for Rescue Me Redux4/22 c3 
11Ganheim
Chapter 3
The Cragmite transport soared in the Veldarian sky
[I thought it was Veldinian. Y’know, because the planet is Veldin and not Veldan]
carrying a scoped plasma striker crossbow
[They don’t have any…REAL sniper-type weapons? I know that’s what was used in one of the games, but crossbows were renowned for their penetration, not their accuracy at any distance. Crossbows were the armor-piercing RPGs of the middle ages, it’s longbows that were the sniper rifles. A modestly skilled hunter could out-distance a crossbow with only minimal exploitation of its ballistic arc]
"Ne fodhalují sami ještě ne. Pokud útočnou silou nějak selže, můžete ho dorazit. Rozuměl jste? (Don't reveal yourselves just yet. If the strike-force somehow fails, you finish him off. Understood?)" He barked, spittle flying off of his mouth.
[ Czech for Cragmitese? Interesting choice]
and inputed the security
[input]
of what's infront of
[Runnings paces?]
armor integrety, physical
[ integrity]
a weathered, matte-black M4 with an ACOG scope
[Those are slug-throwers trying to compete with armor made by the technology basis of civilizations that use solar plasma in children’s toys. Its only hope of success would be making the enemy laugh at him for pulling it out. I’m sorry, but the modifications necessary to make it compete with plasma, antimatter, gauss or any hypervelocity weapon would make it a fully different weapon]
or Middle Eastern terrorists…"
[Who can be deadly enough, especially when you’re fighting them with 40-120 year old tactics and refusing to adapt for their style of fighting on their turf, on their time…I just thought the point was made at ‘not a drill’, this jab at Near Easterners smacked a little of unnecessary demeaning that could have been racism. Granted, in its own right that’s an element of characterization, provided you intended it]
roar of the vacuum of space
[Odd, drop pods have been used in science fiction for decades but those are specialized devices that soldiers ride within. The jumps like what this appears to be describing are like Ratchet’s jumps in Up Your Arsenal which are done in the atmosphere]
The pull of the planet's gravitational field directed him
[There’s something about the obviousness of this statement that was comical – it reminded me of An Engineer’s Guide to Cats more than a battle scene in a movie]
Their armors glowed white hot
[Melting into one solid piece even as the men inside were trapped alive regardless of whether they survived the temperatures of reentry…]
Outside of training, this was their first combat jump together
[Description indicated that many of them had seen combat already. I thought implication was that many of them were here in this unit on secondment]
no Cragmites yet, but all was still
[These sound like the same thing]
The plasma-coated slug flew at fast speeds
[Uh…yes, bullets tend to do that. Even bean bag rounds]
The scent of blood and ozone
[ Shouldn’t this be too far away to smell? Unless they’re downwind, in which case there probably wouldn’t be any question as to whether there are cragmites there]
with the pommel of his wrench
[Seems like a lot of maneuvering (as well as using a less hardened point of the weapon) when he could put the tempered tips through the cragmite like he usually does]
With no way to defend himself from the Cragmites
[Besides the fact that there are always options, especially to a highly skilled veteran (which Ratchet is), I think he would know that they’re out to KILL him, not just take him prisoner]
Their terminal velocity from the orbital drop would kill a normal human
[I’m pretty sure that the heat would incinerate them. Breaking apart during reentry would be an afterthought, though since they’re armored neither of these appear to be the case]
Before they could determine what was going on
[Unlikely for them to be (so) caught by surprise. Reentry takes a long time – as in many minutes, unless you’re not concerned about surviving it]
the retort of a rifle shot
[It’s usually “report”, not “retort”, especially that this is the first shot of the leviathans’ engagement]
Wyngate seized their sustained
[ceased…unless they have problems from forgetting medication…]
I wanted to like the story – a Ratchet and Clank fanfic that wasn’t rife with spelling errors. Unfortunately, it was more than bogged down by some more global aspects. The first two chapters suffered from either data dump or trying to do only one thing for too long, and the third didn’t take enough of a step away from the first two. The battle sequence wasn’t bad; though a couple of mis-used words like “retort” drew me out. Misapplied details that could be true for certain things but don’t work if you think about them (powered infantry armor going white-hot, which indicates it’s losing integrity and melting) did the opposite of furthering a sense of immersion. I was reminded of the difference in depiction of war between the opening of Saving Private Ryan which was brutal and made no excuses or glorification for war, and earlier movies (typically with less gore) that did glorify the brutality, and I’m sorry to say that yours fell more into the second camp. That’s why stories with a good deal of violence with that not being the focal point tend to skip over a lot of the harsh aspects like secondary wounds or some of the whys or hows of combat. Conservation of detail: if you don’t want your audience to focus on something, don’t spend a lot of letters on it. Focus on the characters and dramatic elements instead of “yay! Killing stuff!” Stories CAN include these aspects – Peptuck’s Tiberium Wars unashamedly jumps into the violence, but does so in order to portray a crapsack world that’s seeing these horrible things. Ratchet and Clank is a lighter and goofier that you’re trying to push these things into, and I’m not sure which genre you’re trying to fit it into because you’re touching on both and haven’t seemed to take a firm ground in either.
11GanheimChapter 3
The Cragmite transport soared in the Veldarian sky
[I thought it was Veldinian. Y’know, because the planet is Veldin and not Veldan]
carrying a scoped plasma striker crossbow
[They don’t have any…REAL sniper-type weapons? I know that’s what was used in one of the games, but crossbows were renowned for their penetration, not their accuracy at any distance. Crossbows were the armor-piercing RPGs of the middle ages, it’s longbows that were the sniper rifles. A modestly skilled hunter could out-distance a crossbow with only minimal exploitation of its ballistic arc]
"Ne fodhalují sami ještě ne. Pokud útočnou silou nějak selže, můžete ho dorazit. Rozuměl jste? (Don't reveal yourselves just yet. If the strike-force somehow fails, you finish him off. Understood?)" He barked, spittle flying off of his mouth.
[ Czech for Cragmitese? Interesting choice]
and inputed the security
[input]
of what's infront of
[Runnings paces?]
armor integrety, physical
[ integrity]
a weathered, matte-black M4 with an ACOG scope
[Those are slug-throwers trying to compete with armor made by the technology basis of civilizations that use solar plasma in children’s toys. Its only hope of success would be making the enemy laugh at him for pulling it out. I’m sorry, but the modifications necessary to make it compete with plasma, antimatter, gauss or any hypervelocity weapon would make it a fully different weapon]
or Middle Eastern terrorists…"
[Who can be deadly enough, especially when you’re fighting them with 40-120 year old tactics and refusing to adapt for their style of fighting on their turf, on their time…I just thought the point was made at ‘not a drill’, this jab at Near Easterners smacked a little of unnecessary demeaning that could have been racism. Granted, in its own right that’s an element of characterization, provided you intended it]
roar of the vacuum of space
[Odd, drop pods have been used in science fiction for decades but those are specialized devices that soldiers ride within. The jumps like what this appears to be describing are like Ratchet’s jumps in Up Your Arsenal which are done in the atmosphere]
The pull of the planet's gravitational field directed him
[There’s something about the obviousness of this statement that was comical – it reminded me of An Engineer’s Guide to Cats more than a battle scene in a movie]
Their armors glowed white hot
[Melting into one solid piece even as the men inside were trapped alive regardless of whether they survived the temperatures of reentry…]
Outside of training, this was their first combat jump together
[Description indicated that many of them had seen combat already. I thought implication was that many of them were here in this unit on secondment]
no Cragmites yet, but all was still
[These sound like the same thing]
The plasma-coated slug flew at fast speeds
[Uh…yes, bullets tend to do that. Even bean bag rounds]
The scent of blood and ozone
[ Shouldn’t this be too far away to smell? Unless they’re downwind, in which case there probably wouldn’t be any question as to whether there are cragmites there]
with the pommel of his wrench
[Seems like a lot of maneuvering (as well as using a less hardened point of the weapon) when he could put the tempered tips through the cragmite like he usually does]
With no way to defend himself from the Cragmites
[Besides the fact that there are always options, especially to a highly skilled veteran (which Ratchet is), I think he would know that they’re out to KILL him, not just take him prisoner]
Their terminal velocity from the orbital drop would kill a normal human
[I’m pretty sure that the heat would incinerate them. Breaking apart during reentry would be an afterthought, though since they’re armored neither of these appear to be the case]
Before they could determine what was going on
[Unlikely for them to be (so) caught by surprise. Reentry takes a long time – as in many minutes, unless you’re not concerned about surviving it]
the retort of a rifle shot
[It’s usually “report”, not “retort”, especially that this is the first shot of the leviathans’ engagement]
Wyngate seized their sustained
[ceased…unless they have problems from forgetting medication…]
I wanted to like the story – a Ratchet and Clank fanfic that wasn’t rife with spelling errors. Unfortunately, it was more than bogged down by some more global aspects. The first two chapters suffered from either data dump or trying to do only one thing for too long, and the third didn’t take enough of a step away from the first two. The battle sequence wasn’t bad; though a couple of mis-used words like “retort” drew me out. Misapplied details that could be true for certain things but don’t work if you think about them (powered infantry armor going white-hot, which indicates it’s losing integrity and melting) did the opposite of furthering a sense of immersion. I was reminded of the difference in depiction of war between the opening of Saving Private Ryan which was brutal and made no excuses or glorification for war, and earlier movies (typically with less gore) that did glorify the brutality, and I’m sorry to say that yours fell more into the second camp. That’s why stories with a good deal of violence with that not being the focal point tend to skip over a lot of the harsh aspects like secondary wounds or some of the whys or hows of combat. Conservation of detail: if you don’t want your audience to focus on something, don’t spend a lot of letters on it. Focus on the characters and dramatic elements instead of “yay! Killing stuff!” Stories CAN include these aspects – Peptuck’s Tiberium Wars unashamedly jumps into the violence, but does so in order to portray a crapsack world that’s seeing these horrible things. Ratchet and Clank is a lighter and goofier that you’re trying to push these things into, and I’m not sure which genre you’re trying to fit it into because you’re touching on both and haven’t seemed to take a firm ground in either.
4/22 c1 Ganheim
causing her to feel being burned alive
[Bad grammar – could be “feel like she was…”]
They tied her onto a board
[All of these are very medieval, I would think that so many more efficient devices would be available to space-faring menaces]
her heart barely continues to be strong
[Doesn’t seem like there’s any “barely” there]
She would rather die before she will give
[Verb tense disagreement]
guard's insect like
[insect-like]
with shoulder mounted plasma cannons
[I’d think they wouldn’t want to deploy weapons easily used against them – most prisons on earth deploy blunt weapons, occasionally blades, but almost never firearms or the like. Makes successful prison breaks more likely]
information out of her again
[Seems like “again” is inappropriate when she never gave it to them in the first place]
proceeded to painfully punch
[You’re repeating punch – and it’s unnecessary here]
The General, partially filled with glee in mixed with his professionalism
[This is contradictory – maybe ‘his glee shone through his professionalism’?]
each session was worst
[worse]
As soon as his laughter start
[Tense should be ‘grammar’, but this doesn’t seem to fit the earlier claim of professionalism or his signal for his men to stop]
gave them a leer
[I would think glare]
It's more fun that way
[Not professional then]
Lazarevic gave a small grin
[Torture can serve a purpose, but I think it’s important to keep pacing and scale in mind. Might all of these things be happening? Sure, but do we need to see it? No. It’s not that it’s too grotesque or anything, but before this point I stopped caring about what happened and started wondering “are we there yet? Is the story going to be about something other than torture?” The point is that too long of any one thing becomes boring, which I presume is very much not your intention because it ruins any sense of connection to the situation or characters. To be honest, I had started skimming instead of reading by this point, and fully stopped reading and skipped to the next chapter here. Due to the long, nothing really happening to develop the scene (and thanks to your odd choice of avoidance of clearly identifying Angela, it doesn’t do anything to develop her character either), I didn’t feel much like reading the next chapter]
Chapter 2
The El-Tee gave
[I know I’ve heard it pronounced that way, but for it to be written that way in narrative text was so odd that I saw it despite just skimming. It was jarring and doesn’t seem to fit the scene of a collection of professionals]
back here in the Solana sector
[I’m pretty sure Solana is a galaxy]
to Ratchet, Clank, and Clark
[Wait, like in Louis and Clark?]
light-brown hair had already grayed from his accumulated years in combat
[War doesn’t cause people to prematurely gray like this (unless there’s a genetic predisposition, and then it’s not so much the war as genes and a variety of environmental factors). What “war stress” does tends to be massive tissue and organ degredation, something that’s not clearly visible until the 60s and even then more through major organs not working properly and causing things like liver spots]
aura of professionalism and deadliness.
[What is an aura of professionalism?]
nearly indestructible skeletal structure
[I think you already went over their bio/chem/cyber augmentations. Unless you’re going to specify, this really only restates something vaguely put before]
specialized in Conventional and Guerrilla Warfare, Orbital Drops, and Black Op assignments
[That doesn’t look like “specialized”, that looks like “skilled in wide range of slaughtering people and destroying valuable equipment and property”. What about radio/communications and encryption specialists? Linguists and cultural experts to enable them to slip through populated areas with hardly a trace, or to make contact with double agents and informants, or interrogate prisoners? Pilots, engineers, and doctors are also not even hinted at and while that could be trying to introduce a few characters it still seems like you’re focusing on a glorification of the brutal aspects of war. There’s a lot more to a successful military than guys who kill stuff – historical militaries who failed are filled with examples of this overspecialization in only fighting, such as the Romans who were workers/engineers and soldiers, until they lowered their standards to “soldiers and subcontracted militiamen hired from the Teutonic peoples that eventually sacked Rome”]
after absorbing damage and high temperatures
[A kinetic barrier cannot absorb temperatures, that’s a different form of energy]
rendering latest stealth field generation
[I agree that this is on the forefront of (active) stealth technology, but it’s still a dream because we haven’t succeeded yet. Look up Britain’s Adaptiv program for a rather effective (if not cheap) thermal camouflage system that can make a main battle tank look like a compact car. Geometry and radar-absorbant materials have been around for decades with increasing effectiveness, and pretty much the only thing we haven’t invented yet is a ranged electrical system sensor, but that can be countered with thorough electrical circuit shielding]
safely descend from an orbital drop
[Who needs that? Ratchet and Clank games don’t have fall damage]
a Micro-Fusion cell pack, which generates over 478 Megawatts of electricity similar to a small nuclear fission plant without meltdown fears
[If it’s fusion then it is a nuclear power plant, miniaturized though it may be…except that an (energy) cell pack is not a power plant by definition, it’s a high-capacity storage medium. By the way, remember the previous chapter about taking a long time on a tangential topic and therefore losing audience interest? I’m seeing a lot of “Our Elves are Better”…er…our soldiers are as shiny as military fans today want them to be. I’m not really seeing information that looks like it’s relevant to specific characters or the greater plot. More like what TV Tropes would call Gun Porn. It pushed me back into “skim, don’t take the time to read because it’s going to be lots of more of the same”. Informing your audience of who, what, where, and how is a good idea, but doing so in a dense data dump all in one place tends to run counter to the purpose. Instead, parcel out a little of the description of the time, giving out details that are relevant to the immediate scene]
In short
[I wish]
after their training and augmentations, almost all of the recruits returned home to celebrate their success, exultant and proud
[And sociopathic. I don’t have to be a psychologist (but it helps) to know that the majority of the training that makes a good soldier is to DAMAGE WHAT MAKES THEM HUMAN, to dissociate their human identity and ability to identify others as human, that allows them to kill other humans or survive attempts by other humans to kill them without curling up into a little ball and crying]
All he did was work on maintenance
[What happened to all of that ‘action’ against bad guys?]
Now, he was a few inches passed Louis' shoulders
[Why the size change? Humans never appear in the Ratchetverse, so it’s not unreasonable to suspect that they’re not drastically different in size from humans. Also: there are few species that could survive this – DOUBLING or tripling in height in a matter of a few months or couple years – and all of them are plants]
for Ratchet to learn discipline
[Why would he need to go there to learn that? In the games he explicitly trained with Solana’s Galactic Rangers, and was taught by Megacorp’s Commandos]
The men and women of the armed forces of Earth make the ultimate sacrifice every single day
[Is the propaganda over? Are we about to get to the story? Soldiers, for all their “augmentations” and training, are still humans (something many military higher officials sometimes forget. Watch the Korean movie “Joint Security Area” for an example of this in a lower officer and soldiers). Some enlist (or are drafted) because they want to kill people and experience a sense of power, the few that enlist because of a sense of protection for their kin are pretty universally marginalized within the military – those people don’t make good killers and often don’t make good posterboys, leaving the military in its smaller units and as a whole more likely to ignore them as much as possible]
which still was messy despite the training and discipline
[If you’d seen the inside of a barracks, I think you’d agree that discipline can be something of a myth as far as cleanliness]
The fact that he needed a whole room to store them was in itself astonishing
[Given that he’s passed dozens in his list of weapons acquired, I find it no surprise at all. Except that he’d still have them – while the game doesn’t really go over it, he doesn’t seem like the hoarder type. Granted, this gets into varying character interpretation and yours is as valid as mine]
some of the female agents
[Specism can go into “I hate everything not of my race” in the rather over-exaggerated Star Wars novels, but the tendency to think of non-species things as an oddity instead of something attractive is rather overwhelmingly strong and common in all known species]
he becomes flustered beyond belief
[I only recall this in the first two games. Even Up Your Arsenal saw him relatively calm with Sasha (whom I still consider slightly a Mary Sue, at least in the end)]
"Because we can hack the ship's data logs
[They can probably do the same thing from wreckage as long as it’s non-obliterated, and the advantage of that is that while you don’t have an intact ship, self-destruct protocols (micro and macro) don’t destroy the computers you want to hack or the ship you’re trying to walk into]
causing her to feel being burned alive
[Bad grammar – could be “feel like she was…”]
They tied her onto a board
[All of these are very medieval, I would think that so many more efficient devices would be available to space-faring menaces]
her heart barely continues to be strong
[Doesn’t seem like there’s any “barely” there]
She would rather die before she will give
[Verb tense disagreement]
guard's insect like
[insect-like]
with shoulder mounted plasma cannons
[I’d think they wouldn’t want to deploy weapons easily used against them – most prisons on earth deploy blunt weapons, occasionally blades, but almost never firearms or the like. Makes successful prison breaks more likely]
information out of her again
[Seems like “again” is inappropriate when she never gave it to them in the first place]
proceeded to painfully punch
[You’re repeating punch – and it’s unnecessary here]
The General, partially filled with glee in mixed with his professionalism
[This is contradictory – maybe ‘his glee shone through his professionalism’?]
each session was worst
[worse]
As soon as his laughter start
[Tense should be ‘grammar’, but this doesn’t seem to fit the earlier claim of professionalism or his signal for his men to stop]
gave them a leer
[I would think glare]
It's more fun that way
[Not professional then]
Lazarevic gave a small grin
[Torture can serve a purpose, but I think it’s important to keep pacing and scale in mind. Might all of these things be happening? Sure, but do we need to see it? No. It’s not that it’s too grotesque or anything, but before this point I stopped caring about what happened and started wondering “are we there yet? Is the story going to be about something other than torture?” The point is that too long of any one thing becomes boring, which I presume is very much not your intention because it ruins any sense of connection to the situation or characters. To be honest, I had started skimming instead of reading by this point, and fully stopped reading and skipped to the next chapter here. Due to the long, nothing really happening to develop the scene (and thanks to your odd choice of avoidance of clearly identifying Angela, it doesn’t do anything to develop her character either), I didn’t feel much like reading the next chapter]
Chapter 2
The El-Tee gave
[I know I’ve heard it pronounced that way, but for it to be written that way in narrative text was so odd that I saw it despite just skimming. It was jarring and doesn’t seem to fit the scene of a collection of professionals]
back here in the Solana sector
[I’m pretty sure Solana is a galaxy]
to Ratchet, Clank, and Clark
[Wait, like in Louis and Clark?]
light-brown hair had already grayed from his accumulated years in combat
[War doesn’t cause people to prematurely gray like this (unless there’s a genetic predisposition, and then it’s not so much the war as genes and a variety of environmental factors). What “war stress” does tends to be massive tissue and organ degredation, something that’s not clearly visible until the 60s and even then more through major organs not working properly and causing things like liver spots]
aura of professionalism and deadliness.
[What is an aura of professionalism?]
nearly indestructible skeletal structure
[I think you already went over their bio/chem/cyber augmentations. Unless you’re going to specify, this really only restates something vaguely put before]
specialized in Conventional and Guerrilla Warfare, Orbital Drops, and Black Op assignments
[That doesn’t look like “specialized”, that looks like “skilled in wide range of slaughtering people and destroying valuable equipment and property”. What about radio/communications and encryption specialists? Linguists and cultural experts to enable them to slip through populated areas with hardly a trace, or to make contact with double agents and informants, or interrogate prisoners? Pilots, engineers, and doctors are also not even hinted at and while that could be trying to introduce a few characters it still seems like you’re focusing on a glorification of the brutal aspects of war. There’s a lot more to a successful military than guys who kill stuff – historical militaries who failed are filled with examples of this overspecialization in only fighting, such as the Romans who were workers/engineers and soldiers, until they lowered their standards to “soldiers and subcontracted militiamen hired from the Teutonic peoples that eventually sacked Rome”]
after absorbing damage and high temperatures
[A kinetic barrier cannot absorb temperatures, that’s a different form of energy]
rendering latest stealth field generation
[I agree that this is on the forefront of (active) stealth technology, but it’s still a dream because we haven’t succeeded yet. Look up Britain’s Adaptiv program for a rather effective (if not cheap) thermal camouflage system that can make a main battle tank look like a compact car. Geometry and radar-absorbant materials have been around for decades with increasing effectiveness, and pretty much the only thing we haven’t invented yet is a ranged electrical system sensor, but that can be countered with thorough electrical circuit shielding]
safely descend from an orbital drop
[Who needs that? Ratchet and Clank games don’t have fall damage]
a Micro-Fusion cell pack, which generates over 478 Megawatts of electricity similar to a small nuclear fission plant without meltdown fears
[If it’s fusion then it is a nuclear power plant, miniaturized though it may be…except that an (energy) cell pack is not a power plant by definition, it’s a high-capacity storage medium. By the way, remember the previous chapter about taking a long time on a tangential topic and therefore losing audience interest? I’m seeing a lot of “Our Elves are Better”…er…our soldiers are as shiny as military fans today want them to be. I’m not really seeing information that looks like it’s relevant to specific characters or the greater plot. More like what TV Tropes would call Gun Porn. It pushed me back into “skim, don’t take the time to read because it’s going to be lots of more of the same”. Informing your audience of who, what, where, and how is a good idea, but doing so in a dense data dump all in one place tends to run counter to the purpose. Instead, parcel out a little of the description of the time, giving out details that are relevant to the immediate scene]
In short
[I wish]
after their training and augmentations, almost all of the recruits returned home to celebrate their success, exultant and proud
[And sociopathic. I don’t have to be a psychologist (but it helps) to know that the majority of the training that makes a good soldier is to DAMAGE WHAT MAKES THEM HUMAN, to dissociate their human identity and ability to identify others as human, that allows them to kill other humans or survive attempts by other humans to kill them without curling up into a little ball and crying]
All he did was work on maintenance
[What happened to all of that ‘action’ against bad guys?]
Now, he was a few inches passed Louis' shoulders
[Why the size change? Humans never appear in the Ratchetverse, so it’s not unreasonable to suspect that they’re not drastically different in size from humans. Also: there are few species that could survive this – DOUBLING or tripling in height in a matter of a few months or couple years – and all of them are plants]
for Ratchet to learn discipline
[Why would he need to go there to learn that? In the games he explicitly trained with Solana’s Galactic Rangers, and was taught by Megacorp’s Commandos]
The men and women of the armed forces of Earth make the ultimate sacrifice every single day
[Is the propaganda over? Are we about to get to the story? Soldiers, for all their “augmentations” and training, are still humans (something many military higher officials sometimes forget. Watch the Korean movie “Joint Security Area” for an example of this in a lower officer and soldiers). Some enlist (or are drafted) because they want to kill people and experience a sense of power, the few that enlist because of a sense of protection for their kin are pretty universally marginalized within the military – those people don’t make good killers and often don’t make good posterboys, leaving the military in its smaller units and as a whole more likely to ignore them as much as possible]
which still was messy despite the training and discipline
[If you’d seen the inside of a barracks, I think you’d agree that discipline can be something of a myth as far as cleanliness]
The fact that he needed a whole room to store them was in itself astonishing
[Given that he’s passed dozens in his list of weapons acquired, I find it no surprise at all. Except that he’d still have them – while the game doesn’t really go over it, he doesn’t seem like the hoarder type. Granted, this gets into varying character interpretation and yours is as valid as mine]
some of the female agents
[Specism can go into “I hate everything not of my race” in the rather over-exaggerated Star Wars novels, but the tendency to think of non-species things as an oddity instead of something attractive is rather overwhelmingly strong and common in all known species]
he becomes flustered beyond belief
[I only recall this in the first two games. Even Up Your Arsenal saw him relatively calm with Sasha (whom I still consider slightly a Mary Sue, at least in the end)]
"Because we can hack the ship's data logs
[They can probably do the same thing from wreckage as long as it’s non-obliterated, and the advantage of that is that while you don’t have an intact ship, self-destruct protocols (micro and macro) don’t destroy the computers you want to hack or the ship you’re trying to walk into]
4/19 c3 6StaticBomb324
Yeeeeeeeeees! It's been too damn long my friend too damn long! And you haven't lost your skills either. Everything seems much more realistic this time around and I like the different SpecOps factions involved. Hell I didn't even know there was Philippine SpecOp group. Nice!
I cannot wait for the next chapter buddy.
StaticBomb
6StaticBomb324Yeeeeeeeeees! It's been too damn long my friend too damn long! And you haven't lost your skills either. Everything seems much more realistic this time around and I like the different SpecOps factions involved. Hell I didn't even know there was Philippine SpecOp group. Nice!
I cannot wait for the next chapter buddy.
StaticBomb
3/7 c1 Geinea Lombax
Wow such a large inprovement from the orginal story. I've always loved it, and now I love this even more. Keep up the incrediable progress your making! *FAVS*
Wow such a large inprovement from the orginal story. I've always loved it, and now I love this even more. Keep up the incrediable progress your making! *FAVS*
3/4 c3 GagsRacing
Hell yeah! Awesome work, keep those chapters coming :)
Hell yeah! Awesome work, keep those chapters coming :)
3/4 c3 11Thomas Holmes II
Oh yeah! This is just so effing awesome! I love it! Another amazing chapter! Spectacular! Incredible! Well done, buddy!
11Thomas Holmes IIOh yeah! This is just so effing awesome! I love it! Another amazing chapter! Spectacular! Incredible! Well done, buddy!
1/6 c2 Schweppezzzzzzzz
You can't abandon this story now! Not this early! Don't give up on it :( :( :(
You can't abandon this story now! Not this early! Don't give up on it :( :( :(
9/10/2012 c2 4Yue Twili
...You really did your homework on different types of military, didn't you? I actually got lost when you described them.
But it's still a good chapter regardless! Update whenever you are able to, please!
4Yue Twili...You really did your homework on different types of military, didn't you? I actually got lost when you described them.
But it's still a good chapter regardless! Update whenever you are able to, please!
9/3/2012 c2 6StaticBomb324
Outstanding Swordsman. I have to say there is a lot more depth here that I never noticed or bothered to tell you about before but it definitely gives a greater backstory on everything. It just makes the story feel full and real. I'm glad you poked a little fun at the SPARTAN program I believe (i think that was it right?) ANyway just a few errors and misspellings good stuff man
6StaticBomb324Outstanding Swordsman. I have to say there is a lot more depth here that I never noticed or bothered to tell you about before but it definitely gives a greater backstory on everything. It just makes the story feel full and real. I'm glad you poked a little fun at the SPARTAN program I believe (i think that was it right?) ANyway just a few errors and misspellings good stuff man
9/3/2012 c2 11Thomas Holmes II
Well, I just love the detail and depth you've put into this story. I'm going to enjoy reading this story. Can't wait for the next.
11Thomas Holmes IIWell, I just love the detail and depth you've put into this story. I'm going to enjoy reading this story. Can't wait for the next.
7/22/2012 c1 6StaticBomb324
Normally I'm not one for reduxes unless actually needed but this right here? Most definitely doubleplus good (1984 doublespeak right here!)
Cannot wait to see more my friend
6StaticBomb324Normally I'm not one for reduxes unless actually needed but this right here? Most definitely doubleplus good (1984 doublespeak right here!)
Cannot wait to see more my friend
7/8/2012 c1 Cora
I have to say this is one of the singular best R&C fanfictions I've ever read. Truly enduring until the very last straw...amazing work.
I have to say this is one of the singular best R&C fanfictions I've ever read. Truly enduring until the very last straw...amazing work.
6/13/2012 c1 3Ratchet Soulraven
In-fucking-credible.
I can't believe that you've come this far. I still remember reading your first story when it came out, and it's hard to believe that the same person is writing this. It's just brilliant.
I read this when it came out, but I never got around to reviewing it. That's going to change now.
Keep it up man. :)
3Ratchet SoulravenIn-fucking-credible.
I can't believe that you've come this far. I still remember reading your first story when it came out, and it's hard to believe that the same person is writing this. It's just brilliant.
I read this when it came out, but I never got around to reviewing it. That's going to change now.
Keep it up man. :)