for After Apsolon7/11/2012 c1 
7Ocne
Oh... How very beautiful. Heartwrenching and heartwarming at the same time.
''as though he is indeed wrought of white-blue glass, a translucent column of grief.''
I love this line.
And I loved the whole story.
Thank you for sharing!
7OcneOh... How very beautiful. Heartwrenching and heartwarming at the same time.
''as though he is indeed wrought of white-blue glass, a translucent column of grief.''
I love this line.
And I loved the whole story.
Thank you for sharing!
7/5/2012 c1 3rowen raven
I'm back again :p There is not much I can say for this story, I've only reached to the point when Thal dies and Qui Gon runs off by himself, but have not read further into that volume of JA, Funny I'm a sucker for Obi Wan suffering, but when he hits a rough spot in the novels, like when Tahl dies and Bant is angry at him and Qui Gon is thinking god knows what, I freeze in that spot for month dreading to read ahead.
Anyways I dunno if Qui Gon goes as far as to blame Obi Wan for Tahl's death, in light of the Padawan's injury or when he "demands" they went back to help the miner's settlement being attacked by the Absolutes, thus delaying the 'rescue'. Regardless I know Obi Wan doesn't need Qui Gon or anyone else to be his judge, jury and executioner, he is quite capable of being his own masochist's sadist, and needs no help when it comes to self-loathing-guilt-recrimination-worthlessness. The kid has self-esteem issues
.
All I can say for sure is as always a magnificent story, filled with deep insight into Obi Wan's mind, thoughts and emotions, and into the precarious balance of his relation with Qui Gon. Of how much he strives to be a Jedi and how taxing it is for every being in general and for him in particular. Because lets face it he most have been born under a bad sign, to have his kind of luck, or lack of there off. Again moving and touching, had me crying all though out and I always love the cameos of Ali Alaan.
3rowen ravenI'm back again :p There is not much I can say for this story, I've only reached to the point when Thal dies and Qui Gon runs off by himself, but have not read further into that volume of JA, Funny I'm a sucker for Obi Wan suffering, but when he hits a rough spot in the novels, like when Tahl dies and Bant is angry at him and Qui Gon is thinking god knows what, I freeze in that spot for month dreading to read ahead.
Anyways I dunno if Qui Gon goes as far as to blame Obi Wan for Tahl's death, in light of the Padawan's injury or when he "demands" they went back to help the miner's settlement being attacked by the Absolutes, thus delaying the 'rescue'. Regardless I know Obi Wan doesn't need Qui Gon or anyone else to be his judge, jury and executioner, he is quite capable of being his own masochist's sadist, and needs no help when it comes to self-loathing-guilt-recrimination-worthlessness. The kid has self-esteem issues
.
All I can say for sure is as always a magnificent story, filled with deep insight into Obi Wan's mind, thoughts and emotions, and into the precarious balance of his relation with Qui Gon. Of how much he strives to be a Jedi and how taxing it is for every being in general and for him in particular. Because lets face it he most have been born under a bad sign, to have his kind of luck, or lack of there off. Again moving and touching, had me crying all though out and I always love the cameos of Ali Alaan.
4/11/2012 c1 53pronker
/There are too blasted many things to accept in his life right now./ Obi-Wan here (at 16?) is a man, accepting pain and the possibility of endless solitude. He is as cold as the Force and not until he meets Qui-Gon at the Healer Wing does anything remotely human surface - good writing, and yeah, a character piece not like your other pieces. I really liked the little girl and her handstand, that was sweet, and so was Ali-Anaan's plain helpfulness. It was like Ali had known Obi-Wan since he was Hi-Ru's age and knew the ins and outs of his psyche, but realized that talking was not what Obi-Wan needed at that point. Excellent story and well deserving of the 'angst' label.
53pronker/There are too blasted many things to accept in his life right now./ Obi-Wan here (at 16?) is a man, accepting pain and the possibility of endless solitude. He is as cold as the Force and not until he meets Qui-Gon at the Healer Wing does anything remotely human surface - good writing, and yeah, a character piece not like your other pieces. I really liked the little girl and her handstand, that was sweet, and so was Ali-Anaan's plain helpfulness. It was like Ali had known Obi-Wan since he was Hi-Ru's age and knew the ins and outs of his psyche, but realized that talking was not what Obi-Wan needed at that point. Excellent story and well deserving of the 'angst' label.
4/11/2012 c1 3Jeune Circe
Ohhhh I can't believe I didn't read this one! Damn work! Keeps me from the important stuff :)
It's so sad :( and so perfect, I always wanted to read a good fic post Tahl, and this one fits perfectly :)
I love Obi Wan how he always seems to accept physical pain as penance, he really believes he deserves whatever physical punishment comes to him, it's like "ok, this happened to me, but I deserved it because of this", but in here I feel he feels (yeah, yeah, the feelin part) himself tainted, I don't know. He questions The Force for the bad thing that happen, it's like a child who just learn that Santa is not real :S the force is not always good, and life is not black and white. Whatever, too much wine tonigh, I'm feeling philosophical.
Ohh by the way :) if you ever feel like writing about a singing Obi Wan (like in your fic dream with that WONDERFUL towel... I still daydream with that moment), I don't know, maybe you will feel like writing a story where Qui Gon learns the vocal skills of Obi Wan... In fact, I know you are thinking you should write that story (imagine me moving my fingers in front of you), you think this is a good idea for a fanfic... (I'm still moving my fingers, in case you forgot).
Aaanyway, I should go to bed :) Enjoy!
3Jeune CirceOhhhh I can't believe I didn't read this one! Damn work! Keeps me from the important stuff :)
It's so sad :( and so perfect, I always wanted to read a good fic post Tahl, and this one fits perfectly :)
I love Obi Wan how he always seems to accept physical pain as penance, he really believes he deserves whatever physical punishment comes to him, it's like "ok, this happened to me, but I deserved it because of this", but in here I feel he feels (yeah, yeah, the feelin part) himself tainted, I don't know. He questions The Force for the bad thing that happen, it's like a child who just learn that Santa is not real :S the force is not always good, and life is not black and white. Whatever, too much wine tonigh, I'm feeling philosophical.
Ohh by the way :) if you ever feel like writing about a singing Obi Wan (like in your fic dream with that WONDERFUL towel... I still daydream with that moment), I don't know, maybe you will feel like writing a story where Qui Gon learns the vocal skills of Obi Wan... In fact, I know you are thinking you should write that story (imagine me moving my fingers in front of you), you think this is a good idea for a fanfic... (I'm still moving my fingers, in case you forgot).
Aaanyway, I should go to bed :) Enjoy!
3/31/2012 c1 3Irene Djo
Like I said in my review of Post Hoc 1...
aching. but i'm so glad. This is fantastic.
*
He slews round, pinning Qui Gon with his outrage. "With respect, master, this is a strange way to start a conversation!"
The tall man's mouth thins, though his blue eyes remain weighted with grief, unmoved by his Padawans' vehemence. "Nearly cutting your leg off in the middle of the night is a strange way to beg for attention," he replies, in that infuriatingly detached way he has.
A;LSKDFJA;LSKDFJ WHAT.
*
Because that is what a Jedi does. He accepts. His own wishes, his own longing, these mean nothing. They mean nothing to the Force, either, for it uses its devoted Knights as callously as though they did not exist but were merely ephemeral extensions of itself, every life a brief exhalation of Light, a beat between the next. The Force claimed Tahl's sight, and then her life, and then Qui Gon's heart and soul. It claimed Obi Wan for its unwitting pawn, wounding him in the body, so that Tahl might die, and then leaving him to gasp out the remainder of his allotted exhalation in confusion and dismay. This was its will. And the trembling mortals who breathed Light rather than air chose again, and again, to accept it. He looks at Qui Gon , and wishes – just for a moment- that he had a master who could explain to him why and how this vision is wrong, and who could give comfort. Because although he is trying, he is not a Jedi yet. Not fully. And his heart still rebels sometimes.
GAH.
Like I said in my review of Post Hoc...relatable.
The accepting despair...wow.
Beautifully and rawly (is that a word?) done.
*
Perhaps what he has been calling acceptance is only despair in disguise. In which case he should not be so accepting. Perhaps this is what wisdom feels like: sweet defiance.
I love this statement in particular.
*
WELL DONE. LOVE IT. SO MUCH.
3Irene DjoLike I said in my review of Post Hoc 1...
aching. but i'm so glad. This is fantastic.
*
He slews round, pinning Qui Gon with his outrage. "With respect, master, this is a strange way to start a conversation!"
The tall man's mouth thins, though his blue eyes remain weighted with grief, unmoved by his Padawans' vehemence. "Nearly cutting your leg off in the middle of the night is a strange way to beg for attention," he replies, in that infuriatingly detached way he has.
A;LSKDFJA;LSKDFJ WHAT.
*
Because that is what a Jedi does. He accepts. His own wishes, his own longing, these mean nothing. They mean nothing to the Force, either, for it uses its devoted Knights as callously as though they did not exist but were merely ephemeral extensions of itself, every life a brief exhalation of Light, a beat between the next. The Force claimed Tahl's sight, and then her life, and then Qui Gon's heart and soul. It claimed Obi Wan for its unwitting pawn, wounding him in the body, so that Tahl might die, and then leaving him to gasp out the remainder of his allotted exhalation in confusion and dismay. This was its will. And the trembling mortals who breathed Light rather than air chose again, and again, to accept it. He looks at Qui Gon , and wishes – just for a moment- that he had a master who could explain to him why and how this vision is wrong, and who could give comfort. Because although he is trying, he is not a Jedi yet. Not fully. And his heart still rebels sometimes.
GAH.
Like I said in my review of Post Hoc...relatable.
The accepting despair...wow.
Beautifully and rawly (is that a word?) done.
*
Perhaps what he has been calling acceptance is only despair in disguise. In which case he should not be so accepting. Perhaps this is what wisdom feels like: sweet defiance.
I love this statement in particular.
*
WELL DONE. LOVE IT. SO MUCH.
3/31/2012 c1 charie01
Well... You did it again! Perfect qui-Gon and ObiWan relationship at this point in their pairing. You are freaky good! I'm not very good at explaining myself so I'll stick with OMG that was awesome! Thanks for writing😃
Well... You did it again! Perfect qui-Gon and ObiWan relationship at this point in their pairing. You are freaky good! I'm not very good at explaining myself so I'll stick with OMG that was awesome! Thanks for writing😃
3/31/2012 c1 4Eryce
I just read that very book this morning! Must have been the will of the force. As usual you've rendered me speechless with the power of your words.
4EryceI just read that very book this morning! Must have been the will of the force. As usual you've rendered me speechless with the power of your words.
3/30/2012 c1 22LadySaxophone
I loved the interaction between Ali Alaan, the little girl, and Obi Wan. It was sweet and just the right thing to mush up the mood ^_^ (by the way, mushy toast?)
Anyway, yeah, this is awesome! Qui Gon really rocked in this one. I just loved him.
"Nearly cutting your leg off in the middle of the night is a strange way to beg for attention," -That line was 100% Master Jinn dealing with Obi Wan.
"It is a blessing that this mistake only results in his own pain, for surely every other mistake he has ever made, and every one he has yet to make, will wreak havoc on others. They have. They will. It is simply how things are. "-And sadly, he doesn't really unlearn that thought, if that makes any sense. Obi Wan's got a guilt problem.
I loved watching Obi Wan learn the difference between accepting pain and despair. Absolutely fantastic writing, as usual! Thank you for posting it!
22LadySaxophoneI loved the interaction between Ali Alaan, the little girl, and Obi Wan. It was sweet and just the right thing to mush up the mood ^_^ (by the way, mushy toast?)
Anyway, yeah, this is awesome! Qui Gon really rocked in this one. I just loved him.
"Nearly cutting your leg off in the middle of the night is a strange way to beg for attention," -That line was 100% Master Jinn dealing with Obi Wan.
"It is a blessing that this mistake only results in his own pain, for surely every other mistake he has ever made, and every one he has yet to make, will wreak havoc on others. They have. They will. It is simply how things are. "-And sadly, he doesn't really unlearn that thought, if that makes any sense. Obi Wan's got a guilt problem.
I loved watching Obi Wan learn the difference between accepting pain and despair. Absolutely fantastic writing, as usual! Thank you for posting it!
3/30/2012 c1 7FyreFlyte
Uh...*sits in front of computer with a look of blank shock upon face*
You've finally done it. My mind has been completely, utterly blown away by your writing. Now how am I supposed to get my work done? :D
Dear Force, this was amazing. I've always wanted to read a good fic post-Tahl's death, and then the best author in the fandom ruins any hope of anyone else ever writing it by coming out with /this./ LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. I went back through it to make a list of all the quotes I wanted to include in this review as having BLOWN MY MIND, but then I realized I was basically going to end up copying/pasting the entire story into this window. So. That won't work. AAAAAH I LOVE IT!
The Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan interaction was spot-on. I love how their "attachment" to each other is so subtle - you never overdo it or make it un-Jedi like by getting too sentimental. And the quiet self-blaming was so perfectly Obi-Wan. I could practically see a future ghost of his older self all alone on Tatooine...*sniff*
Also loved the characters of Ali Alaan and Hi-Ru. They really added an extra richness to this story, and were the perfect "comfort" for Obi-Wan in his moments of disheveled despair. Hi-Ru in particular was SO. CUTE. *squee* Just thinking about it makes we want to go back and re-read this story. :)
One of these days I'm going to give in and favorite every single story you've written. They're just that good. :)
LOVE.
Keep Writing!
FyreFlyte :)
7FyreFlyteUh...*sits in front of computer with a look of blank shock upon face*
You've finally done it. My mind has been completely, utterly blown away by your writing. Now how am I supposed to get my work done? :D
Dear Force, this was amazing. I've always wanted to read a good fic post-Tahl's death, and then the best author in the fandom ruins any hope of anyone else ever writing it by coming out with /this./ LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. I went back through it to make a list of all the quotes I wanted to include in this review as having BLOWN MY MIND, but then I realized I was basically going to end up copying/pasting the entire story into this window. So. That won't work. AAAAAH I LOVE IT!
The Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan interaction was spot-on. I love how their "attachment" to each other is so subtle - you never overdo it or make it un-Jedi like by getting too sentimental. And the quiet self-blaming was so perfectly Obi-Wan. I could practically see a future ghost of his older self all alone on Tatooine...*sniff*
Also loved the characters of Ali Alaan and Hi-Ru. They really added an extra richness to this story, and were the perfect "comfort" for Obi-Wan in his moments of disheveled despair. Hi-Ru in particular was SO. CUTE. *squee* Just thinking about it makes we want to go back and re-read this story. :)
One of these days I'm going to give in and favorite every single story you've written. They're just that good. :)
LOVE.
Keep Writing!
FyreFlyte :)
3/30/2012 c1 42Valairy Scot
Oh my dear sweet FORCE! Writers block my feet, arms, legs and hands. Your language is - well, simply astounding. This supposed view of the Force as eternal - as COLD in its imperviousness and amorality - is just chilling. Acceptance - of the thing is strikingly - heartaching.
Some of the wonderful language, in my view:
This is how it often is, even here: Qui Gon is the anchor, the deep rooted world-tree forever moored in the bedrock of the Force; while he is the cloud-scudded heaven, wheeling on its own axis, fretted with lightning storms and the bright constellations of possibility, its seeming dome forever open into infinity beyond. Sometimes he is dizzy with the sheer magnitude of the Light, and feels that his self is a fragile vessel which will shatter and melt into the overflowing plenum.
Then he remembers to accept the pain. He kneels down –exhale- and centers himself. Accept it. He has known since he was very small that his failures somehow bear a greater weight than others'; that for him, the stakes are even higher, the margin of error even more minute. It is a blessing that this mistake only results in his own pain, for surely every other mistake he has ever made, and every one he has yet to make, will wreak havoc on others. They have. They will. It is simply how things are.
To be ignored, to be blamed: these he can accept. He has accepted already. But to be deliberately misunderstood? He is not a Jedi yet. He has his limits, and this is one of them. Death, grief, guilt. These three things weave a net in the Force, a snare so complete that they are both caught in it, thrashing vainly for release. He is not ready to stop struggling yet. A heat temptingly close to anger rises within him. He will take all the blame, if need be. But he will not be called a whining child. Not by this man. Not by anyone. He has buried his childhood, long ago. He buried it once on Bandomeer. And then on Melida/Daan. And a third time on New Apsolon. He is a man and it is his own business if he wishes to cut off his own blasted leg, and his arms, too, and burn out his aching heart in the process. It is between himself and the Force, and Qui Gon – who stood by the funeral pyre of his innocence each time, without weeping– will not forget this fact, not fail to acknowledge it.
42Valairy ScotOh my dear sweet FORCE! Writers block my feet, arms, legs and hands. Your language is - well, simply astounding. This supposed view of the Force as eternal - as COLD in its imperviousness and amorality - is just chilling. Acceptance - of the thing is strikingly - heartaching.
Some of the wonderful language, in my view:
This is how it often is, even here: Qui Gon is the anchor, the deep rooted world-tree forever moored in the bedrock of the Force; while he is the cloud-scudded heaven, wheeling on its own axis, fretted with lightning storms and the bright constellations of possibility, its seeming dome forever open into infinity beyond. Sometimes he is dizzy with the sheer magnitude of the Light, and feels that his self is a fragile vessel which will shatter and melt into the overflowing plenum.
Then he remembers to accept the pain. He kneels down –exhale- and centers himself. Accept it. He has known since he was very small that his failures somehow bear a greater weight than others'; that for him, the stakes are even higher, the margin of error even more minute. It is a blessing that this mistake only results in his own pain, for surely every other mistake he has ever made, and every one he has yet to make, will wreak havoc on others. They have. They will. It is simply how things are.
To be ignored, to be blamed: these he can accept. He has accepted already. But to be deliberately misunderstood? He is not a Jedi yet. He has his limits, and this is one of them. Death, grief, guilt. These three things weave a net in the Force, a snare so complete that they are both caught in it, thrashing vainly for release. He is not ready to stop struggling yet. A heat temptingly close to anger rises within him. He will take all the blame, if need be. But he will not be called a whining child. Not by this man. Not by anyone. He has buried his childhood, long ago. He buried it once on Bandomeer. And then on Melida/Daan. And a third time on New Apsolon. He is a man and it is his own business if he wishes to cut off his own blasted leg, and his arms, too, and burn out his aching heart in the process. It is between himself and the Force, and Qui Gon – who stood by the funeral pyre of his innocence each time, without weeping– will not forget this fact, not fail to acknowledge it.