7/14/2012 c1 38Death101- Fox Version
Well I have one thing to say... Make that two things..

Thing number one: Grammar, spelling, detail. You are need work with all three.
For grammar, your dialogue is hard to read because it's difficult to see where one speaker starts and another ends. It is really easy to miss the quotation marks. However, I think that is mostly a document error than your typing. For the most part you do split up who is speaking into different paragraphs so I suggest looking over the document again to make sure things are formatting correctly. However, you do need work on basic grammar, such as where to use commas (,), periods., apostrophes ('), etc. I doubt you want to hear each mistake from me so I'll just write a few and you can do the research to learn what other mistakes you are doing. When writing dialogue, you end the dialogue with a pronouncation mark (examples: ,?) BEFORE the second quotation mark and which another pronouncation mark at the end of that sentence that says who is speaking. For example: "I'm going to fly," Cooro said.
For spelling, please use a spellchecker. Even if English is not your second language, there is no excuse for the poor spelling. In fact, I've found that many English-as-a-second-language writers, are more careful with their spelling. It's the grammar that gets them due to English's odd rules. So please clean up your spelling, 'licens' should be 'licence' if you are Canadian. 'Heyy' is spelt 'hey'. 'Dont' is spelt 'don't'. Even if the person draws out the hey, you shouldn't really put it into the dialogue because people will think you spelt it wrong. Instead write that Zora drew out the hey to make it sound more like heyy.
For detail, there isn't enough. The story is heavily dialogue run. We cannot see, smell, sense, feel, what the area around them is. All we can do is hear the characters but at the same time, nothing around them. This makes the reader less likely to read because the story is unable to hold his or her attention.
Please work on grammar, spelling, and detail. These will help you greatly become a better author and more people read your stories. If you are really having problems, ask someone to beta (read over your work) before posting. The beta will catch things you missed and help you become a better author as well.

Thing number two: Anima is a manga about three kids and one teen who are outcasts due to their animal powers. (Sorta like X-men but not as violent.) The Anima section is for fanfiction about the manga Anima not for Misc. Anime or Crossovers.

Judging from your story, I'm guessing this is an original story? I'm not sure how familar you are with Fanfiction but the way things work is that each story is placed into a section. These sections are considered the 'canon' or fictional bases that the stories are based on. You only place your story in the section that you have based your story off of. If your story based on a fictional base Fanfiction doesn't have a section for yet, you place the story in the Misc section under Misc. Not in a random section.

However, if your story is an original work with no fictional base it cannot be posted on Fanfiction. It must be posted on FictionPress (Fanfiction's sister site.) Many people on Fanfiction also read original works so I'm sure you'll find lots of nice people on FictionPress.

So as you can see your story needs moving to the proper section or site. If you don't move your story, it can be reported and then deleted from the site which could lead to your whole account being deleted which would suck. Also, as a warning, if I find you misplacing another story into the Anima section or any other section that I read, I will be forced to report all your stories. So please move your story to the proper section. If you don't know where it should go, please contact me and I will be more than willing to help.

Best of Luck writing! And if you have any questions about anything fanfiction, give me a shout. I'd be glad to help.

-D101

P.S Below are instructions to help you move your story to the proper section on Fanfiction if you don't know how. If you need to delete, contact me and I can send you information.

Go to your sign in screen which shows all your account setting and such (you do this just by clicking on the Sign In link in the upper right corner of the screen.)

Once there you want to click on the publish tab which will open into a small menu. From that menu you will want to click on "Manage Stories." A new page will load.

Then you want to click on the title of your story and a new page will load. On that page will be all your story information.

Now all you have to do is look for where it says "Category". Directly across from it is a button that says "Change Category." You'll want to click it and a new window will appear. It will have a small menu on it. You'll want to scroll down the menu until you reach the option that has the title you based your story off of. You will then click it and save your story properties and there. Your story is moved and you can no longer be reported. (Unless you put it into another wrong section. Then all bets are off.)