Neon Genesis HAMSTERGELION
Dib opened his eyes, only to see an unfamiliar ceiling. Suddenly, in place of the ceiling took a wrinkled and scowling face.
"Geez, you're pathetic..." Ms. Bitters, Dib's teacher from skool, stood over him as he came back to conciousness in a bleached white hospital room with a single open window next to his bed.
"Uggggg, what happened?" Dib asked, as he sat up and began massaging his head.
"Of course you don't remember, you only defeated one of the most destructive forces in the universe."
Dib leaned forward, "Ms. Bitters, do you know what happened?!"
Ms. Bitters scoffed, "I could tell you, but then you'd probably just get annoying".
"Please, I need to know what happened..."
"Fine," Ms. Bitters began, "Here's what happened..."
I was taking my monthly trip to the grocery store for pig's feet and shoe polish, when I saw the stupidest thing I'd ever seen in my life.
HAM Unit 01 was pinned against a skyscraper. The behemoth Pipi lumbering towards it with gigantic steps.
"Uhhhhhhggg..." Dib sat, half concious in the cockpit, "It can't end, not like this..." Just then 01's head rose. It tore the giant hamster pellet out of it's belly, and began stomping towards the enemy in a frustrated manner. The Pipi stopped and cocked it's head when suddenly 01 proceded to slap it furriously, alternating hands with each blow. The Pipi staggered back, and began to groom it's head with it's giant paw.
"ROAOOAAAAARRR!" The adorable giant gave a fierce battlecry. 01 grabbed it's head under it's long arm and began to noogie it viciously.
"The core son! THE CORE! Destroy the core, and the Pipi will fall!" Professor Membrane said to Dib in the cockpit.
"-can't...control...hamster...robot...thing," Dib said weakly as his mech continued bullying it's foe by making it punch itself.
"Hmmmff. Too many giant rats about nowadays..." Ms. Bitters complained to herself as she calmly walked past the battle, grocery bags in hand.
Unit 01 pulled the Pipi to it's feet. It reached for it's waist and rummaged around through the deep fur. It then pulled a glowing red sphere out of the monster. Being slightly taller than the Pipi it dangled the ball above it's head. The Pipi tried jumping up, reaching with it's nubby arms, but with each earth shaking hop, Unit 01 held it's prize just out of the monster's reach. The Pipi lunged forward, but 01 easily held it's head back with one hand, holding the core in the other. Then, growing bored, 01 popped the glowing red ball into it's mouth. The Pipi stopped. It's lower lip began to tremble. Then, it began to shrink. Smaller and smaller, untill it was the size of your normal, everyday, hamster. Very confused, and for the most part, oblivious to what was going on around him, he began to run around in circles. Unit 01 rose it's armor plated head to the sky and gave a great belch. It's eyes then stopped glowing, and it fell backwards, drained of energy.
"Wow," Dib said, "I did that?"
"Ho ho ho! Of course you didn't son," Professor Membrane stood in the doorway of the hospital room. "Apparently, seeing what a pathetic pilot you are, your HAM unit decided to take matters into it's own hands, and went berserk."
"Hey!" Dib exclaimed, "It's not my fault, you just threw me in there without giving me any training or anything!"
"Yeah but," Membrane put his hand over his face and shook his head. "You're just SUPPOSED to get it, that's just the way it WORKS!" He rose his hands to the air in exclaimation. "Anyhoo, I just came here to tell you that you're not allowed to live at the house anymore."
"Maybe that'll teach you not pass out while fighting giant monsters for the first time... again."
Dib raised his brow, "That didn't make sense...But where am I supposed to stay?!"
"Well, that's why I called your teacher here today," Membrane and Dib looked to Ms. Bitters, who had just taken a crunchy bite of a pig's foot, and was now growling at them. "You will be sleeping in the skool boiler room from now on."
"The boiler room?"
Membrane looked at a wristwatch under his gloved hand, "Oh look at the time, I'm of to go SAVE THE EARTH! Have fun Dib. We'll call you if anything comes up." Mebrane pressed a button on his goggles and teleported out of the room in a flash of blue light.
Dib looked uneasily at Ms. Bitters. She held a jar at him.
THE SAGA CONTINUES! Please review!