Dedication: To TyKa Forevermore...thanks for sending me the umbrella picture that inspired this.
I sat there and let it wash over me. I watched it rush past me, swelling and then dissipating. But like a continuous cycle it was replaced. I sat in the gutter and I cried. I did not bother to wipe my tears away. There was no point. Upon raising my face to the heavens I closed my eyes and did not flinch as the droplets pelted down against my skin. Stinging and yet cooling my heated cheeks.
I just sat there; my clothes were drenched from the moment that I left the warm confines of my home. But it was not safe there for me. You were there.
I had tried so hard and for so long to keep it all inside. I hide what I felt. To bury what the sensations I get when you are near to me. I desperately tried to free myself from the desires that rage through my body. But I just can't.
My lack of self control with material goods had always been an issue among my team mates, mainly my gusto about food; any kind of food. But my lack of control around you, that was proven today. I have no control when it comes to you. My body reacts to your presence and will not obey my commands. My eyes seek you out and I swear I have had to stop myself from drooling.
I can not deny that you are beautiful because I try not to lie. But you are so much more that a pretty face. You have this edge; a sharp wit and an intelligent mind. Your eyes deceive me and I never know what you are thinking. Sometimes I can tell what you are thinking. I mean I can always see when you are mad at me or disappointed or furious...actually anything to do with rage. I can see that clear in your eyes. They come to life in a battle...you come to life.
So when I kissed you I was surprised that when I searched your eyes for that brief second before I fled, I did not find rage in their depths. Instead I found nothing. They held no expression but concealed your emotions.
And that scared me.
I think that I would have been alright if you had been angry with me, even if you had raised your fist against me. That is a normal reaction, I supposed, to a guy stealing a kiss from you. But there was nothing.
Nothing at all.
I groaned and rested my hand in my hands; shivering slightly at the cool rain water that slide past my collar and ran down my back. I wondered about what I was going to do. I didn't think that I could ever face him again. How was I ever going to look him in the eye I wondered? I sighed and felt my skin flush again at the memory of his lips against mine.
He had been lecturing me again about my lack of concentration, but I wasn't listening. I had long ago been distracted; by him. I watched him with curious eyes. I watched as him brow furrowed and his nose twitched, like he was about to sneeze. I allowed my gaze to dip a little lower and I watched as his lips parted and formed the sounds of the words he was saying.
Such distracting lips.
Before I knew what I was doing, I had shuffled forward. He didn't seem to notice that the gap between us had somewhat lessened. I continued to watch his lips and I began to wonder. Where they as soft as they appeared to be? What would he taste like? So many questions were floating around in my brain and I can't bear not to know the answers to so many problems. So before my brain could catch up to my intentions, I rose up on my tip toes and I pressed my lips against his. He stopped talking at once and a split second later I pulled away. I felt myself flush and I looked up at him. And then I fled.
That's how I ended up sitting in the gutter, two blocks from my home, in the middle of a downpour, with no coat, simply watching the water face past with the little leaf boats that got caught in the current. Watching and crying. I seem to be very well versed in both. The later some what surprised me though. I had not thought that I would cry so easily and over something like this. I would say trivial but it wasn't. At least not to me.
I felt something for Kai. What it was I am not entirely certain. But there is something there and it just won't be ignored and it stubbornly refuses to go away.
I am not sure for how long I sat there in the rain, it can't have been very long at all but to me it felt like hours. I brought my knees up and hugged them to my chest and bent my head and lent it against my forearms and I simply cried. Silent tears welled in my eyes and then calmly slide over my cheeks. There was no heaving sobs or loud heartbreaking wails; just silent tears that I could not seem to stop. I simply let them come and listened to the rain against the pavement and let it soothe me.
Then quite suddenly the rain stopped, I thought it weird since I could still hear the droplets splattering themselves against the footpath. I felt a warm hand against my shoulder. I jerked up at the contact. My eyes widening at the large blue umbrella that was sheltering me from the rain, but then I caught sight of the person holding said umbrella. My eyes, I think, nearly popped out of my head.
He sat down beside me and I look at him cautiously. His hair was plastered to his forehead and his stormy bangs drooped in his line of sight. His eyes were bright and his azure triangles were smudged and looking worse for wear. He was drenched head to toe, like I was.
He however did not look at me. We sat in silence for innumerable minutes. I turned away from him in the end. Then I felt something warm pressed against my hand. I looked down in shock as I watched his hand place itself inside my own and his fingers lace with mine. I looked up at his face but he still wasn't looking at me. But I saw the upturned corners of his lips.
And my own broke into a smile; I don't think that I will have a reason to cry any more.
I hope you like this...I wrote it in ten minutes...thanks again to Riece for sending that picture to me...all of them in fact...very cute