for Tonight9/6/2012 c1 Blissful6393
Already read this one but wanted to put in a comment as well since your stories deserve them. I found this one to be very well thought out actually. I found Ritsu in a tux to be am odd choice until it was explained. It was beautiful and as always very well in tune with the thought processes both characters have. Also Mio swaying in a dress is such a cute thing to imagine :P Until the next story!
Already read this one but wanted to put in a comment as well since your stories deserve them. I found this one to be very well thought out actually. I found Ritsu in a tux to be am odd choice until it was explained. It was beautiful and as always very well in tune with the thought processes both characters have. Also Mio swaying in a dress is such a cute thing to imagine :P Until the next story!
5/25/2012 c1 bcbb1d5d
Its me again! And you know what? I liked this story too!
Ohojoho it was so cute when Mio was in front of the mirror so nervous and thinking about confessing... I love their so deep feelings the most
And hey, you sure did and excelent work here! Thanks!
Oh and just so you know it would had been so cute to see the end, when Ritsu walks forward Mio and they said more love words and kiss, yep so cute
But I really liked the way you did it
Its me again! And you know what? I liked this story too!
Ohojoho it was so cute when Mio was in front of the mirror so nervous and thinking about confessing... I love their so deep feelings the most
And hey, you sure did and excelent work here! Thanks!
Oh and just so you know it would had been so cute to see the end, when Ritsu walks forward Mio and they said more love words and kiss, yep so cute
But I really liked the way you did it
5/2/2012 c1 
10Musician74
Ahh, I've been meaning to read and review one of the torrent of stories you've been publishing these past few weeks. I should start with this one since I have time right now...
So, a Mitsu story... Well the premise is quite cute. It reminded me of another Mitsu story I'd read. "Romio and Julietsu" if I'm not mistaken... Well, sans the action and angst.
I'll have to agree with what Alex said (hi, Alex!) that I don't think the Japanese do the whole prom thing. That doesn't mean you should stick to the traditional things, though. It's refreshing to write out of the box sometimes.
Now, for the story itself... There's something about the whole story that just feels like it's missing. You pay attention to detail and surrounding, but when it comes to character development, the character themselves, I don't sense there is any. They feel flat and uninteresting. You don't describe any emotion. Fear, anxiety, hurt, comfort, angst... I don't see all that in the fiction, which resulted in me not being able to connect to the fiction on a level that you'd want me to with your words. It almost felt like the scenery was more important than the characters.
What had me confused was the hopping from POV to POV. One paragraph is Mio's, then Ritsu's, then Mio's, then Sawako's, then... I kind of got distracted and I almost couldn't read until the end.
Something that also annoyed me... You give sudden important information in the middle of the story. At least, it seems sudden to me. For instance telling us that Mio was going to confess to Ritsu. Wow, where'd that come from? Sure, you tell me for how long she'd been in love with Ritsu, but... before that, there was no foreshadowing, nothing that eased me into this type of information... It just felt like it came out of nowhere.
Perhaps you could have dedicated a scene focusing on Mio and her inner musings. About why she thought Ritsu seemed to be avoiding her, how she thought about all that and what she actually thought of the drummer before actually telling us of her confessing plans. The same for Ritsu, although her inner musings could have been integrated in the first scene. About why she did all of that (washing Sawa-chan's car for 2 months? Whoa!) just so she could impress Mio and why it was all for Mio etc. Just a suggestion, though.
Ritsu's performance was very nice, though. I like the way you let that unfold. Micheal Buble's version of "The Way You Look Tonight" is quite an enjoyable dancing song to have with your loved one. Of course here is also where the hopping from POV to POV got distracting for me to the point where I had to read it again, just so I could understand what you were trying to portray.
What else, what else... Other than some very minuscule grammar misuse here and there I found it very unforced and pleasurable to read and follow.
Good luck with further stories,
Musician74
10Musician74Ahh, I've been meaning to read and review one of the torrent of stories you've been publishing these past few weeks. I should start with this one since I have time right now...
So, a Mitsu story... Well the premise is quite cute. It reminded me of another Mitsu story I'd read. "Romio and Julietsu" if I'm not mistaken... Well, sans the action and angst.
I'll have to agree with what Alex said (hi, Alex!) that I don't think the Japanese do the whole prom thing. That doesn't mean you should stick to the traditional things, though. It's refreshing to write out of the box sometimes.
Now, for the story itself... There's something about the whole story that just feels like it's missing. You pay attention to detail and surrounding, but when it comes to character development, the character themselves, I don't sense there is any. They feel flat and uninteresting. You don't describe any emotion. Fear, anxiety, hurt, comfort, angst... I don't see all that in the fiction, which resulted in me not being able to connect to the fiction on a level that you'd want me to with your words. It almost felt like the scenery was more important than the characters.
What had me confused was the hopping from POV to POV. One paragraph is Mio's, then Ritsu's, then Mio's, then Sawako's, then... I kind of got distracted and I almost couldn't read until the end.
Something that also annoyed me... You give sudden important information in the middle of the story. At least, it seems sudden to me. For instance telling us that Mio was going to confess to Ritsu. Wow, where'd that come from? Sure, you tell me for how long she'd been in love with Ritsu, but... before that, there was no foreshadowing, nothing that eased me into this type of information... It just felt like it came out of nowhere.
Perhaps you could have dedicated a scene focusing on Mio and her inner musings. About why she thought Ritsu seemed to be avoiding her, how she thought about all that and what she actually thought of the drummer before actually telling us of her confessing plans. The same for Ritsu, although her inner musings could have been integrated in the first scene. About why she did all of that (washing Sawa-chan's car for 2 months? Whoa!) just so she could impress Mio and why it was all for Mio etc. Just a suggestion, though.
Ritsu's performance was very nice, though. I like the way you let that unfold. Micheal Buble's version of "The Way You Look Tonight" is quite an enjoyable dancing song to have with your loved one. Of course here is also where the hopping from POV to POV got distracting for me to the point where I had to read it again, just so I could understand what you were trying to portray.
What else, what else... Other than some very minuscule grammar misuse here and there I found it very unforced and pleasurable to read and follow.
Good luck with further stories,
Musician74
5/2/2012 c1 ghonzales
Nice keep up the good work
Nice keep up the good work
5/2/2012 c1 Alex
I'm so sad. When I read that Ritsu was wearing a tux I was like "Oh no, not again..." Then you explained why and I understood but I still don't like Ritsu dressed up as a guy (Yeah I'm like that - I complain about it everywhere).
Whines aside, there are few points that bothered me a bit.
I don't think that Japanese schools have a prom. I read recently that graduating wasn't as important as going to kindergarten. In a sense that they will celebrate the latter but not the former. But I don't live in Japan so I can't really tell. Nevertheless I've never heard of a prom in an anime so far.
At some point, Mugi made up an excuse to save Ritsu but at first it wasn't clear (for stupid me at least) who was talking. Mugi refers to Mio as "Mio-chan" maybe why I thought Ritsu was talking.
Maybe because it was so cliché and uncomplicated that I didn't enjoy this story as much as the other ones. I can see Ritsu going to such an extent to please/surprise Mio but Mio was a bit too self-confident in my opinion.
Oh and I think it would be better if you could refrain from using Japanese words when they have an English equivalent (like "yes" instead of "hai").
In this story you only have "hai" but in a previous one there were several. I personally don't mind that much but I know that some people are bothered by this.
I had only negative points but I hope I didn't sound too harsh (I used to sound a lot harsher...) I always try to stay objective and write useful comments.
I was wondering how you could come up with so many ideas and how you could write so fast. I kind of envy you! (Well knowing that I'm lazy I'm envying myself because I only have to read what you wrote!)
I'm so sad. When I read that Ritsu was wearing a tux I was like "Oh no, not again..." Then you explained why and I understood but I still don't like Ritsu dressed up as a guy (Yeah I'm like that - I complain about it everywhere).
Whines aside, there are few points that bothered me a bit.
I don't think that Japanese schools have a prom. I read recently that graduating wasn't as important as going to kindergarten. In a sense that they will celebrate the latter but not the former. But I don't live in Japan so I can't really tell. Nevertheless I've never heard of a prom in an anime so far.
At some point, Mugi made up an excuse to save Ritsu but at first it wasn't clear (for stupid me at least) who was talking. Mugi refers to Mio as "Mio-chan" maybe why I thought Ritsu was talking.
Maybe because it was so cliché and uncomplicated that I didn't enjoy this story as much as the other ones. I can see Ritsu going to such an extent to please/surprise Mio but Mio was a bit too self-confident in my opinion.
Oh and I think it would be better if you could refrain from using Japanese words when they have an English equivalent (like "yes" instead of "hai").
In this story you only have "hai" but in a previous one there were several. I personally don't mind that much but I know that some people are bothered by this.
I had only negative points but I hope I didn't sound too harsh (I used to sound a lot harsher...) I always try to stay objective and write useful comments.
I was wondering how you could come up with so many ideas and how you could write so fast. I kind of envy you! (Well knowing that I'm lazy I'm envying myself because I only have to read what you wrote!)