for Musings of a Mother10/29/2012 c3 Guest
I loved this series, and i think this was an absolutely wonderful add-on to the already good books Westerfeld has written. His Pretties series disappointed me slightly, but Leviathan is terrific, and i commend you for making such a juicy and well-written few chapters.
A 11 year old literature enthusiast.
I loved this series, and i think this was an absolutely wonderful add-on to the already good books Westerfeld has written. His Pretties series disappointed me slightly, but Leviathan is terrific, and i commend you for making such a juicy and well-written few chapters.
A 11 year old literature enthusiast.
7/30/2012 c3 
12WolfishMoon
Very very cute. I liked it quite a bit. A love the reasoning behind Lilia's name. I've been curious about tht since you story of one shots had some Lilia in it. I actually have a friend named Lilia who's absolutely nothing like your Lilia in the story and comparing the two always gives me a laugh.
12WolfishMoonVery very cute. I liked it quite a bit. A love the reasoning behind Lilia's name. I've been curious about tht since you story of one shots had some Lilia in it. I actually have a friend named Lilia who's absolutely nothing like your Lilia in the story and comparing the two always gives me a laugh.
6/15/2012 c3 4EllieStone
Once again, very cute! I love seeing Deryn in the role of mother, and I can definitely picture her and Volger in that sort of competition.
Two things I did notice though:
In the first section, you refer to Lilia as 10 months, but then you later say she is 8 months. Does the first bit take place chronologically after the others, or is this just a typo?
The second is that I wonder if Volger is old enough to have worked for four generation of Hohenburgs? We don't have a canon age for him (to my knowledge) but I can't imagine him to be more than sixty or so. That would put him as working for Alek's grandparents at a very young age, and each generation having children fairly young, if I'm putting the pieces together correctly.
Anyway, keep up the good work! Looking forward to seeing more from you!
4EllieStoneOnce again, very cute! I love seeing Deryn in the role of mother, and I can definitely picture her and Volger in that sort of competition.
Two things I did notice though:
In the first section, you refer to Lilia as 10 months, but then you later say she is 8 months. Does the first bit take place chronologically after the others, or is this just a typo?
The second is that I wonder if Volger is old enough to have worked for four generation of Hohenburgs? We don't have a canon age for him (to my knowledge) but I can't imagine him to be more than sixty or so. That would put him as working for Alek's grandparents at a very young age, and each generation having children fairly young, if I'm putting the pieces together correctly.
Anyway, keep up the good work! Looking forward to seeing more from you!
6/7/2012 c3 60Julia456
I understand that you want Lilia to be precocious. But what you've described her doing here is impossible. No child, no matter how brilliant, can go from zero to sixty like that in the space of a single afternoon. I'm sorry, I just - as someone who has a background in child development, that kind of error is not only distracting (it completely yanked me out of the story, which is unfortunate, because I really like the idea of Volger as a nanny (*grin*) ), but also makes me hesitant to invest any more time in reading your fic. Did you do any research on developmental stages at all?
(I should say that you're getting this review/critique only because I've been enjoying this fic and I do want to continue reading it! ...just not if it makes me pull my hair out. LOL)
60Julia456I understand that you want Lilia to be precocious. But what you've described her doing here is impossible. No child, no matter how brilliant, can go from zero to sixty like that in the space of a single afternoon. I'm sorry, I just - as someone who has a background in child development, that kind of error is not only distracting (it completely yanked me out of the story, which is unfortunate, because I really like the idea of Volger as a nanny (*grin*) ), but also makes me hesitant to invest any more time in reading your fic. Did you do any research on developmental stages at all?
(I should say that you're getting this review/critique only because I've been enjoying this fic and I do want to continue reading it! ...just not if it makes me pull my hair out. LOL)
6/7/2012 c3 2Barking Lizards
I totally agree with how you learn stuff as a kid it tends to stick in your head. But I learned french and spoke it fluently. However I don't remember much of it anymore.
Last year I took Latin at my school, and it is pretty hard to get all of the verbs under controland memorized. But I learned the vocabulary pretty well :)
Anyways. Replying to your shout out, Margaret Sanger was American. And I guess I forgot to say exactly what she made. In the 1950s, she made a safe pill for birth control. But in 1915 she established the first clinic, Allowing abortions.
But good chapter. :D
2Barking LizardsI totally agree with how you learn stuff as a kid it tends to stick in your head. But I learned french and spoke it fluently. However I don't remember much of it anymore.
Last year I took Latin at my school, and it is pretty hard to get all of the verbs under controland memorized. But I learned the vocabulary pretty well :)
Anyways. Replying to your shout out, Margaret Sanger was American. And I guess I forgot to say exactly what she made. In the 1950s, she made a safe pill for birth control. But in 1915 she established the first clinic, Allowing abortions.
But good chapter. :D
6/7/2012 c3 4nenya61192
This is so cute! :) I LOVE how you have incorporated Volger into the story, and his no-nonsense ways of handling a baby. :) Très-excellent!
4nenya61192This is so cute! :) I LOVE how you have incorporated Volger into the story, and his no-nonsense ways of handling a baby. :) Très-excellent!
6/7/2012 c3 estefania
Pretty good work you have here :). Plz continue to update
Pretty good work you have here :). Plz continue to update
6/7/2012 c1 Lilia
Holy crap its my name. suddenly a lot more connected to your fic. great job btw!
Holy crap its my name. suddenly a lot more connected to your fic. great job btw!
6/6/2012 c2 Barking Lizards
I like this story. Its really good, however, i fo disagree with Julia456, Margaret Sanger created a birth control in 1915. And being that they were so advanced for the time, i do think they would have more knowledge of the things we woyld create later.
Anyways. I really like it. And i cant wait until the next chapter comes:)
I like this story. Its really good, however, i fo disagree with Julia456, Margaret Sanger created a birth control in 1915. And being that they were so advanced for the time, i do think they would have more knowledge of the things we woyld create later.
Anyways. I really like it. And i cant wait until the next chapter comes:)
6/5/2012 c2 Sassysplash
Although missing a few commas, my eyes were glued to the strings. I love it how similar Camille (sp?) is to her daughter. (Or is that just me...?)
Although missing a few commas, my eyes were glued to the strings. I love it how similar Camille (sp?) is to her daughter. (Or is that just me...?)
6/5/2012 c2 4EllieStone
Ahhh yesssss! I love Mama Sharp! I love getting inside her head, and you've got everything so well thought out here. I can't wait to read more :)
4EllieStoneAhhh yesssss! I love Mama Sharp! I love getting inside her head, and you've got everything so well thought out here. I can't wait to read more :)
6/5/2012 c1 60Julia456
Not a bad start! I do have a few quibbles. (I'm a teacher... the red pen is always in hand, even if only metaphorically! :) )
My reading of the end of Goliath was that Alek and Deryn only became assistants to Dr. Barlow, not boffins themselves. Many people in the actual ZSL circa 1914 weren't zoologists, and "assistant" covers a lot of territory. So.
Everyone was more or less in character, but you veered into modern-isms a few times ("Also, baby?"). Watch that! It's a tricky trap! :)
Finally: I find it hard to believe that a Darwinist culture would 1) worry about Church teachings (especially when their enemies label them "godless"), and 2) not develop a safe method of abortion. Likewise, I'm pretty sure Deryn would know if she was pregnant.
As I said, not a bad start! I'm interested to see where you take this. :)
60Julia456Not a bad start! I do have a few quibbles. (I'm a teacher... the red pen is always in hand, even if only metaphorically! :) )
My reading of the end of Goliath was that Alek and Deryn only became assistants to Dr. Barlow, not boffins themselves. Many people in the actual ZSL circa 1914 weren't zoologists, and "assistant" covers a lot of territory. So.
Everyone was more or less in character, but you veered into modern-isms a few times ("Also, baby?"). Watch that! It's a tricky trap! :)
Finally: I find it hard to believe that a Darwinist culture would 1) worry about Church teachings (especially when their enemies label them "godless"), and 2) not develop a safe method of abortion. Likewise, I'm pretty sure Deryn would know if she was pregnant.
As I said, not a bad start! I'm interested to see where you take this. :)
6/5/2012 c1 4EllieStone
Oh, I quite liked this! I can just see Deryn hiding her pregnancy from Alek for a bit, just sort of awkwardly not knowing what to do about it. Great job, I'm anxiously awaiting more!
4EllieStoneOh, I quite liked this! I can just see Deryn hiding her pregnancy from Alek for a bit, just sort of awkwardly not knowing what to do about it. Great job, I'm anxiously awaiting more!
6/5/2012 c1 14Frogster
That was good! Glad you're going to continue this, because I'm intrigued to see your take on Deryn as a mother.
Surprised how calm Deryn was about the birth, really. Although the funniest part was how she got too big to climb the ratlines. ;D And of course she wouldn't tell Alek until it was almost time for her to leave.
No Deryn hijinks while being a diplomat? Man, those could have been fun!
Cute that they named their daughter after Lilit, although I'm still partial to Sophie.
Update soon!
14FrogsterThat was good! Glad you're going to continue this, because I'm intrigued to see your take on Deryn as a mother.
Surprised how calm Deryn was about the birth, really. Although the funniest part was how she got too big to climb the ratlines. ;D And of course she wouldn't tell Alek until it was almost time for her to leave.
No Deryn hijinks while being a diplomat? Man, those could have been fun!
Cute that they named their daughter after Lilit, although I'm still partial to Sophie.
Update soon!