for Cosmic Comedy6/5 c21 arron.parkinson
I have enjoyed this story and found it quiet interesting how Aiden deals with the self insert and the gender though It seems he has almost forgotten his past life or will these details resurface and be shared with Ai-chans friends in this world or Jei as ai mentions being honest so would expect keeping this second life a secret from her possible fiance would be a possible stressful thing to be keeping a secret
anyway long story short Love it hope to see allot more chapters in the future as I am hoping we are no where near finished
I have enjoyed this story and found it quiet interesting how Aiden deals with the self insert and the gender though It seems he has almost forgotten his past life or will these details resurface and be shared with Ai-chans friends in this world or Jei as ai mentions being honest so would expect keeping this second life a secret from her possible fiance would be a possible stressful thing to be keeping a secret
anyway long story short Love it hope to see allot more chapters in the future as I am hoping we are no where near finished
5/30 c21 alex.rushing.5
Good update! Thank you for posting this can barely wait to see the mext chapter!
Good update! Thank you for posting this can barely wait to see the mext chapter!
5/30 c21 vantweet
Sorry, I don't have constructive criticism, just a
"Sooo cool! this story is sooo awesome!"
That's it from me
Sorry, I don't have constructive criticism, just a
"Sooo cool! this story is sooo awesome!"
That's it from me
4/26 c12 EveLaura
The general idea of your story is refreshingly original and interesting, your main OC has a real character and up til now I was really hooked on your story! But somewhere on the way (and I'm kind of sad about that, because I really liked it!), you lost me. I don't know why or how; it may be the quantity of OCs or the lack of interaction with the original Naruto protagonists... But still I hope that you will continue with your story, because I enjoyed it a lot! Though I'm really wondering about the lack of reviews, it deserves far more than other OC-stories...
The general idea of your story is refreshingly original and interesting, your main OC has a real character and up til now I was really hooked on your story! But somewhere on the way (and I'm kind of sad about that, because I really liked it!), you lost me. I don't know why or how; it may be the quantity of OCs or the lack of interaction with the original Naruto protagonists... But still I hope that you will continue with your story, because I enjoyed it a lot! Though I'm really wondering about the lack of reviews, it deserves far more than other OC-stories...
4/14 c20 imsabbel
Sorry, I lost it in the middle of the chapter. Too ridiculous, too idiotic, too straining any suspension of disbelieve.
Looking at the letter at the end, you finally also gone full mary sue. You never go full mary sue.
Sorry, I lost it in the middle of the chapter. Too ridiculous, too idiotic, too straining any suspension of disbelieve.
Looking at the letter at the end, you finally also gone full mary sue. You never go full mary sue.
3/20 c19 alex.rushing.5
I forgot about this for 3 months and i return to see still amazing chapters. Yay!
I forgot about this for 3 months and i return to see still amazing chapters. Yay!
3/10 c19 vantweet
Naruto's pranking skills mixed with Ai's brainpower?
...
Somehow I already feel sorry for their victims...
Naruto's pranking skills mixed with Ai's brainpower?
...
Somehow I already feel sorry for their victims...
3/9 c19 xArtehx
Good Chapter, like how its going and that your putting more into jei's character. The only problem ive seen with this chapter (and for awhile) is the faces could be translated into words, or just ignored because the sentence has gotten the point across. they subtract more than add in my opinion. ill prolly just ignore them if they stay so its up to you but just mentioning. otherwise its overall pretty good, im looking forward to the chunnin exams and whats in the scroll that's at her sensei's discretion. im sure i could figure it out if i scrolled back chaps, but how old is she at this point? look forward to more.
Good Chapter, like how its going and that your putting more into jei's character. The only problem ive seen with this chapter (and for awhile) is the faces could be translated into words, or just ignored because the sentence has gotten the point across. they subtract more than add in my opinion. ill prolly just ignore them if they stay so its up to you but just mentioning. otherwise its overall pretty good, im looking forward to the chunnin exams and whats in the scroll that's at her sensei's discretion. im sure i could figure it out if i scrolled back chaps, but how old is she at this point? look forward to more.
3/7 c13 
9Moka-girl
Seriously, all these OCs are getting annoying. We don't see enough of the main characters. It's nice and all that you don't focus too much on them, but all these invented characters... it's a bit much.
9Moka-girlSeriously, all these OCs are getting annoying. We don't see enough of the main characters. It's nice and all that you don't focus too much on them, but all these invented characters... it's a bit much.
2/11 c16 Dragon of typing
I thought I'd tell you I,ve seen worse stories with over 2,000 reviews. Add to that you've made a story that is unique and can't tell what's gonna happen next besides what you hint agin your fanfic story. That's a achievement I think all fanfic writers should strive to do. After all a story is hardly a good one when you know what happens next just not the exact words used to describe the event.
I thought I'd tell you I,ve seen worse stories with over 2,000 reviews. Add to that you've made a story that is unique and can't tell what's gonna happen next besides what you hint agin your fanfic story. That's a achievement I think all fanfic writers should strive to do. After all a story is hardly a good one when you know what happens next just not the exact words used to describe the event.
2/11 c17 Dragon of typing
I think Ai should find a contract that suits her better then the ones the sengu clan has. I mean the rabbits honer suits Ai's morals but gets in the way of her devloped fighting style. The lepards are solitary and hunters not beings I se Ai hanging out with. The slugs will probably work well with her but Ai should prove to others and herself that she is making and following her own path not her mothers besides I don't think medical jutsu will ever be a specialty to Ai more supplementry. As fir the cranes I have to say their fighting style suits her well and a creature of water and air Ai's elements. I can easly see Ai working with cranes and I think she should chose them if any of those 4 the only problem being thier pride Ai... yeah. Still I guess that can be used as a point of conflict. Still I'm of the opinion that Ai should come across a contract that she mentaly cliks with and fight well with her, maybe she can find a contract in kumo or on the way.
I think Ai should find a contract that suits her better then the ones the sengu clan has. I mean the rabbits honer suits Ai's morals but gets in the way of her devloped fighting style. The lepards are solitary and hunters not beings I se Ai hanging out with. The slugs will probably work well with her but Ai should prove to others and herself that she is making and following her own path not her mothers besides I don't think medical jutsu will ever be a specialty to Ai more supplementry. As fir the cranes I have to say their fighting style suits her well and a creature of water and air Ai's elements. I can easly see Ai working with cranes and I think she should chose them if any of those 4 the only problem being thier pride Ai... yeah. Still I guess that can be used as a point of conflict. Still I'm of the opinion that Ai should come across a contract that she mentaly cliks with and fight well with her, maybe she can find a contract in kumo or on the way.
1/25 c5 9Moka-girl
At first I hesitated in reading this - I mean, the story was very long for nearly no reviews, and that generally means a story sucks. But I read it, and I'm liking it. Some times in dialogues you tend to forget capital letters, which can get annoying, but there isn't anything majorly wrong with your story that would justify so little reviews.
I am here to tell you that the story is great, with good plot and writing. The story doesn't advance too rapidly or slowly, and there is just the touch of humour for entertainment that is needed. Had I been the one writing this, I would have doubted my abilities considering the lack of response. My advice? Believe in yourself. The story wads published quite recently, so that could be another reason why there are so few comments.
Anyway, I greatly appreciate reading this story, and I hope you'll keep up the good work. I'm now going to start reading chapter 6.
9Moka-girlAt first I hesitated in reading this - I mean, the story was very long for nearly no reviews, and that generally means a story sucks. But I read it, and I'm liking it. Some times in dialogues you tend to forget capital letters, which can get annoying, but there isn't anything majorly wrong with your story that would justify so little reviews.
I am here to tell you that the story is great, with good plot and writing. The story doesn't advance too rapidly or slowly, and there is just the touch of humour for entertainment that is needed. Had I been the one writing this, I would have doubted my abilities considering the lack of response. My advice? Believe in yourself. The story wads published quite recently, so that could be another reason why there are so few comments.
Anyway, I greatly appreciate reading this story, and I hope you'll keep up the good work. I'm now going to start reading chapter 6.