Moments in Sandstorms and Cold Winds
Disclaimer: Nope! Pokémon, nor… well, anything to do with it belongs to me! Sorry!
A/N: Hey everyone! This is just a little piece I wrote because I had no time to conjure something of larger size, but I really wanted to create another fic. You know when you just have that urge? Come on, I know you do. Anyway, this is the product of that… uh, urge. If you've read any of my previous fics, you'll probably be able to guess what type of 'ship is featured in this one. Anyway, read on and please don't forget to leave a review on the way out!
I know what I have done. I know fully what I have done. What I don't know is… why did I do it? Why did I do such a thing, without being able to predict the consequences I would in turn have to face? Why? Why was I so stupid?
I guess… there had always been that thought, hiding away somewhere at the back of my mind. But of course I had to push it away. I had to. There was nothing else I could do, but ignore such an inane notion. Perhaps that was my problem. I should have completely erased it, not pretended that it simply wasn't there. I am stupid, Stupid, stupid, stupid.
What on earth made me do this? What on earth? Surely there is something to blame, other than my own stupidity. I am too a cautious person to have let this happen. I have been careful to not let this very situation happen.
Then again… there always was that part of me that only desired for this very situation to happen.
No! No, no, no! I have kept that part of me in check. Suppressed. That part of me is dangerous. It has gotten me into trouble before… earned me hurts that I promised never to allow happen again. This… this was not my fault. I have not done anything. Perhaps… perhaps it was the moon. It shines brightly tonight. Blindingly bright. Blinding me from the stupidity of my actions, until it is far too late for me to change anything.
I am angry. How could I let this happen? But I know. I know how I let this happen… for one second, I foolishly blocked everything out. All sense and responsibility. I blocked it out. Instead of carefully ignoring the silly ponderings at the back of my mind, I ignored the logic that has kept me safe for so long. I ignored it and the feelings took over. Feelings. Feelings I am not supposed to have.
Feelings that I am not supposed to have about him.
I cannot believe that I have done this. Nothing will ever be the same. Nothing. I feel… I feel like the world has suddenly stopped spinning. But not in the way that they describe it in all of those corny romance novels… I feel like everything has stopped just so I can step away and take a moment to realise the absolute folly of what I have done, before I must once again dip back into reality and face the music.
How? How could I have done this? I want to go back and change everything. The hours of talking and laughing under the stars. Watching the campfire's light flicker over his handsome features. The prolonged silence as we suddenly became… entranced in each other's gaze. And then we leant in toward one another...
No! No, no no no no! Situations like this have happened before! And in each and every one of those times I have been able to finally exert some control over things before anything… problematic occurred. How come I could not pull myself from that gaze this time?
I have changed everything. Everything is changed. Forever. In those few seconds, the sands that I had so carefully moulded into a perfectly platonic relationship were shifted. That relationship has disappeared. A relationship of safety. Gone. Whether it has been buried in the moving sands, or completely worn away because of the sand now blowing so fiercely in the wind, I do not know. I don't know.
A few seconds. And everything changed. How could I do this? Why did I do this? I want to scream out into the darkness. I want to shatter time.
I am afraid.
We have pulled away from each other. The night breeze is cool against my skin. We sit here on an old, fallen tree trunk facing each other. Between our warm bodies the cold wind creates a barrier. I feel it. It grows with each moment, fuelled by my anger… my confusion… my remorse… my fear.
I know what I have done. I know fully what I have done. What I don't know is… why did I do it?
He reaches his arm out through the cold barrier, placing a hand on my arm. With pleading eyes he whispers my name.
And then I remember. This… this is why I did it. His smile that I know is only for me… his emerald eyes that say more than a thousand words… his voice that sends chills down my spine. A touch that tells me everything will be okay. Somehow. Somehow everything will be okay.
Well, hope you liked! Thanks for reading, and please leave a review for me! I hope people are still enjoying rocketshipping… Is it just me or do rocketshippy fics appear to be a dying breed? I hardly see any new ones out there these days. If you've got a J&J fic you'd like me to read PLEASE let me know in your review, 'cos I'd love to read and review it. We must stick together! Don't let rocketshipping die!
Till Next Time,