for Discovered6/20/2012 c5 Mugi-pyon
NOOooo...! You're cutting it, and Mugi wants to know what will happen! Soon!
Matteiru! :D
NOOooo...! You're cutting it, and Mugi wants to know what will happen! Soon!
Matteiru! :D
5/7/2012 c3 
2XxXSeraph12XxX
Wew finally! Another update x3 wow i like his I-03's name :D Varian ^^ There are some typos around but wasn't ab.e to name them ;-; sorry I was too busy reading and imagining the scenes x0 it keft me hanging now :D update as soon as you can okey ;0;
2XxXSeraph12XxXWew finally! Another update x3 wow i like his I-03's name :D Varian ^^ There are some typos around but wasn't ab.e to name them ;-; sorry I was too busy reading and imagining the scenes x0 it keft me hanging now :D update as soon as you can okey ;0;
4/16/2012 c2 1Crazycolorz5
Ummm misc stuff I noticed:
"would be better to talk it inside." Should be "talk about it inside" or "talk inside"
"But no one even talk about it." Not sure about which is correct but it should either be "talked" or "was talking"
"It seemed we almost reach our target," Maybe "It seems we have almost reached our target"?
"saw his face and as Anise"
comma before 'and'
I don't want to litter this review with quotes though so I'll stop there. But before I end this I want to say I think you got Peony just right!
1Crazycolorz5Ummm misc stuff I noticed:
"would be better to talk it inside." Should be "talk about it inside" or "talk inside"
"But no one even talk about it." Not sure about which is correct but it should either be "talked" or "was talking"
"It seemed we almost reach our target," Maybe "It seems we have almost reached our target"?
"saw his face and as Anise"
comma before 'and'
I don't want to litter this review with quotes though so I'll stop there. But before I end this I want to say I think you got Peony just right!
4/12/2012 c1 Crazycolorz5
I feel like this is slight OOC for Tear...
"'Well I planned to but we now have a serious problem to solve and here Anise was dragging me and Florian along to here.'"
"luckily there were birds on the ground"
Why is this lucky?
Besides that I'd probably say just watch out for commas and tenses.
I feel like this is slight OOC for Tear...
"'Well I planned to but we now have a serious problem to solve and here Anise was dragging me and Florian along to here.'"
"luckily there were birds on the ground"
Why is this lucky?
Besides that I'd probably say just watch out for commas and tenses.
4/12/2012 c1 2XxXSeraph12XxX
Quite Interesting... I wonder who is that person who looked just like Florian ;0; Aw... this happened after the game right? XD Anise becomimg the new Fon Master/mistress of the new order of lorelei xD there are some typos out there from the part when the little girl was talking :D.
I'll keep an eye out of this fanfic so please update as soon as you can :D
2XxXSeraph12XxXQuite Interesting... I wonder who is that person who looked just like Florian ;0; Aw... this happened after the game right? XD Anise becomimg the new Fon Master/mistress of the new order of lorelei xD there are some typos out there from the part when the little girl was talking :D.
I'll keep an eye out of this fanfic so please update as soon as you can :D