for Down we Fall7/2/2012 c8 Guest
Hello!
First things first - nice story, quite enjoyable with all that action - not boring at all. I like all your characters, though Jack was a little bit too... i don't know, shy and hidden, a bit inactive, not like his usual self.
The way you write - it definitely needs improving (do you have a beta-reader? seriously needed!) - but keep going, clearly you've got something to write aboout and all the means to do it - it just needs some more work. Some parts could be better, especially the final chapter - it looks like it has been taken from a different story altogether. It lacked proper ending, closure, you brought up some new subjects, like you were going to continiue on the story, but then - the end.
Keep writing though, everything worthwile needs an effort!
Hello!
First things first - nice story, quite enjoyable with all that action - not boring at all. I like all your characters, though Jack was a little bit too... i don't know, shy and hidden, a bit inactive, not like his usual self.
The way you write - it definitely needs improving (do you have a beta-reader? seriously needed!) - but keep going, clearly you've got something to write aboout and all the means to do it - it just needs some more work. Some parts could be better, especially the final chapter - it looks like it has been taken from a different story altogether. It lacked proper ending, closure, you brought up some new subjects, like you were going to continiue on the story, but then - the end.
Keep writing though, everything worthwile needs an effort!
5/5/2012 c6 
21whumpqueen
great chapter, i could practically see the confusion on Owens face in the first scene. hope you continue on with this story.
21whumpqueengreat chapter, i could practically see the confusion on Owens face in the first scene. hope you continue on with this story.
4/30/2012 c5 21whumpqueen
this is a great story and i look forward to seeing how you end it. this chapter is a great addition to the story you had put together so far. i love the way you created the connection between Owen and Jack, it's beautiful. can't wait to read the next installment, hope it comes soon.
21whumpqueenthis is a great story and i look forward to seeing how you end it. this chapter is a great addition to the story you had put together so far. i love the way you created the connection between Owen and Jack, it's beautiful. can't wait to read the next installment, hope it comes soon.
4/30/2012 c5 i
The woman from the morgue needs something a little more than a hot drink. I hope that Ianto will be ok.
The woman from the morgue needs something a little more than a hot drink. I hope that Ianto will be ok.
4/27/2012 c4 11PadawannaB
Oh, the drama! This just became a hell of a lot more terrifying.
The moment Ianto lost conciousness was horrible! I'm glad they all got out of there, the constant falling of small rocks and stones really scared me. But now that one threat's gone, Jack's dead and Ianto's not doing that good either? You torture us.
Can't wait for more!
11PadawannaBOh, the drama! This just became a hell of a lot more terrifying.
The moment Ianto lost conciousness was horrible! I'm glad they all got out of there, the constant falling of small rocks and stones really scared me. But now that one threat's gone, Jack's dead and Ianto's not doing that good either? You torture us.
Can't wait for more!
4/19/2012 c3 11PadawannaB
This just keeps getting more and more exciting... Poor boys, all alone and about to die. Not good :(
Can't wait for more!
11PadawannaBThis just keeps getting more and more exciting... Poor boys, all alone and about to die. Not good :(
Can't wait for more!