for events fter phantom planet5/10/2012 c10 
11Hellbreaker
You know, the sad thing about Danny being questioned with a cop like that is that I knew some that are indeed like that. Always looking for the likely suspect and force a confession out of them. I like how Danny told the cop how it is and what could have happened. I also like how at first that cop seemed dead set that Danny did it, but admitted that he could tell Danny was innocent.
11HellbreakerYou know, the sad thing about Danny being questioned with a cop like that is that I knew some that are indeed like that. Always looking for the likely suspect and force a confession out of them. I like how Danny told the cop how it is and what could have happened. I also like how at first that cop seemed dead set that Danny did it, but admitted that he could tell Danny was innocent.
5/6/2012 c9 33Leonardo DiCaprio
please watch out for run-on sentances!
"but anyway here he comes I know what you're thinking I'm not the type of chick to get all worked up over a guy and I'm not but I believe in benefit of the doubt so I'm giving Danny a chance which is not to say that I don't like the guy it's just that I'm not falling head over heels for him or anything I'm still the type of girl to keep composure until there's something to fall head over heels for"
could be something like
"But anyway here he comes. I know what you're thinking I'm not the type of chick to get all worked up over a guy, and I'm not. But I believe in benefit of the doubt so I'm giving Danny a chance, which is not to say that I don't like the guy. It's just that I'm not falling head over heels for him or anything I'm still the type of girl to keep composure until there's something to fall head over heels for."
Just trying to help!
33Leonardo DiCaprioplease watch out for run-on sentances!
"but anyway here he comes I know what you're thinking I'm not the type of chick to get all worked up over a guy and I'm not but I believe in benefit of the doubt so I'm giving Danny a chance which is not to say that I don't like the guy it's just that I'm not falling head over heels for him or anything I'm still the type of girl to keep composure until there's something to fall head over heels for"
could be something like
"But anyway here he comes. I know what you're thinking I'm not the type of chick to get all worked up over a guy, and I'm not. But I believe in benefit of the doubt so I'm giving Danny a chance, which is not to say that I don't like the guy. It's just that I'm not falling head over heels for him or anything I'm still the type of girl to keep composure until there's something to fall head over heels for."
Just trying to help!
5/2/2012 c9 11Hellbreaker
Well it is coming along nicely, a few grammar and spelling errors from what I can see. The ex-boyfriend was a surprise, but that makes it more interesting to read.
11HellbreakerWell it is coming along nicely, a few grammar and spelling errors from what I can see. The ex-boyfriend was a surprise, but that makes it more interesting to read.
3/22/2012 c6 11Hellbreaker
Well, there is less cursing in this chapter which is a plus. I find it ironic how Desiree thought that this one wish would make her a 'hero' in the Ghost community but she and Paulina doomed both humans and ghosts.
So, those two unlikely characters are the only hope for the timeline to be fixed? This will be very funny to read. I also hope that everyone still gets to remember what these two idiots did if they succeed.
11HellbreakerWell, there is less cursing in this chapter which is a plus. I find it ironic how Desiree thought that this one wish would make her a 'hero' in the Ghost community but she and Paulina doomed both humans and ghosts.
So, those two unlikely characters are the only hope for the timeline to be fixed? This will be very funny to read. I also hope that everyone still gets to remember what these two idiots did if they succeed.
3/14/2012 c3 Hellbreaker
Okay, I'm going to be honest here. You need to change the rating if you're going to have them swearing in almost every third sentence. I don't mind swearing, but it needs to be used a lot less. At the end of the chapter were Danny and Sam had sex, I think it was a bad choice to end it with Sam having a long run on sentence like that. I could care less about how they were having sex, but even if it is going to be mentioned and vaguely described, then you should really change the rating.
Okay, I'm going to be honest here. You need to change the rating if you're going to have them swearing in almost every third sentence. I don't mind swearing, but it needs to be used a lot less. At the end of the chapter were Danny and Sam had sex, I think it was a bad choice to end it with Sam having a long run on sentence like that. I could care less about how they were having sex, but even if it is going to be mentioned and vaguely described, then you should really change the rating.
3/12/2012 c2 58Oak Leaf Ninja
Okay, sorry, I reaaaaly can't stand swearing...but continue for others!
58Oak Leaf NinjaOkay, sorry, I reaaaaly can't stand swearing...but continue for others!