Author's notes: I do not own ANY of the Dinosaucers characters except Justin, Montacera, Struthio, Compy, Raptor, and Plateo; the cartoon "Dinosaucers" belongs to Coca-Cola Telecommunications Inc. and DiC Enterprises. This fanfic takes place after "A Light in the Heart of the Misfit" and is set in the Misfits-universe of fanfic author Red Witch in the "X-Men Evolution" and "G.I. Joe" timelines, both owned by Marvel Comics and Sunbow Entertainment respectively. So please for the love of God don't sue me! Anyway, I just thought of a very funny and very wicked one-shot fanfic that involves Itchy and Teryx needing some "alone time". Hee hee hee!
Itchy: Why is it I don't like where this is going?
Oh be quiet and just go with the flow! Enjoy!
A Romantic Evening
In their bedroom at the Lavadome base, huddled together underneath the dark, goose-down blanket, were the Dinosaucers, Itchy and Teryx, snuggled together in comforting warmth and closeness. It was cozy, peaceful…and quite heavenly for the two lovebirds, being engaged and all. It was a week after Justin had left with the Misfits and G.I. Joe in order to control his mutant powers, and this was the first time either of them could share a moment alone. Now, after all the duties and chores were done, after non-stop work of increasing the defenses of the Dinosaucers' base, Allo decided that they could all use a little break.
Now, in the darkness of their room with only the faint glow of the desert moon, the itchyosaurus and the archaeopteryx dinosaurs were huddled in their bed, enjoying being in close bodily contact. Teryx was wearing Itchy's oversized pajama-top and Itchy was in nothing but his boxers. Throughout the room were lighted candles of various size and colors, releasing pleasant aromas of cinnamon and vanilla, and on a nearby table, soft jazz music was playing in the background from a compact stereo.
The two Dinosaucers certainly didn't mind all the work for setting up the stage elaborately. After a tense week, Itchy and Teryx had been looking forward to a quiet, relaxing night alone, just the two of them.
The female archaeopteryx sighed softly as she let Itchy hug her closer to his body, feeling his stomach muscles along her back, and Itchy smiled as he kissed his fiancée's neck in a loving caress.
Yes, this was sheer bliss for the two Dinosaucers.
"It's been so long since the base has been peaceful that I thought for sure that I would go crazy from the noise and stress of all the work needed to be done around here. Thank goodness for this time of respite," murmured Teryx, almost floating like in a dream.
Itchy just closed his eyes as he felt Teryx's heart beat softly against his torso, smiling, "Beautiful moon, the base is as quiet as a church, romantic music, candlelight, and just the two of us in bed…I couldn't ask for anything more."
Suddenly, the door to their bedroom slid open and shut as a certain, small, red compsognathus Dinosaucer ran into their room in a fearful panic.
"Excuse me!" Compy managed to blurt out fearfully before diving underneath the opening between the bed-frame and the floor.
Teryx and Itchy were stunned for a moment before becoming incredibly irate and outraged, to say the least.
"Compy!" shrieked Teryx as she tried to bring the covers around her body, hiding herself from plain view. Talk about barging in at the worst possible time…
"What the hell are you doing here?! Will you get out of our room?!" Itchy yelled, his anger and frustration building as he sat up from blankets angrily.
"Shush! Raptor'll hear you!" Compy pleaded in all the urgency he could summon in a hushed whisper.
"Get out of here!" Itchy roared, repeating the request with a lot more barbed danger.
"Can't! Raptor's trying to hunt me down for a practical joke I did on him! I need a place to hide!" Compy's voice whimpered from the bed.
"Then why'd you have to hide in here?!"
"Simple, your room was the closest…"
"Itchy, I thought you locked the door!" Teryx snapped at her fiancée.
"He did, but I just happened to carry a spare skeleton key-card to your room," said Compy nonchalantly.
"You have what?!" Itchy growled, his eye twitching.
"Oh don't act all surprised and such, Itchy! You know I have skeleton keys to everyone's rooms! We used the one to Raptor's room to set off that shaving-cream bomb last week, remember?!" Compy blurted out hurriedly, still worried that his tormentor was going to overhear them and home in on his location.
"That's beside the – oh, confound it all to Reptilion! Will you just leave?! We're trying to sleep here!" the itchyosaurus Dinosaucer rumbled, now incredibly irate at needing to put off his romantic time with Teryx.
"I bet that's not all you two were trying to do," snickered Compy lewdly from underneath the dusty space of the bed. Teryx was not the slightest amused as her dark eyes flashed furiously.
"Compy, if you don't get out from under the bed and leave right now, I'm going to rip you into little pieces and flush you down the toilet, one by one!" she screamed, her face becoming flushed.
Compy then begged pathetically, whining in a rat-like voice, "Aw, come on! Just let me hide here until the Tyrannos butthead gives up trying to look for me! My life's in danger, here!"
"Your life is going to be in a lot more danger if you don't leave by the count of three!" Teryx growled, "One! Two! Thr-!"
"ALL RIGHT, WHERE IS HE?! WHERE IS THAT MISERABLE, LITTLE DINO-RAT OF A COMPSOGNATHUS?!" yelled Raptor as he stormed into Itchy's room, marching in furiously and uninvited, teeth bared and glistening with frothing rage. Itchy and Teryx yelped in irritated surprise while Compy cowered under the bed as the black velociraptor Dinosaucer scanned their room, and they both quickly saw than the Dinosaucer was covered with black, sticky tar and brown matter which smelled disgustingly like compost. Apparently, Compy was getting very creative with his pranks. From the wall across from Itchy and Teryx's bed came an irate pounding as Struthio's sleepy and annoyed voice rang in.
"Will you guys shut up?!" Struthio's muffled voice shouted from his bedroom next door, "I'm trying to sleep!"
Itchy was now dangerously close to losing his temper as he angrily emerged from his warm blanket and bed, intent on making Raptor leave by pleading, threats, or force. And the itchyosaur hoped to God that it would be the last one. Though he had no idea why, Itchy decided to play dumb with Compy's whereabouts.
"Raptor, will you leave?!" Itchy now bellowed, his forehead furrowed, "Compy's not in here! Now get your stinking, Tyrannos hide outta here before I ram your head through the wall!"
"Itchy!" protested Teryx. Unlike her fiancée, she never was one for crude pranks and mistreatment, even if it was for a former Tyrannos. And also unlike Itchy, Teryx respected Raptor as a fellow Dinosaucer, something Itchy was never able to fully accept.
Raptor, instead of backing down, wrathfully went toe to toe with the itchyosaurus, challenging him as their faces were mere inches apart.
"Word of observation, fish-sucker," Raptor growled, "Your eyes tend to shift to the side whenever you're concealing the truth. I can smell that vile runt's odor the minute I entered your room. Now you either tell me where that striped pipsqueak is or I will not budge from this premise."
"You callin' me a liar?" Itchy's voice became soft and deadly, his pincers ready to do some major damage to the black-skinned dinosaur in front of him.
Teryx snapped in the background, "Raptor, Itchy, both of you knock it off!"
Raptor however sneered, "Glad to see you were astute enough to realize that one. I guess I was wrong in thinking you were completely brainless."
Itchy then snapped as he shoved Raptor back rudely and forcefully, catching Raptor by surprise and causing him to stumble back a bit. Itchy raised a pincer as a warning.
"Get the hell out, Tyrannos scumbag! In case you've forgotten, I outrank you, so you better take your orders from me and do what you're told for once in your damn life!"
Raptor then glanced at Itchy's bedtime-apparel, stifling an insulting laugh, as he leered, tauntingly, "Hard to take orders from a Dinosaucer who wears 'Rocky and Bullwinkle' boxer shorts. What's next, underwear with little pink teddy bears on them?"
"Why you little -!" growled Itchy as he got ready to tackle the ex-Tyrannos and wallop him into the ground, but Compy, upon hearing Raptor's crude remark, let out a small, stifled chuckle under the bed. That was enough for Raptor who had incredibly sharp ears.
"I KNEW IT!" Raptor screamed as he barreled past Itchy and dove underneath the bed, getting stuck halfway, but managing to grab a hold on the small Compy. With his tail and legs thrashing wildly, Raptor forgot everything else as he managed to proceed with pounding his tormentor underneath the bed with Teryx still atop it, the bunk leaping and bucking madly from the floor as the archaeopteryx tried to regain her balance on the rapidly heaving mattress.
"Ah! Ah! Argh! Get – ow! Him – yeeow! Off – yow – me!" Compy brokenly hollered as he tried to squirm out of the bed with the heavy velociraptor still trying to pound him.
"Shut up and take your beating like a dinosaur!" Raptor snarled as he kept shifting his body, trying to drag the compsognathus out from under the bed frame, all the meanwhile irritating Teryx and Itchy to no ends.
"Whoa! Raptor, Compy, will you stop it?! Stop it right now! Whoa!" Teryx shouted as she kept tumbling on the jerking bed, the piece of furniture going up and down madly like a tsunami.
"GET OUT OF THERE!" Itchy bellowed as he unceremoniously grabbed Raptor by the tail and tried to pull the velociraptor out from the bed. Raptor, feeling the excruciating pull on his appendage, delivered several sharp, backward kicks on Itchy's arms and chest in protest, which made Itchy all the more madder. And Teryx and Itchy weren't the only ones being bothered.
"Will you guys please be quiet?!" shouted Struthio from his room as he kept pounding furiously on the neighboring wall, unable to sleep with all the noise going on.
"By the gods, Itchy, will you and Teryx please try to show some kind of control?!" Montacera snapped from the other neighboring room, "I know you two are engaged, but can't you do it more quietly without letting the rest of us know about it?!"
"Oh shut up!" Itchy snapped to the teenage montanoceratops as he kept pulling on Raptor's tail, "Raptor, Compy, will you two idiots knock it off?!"
"Yeow! Get off me, you slag!" Compy hollered.
"Why won't you die?! And Itchy, stop pulling on my tail, you sea-dwelling nincompoop!" Raptor roared.
"Compy's in there with you?!" Struthio bellowed in shock.
"And Raptor?! Teryx, what kind of relationship do you and Itchy have anyway?!" shrieked Montacera in additional disgust.
"SHUT UP, MONTACERA!" snapped Itchy and Teryx simultaneously.
Meanwhile, Plateo was angrily stomping his way to Itchy and Teryx's room from the study of the Lavadome. Even from the other wing of the Dinosaucer base, he could hear Itchy and Teryx's high-pitched voices from the library where he was busy studying cryptology algorithms. However, it was hard to study and concentrate with the two betrothed making such a racket in the base. How many damn times did he need to tell those two hyper Dinosaucers to keep it down to levels within the sound barrier? The plateosaurus was at the door to the couple's bedroom and was about to open the door.
"Raptor, get off of Compy!" Teryx snapped from the bedroom.
"Itchy, that hurts! Will you stop pulling at it?!" Raptor squawked.
"You're gonna hurt a lot more if you don't do as I say!" the offending itchyosaurus called out in burning anger.
"Itchy, just leave him alone and get Compy instead!" cried out Teryx.
"Yeow! He bit me! The little gutter-trash just bit me!" yowled Raptor.
"Yuck!" gagged Compy out loud, "Trust me, I'm not doing it again! You seriously need a bath, stinkasaurus!" Plateo then immediately heard Compy muffled gurgling and sputtering of protest.
"Choke on this and die, you little vermin!"
"Hey, you just scratched me!" Itchy bellowed at Raptor.
"Serves you right for pulling on my legs!"
"Raptor, Compy, will you both just stop fighting?! You're making me lose my balance!" Teryx shrieked.
"I can't! I'm stuck!" Raptor snapped.
"Fine, then! Compy, get out of there!"
"I can't! Raptor's on top…and crushing me! Will you get offa me, fang-face?!" screamed Compy as there was some more additional noises and pounding.
"Well I can't move with Teryx sitting on top of me, you loud-mouthed idiot!" Raptor roared.
"Will you quit squirming?!"
"Let go of my tail, Itchy!"
"I will when you quit kicking me and let me in there!"
"Get offa me, you son of a dino-bitch!"
WHAM! BAM! BAM! SMASH!
"I do not wish to know…I do not wish to know…I do not wish to know…" groaned Plateo out loud as he grimaced and abruptly turned away from the bedroom and made his way back to the library.
Several minutes later, a bruised and very humiliated Raptor managed to leave (or rather he was kicked out via a webbed foot) Itchy and Teryx's room with a struggling and protesting Compy in a headlock, ready to pay back the tar-prank ten-fold. Compy was writhing and protesting bloody murder all the way as a red-faced Itchy angrily slammed the door so hard, the window to his bedroom rattled. A disheveled Teryx was also panting on the bed, exhausted and too agitated from the incident for anything romantic. Most of the candles had toppled over to the floor and were trampled into messy globs of wax, and the boom-box playing the music was badly broken.
Teryx sighed, incredibly frustrated that their evening was ruined. She said, "Look, Itchy…why don't we just forget it and just go to sleep? The mood's gone and it's pretty obvious this night was a disaster anyway…"
"Absolutely, no way!" Itchy protested heatedly before throwing Teryx a very sly look, "Look, we finally have some time off from all the paranoia of needing to keep the Lavadome's defenses up and all, and I'm not going to waste it! Besides…I kinda find it a little sexy that we're both a bit tussled up from trying to kick out Raptor and Compy."
Teryx couldn't help but giggle as the heavy and sweaty Itchy leapt onto the bed gracefully and started to nuzzle against her, like an affectionate puppy dog whining for scraps. The female archaeopteryx then scoffed teasingly and playfully, "You know you're really cute when you're begging for a little cuddle-time."
Feeling her give in to the primal urge, Itchy kissed her deeply, saying afterwards, "And nothing is absolutely going to spoil this -"
Both Itchy and Teryx's heads shot up as they saw a football crash through their lone bedroom window, shattering the sturdy glass panel and leaving a huge gaping hole, littered with cracked fragments. Almost instantly, the cold, artic desert winds and sand came rushing into the cozy room which, until now, had been at comfortable temperatures found in tropical rainforests. And since deserts at night-time usually drop to below freezing…
Itchy should have obviously kept his mouth shut from Murphy's Law. Gusts and gusts of winds that could rival the temperature of the polar ice caps wafted in, and any remaining lit candles were immediately snuffed out from the rush of cold air that came flying by. The room was plunged into dim darkness which was also followed by the sudden plummet of the bedroom's temperature.
"Argh!" groaned Teryx as she hurriedly brought the down blankets and covers around her, already shivering. Itchy was far worse as he was barely wearing any clothing at all as he furiously, with his hands rubbing his forearms in a futile attempt to stay warm, walked over to the football. Who on Reptilion would be so stupid to be throwing around a football in the middle of the night?
"I told you we shouldn't have been playing too close to the Lavadome again! Now Allo is going to kill us!" Stego shouted outside.
"He's not going to kill us! All we have to do is explain that it was an accident!" Bonehead scoffed.
"Yeah, right! Just like the last four windows we broke along with Dimetro's glass-buffering equipment in his lab from yesterday?!"
Ah, yes, he should have known.
Itchy felt his temples throb as he spotted the two Dinosaucers peering in nervously through the window, only to spot him twitching and giving them the evil eye. Itchy hissed as he approached the stegosaurus and pachycephalosaurus in a menacing tone, "Oh, while Allo won't kill you two…"
The two Dinosaucers, knowing that if they ran, Itchy would only hunt them down later, tried to smile pleasantly, hoping that an apology would disarm them from an imminent punishment. It was worth a shot.
"Uh…we're sorry?" Bonehead smiled timidly.
"See these pincers?" Itchy growled as he held up his claws, spread wide open for something to grasp and throttle, "What's missing are your necks!"
"Um…Itchy, do you know that your forehead is showing this little vein that's turning purple right now? You should really go to the infirmary to get that checked out by Dimetro," Stego tried to comment off-topic.
"Fine, then he can check me out after I put the both of you in the intensive-care unit!" roared Itchy as he was about to leap out of the window and pound the two to death. Teryx, holding the blankets around her as a makeshift coat, placed a placating hand on her fuming fiancée's shoulder before addressing to both Bonehead and Stego with resentful patience.
"Stego, Bonehead, what in Reptilion are you two doing at this time of night?"
"Practicing our free-throws!" Stego puffed proudly, "We got bored, staying cooped inside the Lavadome, so Bonehead and me wanted to do a little playing with the pig-skin!"
"We can see that, but why here?" Teryx asked dryly with a hint of a headache coming on.
Bonehead gave a very pitiful, droopy-eyed look as he whined, "We can't play in the halls anymore since Dimetro and Montacera complained to Allo about how we accidentally wrecked his lab and her room and got us banned."
"So do it outside the desert away from our room!" snapped Itchy.
"Um…we did at first," gulped Bonehead sheepishly, "That's why we came over here. You see…we kinda…did the same thing to Tricero's bedroom window before you guys…and Tricero wasn't happy about it either."
Itchy then lost any remainder of his patience as he exploded at the two cowering Dinosaucers, "Fine, then go play somewhere else! Somewhere FAR from the Lavadome!"
"Uh…then can we have our ball back?" Bonehead asked meekly. Itchy, in an angry huff, picked it up deftly with one claw before giving it a sharp squeeze with his pincer, and with a dying pop and hiss, the ball deflated in Itchy's claw.
"Hey! Our ball!" Stego protested, whining.
"You're lucky I'm not gonna do the same things to your heads! Now scram!" Itchy yelled as he closed the blinds, which were ineffective in keeping out the cold air, shutting himself from the view of the taken back dinosaurs.
"By the way, nice boxer shorts, Itchy," Bonehead shot back snidely from the window outside, still a bit resentful of how Itchy overreacted. Itchy bit his tongue back in response, already plotting ways to murder them tomorrow should the chance ever come up. Teryx sighed, rolling her eyes; a livid and burning Itchy was a surefire way to kill any mood for romance and intimacy.
"Itchy, let's just give it up. I have a headache now…" Teryx groaned as she made her way back to the bed, hoping that if she slept soundly for the next eight hours, her migraine from the stress and surprise would go away. Itchy immediately turned to her horrified, as they climbed into bed and under the covers, trying their best to ignore the bitterly, cold air and the ruined romantic settings of the room. Damn it, they waited a week for this!
"Aw, come on, Teryx!" Itchy whined softly, like a child as he gently ran his pincers over his fiancée's shoulders underneath the sheets before trying again, "The night's still young!"
"The night is over, Itchy," Teryx muttered coldly as she jerked her shoulder out of Itchy's claw before snuggling up further under the blanket. Itchy felt his hopes get dashed against the rocks, but pouting, he complied, and just drew his warm body close against Teryx's. To his relief, his partner didn't object to that one. For a good moment of actually enjoyable silence, the two just rested among the growing heat of the bed. After a long while, the itchyosaurus gently wrapped his arms around Teryx's waist and rested his head and beak against Teryx's neck, treading his move very carefully. Teryx sighed a bit in irritation, but she didn't fight the offer of closeness as she placed her wings on top of Itchy's hands caressing her belly. Itchy smiled, inwardly cheering that he was winning her over again. It wouldn't be long now…
"Get back here, Compy!" Raptor's voice roared from the room upstairs, directly above Teryx and Itchy, startling the two lovebirds in bed.
"Nyaaaah! Try and get me, you reject from the tar pits!" Compy taunted as there were the loud, audible sounds of pounding footsteps from a chase dashing across the ceiling, smashing furniture, and the light tinkling sounds of glass objects breaking. Already, the fight was so intense, the ceiling was starting to softly vibrate from all the collisions and destruction happening above them. So much for a quiet night.
Itchy winced, muttering to himself with tragic resentment, "It's official…my life is cursed."
Then Teryx and Itchy (along with the rest of the Dinosaucers downstairs) could hear Dimetro in the middle of the two fighting Dinosaucers, screaming at the top of his lungs amidst the noises of the chaotic war-zone, "Will you two stop?! Get out of my laboratory! Augh! Not my beaker set! Raptor, stop throwing them! Those Petri dishes are hard to replace, so stop it! Augh, not my precious acid stock! Compy, that's not a toy! Put it down right down before you cause it to -!"
KAWHOOM! The entire Lavadome slightly quaked at the explosion.
"Ah! Fire! Fire! Where's the fire extinguisher?! I left it right – Raptor, bring it back NOW! I mean it! It is not a club! Will you two quit it, for the gods' sakes?! That canister says 'BIO-HAZARD' for a reason! Yeow! Argh! Help, help, help! Hot, hot! Augh, watch out! Don't jolt that -!"
Rumble, rumble, rumble…
Itchy and Teryx were immediately surprised and shocked to see the middle portion of the metal ceiling of their bedroom cave inwards from the explosion, revealing a blackened charred hole of twisted metal, plaster, and dust. And that didn't end there. Immediately, a cascade of water and green-colored smoke started pouring into Teryx and Itchy's bedroom, flooding the floor into a soppy, cold, miserable lake. And the smoke was much worse than the sudden downpour…
"Augh! What IS that smell?!" shrieked Teryx as she covered her nose, nearly being overwhelmed by the disgusting odor. It was enough to make anyone keel over. Itchy was coughing and sputtering, purple-faced with rage, as the water drenched him fully, all the meanwhile the smoke in the room getting so thick that it was causing his eyes to water. Above, he could hear Compy and Raptor yelling, blaming each other for the mess, while Dimetro peered at the two Dinosaucers below from the gaping hole.
"Teryx, Itchy, is that you?" he called.
"No, Dimetro, it's the magical ass-wipe from wondrous world of Butt-land, ready to grant you the most dearest wish of having the enchanted-happy foot bless the royal cheeks!" Itchy snapped sarcastically before going into a huge tirade, shouting at the top of his lungs, "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?! BESIDES THE OBVIOUS DESTRUCTION CAUSED ONLY BY THE LOCAL IDIOTS, RAPTOR AND COMPY?!"
Dimetro shouted apologetically over the din of Raptor and Compy arguing, "Raptor and Compy knocked over the machine I was building from the blueprints Trinity of the Misfits gave me! It's an odor-generator, a machine that is capable of synthesizing various chemicals to create any type of smell or scent, regardless of how exotic or uncommon it is! And since the machine exploded, it took out the floor of my lab…which happens to be the ceiling of your bedroom! And since the pipes of the water main just happen to be running underneath my laboratory floor…"
"Why did you create an odor-generator in the first place?!" Itchy yelled.
"I was bored."
"Of course!" cursed Itchy before covering his nose in disgust, adding, "And what IS that smell?! 'Eau de Waste Treatment Plant'?!"
"Um…well…before Raptor and Compy broke it, I had it set on the scent of 'Skunk'…" Dimetro meekly said. Teryx groaned.
"So turn the damn thing off!" Itchy roared.
"I can't! Raptor and Compy trashed the machine, so it's stuck! And I can't shut it down nor switch it to another scent! It's on overload! You'll just have to wait until the machine runs out of juice!"
"And how long will that take?!" shouted Itchy, his eye now twitching.
"About several days."
"AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHH! That is it!" raged Teryx as she gathered the blankets and marched out of their room, snapping, "I'm sleeping in Justin's room tonight!"
Itchy tried to correct her pleadingly, "Ummm…honey, don't you mean we're sleeping in Justin's room tonight?"
Allo and Bronto-Thunder wearily managed to come back from their expedition from the desert after placing several hundred computerized motion-surveillance sensors all around a wide berth around the desert surrounding the Lavadome. With the devices in place, the Dinosaucers would be more prepared and less likely to be unaware of any physical entity entering the desert towards their base without their knowing. Cold and dusty with grime and it being past midnight, both of the Dinosaucers were ready for a quick shower and some rest, but Bronto-Thunder, sighing, decided to go to the den to catch the latest news about the Orange Bowl between USC and Oklahoma. Eagerly, he was about to hop onto the easy-chair and flick on the TV with the remote control when he stopped and stared. There, on the large couch, grumbling and sulking, was a moody Itchy, alone and huddled underneath a thin, cotton blanket.
"Uh…Itchy," Bronto-Thunder chose his words carefully, "What're you doing sleeping in the den?"
Itchy griped bitterly, "What does it look like I'm doing?! I'm having a romantic evening!"
"I see…Nice 'Rocky and Bullwinkle' boxer shorts, by the way."
"Oh shut up!"
Author's note: As I mentioned to Red Witch before, the Dinosaucers have as much chaos as the Pit does. Hee hee hee!
Itchy (grumbling): Oh sure, torture the dinosaur with the love life!