for 2nd Chances, Lost Families, New Adventures & Magic5/16 c5 
2xxdarkxxalicexx
I have a few concerns with this chapter. You have run-ons mostly due to your fascination with the word "and". That word is literally in almost every sentence in this chapter. That makes reading this difficult and boring. I pretty much read "He and she did this and this" the entire time. Some of your sentences didn't make sense either. I could tell what you were trying to say, but only after I took the sentence apart and reread it several times. This chapter was nearly twice as long as the others, so I got kind of impatient after a while. You should've split this up into multiple chapters, like one chapter for them meeting and the mall, another chapter for the late-night conversations, and a third chapter for the doctor visit. Other than a few word mix-ups and grammar mistakes, I think this is a great story. You just need a beta. Please update soon? :3
2xxdarkxxalicexxI have a few concerns with this chapter. You have run-ons mostly due to your fascination with the word "and". That word is literally in almost every sentence in this chapter. That makes reading this difficult and boring. I pretty much read "He and she did this and this" the entire time. Some of your sentences didn't make sense either. I could tell what you were trying to say, but only after I took the sentence apart and reread it several times. This chapter was nearly twice as long as the others, so I got kind of impatient after a while. You should've split this up into multiple chapters, like one chapter for them meeting and the mall, another chapter for the late-night conversations, and a third chapter for the doctor visit. Other than a few word mix-ups and grammar mistakes, I think this is a great story. You just need a beta. Please update soon? :3
4/7 c5 19Reishin Amara
subtle hint:if you need the abuser trail to go cold just blame the barton foundation.
they were behind heeros training and deakim barton was behind Marrimeia.a dead organization works well...especially considering how many in it were ,they could blame the scientists of operation meteor even.
19Reishin Amarasubtle hint:if you need the abuser trail to go cold just blame the barton foundation.
they were behind heeros training and deakim barton was behind Marrimeia.a dead organization works well...especially considering how many in it were ,they could blame the scientists of operation meteor even.
4/3 c5 1SleepyMangaHead
I like the idea that the 'guardians' are in this universe as well and will get the shock of their lives when they see the kids alive. I was thinking about it and what do you think of the kids starting to get the memories of their alternate selves. Like the fact that they now reside in this universe the memories of the dead children can now influence their memories. I was wondering, does the fact that Dumbledore dragged Diana, Neville, Fred and George, and Cho from the Gundam dimension mean that the them from the Wizard word had to take their places in the Gundam universe. Just some food for thought
1SleepyMangaHeadI like the idea that the 'guardians' are in this universe as well and will get the shock of their lives when they see the kids alive. I was thinking about it and what do you think of the kids starting to get the memories of their alternate selves. Like the fact that they now reside in this universe the memories of the dead children can now influence their memories. I was wondering, does the fact that Dumbledore dragged Diana, Neville, Fred and George, and Cho from the Gundam dimension mean that the them from the Wizard word had to take their places in the Gundam universe. Just some food for thought
3/17 c5 godess bubbles
Its sad but I love it I wish they still had their magic though when are they going to tell their past ajd why were they deaged can they go to their older age soon update soon
Its sad but I love it I wish they still had their magic though when are they going to tell their past ajd why were they deaged can they go to their older age soon update soon
3/1 c5 Almadynis
More? Please? Pretty, pretty please? I love this!
More? Please? Pretty, pretty please? I love this!
2/10 c5 SlytherinPrincess19
Update? :[ I can't wait to see what happens next! You really pulled me into this story. :D
Update? :[ I can't wait to see what happens next! You really pulled me into this story. :D
9/17/2012 c3 darkdork15
DarkFireNyx,
"AUTHOR'S NOTE 2: Just so you know…I wrote this story from getting the idea and the inspiration from the author Bookworm810 and the author's story 'A New World, A New Chance'. Just so you know, I am NOT STEALING the story plot or anything in it, because the story I'm writing here is all MY OWN work (with a bit of similarities in it) – with more characters, my own OCs, other settings, and a whole lot of everything – and I hope you'll like it because it's filled with adventure, family and magic! _"
I can understand being inspired by another author's work, and making something with a similar plot, but what you have done is called plagiarism. Yes it is stealing, when you copy and paste paragraphs from another’s story to into your own! Other than plagiarizing this story, you have grammar issues that need to be fixed. I’d recommend taking out the thing that you copied and pasted from: ‘A New World, A New Chance’ and getting a beta reader.
Darkdork15
DarkFireNyx,
"AUTHOR'S NOTE 2: Just so you know…I wrote this story from getting the idea and the inspiration from the author Bookworm810 and the author's story 'A New World, A New Chance'. Just so you know, I am NOT STEALING the story plot or anything in it, because the story I'm writing here is all MY OWN work (with a bit of similarities in it) – with more characters, my own OCs, other settings, and a whole lot of everything – and I hope you'll like it because it's filled with adventure, family and magic! _"
I can understand being inspired by another author's work, and making something with a similar plot, but what you have done is called plagiarism. Yes it is stealing, when you copy and paste paragraphs from another’s story to into your own! Other than plagiarizing this story, you have grammar issues that need to be fixed. I’d recommend taking out the thing that you copied and pasted from: ‘A New World, A New Chance’ and getting a beta reader.
Darkdork15
8/27/2012 c5 9twilightrocks100
Great awesome Job I love this story i really do I think you have done really well on this story and I can't wait for more!
Thanks for the awesome chapter hope you update soon!
twilightrocks100
9twilightrocks100Great awesome Job I love this story i really do I think you have done really well on this story and I can't wait for more!
Thanks for the awesome chapter hope you update soon!
twilightrocks100
7/22/2012 c5 14nequam-tenshi
Referring to this: "Think I should add in my story that their 'guardians' do exist in the alternate universe of the Gundam pilots and that they did have the said 'children', only that they were actually killed, and that they'll have the shock of their lives when they encounter them alive, with the enraged five ex-Gundam pilots?" I would say "Yes! Go For It!"
It took me thirty-four - 34 - minutes to read this chapter. I applaud you for how detailed this is!
Will you allude to Endless Waltz? What happened to Relena and the other GW girls?
Can you write up what the children look like? For example, I still think that Luna's hair is still blonde not Trowa's auburn red.
14nequam-tenshiReferring to this: "Think I should add in my story that their 'guardians' do exist in the alternate universe of the Gundam pilots and that they did have the said 'children', only that they were actually killed, and that they'll have the shock of their lives when they encounter them alive, with the enraged five ex-Gundam pilots?" I would say "Yes! Go For It!"
It took me thirty-four - 34 - minutes to read this chapter. I applaud you for how detailed this is!
Will you allude to Endless Waltz? What happened to Relena and the other GW girls?
Can you write up what the children look like? For example, I still think that Luna's hair is still blonde not Trowa's auburn red.
7/22/2012 c4 nequam-tenshi
Regarding Chapter 2, thank you for clearing up why all of them are the in the Gundam Wing world, and who Conan Potter is.
My hands were sweating when I read their reactions! I was actually shivering in my seat when I read that.
Note: "Onee…chan" is Japanese for sister. "Gu Gu" is Mandarin Chinese for brother. "Da Gu" is Mandarin Chinese for older brother. I can help you with any other Chinese words you don't know about.
Regarding Chapter 2, thank you for clearing up why all of them are the in the Gundam Wing world, and who Conan Potter is.
My hands were sweating when I read their reactions! I was actually shivering in my seat when I read that.
Note: "Onee…chan" is Japanese for sister. "Gu Gu" is Mandarin Chinese for brother. "Da Gu" is Mandarin Chinese for older brother. I can help you with any other Chinese words you don't know about.
7/22/2012 c3 nequam-tenshi
My heart was beating so fast when they told their stories; I wanted to cry.
My heart was beating so fast when they told their stories; I wanted to cry.