4/11 c23 pishposh897
Everything about this story was wonderful. I, living very close to Boston myself, just want to say, great job on the Bostonian accent. One thing struck me as interesting though... what team were these guys on? I must have either missed it, or it was just never stated. I have just one problem: the hinting (however subtle) at the whole MedicxHeavy ordeal. In cased you hadn't heard it, one of the Demoman's domination lines towards the medic is: 'DOMINATED! 'n I've been shaggin' yer wife!' This could mean one of two things: Medic is not gay, and is actually married to a woman (which I believe) OR the heavy is Medic's 'wife' and Demo man is even more of a homosexual than the Medic. Aside from that, great detail, great storyline and keep up the good work!

3/11 c23 1Jedi Gallifreyan
Wow. Just... wow. I read the whole story in one sitting. I love everything about it, really. You wrote everyone well, the plot was both fascinating and hilarious, and there was a point in almost every chapter where I sat there grinning madly and thinking "Hell YES!"

Can you tell I like it? XD

1/5 c7 Mike T
Just finished chapter 7, and I'm favoriting this already.

11/1/2012 c16 2Xguy110
I read this about three times. I was still surprised.

9/7/2012 c14 Iron-Mantis
Pretty good thus far.

8/12/2012 c23 4Leodyne of the North
The epilogue was a smart move. It was a nice way to let us down gently from all the excitement. We got to see how relationships developed after the crazy and we got a glimpse at where the characters were going.

I like how they wouldn't be young forever. The respawner is a wonderful machine, but this downside is a well placed one. This is a nice line to draw between a story within the world and an AU.

Ok, is the Spy's car in the garage, to see the workbench and stuff? Also, how did he grab his wrist and stand up if he's in the car?

Aw, I hope you write DrunkenSniper again. He was cute. Their final banter was adorable too, especially the handkerchief.

I like how although the Spy is a suave man, he still has problems finding the right words in intimate conversations. The fact that this debonair man still gets the butterflies when they're talking about *being hers* is really sweet and humanizing. And she is a nice spit-fire as well. I like her use of slang alonside french nicknames.

When she thanked him for looking over the Scout, I was thrown into Spy!Snape world.

Overall, this is a very good story. Interesting, fluid plot, even with several different lines going at the same time. It's very well executed. Towards the end, plot holes were starting to make themselves apparent, which is more a product of a drive to finish the story than thought process I think. If I map it out, there are definite highs and lows which is a good driving pace, although there could be a bit more high to the climax. Because you were working on tying up the subplots, there were never really any raised stakes to put the final climax above the other action scenes. Maybe if the final showdown was a tad bit longer with a little less build-up it would have felt more serious.

Characterization was astounding. Though I had issues with accents and such, once you established a character, they remained that way, especially the team. It's rather remarkable once I review the entire story because for the most part, your protagonists are fairly passive. They don't do much and although there is a tad bit of woe-is-me, most of what they do is survive together, which allows for a very intimate relationship for you to work with. It was a smart move to have this intimacy because I think there may be one or two people interested in a possible romatic relationship between the Spy and Sniper. Or I could be projecting. The rest of the team was very well written and your hints at the other relationships within the group are well-played.

The personality you gave to the Scout's Mom was beautiful. For a character whose entire existence is based on another, you gave her solidity and logic for a complete person in her own right. There was a bit of save the maiden, but for the most part she was throwing punches along the way and outside of the Spy's perspective, she was never in any great need to be saved, especially compared to her man. Her possessivness over him also works to shed the light away from her situation and is a nice reflection of the stereotypical over-protective male that is found in a lot of romantic literature today.

The OCs have a range. The visiting team had varying levels of *success* in the characterization. Toaster was very well developed as was Sensei. They were both very independant characters that could function on their own with predictable actions from the reader's perspective. Boomer was a little less so, but most of his character came from contrast with the Spy. After his death, its rather easy to forget about him. Even then, he's only memorable in the way he affects his own team. Buckaroo was the least developed. Outside of being fat and a pastor (which brings up many questions towards his reactions to certain situations), there's not much to this guy. He never quite functions on his own.

Marian Grey was a very interesting villain. The businesswoman/chemical warfare mongerer is an interesting setup and makes one think of Mary Kay with a knife. A nice image. She was a compelling character towards the beginning with poisoned-honey plans and nonchalant kidnappings. However, she is also the one that suffered the most from the length of the story. She devolved into a cliche towards the end and a rather unremarkable one at that. Think stroking the beard without actually having a beard. That's what the final chapters felt like for her.

Your settings were fun and varied. We go from Asian to Egypt to Soviet jungle to Australian jungle to a metropolis. There were hotels, airports, army camps, airplanes, vans, houses, and restaurants. The motion is very engaging and although sometimes it seems just a weensy bit forced, it's never overwhelming when we're being whisked to a new place. I think this is greaty a result of you using forms of transportation as scenes as opposed to *oh we just got off a plane and now we're here!*

Since the dialogue is the humanizing part of a story, it's great that yours is so strong. For the most part, the lines are casual and can be seen in everyday conversation. Sometimes you get a bit flowery in a sentence which makes it hard to follow, but for the most part they sound like real people. And readers care about real people, so kudos.

All in all, nice story, good characters, cool scenes, and great dialogue. There were some snags in the latter half, but they were mostly due to the length of the story. Congrats on a big job well done and I can't wait to review your next masterpiece!

8/9/2012 c22 4Leodyne of the North
I'm unsure about your weather. You mention that it's *drowning in cascades of water* but a rusted out van has little problem navigating streets. Waves are crashing around tires, but there are still some people walking around outside, and conversation between vehicles isn't all that hindered. It's a bit inconsistent.

Yay! Reunion! Everyone is together again!

I love Spy/Sniper, you know that. I'm all about the man-love. However, the Spy has a casual, light-hearted conversation with his little cabbage, the entire reason he went on this crazy adventure. But when he sees his teammate, the world stops as their eyes and breaths catch in their throats and they are struck dumb at the sight of each other, unable to vocalize the sheer emotion between them. This is incredibly unbalanced, favoring the side of man-love. Now that I see the Spy and Scout's Mom together, I am unconvinced that he would risk everything for her. In fact, this scene makes me think that he'd just hop in the back of the Sniper's van for an intensly good distraction.

Your Scout continues to be charming *ugh, fine*

The scene between the Sniper and Engineer/Medic seems unnecessary. I'm not sure why it's there. It doesn't forward the plot or really bring anything to the characters. I suppose it pulls the spotlight to the Engineer's new arm, but that could have easily been done with a shout of pain that could be heard through the storm.

Car chase! The chaos is handled okay. The trucks in the caravan quickly become cloney, which is a tad boring, especially for your climaxes. However, since they are just spawned enemies, you can focus on each teammates individual fighting style, which is important and entertaining.

Wait? Tarp over his mouth? Wasn't it all burnt away when they first saw the Spy's truck?

I do like how she Moms everyone. It's very believable.

*Three unique bursts of gunfire* I don't understand how they are unique...

Haha! I love his scar! Thanks for giving him a bit of ruggedness back.

I don't understand why the Spy would leave the truck, especially if there's still toxic mist around to mess with his system more.

Thanks for putting the palpitation in there. It does do a bit to counteract my earlier issue.

I don't understand how she could just forget about their friends. Did she just happen to not see the van taking out half of her caravan?

Big scene finished! Well done! Car chases are difficult in literary media, so congrats on making one that had all the chaos of the scene but was still followable. Again, some logic issues, but you're on the home stretch so I won't pick too much. Final chapter HO!