for The Wolf8/1/2012 c8 
5silentmidnightdeath
I love your story so far. I hope you update soon. Voradoza is so cool.
5silentmidnightdeathI love your story so far. I hope you update soon. Voradoza is so cool.
7/29/2012 c8 1Lord Vrel
This was a really nice chapter. _
But I didn't get to kill anything... :(
Oh well. Lol.
Your writing was pretty good before, so don't get me wrong when I say this...
But it really seems like you're improving alot. :)
1Lord VrelThis was a really nice chapter. _
But I didn't get to kill anything... :(
Oh well. Lol.
Your writing was pretty good before, so don't get me wrong when I say this...
But it really seems like you're improving alot. :)
6/27/2012 c7 6Species Unknown
hmm...maybe some longer Chapters...i have seen better names, but you've done pretty well. although, i would say spend more time on one POV for an entire chapter.
6Species Unknownhmm...maybe some longer Chapters...i have seen better names, but you've done pretty well. although, i would say spend more time on one POV for an entire chapter.
6/19/2012 c7 1Lord Vrel
Oooo. I'm interested to see how I handle the Vermin, and others. ;)
And you had it out on my birthday! Thanks mate. _
1Lord VrelOooo. I'm interested to see how I handle the Vermin, and others. ;)
And you had it out on my birthday! Thanks mate. _
6/12/2012 c3 Ireland Ranger
lol "Has anyone seen that walking bladder problem?" -that was good! had me laughing. Good story so far-will keep reading
lol "Has anyone seen that walking bladder problem?" -that was good! had me laughing. Good story so far-will keep reading
5/24/2012 c6 2babymittn
Nice chapter, and I feel your pain school is a pain in the butt!
But I did spot something that rubbed me the wrong way in this chapter. The sentence: 'He was a young hare, and didn't like to be told to stop talking and usually felt offended if someone told him to stop.', felt a bit redundant to me. Perhaps consider re-wording?
Other than that. great work! Can't wait to read more!
2babymittnNice chapter, and I feel your pain school is a pain in the butt!
But I did spot something that rubbed me the wrong way in this chapter. The sentence: 'He was a young hare, and didn't like to be told to stop talking and usually felt offended if someone told him to stop.', felt a bit redundant to me. Perhaps consider re-wording?
Other than that. great work! Can't wait to read more!
5/24/2012 c6 1Lord Vrel
One of the best chapters yet.
Meheheh... Love Yullven getting all cutty. All I heard was a voice in my head at that part... "FATALITY" XD
And, heh... Pvt. Leaves got his nose smashed.
I might enjoy violence a little too much. O.o
1Lord VrelOne of the best chapters yet.
Meheheh... Love Yullven getting all cutty. All I heard was a voice in my head at that part... "FATALITY" XD
And, heh... Pvt. Leaves got his nose smashed.
I might enjoy violence a little too much. O.o
5/5/2012 c5 2babymittn
I liked this chapter too. I thought it was interesting to see the backgrounds of some of the different characters.
However, you could use more periods in your writing. Some of the sentences seemed a little drawn out.
But overall it was a very well put together chapter. And i'm also wondering what the surprise was at the end. Can't wait to read more!
2babymittnI liked this chapter too. I thought it was interesting to see the backgrounds of some of the different characters.
However, you could use more periods in your writing. Some of the sentences seemed a little drawn out.
But overall it was a very well put together chapter. And i'm also wondering what the surprise was at the end. Can't wait to read more!
5/2/2012 c5 1Lord Vrel
Looks pretty good, considering how busy you were.
After the slight changes, it certainly looks longer.
And I only speak for myself here, but the parentheses () before a change of PoV really helped my stay focused on reading it, and thus made it run much smoother through my head. ^_^
And as for the story itself, it's certainly building up to be darn good. :3
1Lord VrelLooks pretty good, considering how busy you were.
After the slight changes, it certainly looks longer.
And I only speak for myself here, but the parentheses () before a change of PoV really helped my stay focused on reading it, and thus made it run much smoother through my head. ^_^
And as for the story itself, it's certainly building up to be darn good. :3
4/16/2012 c4 2babymittn
Although short, this was a very good chapter. I didn't see any obvious flaws, so that's a plus. When are they going to get back to Redwall? You should make them go there soon.
2babymittnAlthough short, this was a very good chapter. I didn't see any obvious flaws, so that's a plus. When are they going to get back to Redwall? You should make them go there soon.
4/9/2012 c4 1Lord Vrel
The vermin suddenly just got WAY more badass in my eyes. :D
VERY well written. Your writing hes improved, though it was good to begin with.
And rather then write ideas here in the review, I'll PM them to you when I get a chance, so there aren't any spoilers in case you want to use any ideas.
1Lord VrelThe vermin suddenly just got WAY more badass in my eyes. :D
VERY well written. Your writing hes improved, though it was good to begin with.
And rather then write ideas here in the review, I'll PM them to you when I get a chance, so there aren't any spoilers in case you want to use any ideas.
4/4/2012 c3 Lord Vrel
Another entertaining chapter. ^_^
Voradoza seems strangely... Brief and to the point. Unusual... I'm interested is his character.
My only suggestion here is when you switch from one point of view to another, give something to let readers know. =)
Like, a few asterisks with spaces. * * * * *
Or a couple extra hits of the ENTER key. ;3
Another entertaining chapter. ^_^
Voradoza seems strangely... Brief and to the point. Unusual... I'm interested is his character.
My only suggestion here is when you switch from one point of view to another, give something to let readers know. =)
Like, a few asterisks with spaces. * * * * *
Or a couple extra hits of the ENTER key. ;3