12/14/2012 c1 22Dawnfire321
This was very sweet and very real. There is a nice connection between the characters that I enjoyed. Grammar, spelling and punctuation checks out.

I did feel some confusion about who was speaking when. Seeing as you very rarely wrote "_ said" it may make it easier if you wrote the action of a character not speaking on a different line, or if it must the same line use a variation on "_ said" followed by "_ did _." Did that make sense? I can't tell.

The characters never faltered and I loved the banter between the boys. I liked the ending, although you could have elaborated on it more. I hope to see your writing improve as you go on.

Ever Yours,
Dawnfire

6/16/2012 c1 Blackdraumdancer
LOL

funny little story. Though i believe kel would have a hard time not to blush if neal said that to her, even in jest.

Thanks for the laugh!