for Relaxing Day5/5/2012 c1 
4TheTrueJuliet
Uhm.. just haveto point out it's a little difficult to understand. The grammar in your oneshot is very obscure and it's hard for me reado smoothly... but other than that, it was cute. Very cute.
4TheTrueJulietUhm.. just haveto point out it's a little difficult to understand. The grammar in your oneshot is very obscure and it's hard for me reado smoothly... but other than that, it was cute. Very cute.
5/4/2012 c1 16ArizonaSivy
Interesting scene- the first encounter of Scar and Simba. Seems that the two brothers already cooled down a bit from their recent argument, huh? One of those hope-bringing scenarios, too bad it didn’t turn out so peaceful…
If I am to make a judgment, I think you should pay a little more attention to your writing. It shows that this little story was written in quite a hurry, maybe even in one big rush of inspiration. That’s a good thing- it shows that you enjoy writing, but now you might want to work on making it more enjoyable to your readers. You still left quite a few spelling and linguistic mistakes, some word repetitions and such. Also the narration in the present tense and multiple complex sentences are a bit confusing. Whenever I write something, before publishing, I give it a few days and then read it all as if it wasn’t my own work- this way I usually catch all the errors.
So keep up the good work- with a little polishing you’ll have a horde of readers in no-time!
16ArizonaSivyInteresting scene- the first encounter of Scar and Simba. Seems that the two brothers already cooled down a bit from their recent argument, huh? One of those hope-bringing scenarios, too bad it didn’t turn out so peaceful…
If I am to make a judgment, I think you should pay a little more attention to your writing. It shows that this little story was written in quite a hurry, maybe even in one big rush of inspiration. That’s a good thing- it shows that you enjoy writing, but now you might want to work on making it more enjoyable to your readers. You still left quite a few spelling and linguistic mistakes, some word repetitions and such. Also the narration in the present tense and multiple complex sentences are a bit confusing. Whenever I write something, before publishing, I give it a few days and then read it all as if it wasn’t my own work- this way I usually catch all the errors.
So keep up the good work- with a little polishing you’ll have a horde of readers in no-time!
4/29/2012 c1 2Shayu Wolf
Very very well done! It was advised to me that i should check your stories out. I really love your descriptive language. If only things between those two hadn't gone so sour...
2Shayu WolfVery very well done! It was advised to me that i should check your stories out. I really love your descriptive language. If only things between those two hadn't gone so sour...