Disclaimer: No, but I guess you already knew that.
A/N: The italics refer to 'on the other side of the door' or it's happening at the same time. Remember that Lavi and Lenalee are eavesdropping on the whole Yullen commotion inside the room!
WARNING: This chapter may contain OOC (it depends on how you see it.) Haha.
Chapter 3: No alcohol for Allen, please.
Allen couldn't believe his luck, if he even had any of course. It was…it was PREDESTINED! He vaguely recalled getting all dozy and tired, and was searching frantically and groggily for his room because he, ahem, was lost as per usual. Et Volia! Here he was, possibly KIDNAPPED ("Are you an idiot?" snarled Kanda.) and held hostage for a ransom. And then he remembered that he didn't have much money worthy for his capture, fine he did, unless you wish to count the 10 bucks in his pocket.
"We're not kidnapped, you idiot!" Kanda seethed in his very Kanda-like way.
And of course having Yuu Kanda aka 'I hate you so don't talk to me' as his companion wasn't helping either. He was, therefore, convinced that today was his doomsday.
"Are you rich?" Allen asked as he jumped down from the bed that he had sought strange refuge in…because it was, literally, the furthest possible distance from Kanda and it gave a 2 feet girth between the two. He stared at his query, still looking farcically horrified…but for a very different reason. "Kanda, do you have any money?"
"We may be kidnapped, for heaven's sake, and we must pool our resources!" Allen explained, widening his eyes in utter terror. "Kidnappers only crave for money." After seeing the baffled look from his, uh, hostage companion, however, he added "I don't think they're after guys like you…but who knows? They might have weird fetish for –"
"We are not kidnapped."
"- rude people like you but don't worry I won't –"
"We are NOT kidnapped." Kanda repeated, calmly.
"let them rape –"
"WE ARE NOT KIDNAPPED, YOU FUCKING IDIOT!"
It was strange how Kanda was not named after a volcano for he had a wrath to match. But we couldn't blame him, really, for Allen was giving the poor guy a really hard time to garner his clearly distraught ego. Bless him.
A deathly silence engulfed the room as the two hostages (?) stared at each other – one looking dreadfully furious and the other is simply dazed.
"I have 10 bucks!" said Allen suddenly.
"It's not kidnap!" Lenalee strongly protested. "It really isn't!"
"Well, it's the most probable term to depict their situation, I agree with Allen!" Lavi claimed.
"You can't agree with someone whose reason for being there is you! And there is no money involved!"
"But it's still kidnap!"
"No, it's not."
"Yes, it is!"
"This is stupid. If I stay here any longer I'd just go mad." Kanda muttered to himself. "I'm going to kill every single person in the Black Order and then I'll move to some pacific island where I'll find the much-needed peace and solitude."
"Why what?" snapped Kanda in his sharp tone.
"Why a pacific island?" Allen mused, grinning. "Unless you're into exotic dancers and all…that I can understand...but that's really odd, even for you, I suppose…"
"That's it. I'm gonna just murder every person I see next. One of them must be responsible for the state I'm in." he grumbled. "That bloody idiot setting me up with this stupid Moyashi…"
"Hmm..." Allen looked thoughtful at that notion; he was clearly oblivious to the second part of Kanda's Death speech. "For the first time, I'm actually going to agree with you….uh…I was referring to the former!" He quickly added, aware of the half incredulous and half stunned look on Kanda's face.
"Tch. Whatever, Moyashi."
Kanda, in all his stiffened muscles and boiling rage, went across the room with every, hopeful, intention of getting out for he believed, any second now, he might just do something foolish to mar what's left of his dignity. His ego has been reduced to dust, if you must know.
"What the-" Unfortunately, the door wouldn't budge. (A/N: Muahahaha) He tried again – twisting, turning, twisting again and then crank!
The poor doorknob probably didn't know what was happening.
"DAMN IT!" Kanda cursed and continued another long list of vulgar vocabularies that, may I add some of it, are actually included in the English dictionary.
"What did you do?" Allen asked, peering over Kanda's shoulders. "AHHHHH! You broke off the doorknob! Yuu Kanda, you idiot, now how on earth are we gonna get out of here?!" He cried, pointing a shaking finger at the shiny, bulbous object lying in his palm.
"Oh shut up!" Kanda snarled in annoyance. "And for your information, the fucking door was locked in the first place!" He sent his infamous death glare at the poor door that would have surely died of pure fright.
'Shit. This is coming out of my paycheck.' thought Kanda as he screwed up his face in exasperation, frowning hard.
"See! I told you we were kidnapped!"
"Say…is that the side-effects or something?" Lavi looked over in Lenalee's direction, feeling a tad concerned about the well being of one Allen Walker who was, apparently, convinced that he was being…well, kidnapped. This was, needless for any sane man to say, not normal! Then again, Allen was never a normal kid.
"…Ingredients contain traces of alcohol at a level which would not affect the nonalcoholic." Lenalee read out the note labeled behind the bottle that she had used for drugging Kanda and Allen. "Keep out of reach of youngsters aged…oh dear…"
"- 16 and below. Warning, may lead to the disorientation of the individual."
"Great. Just great." Lavi sighed. "Did it mention when the effects will wear off?"
She shook her head and tossed the bottle labeled 'A unique probiotic drug specially formulated for quick naps' with her brother's sleeping face printed right smack at the front, which took up 88.8 of the entire bottle. It's of, therefore, no surprise that the eeny, teeny, tiny bit of detail was squeezed at the back in Verdana, size 4, red font, no bold or italics, just underlined…but that's really going off topic.
So yes, where were we? Oh, let's see Lavi's reaction.
"Nice picture. Very original."
"Really? You think?" Lenalee beamed, feeing ridiculously proud at a time like this. "I took that picture because Reever couldn't snap a photo without leaving his thumb in front."
"You annoy me, Moyashi." Kanda said in a flat, dead tone that was supposed to be full of meaning. What can I say? The hotheaded samurai had given up on yelling at someone who was obviously not in his right mind.
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" cried Allen suddenly.
"I left that 10 bucks back in my room!"
"Now what?" Lavi stared at his partner, Lenalee, who was having a hell of a time listening to the commotion on the other side of the door.
"What what?" She stared back with her big, walnut eyes.
"When do you reckon is the right time to proceed with Step 2?"
"Until Kanda's on his aggressive mode and Allen's life is in danger." Lenalee said with a frown on her delicate features. "Unless there's an emergency to quicken our plan, which I don't see the reason for any, I'll say we give them more time alone."
"Right. Got it."
"If I listen to anymore of your insane babbling, I'd just go –"
"Mad, yes yes, we all know that. You've mentioned it before. Anything else?" Allen interjected, amusing himself with the rising color in Kanda's cheeks.
"Shut up, Moyashi."
"Unless I'm mistaken, you've also mentioned that -"
"I SAID SHUT UP, YOU IDIOT!"
"I think it's going really well!" Lenalee suddenly declared, clasping her hands together in excitement and satisfaction.
"Allen is teasing Kanda with his evil side and Kanda is yelling at him."
"Hmm…that's not good, is it?" Lenalee looked thoughtful for a moment, her eyes hazing with a mix of concern and determination. "Oh well, as long as they don't kill each other, I should say our plan is going on quite smoothly..."
"Perhaps..." Lavi cast a worried look towards the door. "But what if Kanda, in his blind rage, decides to kill Moyashi-chan?"
"Well, not that I'm saying it'll happen, just predicting Kanda's temper and all...Just what if..."
They both stared at each other for a long while. Somewhere, a tumbleweed flew past.
"That won't happen..." Lenalee finally broke the silence. "No, that can't possibly happen...right?"
"Don't ask me." Lavi said, shrugging his shoulders.
"What should we do?" Lenalee asked as a hint of fear started crawling up her features. Her eyes darted back and forth from the door to her partner in crime.
"I think we should proceed to Step 2 now before anything bad really happens!"
"Yeah, we should do that! We can't have them killing each other now, can we?" Lenalee said, contorting her face into a trouble look. "BUT, what about the civil interaction between those two? You know it's really hard to come by!"
"GO TO HELL, MOYASHI!" Kanda bellowed. Slash. Slash. Some slicing noises in the background – no doubt from Kanda's second half aka Mugen.
"Nothing good will ever come out of placing Kanda and Allen in the same room for too long." said Lavi in a very wise old man style, stroking his non-existent beard. "I highly doubt that there'll be any civil interaction."
"HAHAHAHA. Kanda's a baka!" Allen teased. Apparently, his inner demon has decided to make a dramatic comeback with a witty, yet amazingly life-threatening, remark.
More slashing. More laughing. One LOUD explosion.
Just what on earth is going on inside that room?
"- And to add on, Kanda has just activated his innocence." Lavi continued.
"Fine." Lenalee folded her arms in defeat. "Step 2 then."
Unless you've ever had the unfortunate experience of being stuck in the same room with a very annoying, but ridiculously cute ("I did not just say that!" quipped in Kanda.) Moyashi who had felt the need to mock and disturb your very being when you both are, clearly, in some sort of a prank set up by you-know-who (no, not Voldemort, dear. I mean it literally). You are most probably unfamiliar with what poor Kanda is feeling. Therefore, please do not question why he hasn't blown up the room….yet…
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"
…for Kanda has made it his number 1 priority to give the Moyashi an early funeral.
"DIE!" He brandished his katana in Allen's direction. His expression was one of a crazy manic. You could understand his plight though, couldn't you?
"YOU CHEATED!" Allen pointed an accusing index finger at said man. "How could you use your sword when I haven't got any weapon?"
"What? I don't see why I have to use my innocence against someone with the likes of you! Ha!" he directed his finger at Mugen that was gleaming with a strange murderous fashion under the room light.
You could almost hear Kanda's patience SNAP!…wait, he already did so hours ago. Correction! You could almost hear a volcano erupt in his head…no, no, that was minutes ago. Uh…you could almost hear his switch button click! from 'very aggressive, threatening and homicidal' to 'very aggressive, still threatening, VERY homicidal (yet very sexy! as chimed in by his fan club) but more brutal and violence involved' mode.
So what have we learned today? No alcohol for Allen, please.
"KAICHUU ICHIGEN!" Kanda roared, sounding very much like an enraged bull. The Moyashi was really pushing his luck – teasing, laughing and all - even if he wasn't in his right mind, he still had to pay…and pay dearly. What happened next, however, probably destroyed the entire 'Plan: Eliminate Moyashi'.
The door flung wide open and someone, simply at the wrong place and the wrong time, stepped into the whole 'Slashing, Gashing, Laughing' chaos.
A/N: Can you guess whom? Correct answers will get a virtual cookie of their choice! XD And review please? I'd like to know what you felt about this chapter. :)