A/N: I know, very short chapter. A longer one is coming up in a bit though. Thanks for reading!
Tuesday September 20th, 1966
I don't even know what to think. It's as though a little piece of the world is over. I know I said that I felt empty before but now I know that I've never felt as empty as I do now. Maybe it's not empty. Mom says she thinks I'm numb. I can't even think about things. School's been a blur. I can't really concentrate, and I can't believe what's happened. But worse than that, I'm jealous. Jealous because it wasn't my friends that died, but because they were my brother's. I'm jealous because he has a reason to feel sad. Why should I be sad? I hardly knew the guys. Sure Johnny's been around awhile but I never would have had half a chance at being around Dally. He scared me too much. But now I wish he was here. I wish he could be standing on my steps with my brother again, talking about Ponyboy and Johnny hiding out. And I guess to me Johnny will always be hiding out. I never got to see him in the hospital, never got to see him after last week when we passed on the street. I feel so bad about everything, but mostly I fell bad because I wish that I could really mourn. Two-Bit gets to feel sad, he gets to be upset because he has a reason. I don't have one, so I'm afraid to feel, afraid to cry, because I know that if I do I will look silly. I have to go for a walk now. That's all I've done these last couple of days besides school. It's the only way to feel anything about this. If I keep walking then everything has to keep going, but if I stop and sit in my bedroom then all I can do is think about this, and that's hard seeing as I don't really understand what happened. I know it, but I don't understand. How could two people so young die? It isn't fair.