Disclaimer: I do not, nor will I ever own Yu Yu Hakusho or anything affiliated with said show.
Hell Hath No Fury
"Keiko, I said I was sorry!" Yusuke cried pitifully into the phone as he walked into Koenma's office in spirit world. "It's not my fault the toddler called me in while we were on a date." Knowing what was coming next he held the phone away from his ear, unfortunately, that allowed the rest of the occupants in the room to hear her very unhappy response.
"Then why don't you quit? I'm your girlfriend, I should be more important than some stupid mission! Obviously you don't feel that way about me though, so maybe we should spend some time apart!" Keiko's voice screamed over the line.
Before Yusuke could say a word, or more accurately grovel and beg for forgiveness, Keiko hung up and he was met with the dial tone. "Dammit!" He growled angrily, closing his phone with a snap and shoving it into his jeans pocket.
"Problems?" Hiei asked with a smirk from his spot against the wall. He didn't even flinch when Yusuke's spirit gun blast tore a five inch hole through the wall just to the side of his head. "I'll take that as a yes then." He said, smirk still in place.
With a growl, Yusuke launched himself at his pintsized teammate, only to be stopped abruptly by Kurama's plant. "Let me go Kurama, I'm gonna kill the pipsqueak!" Yusuke screamed in anger, arms pulling at the vines that had wound around his legs.
"Calm down Yusuke, killing Hiei will accomplish nothing. Besides, we're already down one fighter since Kuwabara's got the flu." Kurama stated in a calming tone.
Yusuke was just starting to relax when Koenma walked in. Kurama shook his head and groaned. 'This is not going to be pretty.' He thought with a sigh.
"It's about time you three got here. I was getting ready to send Botan out after you." Koenma said in annoyance as he walked over to his desk. "I've got a very import-…Kurama, why is Yusuke all tied up?"
Before anyone could say a word, Yusuke blasted the vines off his legs and stormed over to Koenma, spirit gun charged and looking quite deadly. "This is all your fault you damn toddler!" He yelled angrily. "Because of your stupid missions Keiko is breaking up with me!" Grabbing Koenma by the collar, Yusuke began to pull him over the table towards him. "I think I'll kill you first, and then I'll move on to Hiei."
Koenma's eyes widened and he began to struggle as the pissed off teen before him readied his attack. "BOTAN!" He screamed.
"Yes Koenma?" Botan called out as she 'poofed' into the room. "What can I do fo-." Trailing off she blinked at the scene before her. Yusuke had his spirit gun aimed at Koenma's face while Kurama stood off to the side trying to calm the boy down, and Hiei, well he sat against the wall with an evil grin on his face.
"Botan, open a portal now!" Koenma cried out when he saw her from the corner of his eye.
Snapping out of her surprise, Botan quickly opened a portal at Yusuke's feet and watched as he disappeared from sight.
Koenma straightened his shirt and cleared his throat once the teen was gone. "You're to apprehend a D class demon who's recently crossed into your world." He said, attempting to appear un-phased by Yusuke's attack mere moments ago. The sweat on his brow and his still wide eyes, however, gave him away. At least he was standing behind his desk so they couldn't see his knees shaking. Pressing a button on his desk, Koenma watched as a large screen displayed an image of the demon he was referring to. "Well, off you go."
Kurama nodded his head as he walked over to the portal and stepped in, Hiei boredly following after.
Once the portal was closed, Koenma collapsed on his desk. "That was scary." He whimpered as he buried his head in his hands. "I think I'm going to hide in my room until I stop shaking." On wobbly legs he stood up and slowly walked out.
Botan shook her head as Koenma left the room. Pulling her oar out of thin air, she was about to fly off when something caught her eye. Cocking her head to the side, she bent over and picked the item up. "Hmm, Yusuke must've dropped his phone when I opened the portal. I'd better hang onto it until he gets back." Tucking the phone into her pocket, she sat on her oar and took off.
Keiko sat staring at the phone like she'd been doing for the last half hour, but still it didn't make a sound. "I was sure he would've called to apologize by now." She muttered, wiping the tears from her eyes with a nearby tissue. "Unless…" She trailed off and began to sob. "…maybe he really does want to break up!" Hugging her pillow to her chest, Keiko started to break down and then froze. "Or, he could be waiting for my call." She said suddenly. "He's probably giving me some time to cool off."
Rubbing her eyes with her sleeve, Keiko smiled slightly. "I have to call him right away!" Picking up her phone she hit redial and waited for Yusuke to pick up.
Back in spirit world, Botan had just arrived in her room when suddenly her pocket began to vibrate. Pulling out Yusuke's phone, she was tempted to let it go to voicemail, but her curiosity got the better of her so she hit send and put it up to her ear.
As soon as the phone connected, Keiko hurriedly began speaking. "Listen Yusuke, I'm sorry about earlier. I know it's not your fault that you get called away all the time, it's Koenma's, and if I ever get my hands on him he'll pay dearly, but I just got so angry that I took it out on you. Please say you'll forgive me, I don't want to be apart!" She cried.
There was silence on the other line and Keiko began to worry. 'Maybe he really does want to break up.' She thought, tears rolling down her face.
"…um, Keiko, this is Botan. Yusuke's on a mission right now." Botan said finally.
"Botan?" Keiko questioned. "But this is Yusuke's cell number, why do you have his phone?"
"He dropped it when he went through the portal so I thought I'd hold on to it." Botan replied.
Keiko paused. "…oh." She said slowly. "Well…um, thanks I guess."
They were both quiet for a minute, neither sure what to say next. It was Botan who spoke up first. "So, I guess you're pretty mad at Koenma huh?" She asked curiously.
And just like that they found some common ground. "You have no idea. He's always dragging Yusuke away on silly missions and he doesn't seem to care what it does to us! He's such a jerk!" Keiko complained.
"Yeah, Koenma gets a little carried away with his job sometimes." Botan said sympathetically. "I've dealt with him for centuries; he's always been that way."
"Do you think it would help if I talked to him?" Keiko asked suddenly. "Maybe he'd back off a little."
Botan snorted. "The only way he'd back off is if he were locked up somewhere for awhile." She said with a small laugh.
There were several seconds of silence and then. "Botan, take me to spirit world…now!" Keiko demanded
"Now hold on, I was only joking." Botan said. "You can't just barge into spirit world and lock Koenma up, you'd get in a lot of trouble."
Keiko sighed. "I know, but I feel like I should do something you know. Teach him a lesson maybe, or at least make him think about others for a change. I just hate the fact that Yusuke's always being drug off somewhere, I miss him."
Hearing the sadness in the young woman's voice, Botan shook her head. 'Maybe I should help her out. It's not like she's asking that much; she just wants to send Koenma on a short…vacation.' She thought, and then coming to a decision, she smiled. "Keiko, I think I will help you out. I could use a break myself too."
"Really?" Keiko asked excitedly. "You'll help me lock Koenma up for a few days?"
"I'd prefer to think of it as giving him an unwanted vacation, but yes." Botan replied. "I'll have to leave the actual locking up to you, can't have Koenma finding out I did it after all, but I'll get you into spirit world and help you find the perfect place to stash him for awhile. The rest will be up to you. Does that work?"
"Absolutely!" Keiko chirped happily. "Once you get me in there I'll handle the rest."
"Alright, I'll open a portal for you now." Botan hung up the phone and opened a portal into Keiko's bedroom. Seeing the dark haired teen sitting on her bed, Botan smiled. "Well, let's get going." She said with a wave of her hand.
Jumping up, Keiko followed after the peppy grim reaper and stepped through the portal. Seconds later she found herself inside what she could only assume to be Botan's room as the bedding and walls were all a variation of the color pink. "Nice place." She said politely, wringing her hands together nervously.
"You can always go back home, forget about this little scheme of yours." Botan offered with a small smile as she eyed Keiko's hands. "It's not too late."
Keiko stilled her hands before straightening up and squaring her shoulders. "No, I'm fine." She said firmly. "Someone needs to teach Koenma a lesson…or something. Besides, Yusuke and I have a date tomorrow and I want to make sure there are no work interruptions." Her eyes turned evil and she grinned before continuing. "Maybe I'll accidentally lose the key and then I can have Yusuke to myself for the whole weekend."
Eyes widening slightly, Botan gulped. 'Ok, maybe this wasn't such a good idea.' She thought worriedly. 'I think Keiko's getting a little too into this.' However, it was a little late to back out no. That, and the thought of a vacation was far too appealing to pass up. "Ok, let's go find you a place to stash the boss for awhile."
Twenty minutes and an unknown amount of hallways later, the pair found themselves deep within the large building that resided in spirit world.
"This place is huge." Keiko said in awe as they walked. "I had no idea all this existed in spirit world, of course I never really thought about it, but still, a building this large, why would spirits need this much space? Can't they just…um…shrink or something?"
Blinking at the random question, Botan paused and looked at Keiko oddly. "I'm not sure whether to laugh, or ask you if your medication's worn off." She said slowly. "You're about to lock up the ruler, albeit an annoying little runt of a ruler, of spirit world and you're wondering why the building's so large. Are you in shock or something, should we turn back now?"
"What? I'm fine." Keiko replied. "I just figured a little conversation was in order, it was too quiet and I was starting to get bored."
This time Botan did laugh. "Haahaaha! You know, I knew there was a reason I liked you." Wiping some tears from her eyes, she continued on her way down the hall, Keiko following after with a shake of her head.
Several more minutes passed in silence before Keiko spoke up again. "So, what exactly are all these rooms for?" She asked curiously. "It looks like this place hasn't been used in years."
"More like centuries, but that's not really the point, these used to be holding cells for spirits that were…unruly so to speak. We'd stick them here for a few hours or so for them to calm down before transferring them to their new home. But that was back before we got more personnel and started using a new system, they're of no use nowadays." Botan said, coming to a stop in front of one of the doors. "Which is why they'll be perfect for our little plan. No one will come down here, and we're so far down that nobody will be able to hear him. It's perfect."
Eying the nondescript door, Keiko shrugged. "If you say so, that's good enough for me."
Botan pulled a key out of her kimono and handed it over to Keiko. "Here's the key…" She said before grabbing a notebook and pencil from her pocket and scribbling some things down. "…and here's a map that'll get you to Koenma's office and back here again so you don't get lost. I still have Yusuke's cell so you can call me once he's locked up and I'll come take you back home."
Taking the key and map, Keiko gave Botan a smile. "Thanks for all your help; I couldn't have done this without you." She said with gratitude.
"Don't mention it, I'm just glad to be able to help…and seriously, don't mention it or I'll be screwed." Botan replied with a smile of her own. "Good luck." With a wave, she pulled out her oar and was about to take off when Keiko stopped her.
"Botan, just one last question." Keiko called out quickly. "Um…how gullible is Koenma? I mean, I have a few ideas about how to get him down here and I'm just wondering which one I should use."
Tapping her chin in thought, Botan cocked her head to the side. "Hmm, I'd say he's fairly gullible. He'd probably fall for just about anything." Seeing Keiko nod and then narrow her eyes in thought, Botan shook her head and took off towards her room. "I'm suddenly reminded of a human saying…hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, and though I wouldn't go so far as to say she's scorned, I think it covers things fairly well." She muttered under her breath as she rounded the corner.
As Botan disappeared out of sight, Keiko decided it was time to put her plan into action. Sure it wasn't the most eloquent idea in the world, but if he really was as gullible as Botan said, it should work just fine. Taking a good look at the map, and making sure she knew where she was going, Keiko set out for Koenma's office. "Now let's see, I'll need some paper, a pen and…nope, that's all I need. That and some luck." She mumbled to herself as she walked down the hallway. She walked in silence, running the plan over and over in her head so she wouldn't mess anything up.
When Keiko arrived at the busy work space just outside of Koenma's office, she snuck several pieces of paper and a pen off a random desk and got to work. Since all the employees were busy, no one paid any attention to the human woman working near one of the desks along the back wall. I mean it's not like someone could simply waltz into spirit world, so obviously everyone around was supposed to be there.
Double checking her work, Keiko gave a satisfied nod. "Perfect, now I just need to find a way to get this important memo to him." Letting her eyes drift around the room, she spotted a familiar looking blue ogre with a huge stack of papers in his arms. 'He's the one that works for Koenma…Jorge or something.' She thought, a smile spreading across her face. 'That's how I'll get it to him.' Walking up to the overburdened demon, Keiko placed her paper on the top of the file. "Make sure Koenma gets this ASAP, it's' really important." She chirped in a bubbly voice, hoping he wouldn't realize who she was. "Thanks." And then she quickly turned on her heel and walked away before he could say a word. Ducking around the corner, Keiko took a deep breath. "Now I'll head back to the room and wait."
Jorge groaned under the weight of the files as he stumbled into Koenma's office. "Koenma sir, I got the files you requested." He called out, voice slightly muffled behind the papers.
"Put them on the corner of the desk." The pint-sized ruler said from his seat. "And then get me something to drink, I'm thirsty."
Grumbling, Jorge dropped the files on the desk and turned to leave again. Pausing, he turned back around. "Oh, I almost forgot. I was told to make sure you got this quickly." He said, pulling a paper from the top of the stack and handing it over. "The assistant that gave it to me said it was very urgent."
"Well hand it over idiot." Koenma said in annoyance. "Can't you do anything right. You're supposed to give me the important information first, not wait until the last minute." Snatching the paper from his underling's hand, Koenma quickly read it. Eyes widening, he jumped up. "Crap, I'm going to be late!" He cried. "Father's going to kill me!" Dropping the paper, he fled the room like the hounds of hell were at his heels.
Jorge blinked at the dust trail that followed after Koenma. "I wonder what that was all about." He mused, walking over and picking up the abandoned sheet of paper. As he read the letter, he gulped. "I wonder if I should start looking for another job. King Enma is going to be pissed when his son shows up late to their meeting." Letting the paper fall to the ground, he sighed. "Who am I kidding; Koenma would never let me work for someone else."
While Jorge was feeling sorry for himself, Koenma was flying through the maze of hallways in spirit world looking for the meeting place. "Why the hell did father want to meet so far down here?" He grumbled annoyed. "There's nothing down here but holding cells, and they haven't been used in centuries. Why would he want to meet somewhere so seclude-…oh no, I hope he doesn't want to meet me here so he can punish me for something." Slowing down, he began to sweat nervously. "Crap, what've I done to warrant his wrath lately." Checking the room number on a nearby door to see how close he was, Koenma gulped when he realized that he was right outside the set meeting room. Raising a hand to the knob, he froze. "I can't do this." He breathed out. "I think I'll just pretend I never saw that silly letter and go back to my office now." Nodding at his decision, he began to turn around when suddenly his whole world went dark.
Keiko waited quietly in the empty room across from where she was going to lock up Koenma. Holding the stick she'd found in a nearby cell, she took several deep breaths as she listened for any sounds of her approaching victim. 'Just breath.' She thought over and over in her head. 'It's not that hard, a simple hit to the head and he'll be out like a light. Then I can move him into the room and lock him up.' Closing her eyes, she briefly entertained the idea of forgetting her crazy plan and having Botan take her home, but the thought of having her boyfriend to herself for an entire weekend kept her in her place.
Time passed slowly and Keiko found herself counting her heartbeats to keep herself focused. It wasn't working very well though and soon she began to fidget nervously. Several more minutes passed and she was about to give up, certain the ruler had seen through her plan and wasn't coming, when she heard hurried footsteps running down the hall. Keiko listened as the steps slowed, followed immediately by some muffled mumbling that she couldn't make out. Opening the door slightly, Keiko held her breath as her eyes took in the nervous looking toddler.
"I can't do this. I think I'll just pretend I never saw that silly letter and go back to my office now."
Hearing this, Keiko quietly stepped out of the room and raised her stick above her head. As Koenma nodded his head, she brought the weapon down on him hard. Watching as he crumpled to the ground, Keiko released the breath she'd been holding. "Well that was easier than I thought it would be." She said as the adrenaline kicked in. "I guess there wasn't any reason to worry." Tossing the stick on the floor, she grabbed Koenma's arms and slid him into the room. Leaning him up against the back wall, Keiko wiped her hands together and turned around. Walking over to the door, she took one last look at the unconscious ruler and shut the door. "Sleep well."
Keiko closed the door and locked it. Tucking the key into her pocket so she wouldn't lose it, she pulled out her cell and hit redial. Two rings later she spoke up. "Hey Botan, I'm finished now." She said, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips at her job well done.
"I'll open a portal for you." Botan's voice said over the line.
Seconds later a portal opened in the hallway and Keiko stepped through it into Botan's room. Pulling the key out of her pocket, she tossed it to the pink haired grim reaper and smiled. "There's the key, now it's up to you when you want to let him out."
"Wow, you actually succeeded." Botan said in slight shock. "I'm surprised it all worked out. I mean not that I didn't think you could do it, but…you know." She finished with a shrug.
"Yeah, I was shocked he fell for it so easily. I didn't really think my plan would work either, but I'm glad it did. Now I can have Yusuke all to myself for awhile." Keiko replied, eyes lighting up at the thought of her boyfriend.
Smiling softly, Botan decided that no matter what punishment she's given, it was definitely worth it. Standing up, she stretched. "Since your job is finished, I should really get you home now. Don't want anyone snooping around and finding out why you're here." She said as she opened up another portal, this time into Keiko's living room.
"Thanks for all your help." Keiko said, giving Botan a hug. "Please make sure to give Yusuke back his phone when he gets back, and have him call me. I don't want to waste any of our time together."
Botan nodded. "I will, and have fun on your date." Waving, she watched as the teen stepped through the portal and disappeared. "Now I'm free until the gang gets back. I wonder how many episodes of my soap I can get finished." She murmured, plopping down on her bed and picking up her remote.
An hour later Botan found herself in Koenma's office opening a portal for the spirit detectives. Rolling her eyes as Yusuke came in complaining, she waited for Hiei and Kurama before closing the opening.
"Where the hell's the toddler?" Yusuke grumbled. "First he sends us on that stupid mission and now he's not even here to listen to our report."
"He's currently…detained." Botan said, trying not to sound suspicious. "Why don't you three just go home for the night and give him the details later."
"But I'm not finished with the runt; I still have a few things to say to him." Yusuke growled, raising his fist angrily.
Placing a hand on his shoulder, Kurama shook his head. "Let it go Yusuke and be thankful that you get to go home right away." Seeing Yusuke's shoulders sag, he turned towards the door. "Botan, a portal please." He asked politely.
With a nod Botan opened a portal to human world and watched as Kurama and Hiei stepped through. As Yusuke headed towards it as well, she raised her hand and called out. "Hey Yusuke, you dropped your phone earlier." She said, holding up the small device.
Pausing, Yusuke turned around. "I did?" Eyeing the item in her hand, he sighed. "Man, it would've sucked to have lost it." He said, walking over and taking it from her hand. "Thanks."
"No problem." Botan replied with a smile. As Yusuke turned back to walk away again, she remembered her promise to Keiko. "Oh, and Yusuke, you really should call Keiko. I'm sure she really misses you."
Waving his hand, Yusuke flipped open his phone. The last thing Botan heard before he disappeared was Yusuke's apology and Keiko's happy cry. Closing the portal, Botan mentally patted herself on the back as she headed back towards her room. "Now I can spend some time focusing on me for a change since Koenma will be out of the picture for a few days." She said happily.
In the dark depths of spirit world, Koenma sat huddled in a corner of one of the empty holding cells. Rocking back and forth on his heels, he whimpered softly. "Somebody, anybody, get me out of here!" He wailed.