for A slave in Carthak9/24/2012 c3 
3lilypup
i loved it tid bit you might want to explain how she met zek because there meeting wasn't until the 3 book so that would be helpful if you are not already working on it you might want to add how the buying of daine gos because like you said orzone wants to kill numiar so it wouldn't happen willingly
3lilypupi loved it tid bit you might want to explain how she met zek because there meeting wasn't until the 3 book so that would be helpful if you are not already working on it you might want to add how the buying of daine gos because like you said orzone wants to kill numiar so it wouldn't happen willingly
5/21/2012 c3 CrimsonQueen24
This is so sad! I actually cried when I read this! Great job writing so well! I only cry when I read something really moving. Great so far, I hope Numair is able to buy Daine's freedom and that she gets her magic back!
This is so sad! I actually cried when I read this! Great job writing so well! I only cry when I read something really moving. Great so far, I hope Numair is able to buy Daine's freedom and that she gets her magic back!
5/18/2012 c2 maka loves chocolateee
this storys good too i cant wait fer when daine snapps out of her "slave" thoughts and becomes the real wildmage. does the events happen as in wild mage or are you changin it completely?
this storys good too i cant wait fer when daine snapps out of her "slave" thoughts and becomes the real wildmage. does the events happen as in wild mage or are you changin it completely?
5/14/2012 c1 20roseflorintine
Oooh, you have me intrigued. Curious to see what happens next. I would beg for longer chapters, but then I'd be a hypocrite...
20roseflorintineOooh, you have me intrigued. Curious to see what happens next. I would beg for longer chapters, but then I'd be a hypocrite...
5/13/2012 c1 2Zelfina
I understand completely your thirst for reviews xD
Anyways, to the reviewing and the helping -tretches out arms*
For the next chapter, try writing a bit more about the setting, and the characters thoughts. Maybe throug in some kind of "memory flashbacks." Of Daines, we do understand that Numair and Alanna would be worried, but don't be afraid to play with Points of Views.
For the transition of time, don't be afraid to use a "page break" and instead of saying "after the ball" Just describe how the character is feeling. For example, "Numair staggered late into his rooms, the opening banquet had taken longer than he had wished..." stuff like that.
For the description, I find it's the hardest part because of the small word count. Try to make it interesting to the reader. You caught my interest for sure. Don't try to ram in 'deep' details but don't keep it foggy...if you know what I mean.
Anyways, I hope this helped even a little bit. If it offended you, I send out a ginormous apology. Just keep writing, I believe that this storey has TONnes of potential. So much, that my phone cannot spell it correctly.
Have a good one,
Zelfina
2ZelfinaI understand completely your thirst for reviews xD
Anyways, to the reviewing and the helping -tretches out arms*
For the next chapter, try writing a bit more about the setting, and the characters thoughts. Maybe throug in some kind of "memory flashbacks." Of Daines, we do understand that Numair and Alanna would be worried, but don't be afraid to play with Points of Views.
For the transition of time, don't be afraid to use a "page break" and instead of saying "after the ball" Just describe how the character is feeling. For example, "Numair staggered late into his rooms, the opening banquet had taken longer than he had wished..." stuff like that.
For the description, I find it's the hardest part because of the small word count. Try to make it interesting to the reader. You caught my interest for sure. Don't try to ram in 'deep' details but don't keep it foggy...if you know what I mean.
Anyways, I hope this helped even a little bit. If it offended you, I send out a ginormous apology. Just keep writing, I believe that this storey has TONnes of potential. So much, that my phone cannot spell it correctly.
Have a good one,
Zelfina