A/N- You read the description. Pretty much states it all there. Not much else to say…
Merry: Lyndz does not own anything, except a few CDs, a couple of movies, the Organization of the Random, and Marvin.
Lyndz: Merry, you and Pippin are officially my favorite muses. The rest of you suck.
Other Muses: Boo-hoo.
Lyndz: Why don't you like me?
Muses: You keep us locked up in a dungeon for one, and secondly, the only muses who've eaten in the past week are Merry and Pippin.
Lyndz: Fine. You can hang out in the SMSC lounge, but you can't run away.
Lyndz: Alrighty then. On with the story.
What if Frodo had given the Ring over to Sauron?
Frodo was feeling absolutely depressed. He desperately wished that this stupid quest were over with. He hadn't had tea or cakes in weeks, Strider smelled terrible, Merry and Pippin were quickly losing it without their daily ale, and Sam was way to into this quest thing. He says he doesn't trust Strider, but he's already told the Ranger all about Rosie.
And, to make matters worse, whenever he tried to get rid of the stupid Ring, somebody stopped him.
The Ringwraith was just above them back at the road. He could have told them that the Ring made him put it on, and the wraith had said he would not hurt them had they handed it over. He seemed like a being of his word. But, no, Sam had to go and stop Frodo's hand. It could have ended there.
Then, at the Prancing Pony, Strider foiled his plan, twice! First, Frodo was sure that if had he kept the Ring on for long enough and walked far enough, Sauron could have taken the Ring, and besides, what could an eye do with a ring?
That night, all the Ringwraiths were right there, but Strider insisted that now was not the time for a bathroom break. Boy, would he have been sorry had Frodo actually had to go, and went on his precious sword.
But, this time he would not fail. They were to meet Gandalf at Weathertop, and if the hobbit happened to drop it off the top, who could blame him? As an extra bonus, Strider claimed the nine were chasing their little group, and would catch up soon. Surely, Frodo would not be at fault if the Ring fell midst the mad struggle to get away.
So, with that on his mind, and Pippin being hit on the head with an apple, Frodo smiled for the first time in days.
As Weathertop drew closer, Frodo felt better and better. He was going to be rid of the gaudy thing in no time at all.
So, the night the five finally reached the fallen watchtower, Frodo pretended to fall asleep, day dreaming of his home, positive that he would see Bag End soon. Later on that night, Merry, Pippin, and Sam predictably got hungry, and this was Frodo's chance.
Acting irritated, he kicked the fire right onto the carefully placed wood. From a distance, the message was clear: The One Ring is here. No cost. No returns.
"And now, all I have to do is wait," thought Frodo, smiling evilly in the dark.
The hobbit did not have to wait long, for within a couple of mere minutes, five of the nine had showed up. Frodo quite enjoyed watching his "friends" get beat up by cloaks, but he heard Strider in the distance, and decided to get a move on.
"Hi, I'm Frodo."
The leader wraith stepped/glided forward. "My name is Godric. These gallant fellows to my right are Jeff and Bob, and to my left we have Matt and Pat. They're twins. Now, you the one with the Ring?"
"Yep," Frodo said, smiling.
"Alright then, lets make this quick, because Else Si is on at ten, and Julie is having James' baby, even though she told both Susan and John that it was John's. Oh, and Derek's evil twin is back, and he threatened to kill Marie if Derek does not hand over their dead parents fortune. My sources also claim that one person who we thought died, comes back, ends up in a coma, awakes from said coma, and then spends an entire weekend alone with Leslie. Don't ask me how he can be alone and still snuggle with Leslie, because I don't know, that's just what I read, " Godric rambled on about his favourite Soap Opera.
Frodo was a bit taken back. Last he checked, Julie was having John's baby. He wondered if it was during the last month or so that viewers had learned that Julie cheated on John with his best friend and brother, James. "Okay," he said.
And he did, but before Godric, Jeff, Bob, Matt, and Pat left he called out, "Hey, uh, do you think you could possibly help me out? See, I'm not supposed to willingly hand the Ring over."
Godric smiled (Okay, Frodo assumed he smiled), "I like you, you respond well. Now, drink this vial quickly. I promise you, when I stab you ya' won't feel a thing, and the blood, well, that's unavoidable. Oh, and one more thing, make sure you scream in agony. Gives the illusion that it hurts, kapeesh?"
"Kapeesh," Frodo agreed, downing the vial, which, oddly enough, tasted decent.
Not wasting a second Godric forced his blade into Frodo's shoulder, and true to the wraith's word, it did not hurt a bit.
As Strider rushed in to save the wounded (cough, cough) Frodo, the wraiths ran, sensing their welcome was overdone.
"Thanks for the Ring!" they screamed, although to human (and elven, dwarf, and goblin) ears it just sounded like screeching.
"Did they get the Ring?" Strider asked, staring at the retreating forms of the Ringwraiths.
Frodo was flabbergasted. Here he was, stabbed for Eru's sake. He was bleeding his own blood, and all these… mindless, wannabe heroes care about is that ugly, cheap imitation of a ring!
The former ring bearer let out a fake, but surprisingly realistic low moan of pain. Strider wrenched his vision from the Ringwraiths' backs, and turned it towards the hobbit, as Sam ran over.
"Are you okay?" the gardener questioned.
Oh, how desperately Frodo wanted to stand up and scream: DO I LOOK LIKE I'M OKAY? DO YOU NOT SEE THIS GAPING MAW OF A WOUND? IT'S NOT PART OF THE ENSEMBLE!
Instead, he drew in a shaky breath and pointed to the stab.
Strider strided (he he) over, "This is from a Morgul-knife. Few now have the skill in healing to match such evil weapons."
And so, the four hobbits, and one future king set off to Rivendell, and along the way they met Glorfindarwen (conglomerate of Glorfindel and Arwen, if you hadn't already guessed. This satisfies both parties.). Although, much to Frodo's displeasure, no one was quite so eager to save his life now that the Ring had been lost.
The Council of Elrond still met, although that was more of a-they are already here so might as well go through with it- thing. While, the Fellowship wasn't formed, eight out of what would have been nine bonded over making fun of Frodo.
Ah, but my tale does not end here. Nay, I take you now to Mordor where, gasp, a huge party was in motion…
"WOO-HOO!" shouted a drunken Ringwraith. Ringwraith number six in fact, Joe.
Nazgul number nine, Pete, held up a very large mug of ale, "Par-Tay, everybody! Drinks are on me!
"You, are a moron," stated a very intoxicated Sauron, "didn't I just say that the drinks were on me?"
"Oh yeah… That is true. Drinks are on Sauron!" Pete corrected himself, shouting into the mass of partygoers.
Upon these words the entire party burst out shouting.
"You know what," Sauron said a little while later, "I love you guys. Without you, I…I don't know what I-
Zach (Ringwraith number seven) was closest to Sauron, and he swore he saw tears.
"You don't need to finish, man," Marvin, an orc, said clasping his hand on the Dark Lord's shoulders.
"Yeah, we know. We know," stated Saruman
There was silence as everyone nodded, which was remarkable because the orcs in the back were unfortunate enough not to have heard what was going on. I highly suspect it was a conformist moment for the lot.
The final wraith, Ray, broke said silence, "So, uh, what are you going to do with it?"
It, was of course the One Ring, which gleamed on Sauron's finger.
Morgoth's lieutenant shifted his gaze to the Ring, and quite soberly declared, "Well, we could run around, reeking havoc, destroying lives, and generally making everybody's' lives miserable…"
He paused, as if to consider the option, then continued, "But, that's too predictable. I want to go bold. Oooooo. What if… we don't do that. We'll ignore 'em for a couple of years, and then attack them with balloons. Them are real killers they are. Just the other day one blew up in my face it did. They'll never expect it."
Okay, so maybe, just maybe, Sauron wasn't sober. Luckily, for our heroes, everyone else was completely wasted too.
Wisely, no one commented on his absurd grammar, although everyone may have been too drunk to notice.
Everyone agreed. The plan was perfect. They did not have to do any of that messy business. The balloons would do it for them. The plan was fool proof.
Sauron smiled, "It has been such a long time since I have taken a good look at my Ring, and it is dreadfully dark in here. Black is definitely not my color. It's so drab, and I'm so, flamboyant. We are so redecorating. I'm thinking yellow, no, pink, no… bright orange."
He smiled, envisioning the new look,
"Now, about this light problem. Here's what we will do: Take a nice walk over to Mt. Doom. I must rename that by the way. Hello, morbid? It is bright in there, right. Excellent, let us go!"
So, they did. Well, actually nine Ringwraiths, four orcs, Wormtongue, an evil Istari, and the Dark Lord trekked their way to the now called Mt. Hitchenwylderwatastracha (don't ask…).
"Whew, it is hot in here," exclaimed Godric, cramming onto the small walk space.
"Yes, but the light! Isn't it amazing?" declared Saruman, leaning in to get a better look at the object all of them had worked so hard to obtain.
Sauron held the Ring up above his head, not unlike Gollum would have done at this very spot, but at that precise moment Bob sneezed, taking the Dark Lord by surprise. He flung up his hands and when Sauron brought them down again, they were empty.
"Oops," he muttered, as the Ring plunged into the molten lava.
Saruman giggled, "That can't be good."
Indeed, it was not. With the Ring destroyed, nearly everything that would have happened, did. Aragorn became King, and married his beloved Arwen, Eowyn met Faramir during a bar fight in Minas Tirith (the Swinging Baboon Tavern, if I am not mistaken), and so forth.
That, mellyn-nin is what could have been had Frodo given the Ring over. Funny, how thousands of lives could have been saved had Frodo been allowed to do what he truly wanted.
A/N- There it is. Now, I fully realize that most of the events in the beginning are from the movie, but it is just easier for me that way. Next up, what if nature called during a battle?