Bonded with Flame: I'm doing this cuz I'm bored.
Drek: That or he got sugar high.
Bonded with Flame: (ignores) Anyway this is story 1, The "Death Melon" Organization XIII. It all started on the disco world of Dance Dance Revolution…
"Remind me why we came here," Axel moaned. He was with Demyx and Luxord.
"Cause we're invading here. Got it MEMORIZED?" Demyx mocked Axel. It had been Demyx's idea to come here.
"My line!" Axel said indignantly "Grrrrr…." they continued walking until they came to a building that Axel had never seen before.
"Ooh, a night club," said Demyx.
"Yes, let's raid the people there of their munny," Luxord said. Luxord was the Organization's personal munny maker, for obvious reasons.
"Sure…" Demyx said. The entire group walked in. Axel found this place very loud and annoying. Kinda like Demyx, he thought to himself.
"Yes… a poker section. Later," Luxord said. He then walked off into the poker and quickly started racking up a lot of munny. Meanwhile Demyx had started to dance.
"Why do you entertain yourself in pointless diversions?" Axel questioned.
"They aren't pointless they're fun," Demyx protested. Right after he said that he slipped on a puddle of water.
"You're right, for the first time ever in Organization XIII history," Axel said. "Say, this is a Kodak moment…" He pulled out a camera and took several pictures
"You're gonna inflate those and post them all over the internet," Demyx said getting to his feet.
"Naturally," Axel replied. Luxord came up to them.
"Hi. I got 9,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999(keeps going for ten minutes straight.) munny. These people are only problem is my bag of holding ran out of space. Can I borrow both of yours?" he asked
"Sure," Axel and Demyx both said. Luxord then walked back to the gambling room. Then all of a sudden Axel felt extremely happy. The reason being that he had just learned that the people here do play good music.
"Burn, baby burn, disco inferno! Burn baby burn, disco inferno," Axel sang along with the lyrics. He noticed Demyx wincing. Was his singing that bad?
"No! Dance water dance!" Demyx said arguing over the lyrics.
"No! Burn baby!" Axel argued back. This went on for quite a while.
"How about Burn Water Burn?" Demyx suggested.
"Sure," Axel replied absent-mindedly.
"Does that even work?" Demyx questioned.
"Yep,"Axel set a puddle of water, that was coincidentally the puddle Demyx slipped on, on fire.
"WHOA! How'd ya do that?" Demyx asked in awe.
"Oh crud!" Demyx sprayed water at it but it made it bigger. Axel then saw Luxord walking back over.
"Hi guys, I'm ba-"Luxord slipped and his cards fell in the fire. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My Uber Organization XIII Premium Ultra Platinum Plus Edition XIII Collector + Nobody cards! Oh well, I've still got my Edition XIII Kingdom Hearts Premium Ultra + cards."
"Geez, how do you remember all that?" Demyx asked.
"PUT THE FIRE OUT!" Luxord yelled at Axel.
"But why?" he said, "the fire has feelings too!"
"PYRO!" Demyx yelled.
"And proud of it," Axel proudly replied. Luxord was still rambling about what other decks of cards he had.
"...And I still have my Premium Ultra Zelda's Harmony official card set, and my Harry Potter + deck," Luxord continued, counting on his fingers for each time he said a name.
Some guy named Ted walked up. "Whoa- You have those?"
"Yeah with the suite of Hufflepuff, Slytherin, Ravenclaw and Gryffindor. Why?" Luxord asked.
"Just checking," Ted walked off.
"Weird…" The fire caught Luxord's cloak on fire. "EEEEP! Get it off!"
"Oooh, a Kodak moment." Axel said. He thenpulled out a camera and took a photo.
"JUST GET IT OFF!"
"Because I'll give you some of my munny! NOW GET IT OFF!"
"Okay,"Axel said happily,"it's gone, munny?"
"Here..." Luxord grumbled.
Demyx sighed, "You're not happy, because?"
"My cloak is BURNED."
"And you have 3924 more in your room?" Demyx pointed out.
"Good point." He warped and came back 4 seconds later.
"I 'borrowed' Xemnas's Uber platinum + Bag of was taking... a I'm done we should be able to finally buy that Death Star at "Toys-R-Us," Along with that Death's Tar stuff. It's 100 Guaranteed to kill all Keyblade masters." Luxord said happily.
"Yesss!" Demyx pumped his fist in the air.
"Later!" And so Luxord went to the gambling room… again.
A DAY LATER…
"I filled up Xemnas's Uber platinum + bag of holding! It's impossible to fill one of those up!" he got his cellphone dailed the number for Guinness Book Of World Records."Hello, Guinness book of world records? It's Luxord- you know the guy who set the world record for winning the most hands in a row? Like, 333,339,822,879,472,990,540,479 hands in a row? (Say that number and I'll give you a cookie.)
The guy on the phone responded by saying the following statement. Make sure to make it sound like an old geezer who's worked WAY too much."Sorry, but nobodies can't set records. New standards. Unless you're a Heartless. Then you're just SCREWED."
"What! What's the big idea!We're sort of people too!" He hung up, "Hey guys, I've found our next world to invade."
"Good, but let's blow up this world before Demyx makes us go here every day and night." Said Axel glaring angrily at Demyx.
They all called some Nobodies.
"Okay, Gamblers. The idea is to suck the life out of the world not suck the munny out of it." Guess who.
"The Dancer with the most kills gets their own PS2, complete with Dance Dance Revolution Extreme 2. Remember, there's a free dance pad."
The Dancers and Gamblers ran off and started to destroy everything. The Assassins didn't seem to do anything.
"There are lots of people in this world." Stated the only Organization member who was there. That seemed to get the Assassins going. They ran off and pillaged.
They then went to the Guinness Book of World Records studio.
"Since I really don't wanna go in there I say we send Nobody ships at it." Axel said, obviously bored.
"Good idea." Luxord said, obviously bored as well.
"How about we go to the Pride Lands?" Luxord asked.
"No, that's where Sora is. I really wouldn't like to die," said Demyx. Demyx had already survived one encounter with Sora, and he didn't want another.
"But think of what cool creature we would be!" said Luxord.
"Forget it. Let's go back to The World That Never Was," said Demyx and Axel. Luxord looked dissapointed
"Okay..." Luxord mumbled.
"I'll stop at "Toys-R-Us," Demyx said.
"Whatever," said Axel, who obviously didn't care.
"Munny please," Demyx asked.
"Here ya go," said Luxord, handing the bag to Demyx
"Thank you," Demyx said.
"There should be enough for a Death Star, 2 things of Death's Tar, and 1 plushy for everyone in the organization. I hear they've got a special on Keyblade plushies…" Luxord said.
"Cool. Catch ya later," Demyx walked over to his Gummi Ship and set off. Luxord and Axel looked at him
"He can just teleport…" Axel mumbled while opening a portal to the World That Never Was.
MEANWHILE IN THE WORLD THAT NEVER WAS…
"Hey Larxene. Hey Larxene. Hey Larxe-" Roxas was cut off by Larxene's angry scream.
"WHAT?" she yelled at Roxas.
"Do you know how to play Magic: the Gathering?" Roxas asked
"You kidding? I forced them to make the Thunder land type," she said smugly.
"Oh, I figured that was where it came from," Roxas said.
"You two talking about Magic cards?" Luxord had just came back from the World Records Studio.
"NO!" Larxene and Roxas both yelled. The number one rule in Organization XIII was don't play any game of chance with Luxord. Xaldin found that out the hard way.
"Dang, I wanted to test out my artifact deck…" Luxord said.
"All right a Keyblade for Roxas, this weird thunder elemental for Larxene, a rose for Marluxia, a card for Luxord, a water droplet for me, a bomb (a fire shaped monster in Final Fantasy) for Axel, a moon for Saix, a changeling plushie for Zexion, a tomahawk for "The Silent Hero" a snowflake for Vexen, a spear for Xaldin, a lasergunthat actually shoots nerf bullets for Xigbar and finally a light saber for Xemnas, oh and a Death Star and two tubs of Death's Tar," Demyx listed off. The clerk looked bewildered.
"That would be $49,078,365,410.99. Will that be cash or charge?" she said. This was the biggest sale "Toys-R-Us" had ever made.
"Cash," Demyx said. He started dumping out the munny. It took almost an hour. The clerk looked at the munny with dismay.
"We don't accept munny. We accept money, but not munny," the clerk said. Demyx thought for a moment.
"Yeah, but the exchange rate is 1,000 dollars to a munny. WHAT NOW!" He yelled at the clerk. The clerk looked extremely happy.
"Thanks. I'm rich!" she said. But Demyx was dissapointed. He still wanted the munny.
"Hey look a Distractasaurus-Rex!" Demyx pointed over to the Barney section.
"Where?" the clerk turned around. Demyx then shoved all the munny in Xemnas's bag of holding,
Demyx stole the money."Sucker!" He then made a quick teleport.
The clerk then proceeded to do what seemed like a very bad Darth Vader didn't take breaths. This guy did. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (breath)OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO(breath)OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOO!"
AT THE WORLD THAT NEVER WAS….
"Hi guys. I'm back." Demyx had returned from his shopping trip.
"Whad'ya get? Whad'ya get? Whad'ya get? Whad'ya get? Whad'-" Larxene was cut off by an annoyed yell from Roxas.
"Shut up!"He hit Larxene on the head with hisKeyblade.
"Owwww… " She moaned. Then she fainted.
"Anyway. To answer Larxene's question, I got plushies! I got a Keyblade for you, this weird thunder elemental for Larxene, a rose for Marluxia, a card for Luxord, a water droplet for me, a bomb for Axel, a moon for Saix, a changeling plushie for Zexion, a tomahawk for "The Silent Hero" a snowflake for Vexen, a spear for Xaldin, a lasergun for Xigbar and a light saber for Xemnas! And I still have the munny!" Demyx handed out the plushies.
Roxas looked oddly at his Keyblade, Larxene tried to suck the thundery power out of the elemental, but found there wasn't any, Marluxia hugged his flower, Luxord saw that the card was a suicide king and Axel lit his bombon fire, but the bomb then came to life. His reaction to that was "cool!"
Saix went berserk because he thought Demyx had confiscated the real moon, to which Demyx replied, "Uh-oh." There was then a chase. In the end of it, Saix ended up soaked, and Demyx was scarred. "Does anyone know life magic?" He asked, "Please?"
"I don't think so. Anyone got a potion?" Apparently Saix did, but he was busy hugging his moon to care.
"No! Demyx confiscated my moon, he shouldn't live!" Saix growled angrily.
Axel pointed out the ever-famous Distractasaurus-Rex (Barney) , and pinched the potion from his pocket. "Here."
"Thanks." Demyx chugged the potion.
Vexen was taking notes. "Let's see, if Saix fell for that..." he muttered, "Oh, look, the Moonyear Blimp!"
"Where?" He exclaimed excitedly.
"There!" Xaldin poked him with a spear. "Oh yeah, how did you get the munny back?"
"I kind of stole it back."
Larxene got up, and decided more annoyance was in store for the Organization. "YAY! YAY! YAY! YA-"
"Keep shuttin' up!" Roxas hit her again.
"Owww… Owww… Owww… Owww…Oww-"
"Will you just shut UP? Let's duel!" Roxas was obviously annoyed.
"Okay. Okay. Okay. Ok-" She was pushing it.
"That's it!" Demyxused hissitar as an axe and sliced herhead off.
Larxene wasreally a robot.
"I was wondering when you'd catch on." Another Larxene, presumably real popped in.
"Wondering… wondering… wondering… wondering…wonde-" Apparently the robot did not want to shut up.
"Shut up!" Yet another Larxene popped in.
"I'm really Larxene's nobody, Exralnex!" The almost real Larxene was her nobody.
"Do they ever end…" Demyx moaned.
"See, Vexen made me a Heartless for the matter of 1 hour!" Said the real Larxene.
"Yeah, she tried to steal my heart-"Vexenchecked hisnotes,"-341 times, on the 342nd time, she finally figured out I don't even HAVE a heart, and stopped."
"I was a slow Heartless." Larxene pouted.
"It was an interesting experiment. I found out Nobodies can have Nobodies." Vexen said in his usual monotonous voice.
"Ha-ha, you are slow." Demyx was mocking Larxene.
"Like I said, I was a slow Heartless." Larxene said angrily.
"Ooh, I wanna have a Nobody! Turn me into a Heartless!" Xigbar shouted.
"Sure. There's just one problem. We don't have hearts to begin with, so we must call our Heartless something different. I say… The Heartless That Never Were…" Vexen contemplated.
Everyone agreed to that.
AT VEXEN'S LAB…
"Okay, step in there." Vexen was instructingXigbar to do random stuff like eat weird concoctions that tasted like potato chips, and do 1,072,947,847,539 pull-ups and get a drink of diet vanilla cherry lemon caffinated Pepsi every time he did one.
Xigbar stepped in. "Just a question, why'd you make me drink that Pepsi? All I can say is that it was actually kind of appetizing. Got any of that canned spamfrom when we raided Wal-Mart?"
Vexen looked rather green, "How can you like Pepsi? About the Pepsi... it contains evil chemicals. See, Pepsi is actually run by Heartless."
"Would you like a second, a minute, or an hour? Or a day?"
"I like to live dangerously. A day."
"Frankly, I don't. A minute."
Vexen started to type. "Commence… operation… Heartless… with… Nobody. Done." hepushed button. There was a dark flash of light and Xigbar got comsumed by it. When it cleared up Xigbar was all black and had a Heartless insignia on his chest. He leap at Vexen, to be knocked back by the cage bars.
Then suddenly a man who lookedexactly the same as Xigbar appeared."What's with that creepy shadow dude?" he asked.
Meanwhile Xigbar was still ramming the cage bars. "NYAH!" he cried.
Vexen then poked Xigbar with random stick he found. "Back in your cage!" he yelled. "Xigbar's Nobody, what's your name?"
"Braxgix," he said. He thenshot Xigbar with tranquilizer dart.
Xigbar apparently had a high resistancetotranquilizers because he yelled one last"Nyah," before falling asleep.
AFTER AMINUTE PASSES…
Vexen startedpushing somebuttons. "Commence… Re-Nobody… operation… go. Done." Braxgix looked over his shoulder.
"Dude, why didn't you just press that undo button?" he asked. Vexen looked at him.
"I look smarter if I press more buttons," the cage door swung open and Xigbar walked out.
"Hi, Braxgix. You're like, ME!" Xigbar said. Vexen wondered what he had done. He had made TWO Xigbars?
"Dude, I know!" Braxgix said back to Xigbar.
"Hey dude,the other Organization dudes are waiting in the lounge!" Xigbar said.
"Excellent!" Xigbar and Braxgix then proceded to to a lame Bill and Ted impression while Vexen stared at them.
AT THE LOUNGE…
"Hi Braxgix!" said everyone but Saix and Xemnas. They were checking out the new Death Star. The results hadn't been promising. It turned out that it was and "educational Death Star," which required you enter the answer to a complicated math problem before blowing up a planet.
"Hi ya'll!" Braxgix said back. Xaldin was going to give the new recruits the lowdown on the Organization.
"Okay, let's see…The initial kit for all Organization members… You get one Magic: the Gathering deck, a cool cloak, a cool element, a really cool weapon, the ability to laugh at other people when they die and a freaky hair style of your choice. It's Organization standard." He pointed at Exralnex."You get the element of death, and a rod." He turned at pointed atBraxgix, "You get the element of nuclear power and a Yo-Yo."
"A YO-YO!" Braxgix yelled indignatly. Xaldin shrugged.
"I thought that the cool element would make up for the lame weapon,"
"That's besides the point. Who fights with a yo-yo?" Baxgix yelled.
"I do…" said Ness, who had randomly appeared.
"You shouldn't be here!" Exrelnex yelled."DIE!" Due to Exralnex's mastery of death, Ness then dropped dead with his final words being, does this mean I won't be in Super Smash Brothers Brawl?
"Fine," Xaldin said irritated."You get… nunchaku!"
"NO WAY!" Braxgix said loudly. "Those are nerd weapons!"
"That was kinda the point..." Xaldin said to himself. "Okay how 'bout infinite kunai?"
"Hey, that's mine!"Larexene growled.
"No, you have wolverine claws," Xaldin reasoned."They're different."
"No, they're kunai."
"No, they're wolverine claws."
"No, they're kunai."
"No, they're wolverine claws."
"No, they're kunai," said a random Rexnd who appeared.
"SEE!" Larexene yelled. She then turned to the Rexnd."Wait, where'd you come from?"
"Oops," the Rexndsnapped his fingers, and disappeared.
"How about a ball and chain?" Xaldin said turning back to Braxgix.
"How about rapier?" Xaldin was wondering if there were any other weapons. Braxgix snorted.
"Rapiers are for wusses," he said.
"I beg to differ mate," said Jack Sparrow who had randomly appeared out of then proceded toPWNBraxgix for calling his weapon lame.
"After seeing that display of OWNAGE I want a rapier!" Braxgix yelled, getting up off the floor.
"Okay, we'll have one shipped to you in thirteen days or less, or your rapier's FREE!" Xaldin said.
"I have to pay?" Braxgix said puzzled.
"Shipping," Xaldin explained.
'I've got 100, 200, 300, 400, 500… 549 munny," Braxgix said pulling it all out.
"Pay up," Xaldin said extenting his hand. Braxgix gave it to him. "Good, now let me show you two to your rooms..."
AT THE DEATH STAR…
"Fire when ready, Saix," Xemnas said. They had finally succeded in answering a question, with a little help from Vexen and Zexion.
"Yes, commander. Wait, what are we firing at," Saix said, his hand over the button.
"Hmmm…" Xemnas looked at the planet."It's green, and it has monkeys."
"Yay kill!" Saix loved killing creatures of all types. He did however have a strict ban on killing elves. Saix pushed thefire button only to have...
"1gn0r4n7 uZORz. A11 80w t0 My 1337n355. 411 4r3 n00BZ," said a metallic voice, coming out of the control board.
"What the heck!" Saix yelled. He had never heard anything like that speech.
"We must dispatch Organization members to take care of this "1337" program," Xemnas said."We will send Zexion and Xigbar. Zexion uses the CPUs; Xigbar shoots everything that needs shooting, which is everything but Zexion." He called Zexion and Xigbaron his premium Organization XIII cell phone. Theyimmidiately went over to the warp area and got beamed into the computer.
IN THE MAIN CPU…
"Oh, a computer terminal," Zexion said. He walked over and startedentering a complex string of commands."Override the math junior learning program. Also deactivate "SAFE MODE" and MCP "1337n3ss"
"Huh?" Xigbar said. He hadn't heard about the Death Star problems.
"It's an educational Death Star. I really don't get it," Zexion said not taking his eyes of the computer.
"Oh. Scary," Xigbar said staring around the strange computer walls.
"3y3 d0n'7 Ph331 1ik3 it," said the echoing voice that belonged to the MCP.
"What?" Zexion asked.
"SXr3w jOO n00Bz. Jo0 pH3e1 t3h p4in 0f 1337n355." Heartless then started popping out of little holes in the ground.
"Time to try out the new weapon," Xigbar pulled outhis plushie gun. Zexion snickered but Xigbar paid no attention. "DIE!" he yelled. The plushie gun shot out little Nerf balls that bounced of the Heartless. Xigbar was confused. "Huh? Screw this," he saidpulling outhis real guns. "Okay, Heartless. DIE AGAIN! Zexion why aren't you fighting! Where's your weapon?"
"I left it at home, Xigbar," Zexion said."But I can use my awesome karate moves."He then showed off some amazingly impressive moves and obliterated a swarm of Heartless."Sucker!"Zexion yelled. Then he got a reallly good idea. "Hey MCP. You know the world you wouldn't let us blow up? It's full of pink bunny rabbits."
"P1nK BunNy R4bb175 MuST D13!11!11!10101," yelled the MCP.
And that is why Deep Jungle didn't return for Kingdom Hearts II.
"I feel a strange disturbance in the Force," said Sora. He sat down and let Donald pilot the Gummi Ship."It is as if a thousand monkeys cried out then stopped."
"Sure, whatever," Donald said.
"Look a star's exploding," Goofy said pointing to the sky.
"No that was a light bulb burning out,"said a Moogle who wastraveling with Sora, Donald and Goofy.
"Look a moon!" said Goofy pointing to a round object in the distance.
"That's no moon. It's a space station," said Sora ominously.
"No, it looks more like a melon," said Donald. Donald's eyesight was weird since a Shaman in Pride Lands threw blue fire at his eyes.
"Then it must be… the DEATH MELON!" Yelled Sora.
"Are you feeling anywhere near sane today, you whacko," said Chip.
"Good thing we're retiring," said Dale in his usual strange voice.
"Uhh guys we're being sucked into the…. Death Melon," Goofy said. No one really paid attention though.
"Happy days!" Yelled Chip happily.
"Happy days!" Dale agreed. Sora then got beamed out ofhis seat into the Main Computer System.
BACK IN THE COMPUTER WORLD...
"Look, a weird floating head!"said Sora pointing at the MCP. "I'm gonnakill it!"
"LOL. J00 c4nn07 b347 m3 n00B5. D13," said the MCP. He proved his point by pummeling Sora with all his MCP was certain it would win."J00 r T3H PwNzOrZed L0L L0L!1!1!"
"Gah! Die!" Sora yelled. At that exact moment Zexion and Xigbar came rushing into the room.
"Wait… how'd Roxas get in here?" Xigbar asked Zexion.
"Huh?" Sora said, distracted. Big mistake. The MCP took that time to practically knock him unconscious.
"No, Roxas had better reflexes," Zexion said to Xigbar.
"Uhhhgggghhh..." Sora mumbled. "As of now, I am weirded out. Period."
"If you aren't Roxas, you're Sora!" said Xigbar"DIE!" Xigbar shot several shots at Sora.
"Owww…" Sora thenfainted. Zexion took that moment to stuff Sora into hisbag of holding.
"Finally! MCP is dead!" Xigbar yelled. Zexion looked scathingly at him.
"You were killed him for a matter of five seconds," Zexion said. Xigbar twirled his guns around.
"I'm just that good, aren't I?"
"N000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 0000000000000000!" the MCP yelled as it disintegrated.
AT THE WORLD THAT NEVER WAS…
"Where am I?" Sora said. He felt woozy and there seemed to be something tugging at him.
"You are trapped in the pit of amillion fangirls," said Xemnas, whowas watching through atiny window in the wall."MUAHAHAHA!"
"SORA!" Came a voice from all around him. Sora got up and saw at least one million fangirls squealing at him.
"SCREW YOU ORGANIZATION XIII!" He yelled at the wall. The fangirls then decided to start stealing his stuff."AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Yes! He is trapped! This is better then that Death' , you are PROMOTED!" Xemnas said to Zexion.
END OF STORY ONE.
Narrator: Will Sora ever make it out of The Pit Of A Thousand Fangirls? Will Zexion even get promoted? Are Donald and Goofy still existan-
Bonded with Flame: (has borrowed a Gunblade, and hits the Narrator with it) It's called "the end" for a reason! DIE! (starts chasing)
Drek: Ooh, a chase! DIE!
NoBody Commander: I give myself co-author credit for translating this chapter out of script. Muahaha!
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, Tron, EarthBound, Barney (Thank God), Dance Dance Revolution,Super Smash Brothers Brawl,"Toys-R-Us," Star Wars, Magic the Gathering, X-men, Guinness Book of World Records, Nerf, Pepsi, Spam,Harry Potter and Legend of Zelda.