Summary: Sawyer's thoughts during the episode Left Behind, when Hurley asks him to be the leader.
Warning: Little bit of language. Imagine this in Swayer's accent and it sounds better!
Disclaimer: I own nothing and make no profit from this.
I ain't the kind of guy gets lost for words. Still, I guess when Jumbotron told me that I was being banished, I had to think a bit. Had to sort out my priorities, because just like I ain't exactly the nice type... Well, let's just say I don't go around helping folk if there ain't nothing in it for me. I did though – helped out a bit. Gave the girl with the baby a blanket, went hunting for boar with Desmond... And I swear to God I'd rather go another few rounds tied to a tree with Mohammed and his torture kit than admit it, but in a way I kind of like it. Felt good, I guess.
Still, don't mean I've changed none. When I found out Lardo had tricked me into being nice, I could have killed him. I was all set to punch his lights out too, until he told me that I had to be the leader. For the first time in my entire life, I just... froze. Ain't never been the kind of guy who don't know what to say, but right then I couldn't move a muscle. Soon as I could, I was all set to argue, and I said I didn't want to be nobody's leader, but then he went real quiet like, and said "I don't think Jack did either."
Guess I never really thought about the Doc not wanting to be in charge – he'd never seemed to mind yet, and he sure seemed the leader type, and besides who the hell decides to be a doctor if they don't want to make decisions? It ain't like I like the Doc, because even after all this time on the Island we ain't exactly friends, but even if you don't like Jack you can't not respect the guy. I don't know, it just never occurred to me that maybe he didn't want all of us looking up to him; maybe he didn't want the choices. Maybe he didn't have no choice.
That's sure how it felt to me, staring Hurley down and wondering how on Earth I was going to say no to this one, when I remembered that one time when I saw Jack walk away from explaining stuff to a whole group of survivors and he looked like... He walked like he was dead on his feet, and he stumbled down to the water's edge and closed his eyes and swayed on his feet. He looked beat up and done in and his face was grey and I remember noticing that now they'd got their answers none of the survivors was really watching him. Guess maybe I was feeling nice for once, because I yelled "Doc!" He turned round slowly and smiled at me. "Uh-huh, Sawyer?" I pulled those damn reading glasses off and really looked at him and wondered how someone so exhausted could still care. "Hang in." I said, nodding, because advice ain't even a suit I own and that felt like quite enough caring for me for one day, and maybe I wasn't too clear on what to say else. So I just put them damn glasses back on and went back to my book; as Jacko walked past me, he smiled and rested a hand on my shoulder. "Thanks, Sawyer."
Thinking about it, I guess Jack didn't maybe want to be their leader, that's just the way it worked out. Guess the least I could do is the same. So, somehow, I found myself nodding and telling Hurley yeah, sure; I'd have a shot at being the leader.
Least I could do.
Apologies for the absolute lack of eloquence, but hope you enjoyed it anyway. My attempt at an insight into Swayer's twisted mind. Review?