat the word "but" a lot as well. You should also watch out for that because it seems like you have something else to say, then there's another thing you want to say, and another and so on.
Here is a paragraph of this chapter
"Kitty was relieved, seeing her husband return from the swamp, but she'd received a letter from San Ricardo, their hometown, which made Puss curious, reading it as he saw it was from the orphanage he'd grown up in, but saw that the Diablos were there, but nobody wanted them, which made his feline blood's boil "
Its a little choppy but still understandable. If you really want this paragraph to flow, you can write it like this:
"Kitty was relieved seeing her husband return from the swamp. She'd received a letter from San Ricardo, their hometown, which made Puss curious. Reading it he realised that it was from the orphanage he'd grown up in and found out that the three Diablos were there. Sadly, nobody wanted them and this made the feline's blood boil."
See how it flows? :) i fixed some parts of this to make it sound a little nicer. There are some grammatical errors that can be fixed in this, but that's okay. Practice on the smaller things first. Baby steps.
I hope this helps! You have potential in becoming a great writer, and by fixing these little mistakes you'll bring yourself closer to this goal (if that's what your goal is. If not then it wouldn't hurt to improve anyway!). Keep on writing! Best of luck! :)
This is a a really cute story, I like the idea of it. However there are a few things that kind of made it hard for me to read. I'm not really sure what your level of writing is, but I can see that this could be something you wish to persue. I hope you don't mind if I help you with suggestions on how to improve? :)
You seem to use a lot of commas in a paragraph and that's one of the things that kind of made it challenging to read. Know that when you use a comma there is a slight pause in a sentence. I've had the problem of placing too many commas in a paragraph before and it felt as if there was a -pause- like this -pause- for example -pause- and the sentence did not really flow. What helped me overcome this problem was by rereading the paragraph I wrote, out loud, so that I can pick out where the comma will fit and where it won't fit. It would help if you could add a period somewhere in there too, not just at the end. I also noticed that you repeat the word "but" a lot as well. You should also watch out for that because it seems like you have something else to say, then there's another thing you want to say, and another and so on.
Here is a paragraph of this chapter
"Kitty was relieved, seeing her husband return from the swamp, but she'd received a letter from San Ricardo, their hometown, which made Puss curious, reading it as he saw it was from the orphanage he'd grown up in, but saw that the Diablos were there, but nobody wanted them, which made his feline blood's boil "
Its a little choppy but still understandable. If you really want this paragraph to flow, you can write it like this:
"Kitty was relieved seeing her husband return from the swamp. She'd received a letter from San Ricardo, their hometown, which made Puss curious. Reading it he realised that it was from the orphanage he'd grown up in and found out that the three Diablos were there. Sadly, nobody wanted them and this made the feline's blood boil."
See how it flows? :) i fixed some parts of this to make it sound a little nicer. There are some grammatical errors that can be fixed in this, but that's okay. Practice on the smaller things first. Baby steps.
I hope this helps! You have potential in becoming a great writer, and by fixing these little mistakes you'll bring yourself closer to this goal (if that's what your goal is. If not then it wouldn't hurt to improve anyway!). Keep on writing! Best of luck! :)
2/28/2012 c5 
1GrenOut
exelent chapter! I love the way you are taking this story. Now, the Diablos will start going to school and make new friends. Kitty seems she have adapted to the mother's role, and the kids now love her.
The Whisperer will going showing up? He still alive? Well, soon we'll know. XD
Keep doing this good story! I'll be waiting for ;)
1GrenOutexelent chapter! I love the way you are taking this story. Now, the Diablos will start going to school and make new friends. Kitty seems she have adapted to the mother's role, and the kids now love her.
The Whisperer will going showing up? He still alive? Well, soon we'll know. XD
Keep doing this good story! I'll be waiting for ;)
2/28/2012 c5 4MrsJ-Follese
Awwww the Diablos are starting school! Cute! And aww its ok Perla. Wonderful, keep it up!
4MrsJ-FolleseAwwww the Diablos are starting school! Cute! And aww its ok Perla. Wonderful, keep it up!
2/23/2012 c3 15LooneyWriter
OMG! I love this story! I knew it would be soooo awesome! For your an awesome writer and this is such an AWESOME! Idea! I just wished I'd of found it sooner...All way better late than never! Hope you keep it up and going!
15LooneyWriterOMG! I love this story! I knew it would be soooo awesome! For your an awesome writer and this is such an AWESOME! Idea! I just wished I'd of found it sooner...All way better late than never! Hope you keep it up and going!