1/31 c11 asm
glad there was a happy ending- i was hoping for more though- you wrote about them making the place theirs- i would have liked to see more of that but also mixed with their special abilities/skills- like:
-gaara setting up security network- independent power supply with wind/solar/thermal- so they don't have to be on the grid- making certain they were untraceable- maybe even jamming equipment so that all satellites would see is a forest where there house/barns/fields are. a freshwater river where they can build a paddle wheel to generate energy and turn a stone grinding wheel so that they can grind their own flour/grains from their crops- natural, thermal hotsprings , for their hot water needs, bathing, heating the buildings- freshwater well-
-kiba seemed the mechanically/electrically inclined one, with the bomb making and all- so he could keep their equipment and transports running. what they don't know can be downloaded into their brains using gaara's computers and special glasses that when hooked up to the computer, turn info into light beams, which download information right into their brains via their optic receptors- or some tech crap like that.

your story isn't any less w/o that stuff- i was just hoping for more stuff and those were some of the things i woulda liked to read about. how they maybe struggle to relearn how to live- from going to professional soldiers/assassins to peace loving survivalists- totally independent and untraceable to society/govt. they could still use their tracking/military/blood-lust skills for hunting so they can still cut things open and skin them- but instead of people it would be deer and the such. they'd need weapons lockers and stashes in various locations on their property for the day someone might come to bother them- and they'd definitely want to protect their new lives

it'd also be interesting to read about anymore abilities/transformations they might go through as they continue to grow into their demon/hybrid status...will they be able to procreate?

i was glad you showed danzo being dealt with- one problem they might not have to face in the future. i was surpised the house needed 'fixing up' though- woulda thought itachi woulda made sure it was all first rate accomodations

but the lack of any of that did not take away from the enjoyment of your story- it's just examples of the 'more' i was hoping to be able to read about-maybe you'll write a sequel ?

anyways, thanks so much for sharing your story with us- the time/effort/talent that went into it is appreciated

1/31 c9 zzz
(sprint forward, his actions appearing as a blur to the two soldiers)
-well, now i know why kiba was able to 'run into' the soldiers b4 the soldiers 'shot into' kiba. i think this is the 1st time you've made it clear just how fast they move- i realized they moved fast- but i didn't realize they were already 'demon' fast-

i was glad to see i was right about tsunade's reaction to discovering the guys were back in the installation/base- i guessed she'd be angry after what she had to go through to get them out.

i wasn't expecting pain to be cowering in the corner- the way you were writing him was kind of creepy and danzo kept on thinking pain was hiding something from him- so i thought maybe pain had some secret, enhanced abilities too- i thought maybe he had experimented on himself- it doesn't look like it so far- but maybe next chap will be different.

still a fun, exciting story- decent action scenes- great dialogs- great character interactions- still a really good story- thanx a lot 4 sharing it

1/31 c7 tgh
"If you do this I'll personally see to it that you get out of this city for good," Itachi declared
-
shouldn't itachi want his brother out of the city and safe w/o making him do a job to earn it...and tsunade knew what she was risking to get the boys out and was willing to take the risk and if necessary trade herself for the boys freedom- she had to consider she could be found out and what would happen to her- i think she would hate if the boys tried to rescue her and got recaptured/killed- cause then her sacrifice was for nothing.

human/demon hybrids is kinda overdone in fiction- but i gotta say, i didn't see that coming in this story- i was just thinking like captain america, super soldier_ i suppose that's why you gave them rage issues- to hint at the demons within

does tsunade honestly think that if she answers pains questions that he still won't make more of those soldiers? if she believed that and only answered because of that- that's kinda stupid. and if the gov't creates them why shouldn't they think they can control them- even if they are hybrids. raising wild animals from babies usually keeps them tamer so why wouldn't the same be true raising a human/demon hybrid from childhood. i would imagine the only way the gov't wouldn't do it again is if they have footage of a past experiment that shows the hybrids massacring their way through labs/scientists/soldiers-i look forward to reading what happens next

1/30 c5 3ed
(Out of the six of them though Naruto's outburst were the only ones self directed. The others seemed to always explode were as Naruto imploded)

-more really good dialog and characterization for naruto- but this is also one of those times when you use a word that sounds like the correct word- but is the wrong spelling/wrong word_ the 2nd 'were' should be 'where'.

i thought you wrote that they took orphans for the soldier experiment- but i may be wrong- but why would they take the child of a prominent military/gov't person ? that should be asking for attention/trouble. was also wondering if sasuke is in contact with his 'gang leader' bro- why haven't they ditched town yet- itachi can probably float them all the money they needed to get started and away.

danzo has been worried about pain at least a couple times now- he seems like the kind of man who would have pain killed if he thought he was gonna cause him trouble or become more valuable to their employers than danzo is

good read

1/30 c3 hhh
one thing you haven't changed is making sakura into the kind of character i absolutely hate and want to kill- much like naruto does.
their job is to transport- not speak, hug, hold, entertain- so why did they not stop the girl from attaching herself to sasuke- why did they think they had to put up with it- when it's clearly not in their job description- if they were gigolos or hookers i can see them putting up with sakura's behavior.
- i also wondered why they needed an entire outside team if they were delivering her to a team that was supposedly already in haruno's employ, that they were delivering her too- why couldn't his team just pick her up themselves- so i thought it was a trap at first.

you do make a couple of mistakes pretty consistently through all the stories i've read so far.
- you use the word 'are' instead of 'our'
- you used the word 'invested' when you meant 'infested'
-there were other words that sound the same but spelled differently, but i didn't keep track of all of them-

1/30 c1 kkk
the more recent your stories are written the better they become- this is a great 1st chapter. excitement, mystery, intrigue, good dialog, moody-atmospheric, good intro to the group of renegade droids/cyborgs.
-only thing i thought of doing to punch up one of the lines:

( "You aren't getting out of here alive. Nobody is coming to save you."
"Wrong," Naruto purred, )

i would have had naruto say- 'you're right, nobody's coming to save me, cause they're already here'-or something like that

real good though-REAL good

11/10/2012 c11 1Rena.Kat.11
OH GOD I LOVED THIS! I wish I could favorite you and your stories a billion times each, I enjoy them as much if not more than every book I've ever bought!