Summery: When all hope seems to leave, and there are no songs left to sing. That is when you need the Asholing. Kathryn, and the starship voyager soon discover that they need help, when they enter a region of space that seems to hold nothing, Kathryn finds herself at rock bottom, and Chakotay soon discovers how desperately she needs help… Can a tiny girl called the Asholing help to save Kathryn, and the Star Ship Voyager?
Disclaimer: The Asholing belongs to me, and so does her species, however the universe in which she lives, and all that has ever been seen on voyager or any other trek belongs to Viacom and Paramount, though I wish I owned them, then I wouldn't be having to find a way to pay for collage and having to eat soup for lunch everyday.
So Close But So Far
The shift was over; once again there was nothing new, not even a singe stray proton. She decided to stay in the ready room a bit longer, waiting to make sure that he was not on the bridge, that was the last thing she wanted but desperately needed, was to have Chakotay bugging her about what was bothering her.
It was the same old story, just being here out in the middle of unknown territory, with no end or help in sight. The situation was only made worse with the lack of anything to entertain them selves. After an hour she quietly slipped out of her ready room, nodding to the junior officers as she made her way to the lift.
As the doors closed she sighed, leaning back onto the cool surface. It wasn't that she hated being in space, in fact the opposite was true, she loved it, but she was feeling like she'd let the crew down when she'd destroyed the caretakers array. She was the caretaker of this crew, but she did the one thing that she shouldn't have done as the caretaker, forced her charges to live a secluded life in an area that was foreign and unknown, and at that moment she felt as if she had sentenced them all to death.
The doors hissed open, bringing her back to the current reality, yet helping to reinforce her thoughts at the same time. Slowly walking down the hall, she nodded to a group of ensigns laughing and smiling. 'They seem happy enough' she tried to convince herself to no avail.
At last she made it to the solitude of her quarters. Her safe haven, where she could cry and scream and do what she needed to do. But tonight she didn't feel like doing any of that which she needed to do. Instead she walked into her bathroom, and drew herself a warm bath. Stepping into it she sighed, and tried to let the water soak up all of her fears and worries.
When she finished her bath, she fell straight into her bed, not eating. She wasn't hungry, and rarely was anymore. Slowly she let her eyes close.
"The time is O500 hours" the computer called out in the heavy air of Kathryn's quarters.
"Computer silence alarm and rest twenty-four hours." The sound of Kathryn's voice did not emanate form the bed, but from a corner of her darkened room. She sat herself perched on the edge of the window starring out far beyond the fast moving stars that zipped past her view.
Slowly she stood and crossed the room, opening the top dower of her dresser she pulled out her undergarments, and tossed them onto the center of her bed. Crossing the room once more she grabbed a fresh uniform from her closet and placed it onto the bed as well. Slowly she pulled her nightclothes off. And replaced the delicate silk with the rough cotton of her uniform, and in that very moment she debated wither or not she wanted to the bridge or just stay where she was.
Sighing, she removed her uniform and placed her nightwear back on, she called and informed Tuvok that she was taking a day off and then slipped back between her sheets. No, she wasn't going today.
When Chakotay entered the bridge he found that Kathryn was not in her chair. Shaking his head he went to the ready room door, before he rang Tuvok informed him that she was not there, that she had decided to take the day off, and that she was not to be disturbed unless it was an emergency. Nodding he returned to his seat wondering what made her decided that she wasn't coming to the bridge. It was unlike her to just take a day off, especially without a few days noticed.
As the shift progressed Chakotay found the fact that Kathryn had not come to the bridge started to bug him even more. During his break he decided that he needed to be reassured that nothing was wrong with her.
The door chimed, and Kathryn groaned, not wanting to move she pretended that she didn't hear it. She knew who was on the other side, it was Chakotay; she knew that he was the ONLY one that would bother her when she said that she didn't want to be disturbed. The chime sounded again, and then again. When she thought that she was safe the sound of her door opening made her turn.
Chakotay looked around the room trying to see if there was any sign of her. His eyes fell upon a very small form near the view port. Slowly he moved over to her, she was a far cry from how he normally saw her. Her legs were drawn in close to her chest; she was still clothed in her light blue spaghetti strapped pajamas. As he came closer to her she turned her head away from him and back out toward the whooshing stars.
Sighing he knelt down next to her, "Kathryn?" he whispered. "You didn't answer" She ignored him for the second time in as many days. Taking a deep breath the letting it out slowly, Chakotay looked her over. She was skinny and looked even more so in the soft form fitting night outfit, he could see her collarbone clearly even in the very dim light. "Kathryn, please talk to me"
She ignored his pleading, instead turned more toward the window. All she wanted was to be let alone, to have him stop bothering her, he was making her feel worse, reminding him of where they were. Because she couldn't do the one thing that she wanted more then anything because they were where they were. She could feel tears coming to the surface, as she stared out into nothingness. She slowly took in a ragged breath then let it out slowly, yet just as ragged as it's in take.
Her breathing didn't go unnoticed, "Kathryn what is it?" he asked placing his had on her shoulder. She shrugged it off, not wanting him touch her. He was growing more concerned by the second.
Placing his hand back onto her shoulder he asked again, "Kathryn what is it, what's bothering you?"
By now tears were flowing down her cheeks, and in a ragged voice she spoke for the first time, "Chakotay please, just leave me alone"
He was taken aback some, "Kathryn?" he questioned.
Her voice was a sorry as the site of her; it was muffled, ragged, and very nasal. "Chakotay, you don't understand, please leave"
"I'd like to understand, please tell me?" Her behavior had come as a total surprise to him, he was shocked, he had never pictured her crying never thought that he'd see her cry.
She had had enough, "Just leave now," she cried out startling herself and him.
Frowning, he stated. "If that is what you really want then I will." He stood and left her, and headed toward the bridge, not sure how to process what had just occurred.
After the doors opened and then shut again, Kathryn looked toward them, and in a soft crying voice said, "No, that isn't what I want. I want you to stay here with me forever." Her dull sea eyes turned back toward the stars, and mutely the tears streamed down her cheeks, like a trickling stream on a cool summer morn.