Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J. . I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.
He was fanatically loyal to his Master. He followed his instructions and orders precisely and carried himself with a smile of pure pride in the knowledge that this would please his Master. He had all three ingredients and the soulstone.
It was time to begin.
He stood on a rock and leaned over the large cauldron. He had a small dusty bone in his hand.
"Bone of the father, unknowingly given, you will renew your son!" He yelled out and dropped the bone into the cauldron. Plumes of smoke began billowing out, and the cauldron was hissing.
"Flesh of the servant, willingly given, you will revive your master." He said with a determined look on his face. He then took a knife and cut his own right ear off. It was bleeding heavily and he dropped the ear into the cauldron. A small explosion of power sent thick dark smoke into the air. He did a quick and dirty job of burning the area near his ear to cauterize it and stop the bleeding.
A young blonde man thought he must have been hallucinating the absolute weirdest nightmare any dementor ever had induced. He couldn't resist it when his hand was forced over the cauldron and his kidnapper cut across his palm, dripping a fair amount of blood into the sizzling and smoking potion.
The loyal servant cut his Master's new worst enemy across the hand and exclaimed. "Blood of the enemy, forcibly taken, you will resurrect your foe."
The light was shimmering and shining in the potion now. The wind in the area was spiraling around them all.
The servant then threw the final piece necessary, the soulstone, into the cauldron and waited.
The blonde man was hyperventilating and freaking out. He had no idea what was going on but he didn't think it could possibly be good. He had been lapsing into moments of mania and insanity after what he thought was only his second night in Azkaban. But this one seemed so real. He didn't think it was a vision or a nightmare. It felt real. But not even his most twisted subconscious could have imagined this happening.
The smoke and lights around the cauldron seemed to be building up. They were flashing and the color of the smoke went from dark, to blood red, to now thick white. There was a vicious flash of light and it all seemed to have stopped. The haziness began to lessen, and a figure was slowly rising from the cauldron.
The freshly reborn man looked down at his naked body and tried to figure out what had just happened. He was stretching his muscles and flexing his new body. It seemed an awful lot like the last one actually. He looked over to the side, and saw his most loyal servant with an ugly head wound from where his ear used to be. All of a sudden, his head cleared, and he remembered the plan that apparently was a monumental success. He happily exclaimed, "Sweet! Dobby, you rule!"
It was at this moment, Draco realized this wasn't a nightmare. He really had just been an unwilling participant in the resurrection of Harry Potter. By his childhood house elf, whom he remembered best as the one who kept scolding Draco for touching himself when he was younger.
It was too much for the man sentenced to Azkaban for life. Draco pleaded. "Oh dear Merlin. Please kill me." He had tears running down his face. "Kill me now. I'm begging you."
Harry was putting on the robe Dobby had brought for him. He scolded his young friend. "Dobby! You know better than this."
Draco was moaning and having a hissy fit.
Dobby dropped his head in shame. "Sorry, Master Harry."
Harry shook his head. "Dobby. What did I say are the rules for the darkest, blackest magic?
"Only in emergencies?" Dobby guessed.
"Right, that too. But the motto you stick to?" Harry responded.
Dobby smiled. "Oh yes, Master. When in doubt: obliviate, obliviate, obliviate, and obliviate some more." The last one was said while looking into Draco's eyes and snapping his fingers.
Harry smiled and nodded. "Exactly. Now, it's time to fix that ear for you. Are you sure you want to go through with this? I know it might seem like a great idea now, but it's going to be permanent, so you better be sure."
Dobby had a serious look on his face. "I'm sure, Master Harry. I want it."
Harry was a bit hesitant but was going to hold up his end of the bargain. He pulled out his wand, and remembered the dark transfiguration. "All right, Dobby, now hold still. This may hurt a bit. I'm really not sure." He readied himself and cast the spell, closely watching the area around his friend's ear and imagining the proper result.
Dobby cringed and grit his teeth, but held his ground with barely a tremble.
As Harry finished the spell, and sealed it permanently, he could feel his own connection to the new ear. Harry let out an exhausted sigh. "There you go, Dobby. One working magical donkey ear."
Dobby's eyes were wide at the feeling and sounds his new donkey ear was picking up. He arched it straight up. And then he folded it flat down. He stuck it up again. And then moved it back around his head a bit. He began twirling his ear up and in a clockwise motion. He paused, and then began twirling it in a counter clockwise motion. Finally he let it fall limply to the side of his head. He squealed with glee and ran forward hugging Harry. "Oh thank you, Master Harry, it is wonderful."
Harry shook his head and smiled. "You're welcome Dobby, and you can stop calling me Master any time you want."
Dobby nodded and was pleased to feel his new ear flap against his head. "Of course Master. I will try, Master."
Harry should have expected that answer. "Alright, so are we on schedule?" Harry asked.
"Yes sir. Your memorial is in just a few hours. They're going to scatter your ashes across the Hogwarts Lake."
Harry frowned. "I got cremated. Hmm. That could make explaining this body a bit trickier if we go with Plan A."
"Actually, most of your body was pretty much incinerated through your magic. You were basically a charred husk. But I got your soulstone before anyone noticed." Dobby explained with a smile.
"Excellent. I felt Riddle go, and I'm pretty sure he didn't give up until all the Death Eaters had been drained to their death too. So did the aurors interrogate the Ponce over there and get any other unmarked Death Eaters?"
"No, sir. They arrested him, and decided to simply give him veritaserum. His acting counsel agreed under the conditions that he would be getting a bargain for all the other arrests his interrogation led to." Dobby snickered a bit. "Interrogating him found there were no other known or active unmarked followers, but he admitted guilt to a great many crimes. He was given a life sentence to Azkaban."
Harry smiled. "Karma can be so sweet sometimes. Alright, let's clean this up and go watch the memorial service. We need to decide on plan A or plan B. If we do plan B, I've got a surprise for us."
Harry cast an Ennervate on Draco. The blonde man was shaking his head trying to figure out where he was, and what he last remembered. He looked up and saw Harry Potter in perfect health smiling at him and healing a cut on Draco's palm.
Draco gasped and stuttered out "But, but… you're dead."
"Who could have guessed?" Harry said with a smile and shrug. "I'm immortal."
Draco heard the words and then spotted his old house elf with what appeared to be the ear of a donkey growing out of the side of his head. It was too much for him and he fainted.
Harry said. "Can you take him back to Azkaban now, Dobby?"
Dobby nodded and snapped his fingers. Both he and Draco disappeared from the forest clearing.
Harry realized they were gone already and mumbled out to the empty air, "Tell Bob, 'Hi' if you see him."
Three days ago…
Harry knew this was going to work. Albus's twinkleless eyes betrayed him. He said it wouldn't work because it required Harry to sacrifice his life. But Harry could tell he was lying. Albus can tell half-truths and his twinkle usually goes up, but when he's flat-out lying his eyes dull completely.
Severus Snape had been discovered as a traitor and Voldemort made an example of him. Now for the past three months they didn't even have any insight into what the Death Eaters were up to. They had no warning and the attacks were getting worse and worse by the day. It was only by luck that Harry discovered he could force his own magic through his link into Voldemort. He was trying to slip through a legilimens spell and get any sort of insight into their plans. In trying to be subtle he considered casting a notice me not charm onto his own consciousness. It was one of those so incredibly ridiculous things no one in their right mind would ever think it would work.
And so of course it didn't. Failed miserably in fact, but the magic was called up and sent down the link. It certainly alerted Voldemort to the presence working its way into his mind. Voldemort forcefully ejected Harry and reinforced his own shields.
And so Harry spent his summer after graduation at Hogwarts researching in the library for magical links that are actually conduits for magic. Considering it was only his magic tying him to his body and this earth, Harry managed to theorize that if he could flood the link with enough magic it could annihilate Tom's barriers and give him a complete wide open shot at the Dark Lord.
Unfortunately the research on the links and magical conduits made Harry realize that the Dark Mark served Tom the same purpose. And so Harry would need to funnel enough energy to incinerate every marked Death Eater as well. That would take an awful lot of magic. And Harry certainly was ridiculously powerful. Probably every bit as much so as Tom was. But it wouldn't be enough.
Finally after a few weeks of researching he managed to piece the puzzle all together and discovered a way to make it work. The drawback to this was that it required Harry be in front of Tom and be connected to him in a second way, either through a magical bond, or spell. And then the idea is to just juice his entire magic and go boom. Well not physically explode, just rather than cast magic, actually convert your own life energy into magic and truly put every last bit of your magic into it.
Harry knew how hopeless their cause was looking at the moment. And he knew he had one guaranteed free ticket into Voldemort's headquarters. But it would only work once, so he hadn't even attempted it yet. Voldemort had protections and enchantments and secrecy spells all over their main base of operations. But he had neglected putting any sort of limit on house elf movement or magic within it.
"Dobby!" Harry called out once he was in the Room of Requirement.
The house elf appeared. "Yes Master Harry?"
"Do you have time for a chat now? I think I'd like to call in a favor."
Dobby nodded. "Of course, Master Harry. What can I do for you?"
Harry frowned. "Dobby, you know you're my friend. I've hired you because I can use your help, not because I wish to be your Master. But you know this. So why do you still call me Master?"
Dobby smiled. "Dobby knows. And Dobby's proud to be your friend. But Dobby is also proud to be your servant. It's about respect for you, not demeaning to Dobby."
Harry shook his head. "You slipped back into talking about yourself in the third person again. But Harry still enjoys it. And Harry is thinking about something Dobby said."
Dobby was now sitting down across from Harry and rolled his eyes. "What was that… Harry?"
"Thank you, Dobby. Your description of yourself as a servant is giving me an idea."
Dobby smiled and clapped his hands. "Is this an idea of the kind that the Headmaster would call harebrained?"
Harry chuckled. "Oh yeah. Big time."
Dobby was almost bouncing in his seat from excitement.
Harry put on his best car salesman cheesy voice, "How would you, my friend and loyal servant, Dobby," Harry cleared his throat a bit and continued, "like to do a highly illegal dark magic potion ritual and resurrect me after I've sacrificed my own life killing Voldemort and most likely all his Death Eaters?"
"Would I ever!" Dobby exclaimed. "This sounds great!"
Harry just chuckled. "Dobby, I think you like the really evil dark magic a little too much."
Dobby shrugged and smiled. "It makes me tingle painfully, in a good way. Besides I learned from the best."
And he certainly did. Harry had managed to tutor Dobby in wizard magic using his house elf magic. Harry had no idea why or how Dobby was able to do wizard magic but knew it would make for an extremely useful hidden talent. Dobby had a theory that Harry was not a very big fan of. Dobby came to the conclusion that Harry Potter was like some highly radioactive magical entity and he actually mutated the people around him.
Harry seriously wondered if Dobby just made that up to annoy him. It would be completely out of character for Dobby, but Harry knew that Dobby was a bit more mischievous than most people give him credit for. Harry certainly wasn't ruling out the possibility.
Dobby just smiled innocently. "So I take it, before I said 'servant' you were going to ask me to pop you right next to the Dark Lord?"
Harry was still piecing together his plan. "Yes. I would like you to stay, and stay hidden while it is going on. I will need him to curse me, and then I will feed the energy through the links. I'm going to be wearing a soulstone. That will guarantee a link for me to be able to come back. After I'm dead, and hopefully they all are too, grab the soulstone and get out of there."
Dobby was nodding and thinking about dark magics.
"I'm going to stun and capture Draco. I don't know how he honestly thinks we believe he is a double agent for us. It's a bit insulting how little respect he has for us." Harry explained. "Then I will send him to the aurors with a letter. I'll explain to them, I'm about to kill Voldemort and that's going to most likely kill every marked Death Eater. Draco is an unmarked Death Eater and may know more. He's at least guilty of some ugly crimes. But he's the link to any other unmarked ones."
Dobby was mildly impressed with this plan.
"I'm also going to send goodbye letters to all my friends. Only you and I will know about the resurrecting. Once I'm back, we'll figure out what to do. Perhaps a massive prank, we can see if I can maybe give Dumbledore a heart attack. Or maybe Harry Potter will stay dead, and I can live like an anonymous normal wizard. I'd like for you to come with me, if you want to, Dobby, either way, but it's completely up to you."
"You're not getting rid of me that easily." Dobby said with a smile.
Harry smiled back. "Excellent. Because you're going to need to sacrifice some of your flesh to bring me back."
"Again?" Dobby whined.
Harry nodded. "But I can be like the Dark Lord and give you one back. I can even make it better for you."
Dobby nonchalantly asked, "Does it matter what sort of flesh? Can it be anywhere I choose?"
Harry paled. "Eww, Dobby. That's a bit scary. But I suppose it could be anywhere."
Dobby smiled. "Oh good. Because I've always wanted a bigger,"
Harry quickly began using occlumency techniques to ease his mind.
"ear." Dobby finished.
That was not what Harry was expecting to hear. He looked at Dobby. Scrutinizing him closely, he realized the insane little bugger was serious. He wanted a donkey ear. Harry briefly imagined the coming conversation and did not feel adequately prepared for it, so he simply replied, "Okay."
Dobby smiled broadly. "Dobby will resurrect you, Master! Oh it will be such fun!"
Harry went over the plan for Dobby many times and they made sure they had all their bases covered. Dobby had memorized the ritual, and was going to enact a temporary connection to Draco once Harry captured him. They figured he would work perfectly for the enemy, and if he got put into prison quick enough no one would even notice he went missing. Harry wrote out a number of letters to the friends that he considered his family. He transfigured Draco into a ferret, locked him a featherweight cage, and sent him off to Auror Shacklebolt with a note. He mailed out all the other letters now too. Harry turned to Dobby. "Are you ready for this?"
Dobby nodded with a wicked smile. "Yes, Master Harry."
Harry smiled. "Excellent, Dobby. Next time I see you should be in the clearing of the Forbidden Forest where my parents are buried then. Whenever you're ready, pop us there and stay invisible."
Dobby nodded. He took a deep breath and snapped his fingers.
Voldemort's head shot up at the appearance of the Boy-Who-Lived in his lair's meeting room. "Potter!"
Harry realized he happened to have struck gold. They were in the middle of some sort of meeting. "Tom, you know your mama's so fat she fell in love and broke it."
"Crucio!" the enraged Dark Lord screeched.
Harry just smiled and stood his ground. He reached out his hand to take the Unforgivable. This was exactly what Harry was hoping for.
Albus Dumbledore was surprised to see Hedwig delivering him a letter. He had talked to Harry just a few hours ago. "Oh dear," Albus said, remembering his earlier discussion with Harry. He read through his letter from Harry with a sad smile on his face. "Oh Harry, I hope you know what you've done."
It was moments later that Kingsley Shacklebolt was sticking his head through the Headmaster's floo. "Albus! The crazy bugger did what he said. We registered a ginormous magical phenomenon and went to investigate. Throughout the place were over a hundred dead Death Eaters. One room in particular we found two different corpses. One's a charred husk and the other is just a pile of silvery pink melted flesh. We're pretty sure Harry is charred and the pile of muck is what's left of the Dark Lord."
Albus nodded, "Yes that would be correct. The force of the magic should have burnt Harry from the inside out, and if the Dark Lord's hold on his magic and body failed it could have literally melted even his bones. Anyways, I will come now and make sure no one touches Harry's body. I am going to make sure it is him, and will take care of his funeral. He asked that I not allow the Ministry to handle it."
Kingsley chuckled. "Yeah, that sounds about right. Here, I'll hold the grate open. Hop on through."
The news spread like wildfire across the wizarding world. Anywhere there was a marked Death Eater in public, they all saw them flail on the floor clutching their arms in pain. Before one by one collapsing and dying in the streets and in stores and restaurants. It didn't take long for people to piece things together and the word to spread. Voldemort was dead. And the early report was Harry Potter gave his life to make sure the Dark Lord died for good.
There were an awful lot of parties going on this evening, and when a Special Edition of the Daily Prophet came out this late at night, the parties got louder and there were countless number of toasts in Harry Potter's name. But on this night of celebration and joy, there were a number of people unhappy. These were the ones who had heard the news as they received their letters. People like Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley. They were all quiet and sniffling around Grimmauld Place. Many people broke into tears while others just decided they didn't want to be sober right now. Quite a few songs for Harry were sung off-key all through the night.
The next morning seemed to turn a new leaf for almost everyone in the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black. It started with Ginny Weasley walking around with a smile in the early hours. When asked about it, she explained, "I woke up sad and I missed Harry. But before I even got out of bed, I reread the letter he'd given me and the words he'd written provided me all the comfort I needed. This was Harry being his typical hyper-noble self, giving us all the gift of peace and the most incredible immediate complete victory in the war. Appreciate the gift, celebrate his life, but if you know Harry at all, he's just going to feel guilty if we're all moping around forever."
Her attitude spread to just about everyone else, and by the time night rolled around they were throwing some of their own parties there at Grimmauld Place. They were still mourning the loss of their friend, but there were a lot more smiling crying faces where there once were just sad teary-eyed hollow shells of people. They continued to celebrate both the end of the war and the life of their friend for the next couple days.
Today was going to be Harry Potter's funeral and small memorial. Well, Albus had intended it to be small but there were a lot of people insisting on paying their respects. The early indications were that Albus was throwing the party of the decade. Harry's body had been identified but it was beyond repair and as such they had him cremated. Albus was going to sprinkle him into the Lake. He actually chose that over just letting the wind in a top tower take him because Albus actually feared that people would try and catch some of him if they did it simply in the air. Albus felt something going on in the Forbidden Forest. He had magical sensors picking up activity not far from where James and Lily were buried. But he didn't have time for this now.
He placed a firecall to Grimmauld Place. "Remus?"
Remus Lupin walked over to the fireplace. "Yes Albus?"
"I need a favor please, Remus. I'm swamped with the preparations for the funeral, and we've just detected some magic happening near James and Lily's resting place. It could be nothing, like some Hogsmeade kids hiding from Ministry sensors, or it could be something else. Do you mind?"
Remus hopped through the floo. "No sir, not at all. It's been a while since I've been out there. I'm going to borrow a broom from the Quidditch shed, and I'll let you know what I find."
Remus made it back to the clearing he knew so well. He couldn't believe James got Lily to agree to be buried here. He was pretty sure Lily didn't understand why it was special to him. He pitied James for whenever Lily found out that this was where James lost his deer virginity well before Lily ever admitted to even liking him. Briefly he contemplated the idea of Harry having some magical stag half-brothers running through the forest before remembering Harry was gone. Remus sat there with a smile and told Lily and James's grave markers all about their son.
Somewhere in Heaven, Lily was chasing after her husband with a frying pan. She was screaming "You took me there for a picnic on our first date, you whore!" Sirius had to shift into Padfoot and run outside before he wet himself. He barked out, "Nice one, Moony."
Hordes and hordes of people and reporters turned out for the funeral. They ended up moving it to the Quidditch Pitch when they realized how many people were coming.
Shortly before they were to begin Remus came back from the Forest. Albus asked, "Did you discover the source of the disturbance, Remus?"
Remus shook his head. "I checked out the area, and it was clean. Graves looked undisturbed, and the area showed no signs of struggle or destruction. So if someone did anything they cared enough for the graves to not harm them." Remus was a bit hesitant but continued. "I could feel a strong sense of dark magic lingering in the air, and well, my nose picked up three distinct scents that frankly worry me."
Albus raised an eyebrow. "And what was that?"
Remus sighed and replied, "Well, I'm pretty sure I smelled Draco Malfoy, who should be in Azkaban. I contacted Kingsley through our communication medallions and he had Draco's cell double-checked on. Draco is there and seems to be falling towards insanity already."
Albus was thinking about this one. "And the other two scents?"
Remus continued. "Blood, and not just Draco's but some other blood too. And this part scares me the most, but the third scent was… donkey."
Albus eyebrows jumped at that. "That is… worrisome."
Albus began thinking about the elements involved. They seemed to lead towards a completely unlikely conclusion. Harry had died. And now there are signs of dark magic that include potentially bone of his father, and blood of his enemy. He began to wonder if Harry had previously had an extremely loyal donkey no one knew about. And then Albus remembered Dobby had resigned the day of Harry's death. He had assumed it was grief, but now he wasn't so sure.
Remus noticed a moment of dawning understanding pass across Albus's otherwise impassive face. "What is it? What do you know?"
Albus smiled. "Remus, sometimes as one strives for understanding, we discover the truth is that we would all be better off not knowing. I will tell you if this is what I suspect it may be, then neither of us need know it. That is why I will not pursue that avenue any further and I ask you to consider doing the same. Come now let us go celebrate the life of Harry Potter."
Remus clearly was lacking the insight Albus had, but he took his words for what they were. And Remus was pretty sure he did not want to know anything more about a situation that involved Draco Malfoy, blood, and a donkey. "Very well, Albus. I suspect you are right. Who knows maybe if we listen closely we can hear Harry damning us to hell for embarrassing him like this."
Albus had a smile full of mirth. "Oh, most certainly. Harry was always too humble for his own good. I think this will be good for us and for the morale of the future of the wizarding world."
Harry and Dobby were now invisible and hidden underneath the Gryffindor stands of the Quidditch Pitch. It looked as bad as the Quidditch World Cup. There were thousands upon thousands of people still filing into seats on the magically enlarged stands. "Dobby, are my eyes playing tricks on me, or does it look like the Goblet of Fire is the urn holding my ashes?"
Dobby replied by laughing and pointing at Harry.
Albus stood at the podium next to the black flaming Goblet of Fire. A large picture of a smiling Harry Potter was on display behind it. Albus began. "Friends, we are gathered here not to mourn for our lost hero and savior, but to celebrate his life and rejoice in the gift of peace he has spread across the world. Harry James Potter was born to two of the most wonderful and loving people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. And with his death, he has left behind a legacy of caring, devotion, a little stupidity, and a lot of love.
"I could regale you with countless tales of immeasurable bravery and strength that many of you would still find hard to believe. But I prefer to think the moments that define him best were when he wasn't aware of the façade he forced himself to wear as The-Boy-Who-Lived. When he was just another scared eleven year old putting on the sorting hat. Or a fearless twelve year old illegally brewing NEWT level potions so he could break into the Slytherin common room."
There were a few gasps from the crowd at that comment and Harry saw Ron and Hermione both pale and look at each other.
Albus chuckled. "Oh yes, people, among the many titles we thrust upon Harry, we mustn't forget one of the ones he wore with pride behind closed doors. He was definitely the son of a Marauder. Why if he weren't dead already I think Minerva might kill him if she found out he was the reason she and Mrs. Norris got-"
"Albus! This is not the time or place!" an enraged Professor McGonagall screamed out.
Albus had the decency to blush and remembered he was addressing thousands of people. Perhaps some secrets should be kept. "Of course, I apologize, Professor. As I was saying, Harry's greatest wish when he was younger was to have a family. In the Mirror of Erised, he saw only himself with his parents. No battles or successes nor anything special to most of us. But to him, the hope of a family was the one thing he longed for. I am proud to say he found a lot of that in his wide assortment of friends who he may or may not have realized really were his family.
"Many people have heard me say that Death is but the next great adventure. Harry Potter has died make no mistake about that. And I have no doubt that he has a whole lot of adventures ahead of him still. Thank you." Albus finished and walked away from the podium.
Harry looked down at Dobby. "You think he knows?"
Dobby nodded. "I think he even knows which plan you're going to choose."
"Meddling old fool." Harry mumbled.
Harry and Dobby listened in as several others went up to say things about Harry Potter. He heard Ron talk about his jealousy and in return's Harry's jealousy for Ron's family. He heard Hermione talk about how much he inspired her. He watched Ginny and Remus say their peace too. There were all a bunch of teary-eyed faces but they were almost all smiling too. This was what he really was hoping for. He saw Ron and Hermione huddling closer and leaning on each other. He saw Ginny and Dean do the same. He saw Remus blushing to whatever Hestia Jones whispered into his ear. He even saw Tonks smiling and watching Neville closely. Harry looked over and saw Neville sandwiched between the Patil twins and both girls had a hand on Neville's leg. "Go Neville" Harry whispered. All in all, Harry was feeling more and more like his friends would be just fine without him.
It was then he noticed who it was that was forcing their way up so they could say their peace. He appeared to have snuck around Albus and was now at the podium to speak. Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge addressed the immense crowd. "Friends, believe me when I say this: I will truly miss the light in my life that Harry Potter provided."
More than a few people snorted loudly at this.
Cornelius continued on ignoring the interruptions. "I remember the first time he met me ever since the fateful Halloween night he lost his parents. He was a bit in awe of meeting someone as important as I. He seemed shocked that I was a mere mortal like the rest of us, and that I even knew who he was."
Harry couldn't stand the bumbling politician. He knew he would try and take advantage of this for publicity and so he'd asked Albus to handle the funeral. Harry made a decision and cast a Sonorus on himself.
A voice echoed throughout the Quidditch Pitch. "Actually Fudge, the first time I remember seeing you, you took one of my friends and threw him in Azkaban despite the fact that he was innocent and there was absolutely no evidence even pointing to him. Your words at the time were 'Got to be seen to be doing something.' So I guess taking innocent people and chucking them in Azkaban was my first impression of you."
Fudge paled while everyone in the stands stood up and began looking around. The voice seemed to be coming from all around them. Fudge asked, "Harry?"
"Yeah, that's me. Just minding my own business on my way to meet up with my folks and Sirius. Oh look, that's another innocent you left to rot in Azkaban. Fudge, do a dead man a favor and leave. If you're just here to spout your usual lies I don't think my friends would appreciate it."
Albus stood up and smiling brightly. "Harry, where are you? How are you able to talk to us like this?"
"Oh you know me. I'm on my way to Heaven and all still. Just thought I'd listen in on what you all had to say. Decided I couldn't stand listening to a politician try to win voters and chose to speak up. I think I might be breaking some rules by doing this but oh well. They'll forgive me. It's like the team mission statement up there. They're all about the forgiveness. Even if you kill several hundred people moments before dying apparently. Surprised me a bit to be honest."
Chuckles and snickers were spreading around the crowd.
"Anyways," Harry continued, "Thank you all for the kind words. I'm sure my friends can guess how uncomfortable they made me feel. I mean honestly, listening to some of you, it sounds like I was some special super-wizard. You all seem to miss the fact that I was just a normal wizard, no different from most of you."
The crowd's laughter swelled now and Harry had the distinct feeling they were laughing at him not with him.
"Seriously people. I had some good friends, a good life. I had the opportunity to do everyone a bit of good and took it. I'm sure almost anyone else would have done it in the same situation."
The laughter continued.
"I was a normal kid, dammit!"
The laughter wasn't letting up. Albus spoke from the podium. "Of course you were Harry. That's why you're arguing with us from beyond the grave." More snickering and chuckles drowned out Harry's quiet growling.
"I hate you, Headmaster." Apparently most everyone there could just imagine the frustration Harry was feeling and continued to laugh more.
"Alright fine. I think it's probably time for me to go. I wish you all well and lifetimes of happiness. But if you want something to remember by, remember this: I hope no one brought an umbrella."
And in that exact moment the sky darkened and began raining. But it was an extremely magical rain. Crowds began running for cover and pandemonium ensued as the sky opened up and spilled stink-sap all over the Hogwarts grounds. Albus had the presence of mind to shield himself as well as the Goblet containing Harry ashes. He just laughed as Harry got in some more last minute Marauder worthy havoc. He was almost certain he hadn't seen the last of Harry. He just didn't know when he would see or hear from him again.
Harry canceled the Sonorus and looked over at his house elf friend hiding under the invisibility cloak with him. "Plan B, Dobby?"
Dobby nodded. "Plan B, Harry."
Harry smiled at his friend. "So what's going to be your new identity?"
Dobby puffed himself up proudly. "My name is Eddie. It came from the old name of Elf Dobby Donkey Ear. In the muggle world, I can be your slightly shorter human friend."
Harry raised an eyebrow. "Eddie? Well Eddie, you don't exactly look like a normal human."
Dobby smiled. "I've prepared for this. If anyone asks, we will just explain to them that I am Canadian."
Harry nodded. "You know that's just crazy enough to work."
Dobby nodded. "I thought so. So, Master, who are you?"
Harry turned away from Dobby and was putting on his costume. He spun back around and faced him. He had an oversized eye patch over his right eye. He snarled back, "I'm Patch. And this way, anytime we're somewhere my scar could be recognized, I can just flip the patch up and cover it." He explained while demonstrating this maneuver. "There's a rumor going around that I may be the illegitimate love child of Mad-Eye Moody. They say I was born with a magical eye. And it makes me look dangerous." Harry finished with a small growl.
Dobby clapped. "Very good, Patch! It could also explain why you're mentally a bit slow."
"Exactly! Wait… what?"
Dobby just snickered and laughed.
"Anyways, so as I was saying before, I got to spend a couple days with my parents and Sirius while I was dead. I told them I was just there visiting but they didn't really believe me. When I felt you calling to me I told them I was leaving for a while but that I'd be back. Just before I left them, my dad and Sirius gave me some presents. Check these out." Harry said showing off his priceless bounty.
"Umm, Harry, or Patch, aren't those Bertie Bott's beans?"
Harry smiled. "Nope, these are magical beans! According to Prongs and Padfoot, we pop a couple of these and they will take us to a different place. And here's the best part: they will also take us to a different time."
Dobby looked at Harry and was thinking this sounded a bit harebrained.
"Come on Eddie, according to Prongs and Padfoot, it's all a sort of pure random luck of the draw."
"Patch. You are aware of your own past history when it comes to things of 'pure random luck', right?"
Dobby smiled brightly. "Just checking. Gimme a bean and let's see where we end up."
"Let's hold on to each other and eat at the same time."
"Hoot!" an owl exclaimed just as they were about to disappear.
"Hedwig! I didn't think you were coming." Harry explained. "After you ran off when I told you what your new name would be I thought you'd be sticking around here."
Hedwig just shook her head and hooted back at him the owl word for 'moron'.
"Eddie, I'd like you to meet Hooters, my owl. Hooters, this is my short human friend Eddie."
Hedwig sighed as best as she could.
Harry explained, "He's Canadian."
The two friends locked arms, and the owl gripped on tight. "Ready, Eddie? Hang on, Hooters. Here we go!" Patch said as he and Eddie bit down into their magical beans. The three disappeared without any sign of having been there.
Author's Note: Oh good heavens this one bloomed into something slightly off-kilter. This one-shot turned into a prologue, which ended up much longer than most of my chapters will probably be. And so this story is born. Each chapter involves Harry and Dobby, or rather Patch and Eddie appearing at places in history, and occasionally the future. Maybe there's a reason people think Merlin was part-Demon. Maybe there's a different reason Slytherin left the school. Maybe there's a wonder in the world that's mysterious beginning isn't quite a wondrous as people imagined. No idea, but this way I've created a sandbox for some humorous one-shots in case I ever want to ask: what would happen if the Chinese triads hired Dobby to do assassinations? Or maybe not. But this isn't a storyline I will be updating or addressing frequently. Just whenever inspiration strikes. Comments, reviews, responses, and suggestions where you would like to see Patch and Eddie end up would be appreciated.