Your Exit From CGL
This is it, Sues. You've slaved in the hot sun (or not), you've faced off with Mr. Sir and Dr. Pendanski, you've wooed your man, and you're ready to go home and write that memoir!
The real question is not how you're going to exit, of course, but in true Sue style, the question is how this will affect your love! There are several options open to you for your exit. Below are the different methods that are most commonly used, and how they can affect you and your boy.
Your sentence is served, and you go home. After a touching moment with your boy, you make him promise not to forget you, and to come for you when he is released.
All follow-up reports on this method of exiting confirm that your boy remains faithful to you despite the wiles of other invading Sues, and it has been known to result in eventual marriage. This is in accordance with the tendency of real-life teen romances to last forever.
You are released, but because it was determined that you were innocent of the crime you committed, because, as we all know, the government frequently makes grievous errors by accidentally convicting teenaged girls of capital crimes and then sending them to all-boys-camps in the middle of Texas desert.
Especially when they're not from Texas.
You run away from camp, with or without your bf.
Probably not such a good idea. Just a hunch.
A Final Goodbye
You die. Your goodbye to your boy can take anywhere from a minute to ten minutes, depending on method of death and length of goodbye speech. See Trinity's death scene in "The Matrix 3" for an example.
Popular methods of death include being bitten by yellow-spotted lizards and taking a bullet intended for the love of your life, shot by either Mr. Sir or the Warden. Being killed by other campers has been known to happen, but is unlikely.
In all cases, your sweetie-pie will avenge your fatal wound, then cradle you tenderly in his arms as you both make your farewells and confessions of affection.
Although it is never discussed, if your boy DOES go on to date other girls, he will always love you best, and probably name his first daughter after you, which is not creepy or sleazy in anyway.
Well, Sues, there you have it. We hope you have found this pamphlet both informative and useful. The Canon Author's Publishing Guild put as much time, effort, and research into this project as you certainly put into your memoirs, and we wish you the best of luck during your stay at Camp Green Lake. Stay Sue-ish above all, and remember: the first hole maybe the hardest, but even if nobody else is, your boy is on your side.