for the Kigai Case8/26/2012 c9 
11SilverMoonForever
Nice, so how are they gonna knock Grace out? I'm sure she'll be expecting something since the team will be acting slightly conspicuous. Ayako and Monk can't act very well. -.-' Anyway, I look forward to seeing your progress in your story. It has always been a delightful read and I greatly look forward to the next part of your master peice. :)
11SilverMoonForeverNice, so how are they gonna knock Grace out? I'm sure she'll be expecting something since the team will be acting slightly conspicuous. Ayako and Monk can't act very well. -.-' Anyway, I look forward to seeing your progress in your story. It has always been a delightful read and I greatly look forward to the next part of your master peice. :)
6/16/2012 c8 11SilverMoonForever
Ooooooh convienient plot twister! Yay I missed this story! I can't wait to see where it goes from here! Please update more offten I L.O.V.E. IT! XD
11SilverMoonForeverOoooooh convienient plot twister! Yay I missed this story! I can't wait to see where it goes from here! Please update more offten I L.O.V.E. IT! XD
4/9/2012 c7 SilverMoonForever
I have to say that I find this story hystarical. If I may point out a few things though if you don't mind.
I think that you're straying a bit from the case and instead focusing on character developement, which is deffinantly important, but then you just think that they're hanging around the office or at someone's house instead of working on a case. Readers (At least I did)will soon forget that they are indeed on a case until something paranormal happens, which can end up causing the story to stray from the plot.
Secondly, you deffinantly have the personalities down, but remeber that Ayako and Monk always fight with eachother with John always in the middle trying to calm the two love birds down while Masako secretly stews about Mai getting Naru's attention, that is unless you've stated and or hinted that she has gotten over him and is fishing for a different fish in the sea we call love.
Third, you seem to be mainly focusing the attention on the two twin and making the rest of SPR the suporting cast. Now I have the most trouble with this one too. You want to make the person who is representing you to be the center and make them crazy powerful, but you have to remember to try and keep a ballance. The twins have crazy and wild personalities, so it automatically makes them stand out, adding in all of those super strong abilities will draw all of the attention onto them and away from the origional characters. If you read over other well done fanfics you'll notice that even if they do add in another character that is them, they still end up keeping the ballance between all of the characters without overshadowing anyone. Personally Lin, John, and Masako are the hardest to write for me since they're all so quiet. (Naru may be quiet, but he's got an attitude and ego that instantly maes him known).
I know I may sound that I'm bitching, and I really hope that I don't sound that way, but trust me when I say that Ballance is key, and it's beyond hard to get. I'm proud to say that I suck at it, but I am getting better with time. Also please keep in mind that this is your first fanfic and and it definatly is going better then mine did. Oh Kami if I could go back in time and fix those I would, but now I'm just too lazy. ;)
Lastly, I have an idea that I would like to shoot out there. Since one of the twins, Sam I think, can do astral projection, why don't you try a sean where both she and Mai both go into the astral plane and see something together. Kinda like in the forbidon past time case at Yasu's school when Masako and Mai had the same vision.
Anyway, pease feel free to ignor all of what I had wrote since I personally like what you've done with it. The twins deffinatly add a different perspective on things with SPR and makes it light and fun, not to mention f****** hystarical! I look foward to reading your next chapter. Please keep up the good work! XD
I have to say that I find this story hystarical. If I may point out a few things though if you don't mind.
I think that you're straying a bit from the case and instead focusing on character developement, which is deffinantly important, but then you just think that they're hanging around the office or at someone's house instead of working on a case. Readers (At least I did)will soon forget that they are indeed on a case until something paranormal happens, which can end up causing the story to stray from the plot.
Secondly, you deffinantly have the personalities down, but remeber that Ayako and Monk always fight with eachother with John always in the middle trying to calm the two love birds down while Masako secretly stews about Mai getting Naru's attention, that is unless you've stated and or hinted that she has gotten over him and is fishing for a different fish in the sea we call love.
Third, you seem to be mainly focusing the attention on the two twin and making the rest of SPR the suporting cast. Now I have the most trouble with this one too. You want to make the person who is representing you to be the center and make them crazy powerful, but you have to remember to try and keep a ballance. The twins have crazy and wild personalities, so it automatically makes them stand out, adding in all of those super strong abilities will draw all of the attention onto them and away from the origional characters. If you read over other well done fanfics you'll notice that even if they do add in another character that is them, they still end up keeping the ballance between all of the characters without overshadowing anyone. Personally Lin, John, and Masako are the hardest to write for me since they're all so quiet. (Naru may be quiet, but he's got an attitude and ego that instantly maes him known).
I know I may sound that I'm bitching, and I really hope that I don't sound that way, but trust me when I say that Ballance is key, and it's beyond hard to get. I'm proud to say that I suck at it, but I am getting better with time. Also please keep in mind that this is your first fanfic and and it definatly is going better then mine did. Oh Kami if I could go back in time and fix those I would, but now I'm just too lazy. ;)
Lastly, I have an idea that I would like to shoot out there. Since one of the twins, Sam I think, can do astral projection, why don't you try a sean where both she and Mai both go into the astral plane and see something together. Kinda like in the forbidon past time case at Yasu's school when Masako and Mai had the same vision.
Anyway, pease feel free to ignor all of what I had wrote since I personally like what you've done with it. The twins deffinatly add a different perspective on things with SPR and makes it light and fun, not to mention f****** hystarical! I look foward to reading your next chapter. Please keep up the good work! XD
4/9/2012 c7 3Redundant Hope
Again, a good chapter.
Haha! Idiot Yasuhara! I really liked how you played around with Samantha, using Yasuhara as a medium. I even like the fact that Sammy clung to Naru. That was really funny. I find it extremely cute that Yasuhara apologized so profusely to Sammy, that was really a sweet moment.
Also, good development on Grace and Samantha's relationship. They seem very close, it's refreshing to see people love each other so dearly. I always get into fights with my siblings...
All in all, a good chapter. ^^
3Redundant HopeAgain, a good chapter.
Haha! Idiot Yasuhara! I really liked how you played around with Samantha, using Yasuhara as a medium. I even like the fact that Sammy clung to Naru. That was really funny. I find it extremely cute that Yasuhara apologized so profusely to Sammy, that was really a sweet moment.
Also, good development on Grace and Samantha's relationship. They seem very close, it's refreshing to see people love each other so dearly. I always get into fights with my siblings...
All in all, a good chapter. ^^
4/8/2012 c7 8Chrysanthia-Sunshine
nice chappie! poor yasu, that must be hurt, lol.
by the way, will there be any romance between sammy or grace with any of spr member? (spr member=yasu. he's the only one available ;p).
keep it up! I'm waiting for the next update ^^
8Chrysanthia-Sunshinenice chappie! poor yasu, that must be hurt, lol.
by the way, will there be any romance between sammy or grace with any of spr member? (spr member=yasu. he's the only one available ;p).
keep it up! I'm waiting for the next update ^^
4/8/2012 c6 3Redundant Hope
Wonderful chapter.
A little confusing at the end though. I really like how you wrote about phobias in the end. Pretty much, good progress throughout this chapter. Will you be pairing Lin with Samantha? Cause it seems to be developing in that sort of way.
Good luck.
I'm scared of spiders too.
3Redundant HopeWonderful chapter.
A little confusing at the end though. I really like how you wrote about phobias in the end. Pretty much, good progress throughout this chapter. Will you be pairing Lin with Samantha? Cause it seems to be developing in that sort of way.
Good luck.
I'm scared of spiders too.
4/7/2012 c6 8Chrysanthia-Sunshine
uhm, I kinda confuse. the first one was samantha or grace POV? but overall, this chapter is good. I like the spider part. I wonder if she cling to Naru instead of Lin. he must be really pissed if that happened, lol.
nice chapter. keep it up! don't worry about review, just write what you want to write. I'll be waiting for the next chapter ^^
8Chrysanthia-Sunshineuhm, I kinda confuse. the first one was samantha or grace POV? but overall, this chapter is good. I like the spider part. I wonder if she cling to Naru instead of Lin. he must be really pissed if that happened, lol.
nice chapter. keep it up! don't worry about review, just write what you want to write. I'll be waiting for the next chapter ^^
4/7/2012 c5 Chrysanthia-Sunshine
Naru seems like to accidentally hired 'interesting' people huh, lol.
I like the twins personality! but I really do hope that sammie won't replace Mai's job with gathering clues in dream .. tehee. I'll be waiting fo read the next one!
oh, and thanks for your opinion on my story ^^
Naru seems like to accidentally hired 'interesting' people huh, lol.
I like the twins personality! but I really do hope that sammie won't replace Mai's job with gathering clues in dream .. tehee. I'll be waiting fo read the next one!
oh, and thanks for your opinion on my story ^^
4/1/2012 c5 3Redundant Hope
Hey Feli,
I loved Naru's ideas on killing the twins. Had me laughing for a while.
As for the dream - something interesting is coming up, right? Mai is going to be attacked and Naru can finally be the knight in shining armor. :D
This chapter looks much improved in terms of grammar. Better than the other and the length was also good. ^^
Good luck, I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
3Redundant HopeHey Feli,
I loved Naru's ideas on killing the twins. Had me laughing for a while.
As for the dream - something interesting is coming up, right? Mai is going to be attacked and Naru can finally be the knight in shining armor. :D
This chapter looks much improved in terms of grammar. Better than the other and the length was also good. ^^
Good luck, I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
3/31/2012 c4 Redundant Hope
Sorry for you cat.
Keep writing for the love of it, not for reviews. It can lead to frustration. Best of luck with your story.
Sorry for you cat.
Keep writing for the love of it, not for reviews. It can lead to frustration. Best of luck with your story.
3/31/2012 c3 Redundant Hope
Great start.
It's not "razed" the eyebrows, it's "raised" his/her eyebrows. Otherwise good chapter, Naru's pov was quite interesting. Lovely end!
Great start.
It's not "razed" the eyebrows, it's "raised" his/her eyebrows. Otherwise good chapter, Naru's pov was quite interesting. Lovely end!
3/31/2012 c2 Redundant Hope
Kigai is Japanese for dangerous? That is actually a very good thought. :D
One advice : Don't use caps lock, it makes the chapter look all crammed up. Use paragraph breaks to make the chapter seem longer. I like how you describe everything.
Good luck!
Kigai is Japanese for dangerous? That is actually a very good thought. :D
One advice : Don't use caps lock, it makes the chapter look all crammed up. Use paragraph breaks to make the chapter seem longer. I like how you describe everything.
Good luck!
3/31/2012 c1 Redundant Hope
A very interesting chapter, nice characterization. You can do a little better on the grammar part. I noticed a few mistakes here and there.
Good luck! Keep Writing! :D
A very interesting chapter, nice characterization. You can do a little better on the grammar part. I noticed a few mistakes here and there.
Good luck! Keep Writing! :D