DISCLAIMER: Sadly, I do not own Stargate Atlantis or any of its characters.
AUTHORS NOTE: I don't know why, out of all the other characters or pairings in TV land, I felt inspired to spill out a piece on these two? I don't even have the time to get into FanFic right now, but I had to write something. I guess it was how I see John Sheppard and Teyla that did it. For all of his man of action intensity and snarky smart ass humor, I also see this dark, emotionally fragile and alone bit of him. Maybe he isn't the best at voicing his feelings, but damn can he show them in his actions of self sacrifice every other Friday. And I like Teyla and him because they are both strong people and they both seem to care for one another more than either have expressed aloud. And I think that both have found something in the other that they had never found before or didn't think they needed but now understand that they do.
This little piece came about when I was watching a repeat of the season before and saw Search and Rescue this season. Remember the Jumper that Sheppard and the gang could not find when they were trying to escape with Teyla and her baby from the Wraith ship? Or how Michael said that all of his creations were still 'his' or something along those lines. Unfortunately for Kanann, he had been one such creation/experiment. I think Michael is smart enough to burry a 'back door' in Kanann's tampered with mind to use later when it's not expected. AND I don't see Kanann's character living out the season. I just don't see a spark with him Teyla or find the character much of any good use except for being a baby sitter and pawn to a dramatic story line down the road.
WARNING: Curse words and angst. Last minute and un-beta'd, so we got some mistakes kids.
by Anne Pendragon
"How could you?" Teyla's voice was not yet a scream and her question sounded more like an anguished plea.
It had been two days since they had shared the same space, more since they had spoken and it was five days ago since Teyla Emmagan was forced to kill her childhood friend and the father of her child.
John closed his eyes, standing in the corner of one of the cities balconies where she had finally backed him into. Col. John Sheppard was no coward. There was little he feared or could not endure and this fact was never doubted by anyone who knew or served under the man. But this… To have this woman-this person who'd become so very important to his life-standing before him with all the hurt and heartache in her eyes. To know that he had a big hand in putting it there, because of what he did not do… John Sheppard the man was frightened and ashamed. And seeing her like this-in so much pain, he could not endure. Not this time.
"I'm sorry." He croaked out, knowing it was not enough to give her to replace what she had lost. "I'm sorry we couldn't stop Michael from reactivating his control on Kanann. I'm sorry we couldn't stop Kanann from attempting to take you and Torren away. I'm sorry-I'm sorry you lost him, Teyla…"
"No John!" Teyla's yell cut through him. Silencing him and opening his eyes to her anger. "Why—how could you let him try to kill you? Why didn't you defend yourself? Why?" Her voice broke. She needed to understand this. Had to know why John Sheppard had laid his gun down with no fight and allow Kanann to point his gun to his chest.
John's brow began to darken as he looked into her angry face incredulously. This wasn't what he'd expected. What the hell did she mean? He had no choice… "I never wanted-I didn't think you were still there on the planet. I thought the Prometheus had already beamed you aboard outside the bunker…"
"But they hadn't, John. And I couldn't leave…" she trailed off and then began again. "I had to shoot…I couldn't let him…" her words faltered once more, but her eyes did not draw away from his anguished and confused stare. "Why John…?"
"Because, Teyla." John barked out quickly, swallowing hard on the pain these words made him feel. "I couldn't kill the father of your son. I couldn't kill the man you love." His eyes widened as tears began to fill her eyes and then silently fall. "Alive, you may have had a chance to fix for good what Michael had done to him. I couldn't take that chance away from you and your son."
Teyla felt her broken heart clench and her breath temporarily cease in her chest. He'd once said and many times proven that he'd do anything to ensure her and their team's safety-there lives. But this? He had been willing to sacrifice himself; he would have if she had not stubbornly stayed behind after Torren was sent up to the ship and to safety.
Teyla's eyes sharpened through her tears as she looked closer at her and her son's self appointed protector, this brave warrior, this good man who seemed to feel that his own life was so expendable to those who cared for him—who loved him. Understanding this so clear now, Teyla felt an undefined pressure begin to build within her chest and felt anger flare...
"Damn you!" Teyla yelled, her fists coming out and striking him. "Why?" she yelled again, now already knowing the answer. If she had not been there to make the horrific choice between his life or Kanann's, John would have willingly sacrificed himself for the off chance that she may be able to have her family safe and whole someday. This was why she almost lost him, too. Didn't he see? Didn't he understand that if she had lost him, her family never would have been whole, nor her heart? Not without him.
When Teyla had begun to punch him, John let her. He took each painful slam of her fists, wishing her pain to enter him through the contact, knowing he deserved more for failing her and her family. He would have let her do more to him if he knew it could take her hurt away.
With each hard hit she took to his solid body he did not react and only swayed back into the wall with each impact. He was letting her hurt him and realizing this was killing her. It should be her who was being hit, her being punished for thinking and feeling the things she did right then.
Her fists slowed and became open hands and when her blows ceased she began to yank at his jacket and shirt. She had begun crying at some point, the sobs loud now as he pulls her into his chest. He holds her like she is precious and fragile and not been bloodying him and bruising him seconds before. The knowledge of this make's her cry even harder.
"I'm sorry, Teyla." John's own face now slicked with foreign and irrepressible tears. "I'm sorry I made you choose…"
What she said next, before she pushed from him and walked back into Atlantis, shook him to his core.
"There was no choice, John." She cried. "The ancients help me. There was never any other choice…"