for The Best Times Of Our Lives11/24/2012 c2 
2XsaekostarX
A good second chapter. I'm not sure about the use of 'too bad', it feels a little too casual to me in the context. There are a few sentences I'd like restructured or completely changed for the sake of easier reading.
I have to admit I'm not a big fan of the ambiguity here, is Neville part of the Golden Trio here or what? I think a little more explanation, a little more detail would make this less confusing and more of an easy read, but apart from those niggles, a good chapter.
2XsaekostarXA good second chapter. I'm not sure about the use of 'too bad', it feels a little too casual to me in the context. There are a few sentences I'd like restructured or completely changed for the sake of easier reading.
I have to admit I'm not a big fan of the ambiguity here, is Neville part of the Golden Trio here or what? I think a little more explanation, a little more detail would make this less confusing and more of an easy read, but apart from those niggles, a good chapter.
11/24/2012 c1 XsaekostarX
Interesting first chapter, slightly long winded and almost unnecessary beginning A/N, but we can hash out a shorter one later! Quite short, maybe a little more detail might give the chapter less of a skeletal feel, but that might be what you were going for, I'm not quite sure yet. If the 'dark man' behind the girl is Snape I do have to question characterisation but I'm sure all will be revealed later!
-Saeko
Interesting first chapter, slightly long winded and almost unnecessary beginning A/N, but we can hash out a shorter one later! Quite short, maybe a little more detail might give the chapter less of a skeletal feel, but that might be what you were going for, I'm not quite sure yet. If the 'dark man' behind the girl is Snape I do have to question characterisation but I'm sure all will be revealed later!
-Saeko
7/19/2012 c21 7Remizak
Wow. Not quite what I was expecting when I initially read the quick synopsis earlier this evening. There's a lot going on in this story: time travel, name changes, revealed secrets, drinking, and an o.c. character that truly adds a whole different vibe than the typical time travel tale.
I think the overall premise of the story, so far, is good. You have a solid direction and you keep adding little bits, pieces, and references to draw everything together. I'm a little worried that you may have trouble keeping track of everything, but I like that your story is including side characters and never before explored backgrounds.
One thing I hope you will consider; instead of explaining so much background in the author's notes, possibly explaining it in the story itself. I think that would add a bit more depth to the story and the characters themselves. I would love to see the characters individual personalities and thoughts fleshed out in the story more, especially Moira/Midnight and more of her background as well (added bonus: will also equal longer chapters).
I was shocked that right off the bat so many characters were "dead". I was very happy to read that that would not be the case for long. I also like the Merlin/Morgan and Astronomy references (Castor/Pollux). I did notice that you don't seem to have the characters dressed/styled in 1970s fashions or hair styles. It reads like the Time Travelers have brought future fashions back in time with them and they don't blend in. I think it's a fun twist. Though, I was surprised that the Slytherin girls that actually are from the 1970s would have such punk styles. I'll chock that up to author's prerogative. It makes things interesting.
I'm enjoying the story very much and can't wait to read the next chapter.
All the BEST!
Remizak
-;-
7RemizakWow. Not quite what I was expecting when I initially read the quick synopsis earlier this evening. There's a lot going on in this story: time travel, name changes, revealed secrets, drinking, and an o.c. character that truly adds a whole different vibe than the typical time travel tale.
I think the overall premise of the story, so far, is good. You have a solid direction and you keep adding little bits, pieces, and references to draw everything together. I'm a little worried that you may have trouble keeping track of everything, but I like that your story is including side characters and never before explored backgrounds.
One thing I hope you will consider; instead of explaining so much background in the author's notes, possibly explaining it in the story itself. I think that would add a bit more depth to the story and the characters themselves. I would love to see the characters individual personalities and thoughts fleshed out in the story more, especially Moira/Midnight and more of her background as well (added bonus: will also equal longer chapters).
I was shocked that right off the bat so many characters were "dead". I was very happy to read that that would not be the case for long. I also like the Merlin/Morgan and Astronomy references (Castor/Pollux). I did notice that you don't seem to have the characters dressed/styled in 1970s fashions or hair styles. It reads like the Time Travelers have brought future fashions back in time with them and they don't blend in. I think it's a fun twist. Though, I was surprised that the Slytherin girls that actually are from the 1970s would have such punk styles. I'll chock that up to author's prerogative. It makes things interesting.
I'm enjoying the story very much and can't wait to read the next chapter.
All the BEST!
Remizak
-;-
5/29/2012 c20 Sithtar
OK, so I've read what you have so far. Still undecided about it. You do need to keep in mind that you have set your story in 1975 and many things were different then. Technology that is commonplace now wasn't then and fashion was very different.
A lot of writers who keep their stories set in the 90's of Harry Potter (it was 1998 when Voldie was defeated) forget this also. Simple things like cell phones. If you check out Mobile phones you will learn that Digital phones were just starting to come out in '98 and text messaging was very new tech. As for using a phone to surf the web or check email, forget it. You would need a Blackberry or PCA device and they didn't make calls. People had two devices, one a phone and the other (very expensive) for checking corporate email. Personal email as the way to communicate was just taking off.
And that was in '98 when Harry Potter actually took place. Going back to '75 is a lot harder to keep track of tech. Especially when you were not alive then. :)
OK, so I've read what you have so far. Still undecided about it. You do need to keep in mind that you have set your story in 1975 and many things were different then. Technology that is commonplace now wasn't then and fashion was very different.
A lot of writers who keep their stories set in the 90's of Harry Potter (it was 1998 when Voldie was defeated) forget this also. Simple things like cell phones. If you check out Mobile phones you will learn that Digital phones were just starting to come out in '98 and text messaging was very new tech. As for using a phone to surf the web or check email, forget it. You would need a Blackberry or PCA device and they didn't make calls. People had two devices, one a phone and the other (very expensive) for checking corporate email. Personal email as the way to communicate was just taking off.
And that was in '98 when Harry Potter actually took place. Going back to '75 is a lot harder to keep track of tech. Especially when you were not alive then. :)
5/29/2012 c15 Sithtar
You are close with the Post-its. 3M (the company who first made them) tried to launch them in '77 as "Press 'n Peel" a failed product. They tried again in '78 giving free samples to test the market and officially were launched in 1980 in the US and in '81 in Canada and Europe. This is info from Wiki (I actually didn't realize Post-it's were that old, I thought they came out late 80's or 90's).
Still it's something you could easily have looked up and Bella using a Muggle thing like Post-its seems strange. If you have them watching movies, VHS or especally DVD's later in the fic, I am giving it up.
You are close with the Post-its. 3M (the company who first made them) tried to launch them in '77 as "Press 'n Peel" a failed product. They tried again in '78 giving free samples to test the market and officially were launched in 1980 in the US and in '81 in Canada and Europe. This is info from Wiki (I actually didn't realize Post-it's were that old, I thought they came out late 80's or 90's).
Still it's something you could easily have looked up and Bella using a Muggle thing like Post-its seems strange. If you have them watching movies, VHS or especally DVD's later in the fic, I am giving it up.
5/29/2012 c14 Sithtar
So you are making everyone younger *sigh*. Narcissa is the youngest Black sister and she was born in '55. She would be 20 in '75 and well out of school (I will not discuss Bellatrix, the oldest Black sister). Lucius is one year older than her so should be 21 and already a Death Eater. Arthur was born in 1950 so is 25 in '75 and not only out of school but a father, Bill born in '70, Charlie in '72, and Molly will soon be expecting Percy (he was born late Aug '76, she will become pregnant in late Nov of '75).
Many fics make Lucius and Severus close to the same age, so yours doing it isn't that big a deal but you can't really mess with the Weasley's, you have to allow for enough time for them to have all their children. The twins were born in '78. You are making the story set in '75. How to you expect Arthur to be a 6th year (16 years old), graduate and have 3 children before the twins when they are going to be born in 2-3 years. Fun as it is to have them (I'm guessing Molly is there as well we just haven't meet her yet) at Hogwarts with the 'Time Travelers' since the Weasley's have so many children you can't have them younger than they already are. To be a 6th year, Arthur would need to be born in late '58 or before September '59.
Also remember that Molly and Arthur married young because of Voldie being in power. Voldie is already out there with Death Eaters (probably the parents of the teens at Hogwarts now).
Consistency is important in making a good fic and time is something that has very little room for changes.
You don't say in this chapter so I am going to presume until we learn otherwise that it is September of '75 and close to the start of the '75/'76 school year. This would make Severus 15 and in 5th not 6th year. If this is earlier in '75 then this is the '74/'75 school year and Severus would still be 15 but he would be in his 4th year, still not 6th.
So you are making everyone younger *sigh*. Narcissa is the youngest Black sister and she was born in '55. She would be 20 in '75 and well out of school (I will not discuss Bellatrix, the oldest Black sister). Lucius is one year older than her so should be 21 and already a Death Eater. Arthur was born in 1950 so is 25 in '75 and not only out of school but a father, Bill born in '70, Charlie in '72, and Molly will soon be expecting Percy (he was born late Aug '76, she will become pregnant in late Nov of '75).
Many fics make Lucius and Severus close to the same age, so yours doing it isn't that big a deal but you can't really mess with the Weasley's, you have to allow for enough time for them to have all their children. The twins were born in '78. You are making the story set in '75. How to you expect Arthur to be a 6th year (16 years old), graduate and have 3 children before the twins when they are going to be born in 2-3 years. Fun as it is to have them (I'm guessing Molly is there as well we just haven't meet her yet) at Hogwarts with the 'Time Travelers' since the Weasley's have so many children you can't have them younger than they already are. To be a 6th year, Arthur would need to be born in late '58 or before September '59.
Also remember that Molly and Arthur married young because of Voldie being in power. Voldie is already out there with Death Eaters (probably the parents of the teens at Hogwarts now).
Consistency is important in making a good fic and time is something that has very little room for changes.
You don't say in this chapter so I am going to presume until we learn otherwise that it is September of '75 and close to the start of the '75/'76 school year. This would make Severus 15 and in 5th not 6th year. If this is earlier in '75 then this is the '74/'75 school year and Severus would still be 15 but he would be in his 4th year, still not 6th.
5/29/2012 c11 Sithtar
minor note: it was 6th year not 5th year that they met Slughorn. When Harry meets Slughorn for the first time with Dumbledore, Slughorn says he has been on the run and hiding for the past year (he must have believed the reports at the end of the Tri-Wizard that Voldie was back).
Hermione had never met Slughorn until the Welcome feast in 6th year.
minor note: it was 6th year not 5th year that they met Slughorn. When Harry meets Slughorn for the first time with Dumbledore, Slughorn says he has been on the run and hiding for the past year (he must have believed the reports at the end of the Tri-Wizard that Voldie was back).
Hermione had never met Slughorn until the Welcome feast in 6th year.
5/29/2012 c9 Sithtar
Started reading again. Not much to comment between chapters 4 and 9 but since they are now 'in the past' and the meat of the story is about to start I felt I should say something.
I'm still unsure about Moria and her power level being almost Mary Sue like. I've decided to think of her as Willow (from Buffy) since she turned into 'uber-witch' and seems to have rules all her own.
Having read many cross-overs between the two series, I feel thinking of Moria that way makes me dislike her less.
Onward into the past!
Started reading again. Not much to comment between chapters 4 and 9 but since they are now 'in the past' and the meat of the story is about to start I felt I should say something.
I'm still unsure about Moria and her power level being almost Mary Sue like. I've decided to think of her as Willow (from Buffy) since she turned into 'uber-witch' and seems to have rules all her own.
Having read many cross-overs between the two series, I feel thinking of Moria that way makes me dislike her less.
Onward into the past!
5/25/2012 c3 Sithtar
I'm getting worried. For anyone who reads reviews (I know I do) this story is 20 chapters long at the time I have started reading it so my comments are not going to cause any changes. I am aware of this.
My 'predictions' for what is coming up. A group, probably not the Order, who is a third 'side' in the war have their own mark, it works in a similar way to the Weasley clock in that it lists everyone in this group and when someone is in danger their name glows. This way the group are linked together and can support each other.
My worry is about the OC, from the little bit we are seeing here, I'm getting a feeling that she is what I feel is a Mary Sue. A little too 'all knowing' almost always having the right answers or coming up with the answer when there is a problem most of the time. Also having more power than most. For those that remember some of the early years of ST:TNG Wesley Crusher seemed to find the solution to that weeks problem a larger than average number of times and he was a teenage boy, untrained, who wasn't even part of the crew. The mysterions 'She' is giving me a similar feeling. I hope I'm wrong.
I'm getting worried. For anyone who reads reviews (I know I do) this story is 20 chapters long at the time I have started reading it so my comments are not going to cause any changes. I am aware of this.
My 'predictions' for what is coming up. A group, probably not the Order, who is a third 'side' in the war have their own mark, it works in a similar way to the Weasley clock in that it lists everyone in this group and when someone is in danger their name glows. This way the group are linked together and can support each other.
My worry is about the OC, from the little bit we are seeing here, I'm getting a feeling that she is what I feel is a Mary Sue. A little too 'all knowing' almost always having the right answers or coming up with the answer when there is a problem most of the time. Also having more power than most. For those that remember some of the early years of ST:TNG Wesley Crusher seemed to find the solution to that weeks problem a larger than average number of times and he was a teenage boy, untrained, who wasn't even part of the crew. The mysterions 'She' is giving me a similar feeling. I hope I'm wrong.
5/25/2012 c2 Sithtar
LOL it seems wrong to laugh but it was your author's note that did it. I always found Ron a bit annoying too.
But, damn, almost all the deaths were trying to save someone and having them die anyway. A bit overdone here, I'm afraid. Still the chapter is short that makes it easy to move past it.
LOL it seems wrong to laugh but it was your author's note that did it. I always found Ron a bit annoying too.
But, damn, almost all the deaths were trying to save someone and having them die anyway. A bit overdone here, I'm afraid. Still the chapter is short that makes it easy to move past it.
5/25/2012 c1 Sithtar
I know in my PM that I said I probably wouldn't comment until after the weekend but as I read chapter I may end up with little posts.
I like your summery here.
Twincest in HP doesn't even make me twitch (not sure why, some people find it very disturbing, I think it's because Fred and George in most fanfic are two halves of one person and self pleasure is completely normal).
Was there anyone who DIDN'T die? That's a very long list.
I know in my PM that I said I probably wouldn't comment until after the weekend but as I read chapter I may end up with little posts.
I like your summery here.
Twincest in HP doesn't even make me twitch (not sure why, some people find it very disturbing, I think it's because Fred and George in most fanfic are two halves of one person and self pleasure is completely normal).
Was there anyone who DIDN'T die? That's a very long list.