Oh man I am so sorry three years what the hell okay here you go more of this shit oh man I am so sorry jeez
Ed sat in front of a desk and waited for the man sitting before him to speak. When the man did speak, Ed became very worried about the man's sanity. Then he thought about where he was and wasn't quite as worried about a possible lack of sanity. It seemed to be very common, and for the most part, not threatening.
After a very long rant about jello, during which Ed had a chance to use the bathroom, the man became serious. "Well then, I see you've finally arrived, Sir Elric."
"Why yes, the son of the famous lord Elric from the country of Rearigfsbdv, far to the south."
"Rearigfsbdv?" Ed tried not to laugh as he repeated the word.
What the hell? That's got to be the stupidest name for a country I've ever heard, Ed thought as the man stood up.
"Well then, I have promised your parents that I would send you home should I find you around here, and that is what I shall do. Your friends have been told you are a criminal; if you hadn't chosen to accompany demons they would have been told the truth, but alas, we must capture them and take them with us on our trip to Rearigfsbdv."
Ed snorted. A name like that seemed to fit in perfectly with this strange world. It was just too funny for Ed to keep a straight face. After a while, he composed himself and put a serious look on his face. "And what makes you think I'm this… Sir Elric you speak of?"
"Your eyes. Everyone knows that golden eyes and hair together are a trait of the Elric family, and besides, I've met you before."
"Well… I have no idea who you are, so…"
"Of course you wouldn't. It's been years since our previous meeting. You've become so handsome, Alphonse."
Ed did a double take. This was definitely an unwelcome coincidence. He'd never get used to people calling him Alphonse. "Um…"
"Come along, young sir, we must get you ready for your journey. Your brother Edward will be very happy to see you."
"He's a fugitive?" Gunter asked incredulously after Yuri told his story.
"That's what they said, but it can't be true, right? I mean, Ed's been with me for longer than they said he's been on the run."
"It's a trap," Gwendal said. "They must know you're here, Your Majesty, and they want you to slip up and bring up the fact that you're a demon."
"Why would they do that instead of just capturing me in the first place?"
"This town has had problems with people being arrested without a good reason. It would be easier for them to take Edward because he's more suspicious with his arm and leg. Besides, he's so thick-headed that he won't exactly be the picture of innocence."
Yuri sighed. Gwendal was right. Ed would probably make things harder for all of them if he didn't think things through, which Yuri had a feeling he wouldn't. "But I can't just leave him there."
"Yes, you can."
Both Yuri and Gunter glared at Gwendal, who just shrugged. "He'll figure it out on his own. We just need to wait for him."
"How do you know he'll make it out on his own?" Yuri asked.
"Because, first off, he wasn't really arrested. He was simply mistaken for someone else, the son of a nobleman in a country to the south. This nobleman happens to have the name Elric as his surname."
"How do you know that?"
"They're talking about it in the streets. I just opened the window and listened."
Yuri wondered when Gwendal had opened the window, but he chose to ignore that question. Instead, he focused on the issue at hand. "So now what?"
"We'll get a message to him to meet us at a spot just out of town, and-"
"Wait a minute," Gunter interrupted. "The Elric family lives in Rearigfsbdv, right?"
Gwendal raised an eyebrow. "That's right."
"Isn't that our destination?"
Yuri gasped. "That's right. What should we do, then?"
Gwendal looked out of the window again. "We'll just have to ask them to listen to our side of the story."
Ed sat miserably in the small courthouse, waiting for Yuri to inevitably show up and try to get him free. He realized it was a trap, but he couldn't do anything about it. They had bound his hands for the effect, so theoretically he could use alchemy, but there were dozens of guards everywhere.
After a while, Gunter came running into the room and tried to get to Ed, but he was stopped. Ed watched in shock as the demon dramatically held his hand out to him. "I'm so sorry! I have failed you, my friend."
Ed's 'guardian' looked at Gunter in surprise. "Excuse me?"
Gunter calmed down and looked at the 'guardian.' "Young master Elric wished to venture into the demon country, and he practically begged me to take him there, and I couldn't resist… he's just too hard to say no to… so I had a couple of friends help me and we attempted to disguise ourselves as demons…"
The human narrowed his eyes. "So you really aren't demons?"
"Absolutely not! We are simply friends that wished to please Mr. Elric here."
Ed wanted to gag. Gunter was definitely acting strangely… but he was fine with it as long as it got him out of the mess he was currently in.
"I see. Well, if you're such great friends with young Alphonse…" Ed cringed at this. "Then we shall allow you to accompany us to his family's home in Rearigfsbdv. I'm sure Alphonse's family would love to meet the ones who have been taking care of their precious youngest son."
Ed groaned. This definitely hadn't been what he was expecting. After a while, they stuck him into a carriage with Yuri, Gwendal, and Gunter, and they headed south. As soon as Ed's guardian left, Yuri breathed a sigh of relief.
"That was close."
Ed looked out the window to where a bunch of people were standing around talking. "So what, are we just going to go with it?"
"No, you're going to argue that you aren't who they say you are, and we're just going to act confused. Oh, and use a different last name. Elric is too…" Gunter trailed off.
"Right." Ed thought about it for a while. "But what made you decide to do this?"
"Because our ultimate goal is to get to Rearigfsbdv."
Both Yuri and Ed snorted at this. Gunter looked at them in confusion. "Is something wrong?"
Yuri shook his head. "Not at all, Gunter. Um… Rearigfsbdv, right? Where exactly did that name come from?"
Gunter shrugged. "I'm not sure. I believe it was founded by someone named Flabíshnau… Are you sure you're all right?"
Yuri and Ed were shaking, trying very hard not to laugh out loud. It was funnier for Ed, but Yuri knew enough about English to realize just how ridiculous the names were. After a while, Ed managed to regain control of his amusement and tried to be serious. It was damn hard.
After a while, the one dude who was in charge of bringing Ed back indicated for him to come out and talk with him and some others. Ed stood and tried to talk to the man, but he was constantly interrupted and introduced to random people. Finally, he just gave up with being polite and stormed off. Of course, he didn't get very far, but it did get him some time alone with the man.
"Is something wrong, Alphonse?" he asked.
Ed scowled. "I've been trying to say something for a while, but so far I haven't had the opportunity. I'd appreciate it if you'd listen to me with no interruptions."
"Of course," the man said politely. "Go ahead."
Ed took a deep breath and began. "Okay, first off, my name isn't Alphonse Elric. My name is Edward Mustang and I have no idea how you could have confused me for someone I'm not."
"But your eyes–"
"I thought I asked you not to interrupt me," Ed said tersely, and he continued when the man shut his mouth. "The thing is, I barely know my family. My father left when I was young and my mother is dead. My brother and I have been on our own for around ten years now, and most of the time we're never in one place for very long. As a result, I barely know my heritage, and so there's a decent chance that my eye color could be a result of being distantly related to these people, but believe me, I am not Alphonse Elric."
"You mean… you lied to me?" the man asked, sounding horrified.
"No. I didn't lie. You didn't give me a chance to explain," Ed replied curtly.
The man looked at him for a moment before smiling and patting Ed on the back. "Nice try, Alphonse. It'll take more than that for you to get away again."
Never before had Ed wanted punch a man's jaw through the back of his skull so badly. Other than his father and miscellaneous military officials, of course…
"So, now what?"
They were staying at some nobleman's house, and they were sitting around a small fireplace in the guest suite. Gunter had drugged Ed's 'guardian' so that they could have a few moments' peace. Ed was being quiet, however. He was just staring into the fire.
"We just keep doing what we've been doing, Yuri," Gunter replied. "As long as Edward continues to argue about his true identity, we should be fine."
"I don't know, I don't think Ed can take much more of this," Yuri said worriedly.
"He'll be fine," Gwendal said. "Just worry about yourself."
"I don't know, if this keeps up I'll either kill that guy or explode," Ed commented, making the others aware of his presence through this statement.
"Don't kill him, Ed," Yuri rebuked.
"At least not until this is over," Gwendal added dryly.
"I'll try not to," Ed growled.
"Bzuh?" the 'guardian' asked.
"Huh," Gwendal said. "I thought it would last longer."
"Well, I suppose you should get some rest, Alphonse," Gunter said.
Ed stood up and glared at the demon. "Don't call me that."
"Should we just call you Mustang, then?" Yuri asked.
"No. Never. Damn, of all the names I could have picked…"
"Why did you pick it if you don't like it?"
Ed shot Gunter a look that said 'shut up if you don't want to die,' and Gunter obliged. Seeing no reason to stay awake and listen to this any longer, Ed retired to his bedroom and sulked until he finally fell asleep.
This story's craaaaaaaaaack. Rearigfsbdv and Flabíshnau are both results of me banging on the keyboard. Yar.