A/N: Just another one-shot. I'm really getting to like writing these!
Oliver Wood's Ten Commandments for Members of the Female Sex
1. A girl must not be rude.
2. A girl must not be too loud.
3. A girl must not be overly sarcastic.
4. A girl must not talk too much with guys other than her boyfriend.
5. A girl must not constantly remind her Scottish boyfriend about the time his mum made him wear a kilt to display his so-called "national pride.'"
6. A girl must not march around the Quidditch field during practice singing "God Save the Queen" at the top of her lungs. This holds even more true if she is completely tone-deaf.
7. A girl must not dump a bowl of oatmeal over her boyfriend's head during a temper tantrum.
8. A girl, after the temper tantrum mentioned in Commandment #7, must not further humiliate her boyfriend by delicately placing a cherry on top of the pile of oatmeal on his head and laughing out loud, while completely forgetting what she got angry about in the first place and later, insistently denying that she was ever upset.
9. A girl must not skip Quidditch practice to go shopping!
10. Above all, a girl must keep her nose out of her boyfriend's business and stop peering over his shoulder while he is writing.
"Hey, don't snatch that from me!"
"What's this? Oliver Wood's Ten Commandments for the Female Sex? Who died and made you God?"
"I thought I'd write it for your benefit."
"All right, well let's take a look... 'A girl must not be rude.' Well that's rich, I'll say! Give me that quill, would you?"
"Are you marking up my list?"
"You made the list. I'm just doing the 'checking it twice' part."
"Who gave you permission to mark that X?"
"I'm going to do it for every 'commandment' that I've broken. Number Two: 'A girl must not be too loud. Ha, that's even better! Here's another X."
"You do know you'll end up crossing out all of them?"
"Number three...nope, I've broken that one. Number four...nope... Number five... Hey! Remember that time your mum made you wear that kilt?"
"Zip it, or I'm knocking you unconscious."
"And carry me off to your bed, hopefully. Now, number six... ha I remember doing that! Everyone else was practicing and I had the sudden urge to sing madly... even though I am not tone-deaf."
"Number seven and eight... I did not do that! When did I ever?"
"It was only last week, if you need a reminder."
"See this little burn mark on my forehead? That's from the oatmeal, which was scorching hot, thank you very much."
"Oh, well I'm sorry. Did the cherry make up for it though?"
"I'm not amused. Wipe that smirk off your face."
"Number nine... I only went shopping once, Oliver, cut me some slack!"
"You skipped an important practice."
"Only to buy your birthday gift, love. And a new scarf. They're all the rage, those blue and white scarves... Oh, and number 10, I've broken, obviously, since I was so blatantly looking over your shoulder just now..."
"Really, I didn't notice."
"Your sarcasm just cuts through me."
"Thy humble servant apologizes most fervently."
Pause. "Well, Oliver? It looks like I'm not that perfect 'member of the female sex.' There are X's next to all ten of these rules."
"So I've noticed."
"And you're still going out with me."
"An explanation, please?"
"Because I love you for who you are and I love every single one of your imperfections, and this list can just be Avada Kedavra'd for all I care."
He leaned forward and kissed her gently. "I love you, Katie Bell." She smiled with content as she leaned into him. The list fell out of his hand and fell into the fire, where it lay forgotten.