for I will Possess Your Heart5/6 c14 Gushing Hot Piss
Author apathy. Why, oh why do you happen to wonderful things?
Author apathy. Why, oh why do you happen to wonderful things?
7/17/2012 c1 Guest
Uhm...this just made my soul and eyes bleed...Mary Sue alert! I don't understand why you feel the need to make an "oh-so-perfect" girl. No one is like this! Be realistic, at least a little bit. In a war, no one would have hair down to their ankles. Not practical at all. And the whole cyber goth/rave chick thing? No one would let a girl dressed that way into a war. They would more likely laugh at her. And how she is just so badass all the time? And everyone is in love with her right off the bat. Yeah, sorry, but SUPER MARY SUE!
Don't mean to flame, but seriously, reconsider your character detail and
Uhm...this just made my soul and eyes bleed...Mary Sue alert! I don't understand why you feel the need to make an "oh-so-perfect" girl. No one is like this! Be realistic, at least a little bit. In a war, no one would have hair down to their ankles. Not practical at all. And the whole cyber goth/rave chick thing? No one would let a girl dressed that way into a war. They would more likely laugh at her. And how she is just so badass all the time? And everyone is in love with her right off the bat. Yeah, sorry, but SUPER MARY SUE!
Don't mean to flame, but seriously, reconsider your character detail and
7/14/2012 c6 Sigmund Freud's Slip
Wow you really need to work on your grammar, this story is poorly written and you should rework it. The personalities are all wrong, the language use is atrocious. By the way do something with you main character she is a HUGE Mary-Sue (If you don't know Mary-Sues are any OC that has no flaws, no weaknesses, and a perfect body) she is over powered and has no depth. Be a little more realistic, an 18 year old girl would NOT be able to take on any of these grizzled war-beaten adult men, MAYBE the scout just maybe. But certainly not the Heavy. Your abuse of Internet slang terms leads me to believe you are either a 12-14 year old girl, or a Internet Troll if the second. You sir get an 1 Internet for trolling all the hardcore TF2'ers.
Have a nice day.
Wow you really need to work on your grammar, this story is poorly written and you should rework it. The personalities are all wrong, the language use is atrocious. By the way do something with you main character she is a HUGE Mary-Sue (If you don't know Mary-Sues are any OC that has no flaws, no weaknesses, and a perfect body) she is over powered and has no depth. Be a little more realistic, an 18 year old girl would NOT be able to take on any of these grizzled war-beaten adult men, MAYBE the scout just maybe. But certainly not the Heavy. Your abuse of Internet slang terms leads me to believe you are either a 12-14 year old girl, or a Internet Troll if the second. You sir get an 1 Internet for trolling all the hardcore TF2'ers.
Have a nice day.
7/5/2012 c11 Guest
Dear lord you people can take a joke, can you! Shut up and let the author write.
Dear lord you people can take a joke, can you! Shut up and let the author write.
7/3/2012 c10 Guest
i laughed water out my NOSE damnit.
i laughed water out my NOSE damnit.
7/3/2012 c10 Guest
I wish I could enjoy this but I can't, I recently saw three real ones and they were horrible and now I am scarred for life. And besides, I don't think making comedy stories like these will work here. Nobody understands or cares about satire on this site and it shows.
I wish I could enjoy this but I can't, I recently saw three real ones and they were horrible and now I am scarred for life. And besides, I don't think making comedy stories like these will work here. Nobody understands or cares about satire on this site and it shows.
7/3/2012 c10 Guest
This is the worst fucking fic ever! GET THIS FUCKING PIECE OF MARY SUE CLICHÉ SHIT OFF OF FANFICTION,NET!
This is the worst fucking fic ever! GET THIS FUCKING PIECE OF MARY SUE CLICHÉ SHIT OFF OF FANFICTION,NET!
6/23/2012 c1 
35Faux Promises
Yo. Giant ass paragraph reviewer. This is a very obvious troll fic. You are a very obvious sucker.
35Faux PromisesYo. Giant ass paragraph reviewer. This is a very obvious troll fic. You are a very obvious sucker.
6/22/2012 c9 18Noodle12
Erm, I think you guys should do some research and proper ELA lessons before trying this again. Not to sound mean, but this story doesn't show much effort. You didn't even try to make your character original, did you?
Like one of the first reviewers far below me said, this whole TF2 thing is supposed to be somewhat realistic (aside from the respawn machine and two sides fighting for whatever reason) and a girl with glowing eyes to match her mood is NOT realistic in the slightest. And who is ever born perfect?
Another thing to add about the first chapter:
You stated:
"My skin color was almost ivory, super white like Snow White except prettier. Not nearly as pale as Edward Cullen though, 'cause he is stupid and a pedo lol!"
"lol!"
LOL!
Are you kidding me! You honestly think you're a GOOD writer? When you can't even be bothered to refrain from writing in fucking text!
Here it is again:
"I almost screamed in lust when I heard his sexay French accent. Oh my God, was it sexay and hot."
What?
"Sexay" is not a fucking word. Never was, never will be. It's ridiculous!
AND AGAIN:
"OMG he had an accent, too!"
"OMG"?
Seriously, what on Earth is your problem?
You talk so seriously in your authors notes as if you know for a fact you're writing the best fic on this site, when in reality, its written very poorly and most would say it sucks. And, don't get me wrong, you're story would be brilliant if you actually put some effort into all of this, and I suppose it might have a good storyline...but it still sucks ass, honestly.
"...so I pulled out my trusty iPod..." What? iPod? We're in the 60's, not the year 2000.
And another thing:
This...Silvia is a girl, going to war, yes? Hmm, well, women were still categorized into housewives and homemakers in the 60's, and I'm positive that there would be much more of a resistance and disgusted feeling among the men of the base when they find out that the new recruit is a woman. Or girl. Or whatever. Honestly, Silvia doesn't act like a woman, even for one of those tomboy types. She should still act somewhat mature, even if she is boyish. Nope. Not Silvia. She loves to act like a foul mouthed infant around these brutish, bloodthirsty grown men because she feels that she can do whatever she wants, right?
Oh, and she's a close range fighter, with NO weapon? Mmhmm, sure. All she has is a bullet proof vest and her perfect beauty, right? Yup, she's invincible.
You really need to either do some serious comeback and improvement when you return to this story, or take it off of the site and start over, because the last thing you need to do is waste the readers' time, making them think that this'll be a good read, and have it turn out to be a shit story.
In conclusion, my opinion of this story is very low, and I really think it's just horrible. Please, work on it.
18Noodle12Erm, I think you guys should do some research and proper ELA lessons before trying this again. Not to sound mean, but this story doesn't show much effort. You didn't even try to make your character original, did you?
Like one of the first reviewers far below me said, this whole TF2 thing is supposed to be somewhat realistic (aside from the respawn machine and two sides fighting for whatever reason) and a girl with glowing eyes to match her mood is NOT realistic in the slightest. And who is ever born perfect?
Another thing to add about the first chapter:
You stated:
"My skin color was almost ivory, super white like Snow White except prettier. Not nearly as pale as Edward Cullen though, 'cause he is stupid and a pedo lol!"
"lol!"
LOL!
Are you kidding me! You honestly think you're a GOOD writer? When you can't even be bothered to refrain from writing in fucking text!
Here it is again:
"I almost screamed in lust when I heard his sexay French accent. Oh my God, was it sexay and hot."
What?
"Sexay" is not a fucking word. Never was, never will be. It's ridiculous!
AND AGAIN:
"OMG he had an accent, too!"
"OMG"?
Seriously, what on Earth is your problem?
You talk so seriously in your authors notes as if you know for a fact you're writing the best fic on this site, when in reality, its written very poorly and most would say it sucks. And, don't get me wrong, you're story would be brilliant if you actually put some effort into all of this, and I suppose it might have a good storyline...but it still sucks ass, honestly.
"...so I pulled out my trusty iPod..." What? iPod? We're in the 60's, not the year 2000.
And another thing:
This...Silvia is a girl, going to war, yes? Hmm, well, women were still categorized into housewives and homemakers in the 60's, and I'm positive that there would be much more of a resistance and disgusted feeling among the men of the base when they find out that the new recruit is a woman. Or girl. Or whatever. Honestly, Silvia doesn't act like a woman, even for one of those tomboy types. She should still act somewhat mature, even if she is boyish. Nope. Not Silvia. She loves to act like a foul mouthed infant around these brutish, bloodthirsty grown men because she feels that she can do whatever she wants, right?
Oh, and she's a close range fighter, with NO weapon? Mmhmm, sure. All she has is a bullet proof vest and her perfect beauty, right? Yup, she's invincible.
You really need to either do some serious comeback and improvement when you return to this story, or take it off of the site and start over, because the last thing you need to do is waste the readers' time, making them think that this'll be a good read, and have it turn out to be a shit story.
In conclusion, my opinion of this story is very low, and I really think it's just horrible. Please, work on it.
6/16/2012 c7 Go away and leave me alone
I want to print this out and tape it to my bedroom wall, so I can savor it's magnificence!
The tragedy, the action. Such an emotional roller coaster. I am biting my nails right now.
I want to print this out and tape it to my bedroom wall, so I can savor it's magnificence!
The tragedy, the action. Such an emotional roller coaster. I am biting my nails right now.
6/16/2012 c7 35Faux Promises
This is fucking hilarious. This character is such an annoying bitch, cracks me up. She is even flouncing around not really fighting or anything and falling in love with everyone and being a dick to Pyro for no reason. And Sniper. Wonder what will happen next. ;)
Well trolled, my friend!
35Faux PromisesThis is fucking hilarious. This character is such an annoying bitch, cracks me up. She is even flouncing around not really fighting or anything and falling in love with everyone and being a dick to Pyro for no reason. And Sniper. Wonder what will happen next. ;)
Well trolled, my friend!
6/13/2012 c1 indigosky95
Not to burst yer bubble, but you don't know the characters, you don't know their personalities, and, quite frankly, you don't write very well. I sound so mean right now but I'm just trying to get a point across.
Not to burst yer bubble, but you don't know the characters, you don't know their personalities, and, quite frankly, you don't write very well. I sound so mean right now but I'm just trying to get a point across.
6/12/2012 c3 Go away and leave me alone
Poor Silvia...I'm filled with so much anticipation now for chapter 4.
Poor Silvia...I'm filled with so much anticipation now for chapter 4.
6/9/2012 c3 1RubbrDuckyNinja
The idea is certainly here, and its clear to see that you are writing from Silvia's perspective, but she comes across as really cocky and arrogant. I really hate to say it, but it needs descriptiveness. Lot's of it. If you haven't played the game as well, it's important to do LOTS of research (especially with accent pronunciation and spelling in other languages, eg 'Mademoiselle'). TF2 was set in the mid 20th Century. There were no iPods back then. If you are pulling it to the future (which I've seen before, done brilliantly), then you may want to foreground that. Otherwise, great story idea!
(You may also want to use spellcheck more often...)
1RubbrDuckyNinjaThe idea is certainly here, and its clear to see that you are writing from Silvia's perspective, but she comes across as really cocky and arrogant. I really hate to say it, but it needs descriptiveness. Lot's of it. If you haven't played the game as well, it's important to do LOTS of research (especially with accent pronunciation and spelling in other languages, eg 'Mademoiselle'). TF2 was set in the mid 20th Century. There were no iPods back then. If you are pulling it to the future (which I've seen before, done brilliantly), then you may want to foreground that. Otherwise, great story idea!
(You may also want to use spellcheck more often...)