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The Lord of the Rings: The Two Bishies by Royazali

Books » Lord of the Rings Rated: T, English, Adventure & Humor, Legolas, Words: 5k+, Favs: 3, Follows: 2, Published: 7-1-08 Updated: 7-18-08
4 Chapter 2: Swamps, Kings, and Bishies, oh my!

Ok, since I'm leaving this weekend I'll go ahead and post chap 2 now. This one might get a little confuzzleing cuz of the constant back and forth but I'll try to make it bearable. Also, there's going to be some 'language' from now on. Be amazed as I intro Théoden's replacement along w/ the Ring wraiths! Who are they? Also, we get to see Eowyn's as well! Anyway…

Read and Enjoy!


Cloud and Riku were trying their best to ignore Neko -their nickname for the fan-girl- Not only had she led them into a swamp, she was singing at the top of her lungs…

"Deck the Halls with lots of Bishies! Falalalala lalala la! Tie them up and get all freaky-"

"Cloud, make it stop!"

"How?-!"

"They're so warm and cute and cuddly! Falala Falala lalala! Strip them down and start to-"

Just then a man in a black coat appeared. There was a pause…

"OMFG! It's Organization 13!" yelled Neko.

"No way! We killed you guys!"

"Guess you missed one," said Cloud.

The guy took a step back. "Oh man… Cloud AND Riku?-! I told them they were sending the wrong guy…"

"Just who are you and what do you want?" asked Cloud.

"Huh? Oh!" He pulled back his hood, "My name is Demyx, Former Organization 13 member.

"Ugh! Its Fag boy… Cloud, Riku lets go!" They began leaving.

"Wait! Ooohhh, this isn't good!" He pulled out a flash card. "'If target fails to negotiate, use force.' Man…" He pulled out his Sitar.

"What are you going to do? Annoy us to death?" asked Cloud.

"You'll see… Dance water dance!"

"Aarrrg! Shut-Up!" yelled Neko. Full of rage she punched him, and he was out.

"Wow, Neko! Nice work!" congratulated Riku.

"I always wanted to do that!"

So they continued through the swamp, leaving Demyx behind.

Link-Legolas-Pikachu

As it turns out, skipping Fangorn was a good idea. As they entered the main hall the first thing they saw was:

"Kratos?-!"

Indeed. There he stood in his Judgement outfit.

"Link, I was beginning to wonder if you'd show up at all."

"What? But… the rabbit and and-"

"Do you honestly believe a rabbit could kill me?" he said flatly.

"Er well…"

"Kratos, have you freed Théoden from Saruman's control yet?" interrupted Legolas.

"Théoden? I do not know who that is…"

"Well he's-"

"Who the helll are you?-!" demanded a newcomer. He had blonde hair, goggles on his forehead and a cigarette in his mouth.

"Hmph! Who are you?" asked Pikachu.

The man swiped his nose with his thumb. "You barge into my castle and demand my name?-! Guards! Seize these assholes and throw 'em out' a here!"

Legolas gasped. "Guards? Wait, are you Théoden? I mean, his replacement?"

"I aint no replacement! Im this here castle's king, Cid Highwind!"

"Cid?-!" There was a pause. "Nope, never heard of 'em…"

"Why you arrogant- Who the hell are you anyway?-!"

Legolas bowed. "Excuse me, your majesty. My name is Legolas. This is Pikachu, Kratos, and Link. We are on a quest to destroy the accursed Pen along with our companions Sesshomaru, Riku, and Cloud."

"Wait, what?-! You guys know Cloud? Hell, any friend of Cloud's is a friend of mine! Here, have some tea."

"No thanks…"

"Sit your goddamn ass down and drink your fucking tea!"

"Yes sir!" squealed Pikachu.

"That's the spirit! Yo, Zelda, get some tea!" he yelled.

Three minutes later Zelda walked in with a pot of tea. Link immediate got up and embraced her in a hug, nearly spilling the pot.

"Zelda! I've finally found you! Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm fine." she blushed. "You were worried about me?"

"I was worried about what Marth might be doing to you."

"Speaking of him," interrupted Cid," Where the hell is he?"

"Right here, my lord. Marth reporting in."

"What seems to be the problem?" asked Legolas.

He ignored him. "It seems you were right, Lord Cid. The penguins have begun attacking."

"Is that so? Then its only a matter of time before they reach Edoras." He paused. "We have only one option! We must go to war!"

"What about your people?" asked Kratos.

"They can fight too!" he said enthusiastically.

"Lord Cid, if I may… Wouldn't it be best to get them to safety? Helm's Deep perhaps?" ventured Legolas.

"Wha? Fine, whatever… As long as I get to kick some penguin ass! Yee-haw!" He ran off to prepare for war.

"I suppose I should go inform the people…" said Marth. He turned, winked at Zelda, and left.

"That bastard! When I get my hands on him I'll-"

"Legolas," interrupted Kratos, " What do we do now?"

"Well… Im not sure…" he said troubled. "We are supposed to go to Helm's Deep however…" He paused. "It all depends on Saruman, or rather his replacement…"

"Well, there's nothing we can do about it now so lets just go!" declared Pikachu.

So to Helm's Deep they went…

Cloud-Riku-Neko

Eventually, they made it out of the swamp and into better scenery.

"Hey, Neko… Not to be nosy or anything, but aren't we supposed to go to the Black Gate?" asked Riku.

"No, precious. Black Gate is a waste of time. We're going through the back door!"

"Back door?" asked Cloud.

"Well, more or a 'back stair', precious."

"Quite calling us precious!" yelled Riku.

"But you are my precious bishies, precious!"

"Listen you-"

He was about to continue when Cloud interrupted him.

"Oh my god, what is that?-!"

"Hm?" He looked over the cliff and gasped. "It's a leopluredon!"

"A magical leopluredon!" exclaimed Neko.

"Yeah? Well what's it doing here?"

"Its probably on its way to Candy Mountain."

There was a pause.

"So, where are we headed again?" asked Cloud. "Neko?"

"Shh! I smell something!"

"It was Riku."

"Was not!"

"Quiet! I smell-"

"Yes?"

"I smell-"

"Yesss?"

"Bishie! And a hot one too!" She took off after the bishie's scent.

"Riiight…"

There was an extended pause.

"Hey, Cloud… Shouldn't we go after her?"

"No" he said flatly.

"But she's our guide!"

"So? If I can make it through an entire 3 disc game without one, what makes you think I need one now?"

"Well…" he faltered.

A couple minutes passed then-

"Kyyaaaaaaaaa!"

-a high pitched scream came from the woods.

"Neko!" Without hesitating, Riku ran off after her. Cloud sighed and reluctantly followed.

What they found, neither were prepared for… Neko lay on the ground, hugging the life out of the bishie she was glomping. He had brown hair, a scar on his face, and a gun blade lay next to him.

"Squall?-!"


And there you have it! Chap 2! Like always, my second chap is better than the first. Just to clarify: Organization 13 is the Nazgul and Zelda is Eowyn. But who is Squall? O.O You'll just have to wait and find out!

On a sadder note: My lotr: tt movie died yesterday… 'sniff' It didn't deserve to die like that!

Anyway…

Till next chap!


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