for Leaves of Night11/25/2012 c1 Twyger
Great post-Always story. I loved the Pablo Neruda poem at the beginning - perfect for these two. I loved the she is finally checking him out and reveling in writing her own story now. The conversation between the two of them is beautiful and touching. Thanks for writing and for sharing!
Great post-Always story. I loved the Pablo Neruda poem at the beginning - perfect for these two. I loved the she is finally checking him out and reveling in writing her own story now. The conversation between the two of them is beautiful and touching. Thanks for writing and for sharing!
6/21/2012 c1 ada
gosh, that comment about 'andrew marlowe' was really uncanny, i feel that way too, every time i read ur stories...whether consciously or not, u've got his style and nuances PERFECTLY going in ur own work, and as far as fanfic goes, thats what we're looking for...awesome.
gosh, that comment about 'andrew marlowe' was really uncanny, i feel that way too, every time i read ur stories...whether consciously or not, u've got his style and nuances PERFECTLY going in ur own work, and as far as fanfic goes, thats what we're looking for...awesome.
5/13/2012 c1 MirandaJayne
Jeez woman! 'Prolific' doesn't begin to describe you, does it? How do you have time for a day job?
Not that I'm complaining - you keep churning 'em out!
I've decided, I'm saving Dash for the summer holidays.
Jeez woman! 'Prolific' doesn't begin to describe you, does it? How do you have time for a day job?
Not that I'm complaining - you keep churning 'em out!
I've decided, I'm saving Dash for the summer holidays.
5/10/2012 c1 
32Kate Christie
I love the Neruda. He's lyrical in English, despite the translation, and you carried it so well into your prose. The obvious link is with her hands reaching, but I like even more the link to the genre his work paved the way for. His poetry was a precursor to magical realism among Spanish speaking writers, and I felt that the scene in which Kate hears Rick calling to her was very much seated in that genre. There were other things about this story that I just loved, but I couldn't let this one go. Really lovely work.
32Kate ChristieI love the Neruda. He's lyrical in English, despite the translation, and you carried it so well into your prose. The obvious link is with her hands reaching, but I like even more the link to the genre his work paved the way for. His poetry was a precursor to magical realism among Spanish speaking writers, and I felt that the scene in which Kate hears Rick calling to her was very much seated in that genre. There were other things about this story that I just loved, but I couldn't let this one go. Really lovely work.
5/9/2012 c1 FeedtheFlans
Great post-always story. Excellent combination of the swoony afterglow AND genuine conversation. I really liked it.
Great post-always story. Excellent combination of the swoony afterglow AND genuine conversation. I really liked it.
5/9/2012 c1 Some Gasp Advice
If it isn't "in the floor" it's "in her collarbone" apparently. lol. Oh dear, you do know that 'on' and 'in' aren't interchangeable, right? lol.
Now, I understand why you would want to write a post "Always" fic, but I don't know if you achieved what you were trying to do given that the episode provided more than enough. Given when this was posted, I would say that it was definitely rushed, unpolished and forced. The talk at the end was very hard to read because it felt that you just skimmed along the surface of what these characters were going through. Also...'hums' and 'murmurs'...sweet lord, find new words or change them up a bit. So repetitive.
As for the 'sex' scene...I don't know what you were trying to achieve with it. Yes, there's the obvious, but it lacked proper implication and subtext. There were some major problems with it. While I don't think it is explicit, I do think it goes above the T rating. You need to rate your work accordingly because of the younger readers out there. Some of your word choice is highly questionable as well.
I will try to keep my language as PG as possible.
When Castle travels south (at least that what is implied by their positioning), you use the phrase "it is the burning fire." Now...anything burning down there means it is either uncomfortable or she has a UTI. Either way, not sexy. I know you probably meant it to show their passion, but it didn't quite work that way. Also, "ruthless" in that moment just doesn't work. It means without pity or compassion, cruel. In this moment it shouldn't be about that and it isn't about that.
You mention 'kiss that tastes of musk and his journey over her body'. 'Musk' is definitely not the word I would use there because that isn't a good taste to have from where he came from. Just take out 'musk' and have 'kiss that tastes of his journey over her body'. MUUUUCH better.
"He breathes into her mouth..." So...he's giving her CPR? lol. Kate and Rick would know how to kiss and how to breath while doing it. Unless he wasn't even trying to kiss her, then it's weird. Reverse-Dementor weird.
"It is the way he loves, and gives, outpouring, and she finally sees him, feels him, and this is all she ever wanted."
Oh dear, again. If there is an 'outpouring' before she 'feels him' then that implies something else, like performance issues. You definitely need to think about where you put such words in this kind of scene. Same goes for this next one.
"Can't stop spilling her secrets into the haven of his body."
If anyone is doing the spilling...it's him. I think that sums that up. Now, if you mean she was still talking during this moment and telling him all her secrets then...well, he really isn't that good if she can form coherent sentences. Which brings me to my overall question about this scene:
Why on earth would you have this dialogue in this scene?
This isn't a 'let's talk about our day moment'. That happened before he pushed her against the door. This is THE MOMENT. This is four years of sexual tension accumulating in a moment of intimacy that defies the need for words. Sometimes, no words are more powerful. Even more powerful than the "I love you." Action. Actions. SHOW! Don't tell. Normally dialogue does that, but not this dialogue. A touch, a look, the waves of emotions and pleasure that courses through the two of them. Their moment of connection that renders them speechless, healed (to a certain respect) and sated. That's what was needed.
That's not what happened in this scene. Not even close. The word choice and dialogue killed it. Especially this, "Wanted you so badly to be there, want you now." Now, would Kate ever say that? No. These are two consenting adults...give them adult language not 'after school special' language. I'm not saying they have to be mutes during sex scenes, but think about why and when they are saying things.
I am going to give you some advice. *Gasp!* I know...it is dreaded when people say that especially when you didn't ask, but I'm doing it anyway. Since I don't know you and I'm not making any judgements, I will approach this from a writer's standpoint. If you aren't familiar with a topic then research is required. But, you know what? Not everyone can write this sort of stuff. Writing it is harder than people realize. Everyone has their writing knack and I'm sure you are well versed in other areas of genre writing.
I am going to end this on a positive note. I liked when she wrote her badge number on his skin with her finger. That was a sweet and gentle image that harkened back to how she resigned, how the need for justice is still within her, and how she wants to protect him and what they just shared. Thank you for that.
If it isn't "in the floor" it's "in her collarbone" apparently. lol. Oh dear, you do know that 'on' and 'in' aren't interchangeable, right? lol.
Now, I understand why you would want to write a post "Always" fic, but I don't know if you achieved what you were trying to do given that the episode provided more than enough. Given when this was posted, I would say that it was definitely rushed, unpolished and forced. The talk at the end was very hard to read because it felt that you just skimmed along the surface of what these characters were going through. Also...'hums' and 'murmurs'...sweet lord, find new words or change them up a bit. So repetitive.
As for the 'sex' scene...I don't know what you were trying to achieve with it. Yes, there's the obvious, but it lacked proper implication and subtext. There were some major problems with it. While I don't think it is explicit, I do think it goes above the T rating. You need to rate your work accordingly because of the younger readers out there. Some of your word choice is highly questionable as well.
I will try to keep my language as PG as possible.
When Castle travels south (at least that what is implied by their positioning), you use the phrase "it is the burning fire." Now...anything burning down there means it is either uncomfortable or she has a UTI. Either way, not sexy. I know you probably meant it to show their passion, but it didn't quite work that way. Also, "ruthless" in that moment just doesn't work. It means without pity or compassion, cruel. In this moment it shouldn't be about that and it isn't about that.
You mention 'kiss that tastes of musk and his journey over her body'. 'Musk' is definitely not the word I would use there because that isn't a good taste to have from where he came from. Just take out 'musk' and have 'kiss that tastes of his journey over her body'. MUUUUCH better.
"He breathes into her mouth..." So...he's giving her CPR? lol. Kate and Rick would know how to kiss and how to breath while doing it. Unless he wasn't even trying to kiss her, then it's weird. Reverse-Dementor weird.
"It is the way he loves, and gives, outpouring, and she finally sees him, feels him, and this is all she ever wanted."
Oh dear, again. If there is an 'outpouring' before she 'feels him' then that implies something else, like performance issues. You definitely need to think about where you put such words in this kind of scene. Same goes for this next one.
"Can't stop spilling her secrets into the haven of his body."
If anyone is doing the spilling...it's him. I think that sums that up. Now, if you mean she was still talking during this moment and telling him all her secrets then...well, he really isn't that good if she can form coherent sentences. Which brings me to my overall question about this scene:
Why on earth would you have this dialogue in this scene?
This isn't a 'let's talk about our day moment'. That happened before he pushed her against the door. This is THE MOMENT. This is four years of sexual tension accumulating in a moment of intimacy that defies the need for words. Sometimes, no words are more powerful. Even more powerful than the "I love you." Action. Actions. SHOW! Don't tell. Normally dialogue does that, but not this dialogue. A touch, a look, the waves of emotions and pleasure that courses through the two of them. Their moment of connection that renders them speechless, healed (to a certain respect) and sated. That's what was needed.
That's not what happened in this scene. Not even close. The word choice and dialogue killed it. Especially this, "Wanted you so badly to be there, want you now." Now, would Kate ever say that? No. These are two consenting adults...give them adult language not 'after school special' language. I'm not saying they have to be mutes during sex scenes, but think about why and when they are saying things.
I am going to give you some advice. *Gasp!* I know...it is dreaded when people say that especially when you didn't ask, but I'm doing it anyway. Since I don't know you and I'm not making any judgements, I will approach this from a writer's standpoint. If you aren't familiar with a topic then research is required. But, you know what? Not everyone can write this sort of stuff. Writing it is harder than people realize. Everyone has their writing knack and I'm sure you are well versed in other areas of genre writing.
I am going to end this on a positive note. I liked when she wrote her badge number on his skin with her finger. That was a sweet and gentle image that harkened back to how she resigned, how the need for justice is still within her, and how she wants to protect him and what they just shared. Thank you for that.
5/9/2012 c1 SexySheep
Oh, hello, Andrew Marlowe. I knew you secretly read fanfic, I didn't know you wrote it.
Ah-may-zing! As always. (Ooh, see what I did there? I wasn't even trying.)
Oh, hello, Andrew Marlowe. I knew you secretly read fanfic, I didn't know you wrote it.
Ah-may-zing! As always. (Ooh, see what I did there? I wasn't even trying.)
5/9/2012 c1 sillylissy
are you sure you're not related to the marlowes? it's like watching 4x24!
hopefully there will be more chapters, or a new story ;) i've always wondered how they would discuss everything that they've been through once the line has been crossed (being cuffed, undercover kiss, taking care of a dog, etc). might be fun to see castle teasing beckett about their FIRST kiss. i dunno, you always come up with the best dialogues.
pardon my ramblings.
are you sure you're not related to the marlowes? it's like watching 4x24!
hopefully there will be more chapters, or a new story ;) i've always wondered how they would discuss everything that they've been through once the line has been crossed (being cuffed, undercover kiss, taking care of a dog, etc). might be fun to see castle teasing beckett about their FIRST kiss. i dunno, you always come up with the best dialogues.
pardon my ramblings.
5/9/2012 c1 7AddisonRules
I was sure you'd be inspired to follow-up fic and am in love with the results.
It's gonna be some summer with everyone imagining what happens next. :-)
7AddisonRulesI was sure you'd be inspired to follow-up fic and am in love with the results.
It's gonna be some summer with everyone imagining what happens next. :-)
5/9/2012 c1 1nicbec75
I have no words for all these amazing post-Always fic's .. All I have to offer is... :')
1nicbec75I have no words for all these amazing post-Always fic's .. All I have to offer is... :')
5/9/2012 c1 5jadedromantic13
This is marked as complete but I can only assume that this was a clerical error and that there's more amazingness on the way... Right? Right?
Seriously, this was amazing. So beautiful and perfect and gorgeous... Such a beautiful piece as usual!
5jadedromantic13This is marked as complete but I can only assume that this was a clerical error and that there's more amazingness on the way... Right? Right?
Seriously, this was amazing. So beautiful and perfect and gorgeous... Such a beautiful piece as usual!
5/9/2012 c1 someheartslove
"they have a morning after-"
Aaaah!
I LOVE it when you write these things. How they feel, how they're amazed with the situation they're in, how much they wanted all of this.
And when you mentioned the picture in the beginning, I thought it fit so well there! I noticed it too, it's like somebody decided to put a fitting background picture in that particular scene.
And when she told him she was calling his name, and that she only wanted him there, even when her life was hanging, literally, by her few fingers, she just wanted him, she only wanted him by her side. Ah, WHY do you write things so perfectly? Whyyyy is this so amazing that I just want to spend half an hour just staring at few sentences rereading them?
Ah.
Perfection.
And when he tells her he wants to hear the part of the story when she comes to see him, and it's a part of the story he knows, but she just likes to hear it, relive it, feel it again!
And then when he tells her he's proud of her. For all that she's been through and for how she gave this up, for now, until things were different, just to be with him.
And then she starts to write her badge number on his skin, and my heart just melts, and tears start pooling up in my eyes and all I want to do is hug her. Or him. Or you. Amazing, amazing, amazing.
And then I come to the part where she says she always had her life written by somebody else, and how it's time to write her own story now, and tears just start rolling, because it's so true, because it's so real and about to change, with him by her side, for him, and it's just amazing that you can write all these different situations, put feelings and words in those characters like you've been in their shoes like you know exactly what you would feel and think and you finish with such an incredibly funny and awesome and light line that is just full of promises of together, and life, and love that it makes my heart swell.
Love, love, LOVE this.
So incredibly much.
Thank you.
"they have a morning after-"
Aaaah!
I LOVE it when you write these things. How they feel, how they're amazed with the situation they're in, how much they wanted all of this.
And when you mentioned the picture in the beginning, I thought it fit so well there! I noticed it too, it's like somebody decided to put a fitting background picture in that particular scene.
And when she told him she was calling his name, and that she only wanted him there, even when her life was hanging, literally, by her few fingers, she just wanted him, she only wanted him by her side. Ah, WHY do you write things so perfectly? Whyyyy is this so amazing that I just want to spend half an hour just staring at few sentences rereading them?
Ah.
Perfection.
And when he tells her he wants to hear the part of the story when she comes to see him, and it's a part of the story he knows, but she just likes to hear it, relive it, feel it again!
And then when he tells her he's proud of her. For all that she's been through and for how she gave this up, for now, until things were different, just to be with him.
And then she starts to write her badge number on his skin, and my heart just melts, and tears start pooling up in my eyes and all I want to do is hug her. Or him. Or you. Amazing, amazing, amazing.
And then I come to the part where she says she always had her life written by somebody else, and how it's time to write her own story now, and tears just start rolling, because it's so true, because it's so real and about to change, with him by her side, for him, and it's just amazing that you can write all these different situations, put feelings and words in those characters like you've been in their shoes like you know exactly what you would feel and think and you finish with such an incredibly funny and awesome and light line that is just full of promises of together, and life, and love that it makes my heart swell.
Love, love, LOVE this.
So incredibly much.
Thank you.