for Zerg trinety11/28/2012 c2 
2Beyogi
Um... there are two problems imho. The first is that your brackets make this story very hard to read. I can't really follow the plot while trying to process the brackets. It would be nice if you could somehow incorporate that information into the normal train of thought.
The second is that I'm not sure if your portrayal of the Protos is even close to canon. IIRC the protoss pretty much have a stick in their **. How the hell did a human manage to imagine a sexual scene with a protos right the first time he meets her? I mean sure, there are hentai-pictures portraying protos, but are you sure the protoss feel the same way as humans? I guess that's managable with enough suspenison of disbelieve. But why are the protos so willing to communicate with their guinea pigs? It strikes me as rather strange that they start to communicate like that.
Don't take the critic wrong, I rather like this story. Using a intersexed person as a protagonist is something I've never seen before on and having stupid protos experiment with zerg DNA is a better start for a Zerg-Swarm story than divine intervention. I'd like to see more about the motivation of the protoss and the characterisation of the humans. What will they do with the Zerg... build their peaceful swarm culture or use them as a weapon? How will they escape anyway? Flashing the protoss with erotic thoughts that they pass out from nosebleed? :D
Not very likely, I guess.
Thank you for writing this interesting story, I can't wait for the next chapter,
Beyogi
2BeyogiUm... there are two problems imho. The first is that your brackets make this story very hard to read. I can't really follow the plot while trying to process the brackets. It would be nice if you could somehow incorporate that information into the normal train of thought.
The second is that I'm not sure if your portrayal of the Protos is even close to canon. IIRC the protoss pretty much have a stick in their **. How the hell did a human manage to imagine a sexual scene with a protos right the first time he meets her? I mean sure, there are hentai-pictures portraying protos, but are you sure the protoss feel the same way as humans? I guess that's managable with enough suspenison of disbelieve. But why are the protos so willing to communicate with their guinea pigs? It strikes me as rather strange that they start to communicate like that.
Don't take the critic wrong, I rather like this story. Using a intersexed person as a protagonist is something I've never seen before on and having stupid protos experiment with zerg DNA is a better start for a Zerg-Swarm story than divine intervention. I'd like to see more about the motivation of the protoss and the characterisation of the humans. What will they do with the Zerg... build their peaceful swarm culture or use them as a weapon? How will they escape anyway? Flashing the protoss with erotic thoughts that they pass out from nosebleed? :D
Not very likely, I guess.
Thank you for writing this interesting story, I can't wait for the next chapter,
Beyogi
11/28/2012 c1 Beyogi
Well... this is certainly interesting. I wonder if this is AU or alternative history. Stupid protoss. I think if it wasn't for the zerg humans and protoss would have had a genocidal war sooner or later. Their attitude is not exactly compatible with humans :D
Thank you for writing this interesting story,
Beyogi
Well... this is certainly interesting. I wonder if this is AU or alternative history. Stupid protoss. I think if it wasn't for the zerg humans and protoss would have had a genocidal war sooner or later. Their attitude is not exactly compatible with humans :D
Thank you for writing this interesting story,
Beyogi
5/5/2012 c1 5Yoshtar
okaaaay, interesting. i am fully expecting a shipwide infestation as per Aliens from this. this will turn out to be incredibly interesting methinks
these protoss seem rather far from home and blissfully unaware of the sheer danger that those grubs represent. but if they are unaware of the zerg then why is a dark templar there? or is it before the dark templars banishment?.
never mind that though, keep up the good work, this has great potetntial methinks
5Yoshtarokaaaay, interesting. i am fully expecting a shipwide infestation as per Aliens from this. this will turn out to be incredibly interesting methinks
these protoss seem rather far from home and blissfully unaware of the sheer danger that those grubs represent. but if they are unaware of the zerg then why is a dark templar there? or is it before the dark templars banishment?.
never mind that though, keep up the good work, this has great potetntial methinks
3/4/2012 c1 5Sierra156
It seems like a good concept for a story, but for God's sake, could you at least TRY to spell some of your words correctly? Your grammar and punctuation is abominable, and it might help if you learned the difference between "there", "their", and "they're". "There" refers to a location. Like, "And there lay the mutated body of an infested marine." 'Their' refers to ownership. "Their armor was covered with dirt and blood." 'They're" just means "they are". Hope that helps a little bit. For everything else? SPELL CHECK.
5Sierra156It seems like a good concept for a story, but for God's sake, could you at least TRY to spell some of your words correctly? Your grammar and punctuation is abominable, and it might help if you learned the difference between "there", "their", and "they're". "There" refers to a location. Like, "And there lay the mutated body of an infested marine." 'Their' refers to ownership. "Their armor was covered with dirt and blood." 'They're" just means "they are". Hope that helps a little bit. For everything else? SPELL CHECK.
2/27/2012 c1 2Shadowbane509
I like the idea. However, spell check exists for a reason. If you use it, I might just be able to READ YOUR FRIGGIN STORY.
2Shadowbane509I like the idea. However, spell check exists for a reason. If you use it, I might just be able to READ YOUR FRIGGIN STORY.