10/6/2012 c2 3Piko Niko
Firstly, is this going to be slash? Sorry for asking, but I can't help but wonder.

I really how you have a unique plot line. Also, you showed what the characters were thinking pretty well. I'm a little swayed by the fact that Gabriel has a goatee. . .

You kind of altered a few facts from the book. The Pets Cafe was supposed to be shut down in one of the books. I'm pretty sure that they never rebuilt it. Also, Manfred is supposed to be dead. It's a pretty minor thing, but it still caught my eye. Were you purposely planning to do this? What about the rest of the Bloors? I know that Dr. Bloor was supposed to survive after the last book.

Another thing I noticed is that you sometimes capitalize cafe. I'm not entirely sure if cafe is supposed to be capitalized, but it it is, you should keep it consistent.

In addition, Gabriel was supposed to be drunk, but his thoughts and words seemed pretty sober. Did the alcohol wear off on the way back? If so, you might want to specify that.

One last thing; what do you mean, "living with the tribe?" I'm thoroughly confused. Is Asa in some sort of wolf pack or something? Could you please explain that a little more?

In addition, I really like the suspense in the end of your second chapter. I hope that you will update it soon.

9/30/2012 c1 wow update this
! I know you're writing more. I know you already have a good amount. I SEE YOU. ps this is Shouty ;) ;) ;) (like you needed me to tell you) (ok you might have)