for What Could Possibly Go Wrong
158/27/2012 c13 AnimeLuver2323
I liked how u stopped there honestly, because it doesn't "leak" too much about the story yet
I liked how u stopped there honestly, because it doesn't "leak" too much about the story yet
8/7/2012 c11 Guest
Or else what?
Or else what?
7/31/2012 c9 OddGrowth
nice chapter. the fortune cookie also said that you should have given me half of it.
nice chapter. the fortune cookie also said that you should have given me half of it.
7/31/2012 c2 OddGrowth
settle for one review? the math teacher Mrs. 18, did they every explain why she was named that number? or did I miss it somewhere?
settle for one review? the math teacher Mrs. 18, did they every explain why she was named that number? or did I miss it somewhere?
7/27/2012 c9 Shenron I wish for a cabbage
(Before you just think this is another flame, it is not. I am not going light on you, though. I used to use horrible grammar, as well.)
First off, your grammar is just plain awful. It bugs me SO badly, when a capitalize one person's name, but then the next name isn't, or if the first letter of a sentence isn't capitalized, and ESPECIALLY when a piece of dialogue doesn't end with a comma, question mark, or exclamation mark, or in some cases, a period. You have been doing a MUCH better job with your grammar, with little, small mistakes, hardly making any of these mentioned mistakes. I suggest you learn grammar (Which you have been doing quite effectively, or find a Beta-Reader.)
You haven't really made your Self-Insert I belief, as Aiko is in your username, too over-powered, but the dialogue itself needs work. You make people much too fast of talkers and child-like, I have noticed. Go into detail on things (In which I will mention IS my biggest mistake as a writer.), make dialogue longer, do whatever you need to make sure this story is number one. Never under-estimate your stories, have confidence, think of them as number one. Don't let anyone surpass you as a writer.
As a last note, I would be glad to proof-read the first couple of chapters, due to all their mistakes.
Siwfac
(Before you just think this is another flame, it is not. I am not going light on you, though. I used to use horrible grammar, as well.)
First off, your grammar is just plain awful. It bugs me SO badly, when a capitalize one person's name, but then the next name isn't, or if the first letter of a sentence isn't capitalized, and ESPECIALLY when a piece of dialogue doesn't end with a comma, question mark, or exclamation mark, or in some cases, a period. You have been doing a MUCH better job with your grammar, with little, small mistakes, hardly making any of these mentioned mistakes. I suggest you learn grammar (Which you have been doing quite effectively, or find a Beta-Reader.)
You haven't really made your Self-Insert I belief, as Aiko is in your username, too over-powered, but the dialogue itself needs work. You make people much too fast of talkers and child-like, I have noticed. Go into detail on things (In which I will mention IS my biggest mistake as a writer.), make dialogue longer, do whatever you need to make sure this story is number one. Never under-estimate your stories, have confidence, think of them as number one. Don't let anyone surpass you as a writer.
As a last note, I would be glad to proof-read the first couple of chapters, due to all their mistakes.
Siwfac