for A Growing Sense of Freedom9/10/2012 c10 
2Treadaway
Ooh, lunch with Bruce Wayne... Can't wait to read the next chapter! This one was great as usual by the way.
2TreadawayOoh, lunch with Bruce Wayne... Can't wait to read the next chapter! This one was great as usual by the way.
8/23/2012 c9 6thegirlwhowaited411
I can't believe this story doesn't has a crazy amount of reviews! It's interesting, has some edginess to it, yet still retains an innocent quality. I love it! :D
6thegirlwhowaited411I can't believe this story doesn't has a crazy amount of reviews! It's interesting, has some edginess to it, yet still retains an innocent quality. I love it! :D
8/10/2012 c6 4Dragonesse
Hi there! I saw your story on the constructive crit thread in the forums.
The only real issue that jumps to the eye is that your grammar could do with a little polishing (but then again, so can everyone's grammar). The biggest thing is an error that I noticed several times:
""In a way" he said," should be ""In a way," he said,". Use a comma between the dialogue and the tag line (the "he/she said"). A LOT of people do this. I always say that if the lines following a dialogue are dependent on the dialogue, then use a comma. Ask yourself, you don't just write "He said." and make that a whole sentence? So use a comma to connect the dialogue to the lines after it. You can google "Commas and dialogue" and see for yourself if I'm correct. (You didn't do it at all for the first few chapters, but then used a comma for some of the dialogue in the last couple chapters, so I thought I'd still bring it up).
"...my eyes heading towards the damp patches on the ceiling, the grew like yellow cigarette burns on the white peeling paint." "The" they and, I don't what the technical word for it is, but it's like when you state something that sounds like it's literally happening even when it's obviously not: "my eyes heading..." did her eyes actually reach out of their sockets and float to the ceiling? Or did you mean that she 'gazed' or 'looked' at the ceiling? It's a tiny thing and I don't want to come across as a jerk, but it's a tiny thing that readers notice. Now will it stop me from reading your story? No, because overall your grammar is fine and it doesn't detract from the quality of the story. But it will stop some readers and I say this because I have been RAKED over the coals before concerning my grammar/spelling. Some people just get nasty over it and some don't, but they also don't stop to review your story either .
Please don't perceive this negatively! Many people don't care about the grammar; but then many do and will reward a nearly flawless story with a review. I said I've been raked over the coals before for my grammar and I mean it. It's not nice and those types of people are borderline bullies. But, if you want to improve your writing, then just keep a closer eye on any typos and practice correct grammar dialogue.
Besides that, I notice you have an eye for the details of a story. Like when Ivy threw her paper up and it stuck to the ceiling. Good detail. It sticks out in the mind's eye. A lot of writers don't use the little details to their advantage. Keep using small details like that in all your works, because it's often the small yet vivid details that stick out. I really like how the story is coming along; I'm interested in learning how Ivy and the doctor's characters develop.
I'm gonna cut off the review now :) It's a good story and I'd like to see more of it. Crane/the Scarecrow was always interesting to me which is why I chose your story from the constructive crit thread. I'm doing my own Batman fic right now-which reminds me, another reason the reviews may be slow is b/c people are hunting down Bane fics right now. It's just a theory, but I'm seeing more Bane fics than Ivy/Crane/even the Joker.
4DragonesseHi there! I saw your story on the constructive crit thread in the forums.
The only real issue that jumps to the eye is that your grammar could do with a little polishing (but then again, so can everyone's grammar). The biggest thing is an error that I noticed several times:
""In a way" he said," should be ""In a way," he said,". Use a comma between the dialogue and the tag line (the "he/she said"). A LOT of people do this. I always say that if the lines following a dialogue are dependent on the dialogue, then use a comma. Ask yourself, you don't just write "He said." and make that a whole sentence? So use a comma to connect the dialogue to the lines after it. You can google "Commas and dialogue" and see for yourself if I'm correct. (You didn't do it at all for the first few chapters, but then used a comma for some of the dialogue in the last couple chapters, so I thought I'd still bring it up).
"...my eyes heading towards the damp patches on the ceiling, the grew like yellow cigarette burns on the white peeling paint." "The" they and, I don't what the technical word for it is, but it's like when you state something that sounds like it's literally happening even when it's obviously not: "my eyes heading..." did her eyes actually reach out of their sockets and float to the ceiling? Or did you mean that she 'gazed' or 'looked' at the ceiling? It's a tiny thing and I don't want to come across as a jerk, but it's a tiny thing that readers notice. Now will it stop me from reading your story? No, because overall your grammar is fine and it doesn't detract from the quality of the story. But it will stop some readers and I say this because I have been RAKED over the coals before concerning my grammar/spelling. Some people just get nasty over it and some don't, but they also don't stop to review your story either .
Please don't perceive this negatively! Many people don't care about the grammar; but then many do and will reward a nearly flawless story with a review. I said I've been raked over the coals before for my grammar and I mean it. It's not nice and those types of people are borderline bullies. But, if you want to improve your writing, then just keep a closer eye on any typos and practice correct grammar dialogue.
Besides that, I notice you have an eye for the details of a story. Like when Ivy threw her paper up and it stuck to the ceiling. Good detail. It sticks out in the mind's eye. A lot of writers don't use the little details to their advantage. Keep using small details like that in all your works, because it's often the small yet vivid details that stick out. I really like how the story is coming along; I'm interested in learning how Ivy and the doctor's characters develop.
I'm gonna cut off the review now :) It's a good story and I'd like to see more of it. Crane/the Scarecrow was always interesting to me which is why I chose your story from the constructive crit thread. I'm doing my own Batman fic right now-which reminds me, another reason the reviews may be slow is b/c people are hunting down Bane fics right now. It's just a theory, but I'm seeing more Bane fics than Ivy/Crane/even the Joker.
7/28/2012 c1 8rowellylovesgryffindor
I can't wait to see how you portray Ivy within the rest of the Nolan universe, she's one of my favourite characters and I hope you update this soon, I am enjoying it so much so far :)
8rowellylovesgryffindorI can't wait to see how you portray Ivy within the rest of the Nolan universe, she's one of my favourite characters and I hope you update this soon, I am enjoying it so much so far :)