A/N: Ok, so, this fic takes place like somewhere around the 4th season I guess. It's sorta a sequel to Enticement, but you really don't have to read it to understand this. XD It's loosely based off of it. C: Anywai, Enticement…er…kinda symbolic, kinda AUish. And this…it…hmm…well, I guess it's kinda AUish too. And Haou and Juudai have had a relationship for awhile so things are already very developed between them. And…OOCness? Idk. I'ma try not to. But srsly…we don't know what they would do in every situation giving certain circumstances, we can only follow what we know and the inferences we make. And since this particular fic is basically me tiptoeing out on the edge, I'd kind of prefer no heavy criticism on characterization…I mean, if you have a beef you can say so but please don't kill me. T.T Not on this one.
Disclaimer: I do not own GX.
The day was cold and gray and dreary. There was a slight drizzle falling lightly outside and the wind whipped the icy little droplets about, so if one were to step outside, it might sting. It was not the best day for going outdoors, neither was it the type of day that someone would want to do anything but lie in his own warm bed with the curtains drawn shut. It was the type of day that one wanted nothing more than to be by himself without any company at all. At one time, Juudai might have been the exception for this because he always defied logic and broke the rules. But those days seemed to have passed. He seemed to be more mellow and melancholy. For that day was not spent well, nor was it spent productively at all. It was one of those days that would seep into the crevices in the back of one's memory, a day that no one wanted to remember. It was not that he was depressed actually—or maybe he was, no one could be sure but those that took up residence inside of him—but they would never tell. Perhaps he was just tired, old, worn out. He had been through an awful lot the past few years, yet his charisma had never seemed to run dry. And yet, every hero had his weakness. And Juudai had encountered his for awhile, then. He was recovering nicely and adapting. Though, on days like these, he was too tired to do anything but lie in his bed. He did not see any point to going to class, and he could not go to the ocean-side to fish. So he remained in the place that had always given him warmth and comfort, in the safety of the four walls of that beloved dorm of his. He would never abandon it.
Feeling rather dull, Juudai shifted to his side, and stared out at the wall. He could hear the wind blowing against the dorm, as though trying to knock it over. And despite how unstable it looked, he knew it would be sturdy enough to withstand it. He took a strange sort of comfort in this, and curled up in a tighter ball beneath the sheets.
There was a small nagging in the back of his mind. It just would not go away despite all his efforts. He rolled over to his other side, once more trying to ignore it. But it kept coming back. And he knew sooner or later he would have to face it head on. So he decided he might as well stop putting the inevitable off, and take it on sooner.
Sighing, he lay on his back and slung a heavy arm over his eyes, trying to block everything out. He focused on that one tight ball of anxiety, as though calling to it. He just wanted it to go away, for the problem to be resolved. But he would have to feel it first if that was what he so desired to do.
He felt the other's dark presence. He had long since grown accustomed to it. Whereas once he had been terrified by it, he had finally found it comforting. It seemed almost like a security blanket at this point; it actually made him feel sort of warm and safe. Contacting the other was almost like reaching out and squeezing a familiar hand; it somehow reassured him.
A few attempts to talk to him failed. He had not really wanted to talk to him that much at first, so it was half-hearted. But the more he thought about it, the stronger the feeling got, to the point that it was most unbearable. A final desperate call was made, and eventually, answered.
"What do you want, Juudai?" A tired, quiet voice asked from the dark depths of his mind.
Hearing that voice again, that voice that he had not heard in so long, Juudai's heart thumped. Of course, he had not been able to avoid the other, and had felt his presence and seen him occasionally, but it had been a good few weeks since they had held a conversation.
"Haou…" The title was spoken tenderly, as though it had become a term of endearment as well. He found himself a little breathless already—much to his embarrassment—but at least it would not be evident in a strained voice since the conversation was purely thought. "I really need to talk to you."
"Juudai…" The voice seemed closer, which caused Juudai's face to flush from exhilaration. He could be so exciting at times and Juudai really liked that. "You finally want to talk to me? You've been avoiding me for ages."
He felt the warm weight of hands on his shoulders, and he shivered at the mere touch. He closed his eyes and tilted his head back on the other's chest, relaxing a little. "I guess I have. I'm sorry." He sighed heavily, feeing down. "It's just…I've had some things on my mind that bothered me when it came to you and I thought if I didn't see you or talk to you for awhile it would go away. But it really didn't. It got worse." He glanced down in shame, gently stroking the delicate hand that was hanging over his shoulder.
"I know," Juudai could feel the actual warm breath tickling his ear, adding to the strange pleasure he received from listening to that cold, husky voice. He shivered again, unable to help himself.
"I know what I'm feeling isn't right," He muttered, gently intertwining his fingers with Haou's, "But I can't help it."
Haou didn't say anything in an immediate response. Juudai swallowed hard, toying with Haou's fingers and anxiously awaiting a reply. He felt the hot breath on his neck, which caused his hair to nearly stand up straight. Shifting uncomfortably, he tried not to think too much about it, but it was difficult. Especially when he felt Haou's lips ever so delicately grazed the sensitive skin of his neck.
As Juudai shivered violently from it, gripping Haou's hand tighter, the other finally spoke. "Don't help it. Just talk to me." It was not a gentle tone either. It was a command. And Juudai knew if he did not listen, then Haou might retreat back into his mind and ignore him. Or he might lecture him.
"I'm not sure what to say," He mumbled, looking away, "I guess things between us have really changed."
The silence that followed held a heavy quality to it; Juudai could almost even feel the king's sadness in it. Even though Haou was cold and indifferent, when it came to Juudai, he did have some feelings. And knowing that he had made Haou feel that way kind of upset Juudai as well. He really did not mean to make him hurt, even if it was only a little and even if he could handle it. Perhaps he should try to explain himself.
"I mean, I know that you're not happy with me because…I've changed but that doesn't mean things between us have to be so…" He trailed off, fearing he was only making it worse.
"It's not me," Haou pointed out bluntly, "It's you. You're the reason that things are this way. It's not my fault that you got so depressed and withdrawn. You may blame me but it's not my fault. Besides, how do you expect me to continue things as though nothing happened when you feel that way about me?" He gave Juudai a look. Juudai did not see it, but he could feel those fierce golden eyes piercing through him.
"Um, I guess that's true," Juudai muttered, his eyes dropping to the floor, "I'm sorry…I can't help how I feel."
"You could at least try to control it," Haou mumbled, looking sullen.
Sighing heavily, Juudai merely nodded and laid his cheek against Haou's shoulder, still holding tightly to his hand and still refusing to look at his face. "I know. It's just difficult after everything. After you…acted like that."
"You already know why I did and it's because of you." Haou told him, his voice gaining an icy edge to it.
A few moments ticked by where he was left hanging. Juudai kept gently stroking his hand as he thought about these words, and thought about what he really wanted to talk to Haou about. He could sense that Haou knew and was waiting for him to say something more. He could also tell by the way the other's posture was becoming so rigid that he was growing impatient and irritated. Biting his lip, he tried to think of a way to put his feelings into words. He did not want to sound uncertain, though he really was. Besides, this was kind of awkward. He had never had those feelings before, really; therefore, he had never had to deal with them. And so he was not sure what way to go about them. He was not sure what to tell the other.
"Well?" Haou finally prodded, his annoyance evident in his voice, "Tell me what you want from me or I'm going to assume it's trivial and go back in your mind."
That was the last thing Juudai wanted at the moment. He clung to Haou's hand as though for dear life. "Ok, Ok, I'll tell you. Just don't go. Please. Ok, I'm sorry I've been acting like this. I know you don't like it when I'm not myself. And I know you don't like how I've changed. But it's for the better. I've grown up now and you have to understand that I can't be a child forever. You can't hold me back."
"I understand that, Juudai," Haou muttered, frowning, "But that doesn't mean you have to be a completely different person. It doesn't mean you have to be a bitch to your friends or to me."
Juudai cringed at hearing this. It was true to some degree. Perhaps Haou was being a little harsh but that was just the way he was. "I can't hang onto them forever. That's what you told me. You told me not to hang onto them anymore."
"You know why I said that before. But I don't really want you to be this way. I really don't want you ending up like me."
The statement hung in the air for a moment. Juudai finally looked up at him, daring to lock eyes with him. He stared into them, trying to seem unbothered, as Haou stared right back, ten times more intimidating. "I will never be like you."
"Don't challenge me." Haou nearly snarled, glaring at him, "If all you wanted was to fight, then I'm not going to stick around. I don't want to fight with you right now. I'm not going to let you wallow in self pity. I just want you to be happy. And don't say it's my fault you're so unhappy. You brought this all on yourself." He jabbed a finger into Juudai's side painfully.
"I'm not trying to fight," Juudai insisted, swatting Haou's hand away, "Look, this isn't turning out how I planned. I'm really not in the mood to take a lecture from you. All I want is to…" He trailed off.
"You need to hear the lecture," Haou grumbled under his breath. Then, curiosity surfacing to his eyes, he asked, "And what do you want to do, hm?"
"Nothing." Juudai mumbled, trying to pull away, "Just leave."
A beat. "You're not getting away from me that easily." Haou yanked him back down to the bed, and forced him to turn and look at his face. He kept both hands on Juudai's shoulders so the other could not move. "Now, tell me what you want." He already knew, of course, but he wanted to hear it from Juudai.
Shifting uneasily, Juudai tried to think of a way out of this situation. He was changing his mind about it swiftly, and was actually a little bit embarrassed. However, Haou was not going to relent and, knowing him, he would probably just come right out and say it if Juudai kept this up. And that would be even more embarrassing. So, Juudai settled back down into Haou's arms, and took a moment to gather his thoughts again. It really…wasn't that bad. It was only Haou and Haou was him so…Why was it so hard?
"I kinda was hoping…" Juudai paused, gripping Haou's arms a little tighter. "That maybe we could, I don't know…We've been together for awhile and…I really do have strong feelings for you. Even now. I just want to…take things a little further. I've been, well, feeling it lately." He grimaced. Though he knew that Haou would take his words for what they meant and not what they sounded like. It was not like he would think Juudai was just some pervert.
Haou took a moment to think about this information. Juudai tried not to feel so nervous. He really couldn't help it. This was not something he could duel his way in or out of. It was something that, to be honest, freaked him out. But he was willing to try something new if Haou was. And he really hoped Haou would.
As for Haou, he really did not care either way. But he did have strong feelings for Juudai, too, and he really cared about him. It had kind of upset him when Juudai's personality had seemingly changed. It had upset him that Juudai was no longer the happy-go-lucky, innocent individual he had been. All he wanted was to get the old Juudai back. And he hoped that maybe, by some small chance, making things easier for him and going out of his way to try to make him happy might help. If he showed he cared and told Juudai he wanted him back to normal, maybe that would knock some sense into his head. And even though he knew it was ridiculous and would not normally have cared at all, this was Juudai. Juudai was the exception, it seemed.
He sighed heavily. "Fine," He said tiredly, "I'm willing to try something new if you really want me to. But…don't you dare get upset with me and avoid me if you decide you don't like it. And you'd better talk to me afterward." He gave Juudai a warning glare, unable to help himself.
Juudai only nodded. "Well, if that's what you want…and of course I'll talk to you. I have to talk to you. And don't worry. I won't blame it on you because I was the one who asked for it." He swallowed hard and looked up at Haou.
"Well," Haou said glumly, "I see you're finally taking responsibility for your actions. I'll do this…but unless you give me a good reason, only once." He honestly did not care for such a thing. But if Juudai wanted him to…He found himself gently fondling Juudai's cheek, causing the other to blush. If he was the only one that the Osiris student would talk to, then so be it. Even if it was rather like talking to oneself. At least it was a start.
In response, Juudai gave him a small kiss on the lips, as though to thank him. Haou hardly paid it any attention. He was hoping that when Juudai pulled away he would smile at him, but no, he still had that blank expression on his face. It caused Haou's stomach to twist up a bit, something that he was unaccustomed to. He pushed the feeling down, hating it with every fiber of his being. Juudai had better feel happier once he was finished with him.
Haou shoved him roughly down to the mattress, pinning him down by the shoulders. Juudai stared up at him, looking uneasy. Well, he could change his mind if he wanted to, and Haou made that clear.
"How are we going to…" Juudai trailed off. He wasn't so sure how they could.
"You can feel me now, can't you?" Haou looked annoyed.
"I'd rather not do it here," Juudai told him, "What if someone comes in? Won't that look…odd?"
True, no one else would see Haou. That would look very strange indeed. Frowning, he got off of Juudai and slowly faded away, receding back into his mind. Juudai opened his mouth to protest, but, before he could, he felt Haou dragging him back in the depths of his mind as well. Despite his instinct, which told him to struggle against it, he did give in. Soon, he found himself in a dark place, surrounded by mirrors, deep within his mind.
Haou grabbed him by the shoulders and shoved him against one of the mirrors, making it clear who was dominant. Juudai looked up at him, licking his lips in anxiety. Haou was taking this a little too seriously, he though. Part of him was a little worried that the other might get violent with him because he was acting that way…though Haou had never really hurt him. Though, by the way Haou was, Juudai could not be too careful.
He opened his mouth to protest, but the other would hear none of it. Reaching up behind Juudai's head and shoving it forward, he captured the other's lips in a harsh kiss, letting his other arm snake around the brunet's waist. Juudai stiffened. However, he soon found himself returning the kiss, and gently massaging Haou's lips with his own. It did feel rather good, actually. They had kissed many times before but this time was different because he knew it was only the beginning of things. His heart thumped hard in anticipation.
Deciding it would be all right to push it a little, Juudai touched his tongue to Haou's lips. Haou frowned at him, a bit annoyed at the thought of having Juudai's tongue in his mouth. But at least the Osiris student was being bold. That was a characteristic that Haou really liked about him, despite how much of a nuisance it could be at times. So, he rewarded him by parting his lips slightly and allowing entrance.
Juudai let his tongue wander around Haou's mouth for a moment, enjoying the way it felt. He did not taste all that bad because he was the same person. And as wrong as that might make this seem, it only made Juudai more certain of it. He did not feel so bad about what might come of these actions because it really did not strike him to be as serious as it should have. Closing his eyes, he pushed his tongue in deeper, until Haou grew tired of the advance and retaliated. Juudai's face turned a slight pink as he felt the other's tongue running roughly over his own, then plunging into his mouth. Haou tried not to glare at him because he knew Juudai had not been trying to dominate him. Though, it was just his nature…
Finally growing sick of it, Haou pulled away, though it left a thin string of saliva connecting them. He wiped it away, looking annoyed. He just wanted to get it over with.
Juudai sensed how he felt and began to reconsider his actions. Looking up at Haou with a worried gaze, he asked, "Do you not want to do this? We don't have to…" He looked down.
"No, it's not that," Haou sighed heavily, "I just…I really don't know." He took Juudai's hands in his own and pulled him away from the mirror, and then down to the ground. Perhaps he should try to be gentler with him. If he wanted to make him feel better, then he was going to have to work at it a little and at least try to be nice.
"Well, if you don't know," Juudai pointed out, "Then maybe we shouldn't do it."
Ignoring him, Haou leaned down and kissed the inside of his neck, pressing his lips against Juudai's hot pulse. Juudai closed his eyes, unable to help but tilt his head back a little and moan softly. He let Haou kiss and nip his neck, growing more worked up as they continued.
Haou sat back to look Juudai in the eyes, a little tired of making all the moves himself. He really did not want to do this, and he was not used to being so selfless. He frowned at Juudai and decided that he was going to have to pay him back for this. It was almost enough to make him want to beat Juudai. Not that he would act on that because of who Juudai was. He was just irritated.
"You'd better repay me for this," He complained as he began to unfasten his jacket.
Juudai nodded, his eyes fixed on Haou, watching eagerly. "Anything you want." His eyes softened a little as he started to pull his own jacket off. "I'm sorry I'm putting you through this. We don't have to if you really don't want to so much."
"No," Haou grabbed his chin and forced his head up, "I want what you might have to offer afterward. I want you to go back to normal. Or at least try. Stop moping around so much. That's what I want you to do for me."
"I…I…can't go back to being a kid. I've grown up." Juudai insisted, frowning.
Haou dropped his chin. "Then I'm not going through with this. I'm not going to do something this drastic for you without something in return."
"Well…can't you do it just because you…love me?" His voice dropped to a whisper when he came to the last bit, partially because he was not really sure if Haou did love him.
Haou stared at him blankly. "Juudai…" He explained slowly, "This is going a little far. I cannot do it just out of 'love.' I need a good reason."
"I understand that you do things that are logical and all, but…you also don't seem to care." Juudai muttered, "So why does it matter?"
"It doesn't matter for me. It matters about you." Haou pointed out, "I don't want to take this without a good reason. Not just on my behalf but on yours too. So if you agree to what I want, then I know you really do want it that badly."
"What sort of logic is—" Juudai began.
Haou placed a finger to his lips, hurriedly shushing him. Juudai found himself speechless then, as he stared into Haou's amber gaze. Swallowing hard, he tried to calm his rapid heartbeat.
Taking a moment to gather his wits, he thought about what Haou wanted. Part of him thought he should try at least just because Haou wanted him to. After all, shouldn't he do it out of love? He had asked Haou to give into his wishes out of love. Feeling a little bad, he looked up at the other, and decided that whether they did or not, he should at least try to be less uptight for his sake. Maybe Haou had been using this to teach him a lesson…
Pushing his finger away, Juudai sighed. "Ok, I'm sorry. I'm being a hypocrite. Look, even if you don't give me what I want, I guess I should try to do what you asked just because you want me to. It's just…I don't know if I can. But if I tried…then would that be Ok?"
Haou thought for a moment, then nodded. "If you really put some effort into it." He did not say that he missed Juudai. He did not say those things. Besides, Juudai already knew.
Juudai heaved a small sigh of relief. At least he had that cleared up. Though, to be honest, he did not really expect anything more to occur. He started to stand up, but Haou seized his wrist and pulled him back down. At first, he was confused. That was, until Haou asked him if he did not want to go through with it.
"We made a deal," Haou continued, frowning, "And I don't intend to back out if you're going to give me what I want. I can't expect you to try your best if you don't have an incentive."
Juudai was a little confused because he had expected Haou to want his way and only his way. But he was willing to compromise without pulling a trick on him? Well, he supposed he was different, so he just nodded and slowly began to pull his shirt over his head.
Haou seemed to relax a bit as well and continued to undo his jacket. He let it slide to the ground, then began to pull his own shirt over his head. He was going somewhat slowly about it, which Juudai was not sure he liked. Growing impatient, Juudai unzipped his pants and pulled them down hurriedly, kicking them off. Haou seemed a little surprised at this. Juudai did have enough shame to blush over what he had done, and he felt sort of bad. After all, he did not want to do this just to do it. He felt the need to do it with Haou. It couldn't be just anyone. And it wasn't like he was using him for that. He was a little worried that Haou might think he was using him and that was why he was being so reluctant. So, he slowed down his pace as well, even though he thought he could contain it no longer.
Soon enough, both he and Haou were unclothed, though Haou did not seem too comfortable with it. Even though it was Juudai and Juudai was him, he had a lot of pride and it was demeaning, embarrassing. He looked away, refusing to meet Juudai's gaze. His posture was stiff, rigid, tense; though he kept his knees pulled up to his chest, as though to try to cover himself. Even then, he kept his head held high, and that same coldness lingered in his eyes. It made Juudai feel a bit sorry for him.
Crawling over to him, Juudai put his hands on Haou's knees and rubbed them, trying to assure him. Haou finally looked at him, glaring slightly. It sent a chill down Juudai's spine. He swallowed hard and removed his hands from the other. Grimacing, Haou gently slipped his arms around Juudai and held him for a moment, letting his forehead drop on the other's shoulder. He lifted his head to look into Juudai's eyes after a moment, and gradually pushed him down to the ground. Juudai's face reddened at the action. He soon found himself lying on his back with Haou kneeling over him. While propping himself up with one arm, he placed a hand on Juudai's chest, and ran it slowly down to his stomach. Juudai shivered at the action, then even more when Haou suddenly grasped his length.
"Haou…" He gasped, reaching up and grabbing him around the neck. He clung tightly.
Haou refused to say anything. He kept his eyes locked with Juudai's, his expression never changing as he gingerly squeezed the current object of his affections. Juudai twitched and writhed in pleasure, a bit embarrassed by his response, but not really caring too much at the moment. He shivered as Haou ran his fingers up and down his length.
A few strangled moans and incoherent sentences escaped Juudai's mouth due to the electric pleasure that shot through him. He let his fingers drift to Haou's hair and become entangled. Unable to help himself, he pulled Haou's head down closer to his own, debating with himself whether to kiss him or pull him down on top of himself. He decided that it would not hurt to do both. Before Haou had time to object, Juudai had caused him to lose his balance and fall on top. A moment was spent staring into each others' eyes. Haou was so close to him that their noses were touching. Juudai felt his face heat up at the sensation of the other's skin against his own. He felt as though his heart was going to burst out of his chest any minute with him being so worked up. Instinctively, he grinded up against Haou, causing their erections to rub together. Haou's face turned a dark red.
"I'd prefer you didn't—" He began.
Juudai pushed his head forward and crashed their lips together in a kiss, cutting Haou off. He was a little surprised when Haou pushed him away, looking sullen.
"Do you have to take it so fast?" Haou asked irately, "Have you really been wanting me like this for so long?"
Juudai looked sheepish. "Well…uh…maybe."
"Relax." Haou eased himself back down on top of Juudai and held him for a moment, his eyes half-closing.
Juudai buried his nose in Haou's neck and breathed in deeply. He was trembling all over from excitement and nervousness. Haou took a moment to try to calm him by stroking his hair and his face, but it did nothing except to excite him even more. Seeing that Juudai was growing impatient, Haou muttered something underneath his breath and lifted himself up off of him. The other looked up with slightly pained eyes. But Haou was not going to tease him anymore. If Juudai wanted to go ahead, then he might as well give in.
"I hope you really will not regret this," Haou muttered, sitting between Juudai's legs and pressing a finger against his entrance, "Because you can't take this back, you know."
"I know," Juudai said breathlessly, "I'm sure of it. I really want it. I really want you, I mean. Because…I do love you." A small smile graced his lips.
Haou was glad to see him smile; though, it was not nearly the same smile he used to get on his face. Nevertheless, it was a start. So Haou pushed his finger in, grimacing as he did so. He did not particularly like this part of it, but he was going to do it for Juudai. Knowing it would be uncomfortable, he took Juudai's length in his hand again and rubbed it to distract him.
"And you," Haou muttered as he pushed his finger in deeper, "should be glad that I care about you so much. Otherwise I would not be doing this for you. Otherwise I would be hurting you now for even thinking of such a shameful thing."
"Lighten up," Juudai told him, closing his eyes and tilting his head back a little. His breaths were coming more ragged then, so it was more difficult to speak. "After all, I'm sure you'll like it, too."
Haou grumbled something that Juudai could not make out, but he figured it was a retort of some kind. It did not really matter. He paid that no mind. He was too caught up in what was happening at the moment to care.
"You know," Juudai said after a moment, "that doesn't hurt that much. You can continue if you'd like…"
Haou's eyes flickered up to meet Juudai's. He did not need to be told twice. The next thing Juudai knew, Haou had pushed another finger inside. This time it was a bit more uncomfortable. Juudai shifted a little, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists. Still, he told himself that he could go through with this. Though, he was not as sure of himself as he had been. He looked up at Haou, a little worried and a little distrustful. What if Haou did hurt him? What if Haou did it on purpose to spite him? He told himself he was being ridiculous because Haou had never done anything like that. So he forced himself to relax.
A few minutes passed by in silence. Haou continued the task, though he never seemed to warm up to it. Juudai was beginning to feel a little guilty about it. He felt as though he were forcing Haou to do it, though he knew that Haou would never do something like this if he really truly did not want to. There was something that was keeping him going…
Juudai finally put a hand on Haou's wrist as he propped himself up a little. Haou looked up and blinked, but showed no indication of surprise or any emotion at all. It did not come as a shock to Juudai though. He was used to it by then, and he had come to learn how to read Haou's thoughts on a matter without using facial expression as an indicator. He could tell that Haou was questioning the situation, but was not surprised because he was more in tune with Juudai's feelings than Juudai was with his.
"I want you to keep going but…I want you to want this too." Juudai said quietly, his eyes dropping to the ground, "I really am not trying to make you do anything."
"You can't make me do anything," Haou told him, bristling, "And don't even try."
"Why are you doing this?" Juudai asked, his hand beginning to shake, "If you don't want to then why?"
Haou continued to stare at him. After a moment, he pushed Juudai's hand away from his wrist so he could continue. Juudai kept staring at him, waiting for an answer. But he was not about to give one.
"Haou?" Juudai tried to prop himself up farther, but Haou just pushed him back down.
"Quiet," Haou commanded, shoving his fingers a little harder into him, "Just enjoy it."
"But I want to know why," Juudai pressed, looking upset, "Please tell me."
Haou still refused to reply. He only added a third finger to shut Juudai up. Juudai let out a sharp gasp of pain and recoiled, but Haou held him down and would not allow him to move away. If Juudai wanted this done, then he would have to endure it. So Haou kept preparing him, thinking to himself that Juudai was lucky he would demean himself enough to do that.
Tears of pain pricked the corners of Juudai's eyes. He bit his lip and tried to bear it, but it was so difficult when he had never experienced anything like that before. He had never imagined it would hurt so badly. And knowing this made him wonder just how badly it would hurt when they went all the way. Even though Haou was trying to distract him by stroking his length gently, it did little good. He was still feeling it.
Haou spent a good while doing this, though he seemed to be getting fed up and impatient himself. Juudai was hoping he would hang on for just a little longer while he got adjusted to it. Already the pain was subsiding and the first few dull waves of pleasure were beginning to wash over him. Hopefully, it would not hurt quite as bad when Haou entered him completely. He found himself beginning to relax and, after a few more minutes of this, Haou decided that he had had enough.
Without so much as asking, Haou withdrew his fingers and pushed Juudai's legs farther apart, leaning over him again. Juudai opened his eyes and shifted uneasily. He knew that Haou could tell when he was ready and did not need an indication but it still bothered him that he had not made absolutely sure. Once again, he reminded himself that he could trust the other. At least…he thought. After everything that had happened though, he could never be sure.
Lowering himself down on Juudai's body, Haou kissed his lips lightly, which Juudai gladly reciprocated. He pressed the tip against Juudai's entrance, and told him, none too dryly, "This is your last chance to change your mind. Once we start I'm not going to stop."
Well, at least he was honest. Juudai knew he would not lie to him. Though, even though he knew he should stop, he just wanted it too badly. A small part of him was hoping that Haou would want it too. He felt kind of sad thinking that Haou was only doing this because he wanted something from him.
He did not know how wrong he was.
True, at first, Haou had not wanted to do anything, but he was rather aroused himself by then. And as much as he hated to admit it, he was finding himself attracted to Juudai in that way as well. He did not say anything about it because he deemed it unnecessary and embarrassing. But he most certainly was not going to stop once they got started. No matter how much Juudai begged. He knew Juudai might regret it at first and he wanted the other to give it a chance before deciding that it had been a bad idea.
"Don't stop," Juudai told him, clasping his arms around Haou's neck, his eyes half closing. He was beginning to tremble even harder. This was becoming all the more real to him. "Just do it."
Haou stared him down for a moment, as though reading his emotions. Finally seeing that Juudai really had no doubts about it, he muttered something beneath his breath, and gave a little push. Juudai's body jolted as Haou began to enter him, sending waves of pain and excitement through his entire body. Since the other had been so thorough in his preparations, though, it did not hurt quite so bad as it would have and it did not take him quite so long to get use to it. Nevertheless, Haou was still careful and let him rest a moment before pushing in any more.
He did not ask if Juudai was all right. But Juudai could see a flicker of concern in his golden eyes. A weak, reassuring smile was given, and faltered. Haou kissed the corner of his quivering mouth and gently rubbed the locks of umber hair that fell against his soft cheek. Then, he gave another shove, pushing in deeper.
"Ha…ou…" Juudai gasped, digging his nails into the other's back. His eyes were wide, his lips slightly parted to allow for quick, ragged breaths. It did hurt, still, but it also felt so good.
Haou sucked his breath in sharply despite himself. The sensation was a bit of a shock to him; he really had not been expecting it to feel like that. For a moment he simply lay on top of Juudai, too frozen up to do anything. He lingered in the feeling of the brunet's tight warmth surrounding him. It was rather overwhelming. However, he was determined not to be too verbal about the sudden hot pleasure that was washing over him. Instead, he rested his chin on Juudai's shoulder and closed his eyes, allowing his breaths to come a little faster.
Growing impatient, Juudai pushed up against him, trying to get him to move. His whole body was aching in want, especially since Haou was so deeply embedded inside it. Besides that, it was more than a little uncomfortable for Haou to be resting inside his entrance like that. He cleared his throat a little and, as though to emphasize his point, told him, "You can move, if you want." He looked up at Haou hopefully.
Feeling Juudai grinding against him like that, Haou tensed up. He opened one eye and lifted his shaggy head to look down at the boy beneath him. Juudai's eyes were almost even begging him to move. He supposed he had tortured them both enough. The only reason he had not really moved was because he had been so shocked. That and he did not want to appear disgraceful. Slowly, almost as though unsure of himself, he pulled out and then pushed back in, his face reddening as he did so. Already, he was about to lose his balance from the fire that rushed through his veins. He bit back a gasp as his arms buckled, almost collapsing on Juudai. Juudai's face turned red as well. He bit his lip and tightened his hold around the other.
Haou soon recovered and began to thrust somewhat clumsily. And as he did this, Juudai buried his face in the other's shoulder, grasping onto his body as though his life depended on it. It still hurt for awhile, but the pain gradually subsided and was replaced with the same dull waves of pleasure as before. Only, this time, they increased swiftly the longer they went.
Haou was a fast learner so it was not long before his thrusts became more rhythmic and precise. He squeezed his eyes shut and wrapped his arms around Juudai's neck, bringing his head up to his chest. It was not half bad, he thought. Well, perhaps that was an understatement but he was still clinging fast to his pride. Juudai, on the other hand, was writhing in ecstasy beneath him, making it all the more difficult to stay sane. He liked the way the Osiris student was trembling so violently, clutching his back, and moaning his name. It only added to the way the experience felt.
Juudai shifted and spread his legs a bit wider, arching his back and angling his hips a little more to allow Haou to sink in deeper. Haou bit his lip, trying to hold back any noise that might try to escape. Swallowing it back, he plunged a bit harder into Juudai than he had intended. His first thought was that it must have hurt but no, that was not the case. He had unknowingly hit the most sensitive spot inside of Juudai.
The electric pleasure was almost too much to bear. Juudai's entire body stiffened and he tried to stifle a scream. His nails raked down Haou's back, causing the other to wince a little. "P-Please do that again," He gasped, almost incapable of speech.
Puzzled, Haou did try to repeat the action. He missed a few times but eventually found it again. And this time, he made a mental note of its location. He rather liked Juudai's reaction. The second time it was even more animated than the first. Juudai threw his head back and tossed it from one side to the other, all the while shoving desperately up against Haou's body. The way he was moving and acting really did not seem like himself. He seemed to have lost his head. Sex did cause people to do strange things, Haou thought.
Another thing Haou soon learned about sex: It made Juudai say things that did not sound like something he would say at all.
"Ah! Haou…harder…" Juudai gasped, clinging to Haou's neck so tightly the other could hardly breathe, "Please…more…" He gulped air in between words, as though he could not get enough.
Haou did not answer him, nor did he obey. He did not obey. He would if he wanted to, but it would be on his own time. And he rather liked how desperate and imploring Juudai was becoming. The brunet was currently trailing open mouth kisses down his neck and chest, wherever he could reach. He did not stop to consider his actions anymore, he just did them. Twitching as Juudai flicked his tongue against his nipple, Haou bit back the urge to pound him into the ground. He must retain his manners and not behave like an animal in heat, he reminded himself. If Juudai had known what he was thinking, he would have thought him to be very strange indeed. Perhaps this experience was affecting Haou in a different, subtler way.
Juudai, on the other hand, had lost all sense of decency. He was thrusting wildly against Haou, sending shooting waves of pleasure down his spine. His hands were traveling on the king's heated skin everywhere they could reach, and everywhere that had been previously unexplored. He leaned up and touched his lips to Haou's multiple times, sometimes tender and sometimes rough. Every then and again, he let his tongue drift across Haou's mouth and down to his neck, all the while panting and softly moaning. And Haou, slowly losing his senses as well, could not stop hitting that one spot inside of Juudai that was causing all of this madness. Again and again and again. It caused Juudai to thrash and beg for more. And Haou was slowly finding he could not hold back but kept giving him more.
He pressed Juudai hard against the ground, grinding his body up and down on the other's. He felt almost as though each time he entered Juudai, he went a little deeper and the other's muscles grew tighter. Within himself, he felt this strange ball of tension clenching tighter and tighter; he had never felt so lovely in his life. He decided that this was not so bad after all.
But probably the best part of it: He was growing closer to Juudai. He felt a strange passion washing over him, and he felt the same passion from his counterpart. Feeling as though he was taking it too fast and too far, he slowed his pace and decided to just enjoy the torment of it. Juudai was disappointed at first, but he soon learned what Haou was trying to teach him.
The king took his hands lightly in his own and squeezed them, lacing their fingers together. Juudai stared up into his eyes, the blood rushing in his ears so he could hear nothing else. Clutching his hands tighter, Haou leaned down slowly and grazed his lips in featherlike touches to Juudai's. The Osiris student felt a violent shiver run all through his body, starting at his shoulders and moving down his spine. As Haou moved his lips lower and lower, from Juudai's lips to his chin, his chin to his neck, and his neck to his chest, he moved one of his hands to stroke his cheek. Brushing some hair out of his face, he moved the hand lower until it was caressing his neck, then trailed it all the way down to the other's length. Feeling Haou stroking it gingerly in time with his gentle thrusts, Juudai felt as though he were going to die. He tilted his head back and moaned softly, his hands moving to hold either side of Haou's face and press it closer to his pounding heart.
It was then that Haou said it. Perhaps it was that the moment demanded it, or perhaps the pleasure had loosened him up a bit. Whatever the reason, all that mattered was that he said it. "Juudai, I love you."
A loud gasp erupted from Juudai's lips. He dug his nails into Haou's scalp, entangling his fingers in the dark, silky hair. Haou leaned up and captured Juudai's mouth in a French kiss, rubbing against his sensitive spot again so maddeningly slow and hard.
He pulled away momentarily so he could speak again, and the words escaped once more. "I love you so much…" He said it breathlessly, as he cradled the back of Juudai's head in one hand, rubbing his hair and looking almost adoringly into his chocolate eyes.
"I…love you too," Juudai found himself responding, as though in a trance.
Letting his eyes half close, Juudai leaned up a bit, tilting his head to one side. Haou leaned into his face gradually, letting his own eyes half-lid. Their lips touched in delicate kiss after delicate kiss, their eyes closing further with each one. This continued for several moments until Juudai decided he wanted to speak again.
"Please," He murmured, tracing Haou's facial features with a trembling finger as he stared into those icy amber eyes, "Please…don't stop. Keep going. I need you…to finish making love to me. Please finish me." His lips quivered as he spoke, his sentences coming out in gasps and broken fragments.
Haou just nodded, leaning in and capturing those lips again as he gradually quickened his pace. He kept his lips affixed to Juudai's, so that the sharp gasps and soft moans would not escape. The brunet shoved his tongue deep in Haou's mouth, not even trying to hold back. Moaning against Haou's tongue, enticing the him to go faster, he ran his hands in circles over the other's back. Unknowingly, he clenched his muscles in an involuntary reaction, causing himself to become even tighter. Haou could hold back no longer. He moaned. And he was not ashamed.
A spark of life was ignited in Juudai's eyes and a small smile played upon his lips. "Like it?" He whispered, pushing Haou's face into his neck.
In response, Haou kissed his neck. This, Juudai assumed, meant yes. Besides, it was obvious from the way he was reacting. He was glad that Haou had warmed up to it. Since he really enjoyed it, he hoped that they would be doing it more often. That was, if he could get Haou to agree and not think about his pride so much.
Haou's movements gradually grew more uncoordinated. Juudai could not help but smile at this, knowing that it was he that had driven Haou crazy. However, he could not take much amusement in the fact that he had caused Haou to behave so uncharacteristically and so 'shamefully' for he was feeling the same effects. He, as well, was growing clumsier. The feelings and sensations rushing through his blood were almost too much for anyone to handle. He felt as though his body were going to burst. With every passing moment, the experience seemed to get better and better. Juudai felt as though he had never been so happy in his life.
Haou wrapped his arms more securely around the trembling brunet and brought him close, crushing him against his chest. Juudai felt the other's heart thumping hard against his body, in time with his own. He felt truly as though they were united, were one. Perhaps that was a bit silly considering they already were one, but Juudai was not going to question how it felt. He was just going to go with it.
Each thrust, each gentle kiss that they shared brought them closer and closer to the edge. Both were already nearing the brink and it would not be long before they fell over. The only reason that it had lasted as long as it had was because it was more of a mental process than a physical one. Of course, they could feel it but it was different than had it been done normally. They were different.
"Haou…" Juudai gasped as he felt the knot in his lower body clench tighter. He tilted his head back, exposing the sensitive flesh of his neck to Haou once more, closing his eyes as his hair fell in his face. "I can't…much…longer…"
"Try," Haou coaxed, touching his lips to Juudai's outstretched neck and nipping at the skin.
"I can't," Juudai breathed, letting his head flop to the other side, his chest heaving, "I have to…It hurts…"
In response, Haou slid a hand down his body and tended to Juudai's neglected member again. He gently stroked Juudai's cheek as well, trailing his fingers over the heated skin in the slightest of contact. The brunet shivered vigorously, his gasps coming in and out in short, raspy bursts, his nails raking red marks down the other's back.
"Please…hurry…" Juudai begged, grinding up against him and trying to force him to hasten, "I can't stand it."
Grimacing, Haou caved. He could not stand the torment of such slow lovemaking anymore either. So, he took a moment to catch his breath—and such a torturous moment it was—then he sped up. He carefully pounded into Juudai, trying desperately to accurately hit his mark each time so he could finish them. Even with his movements being shaky and unsteady, he managed to be precise enough times.
Juudai's lips parted, yet nothing came out at first but a tiny, almost inaudible squeak. And then, as Haou slammed into his prostate dead-on: "Haou!" Juudai lunged upwards in an involuntary reaction, clinging to the other with all four limbs.
Feeling Juudai's legs wrapped securely around his waist only urged him on. He continued with the task, setting his teeth and squeezing his eyes shut, finally incapable of holding back the small noises that arose from the depths of his chest. The sound only gave an additional aural pleasure to Juudai, and he felt he would break just at hearing it. Another scream of Haou's name.
One thought ran through Haou's mind as he watched Juudai arch his back and bend over backwards, his head thrown to the sides in pleasure. He stared down in awe at the smooth, tanned skin and the slim, toned figure. It was a passing thought, one that Haou would never let leave his lips or allow Juudai the pleasure of knowing ever. But it was one that he secretly indulged in deep within his mind, and truly believed with every fiber of his being.
Juudai was beautiful.
This somehow encouraged him, and he thrust into Juudai a little harder than before. He felt as though he had driven in all the way, and he might even get stuck at that rate. All these thoughts passed through his mind only for a second, for, the next, he was vaguely aware of something that was occurring…
When he had performed this action, it had sent such a strong shock of pleasure up Juudai's spine that he had simply been unable to take it. He felt as though his whole body were rigid and frozen, tingling with excitement and fire. Every muscle in his body tensed to the maximum, and he felt as though he were rising higher and higher. He could not see, could not hear, could not think. All he could feel was the amazing rush of adrenaline and the blood pumping through his veins. Then, just as soon as he felt to be at the peak of ecstasy, he fell so far down, having been unable to hold back any longer. He cried out.
Although it was something that was supposed to happen, that he wanted to happen, Haou still felt a small pang of concern. He had no time to focus though, for that incredible heat and friction and the resulting tightness was enough to send him over as well. It was almost like free-falling for those several seconds, before hitting rock bottom. He buried his face in Juudai's hot neck, with his pulse hammering against his temple, as his own body jolted with release.
A wave of warm relief washed over their sweaty, spent bodies. It was the feeling of being completed, fulfilled, loved. Haou continued to hold onto Juudai, his fingers knotted up in the back of his hair, long after it had ended. They lay still, bodies trembling, bodies heaving as they recovered from the shock. It had been so terribly intense that even then they felt a strange, deep warmth within them. That and they were exhausted. Exhausted yet satisfied.
Not wanting to cause him any more harm, Haou forced himself to prop up on his elbows and start to withdraw from his body. Juudai shivered at the sensation and the cool air that fell upon the place where Haou had once lain. The king sat up for a moment and blinked, as though in a daze, and stared down at Juudai, who remained sprawled on the ground, his arm twisted behind his head and his eyes half-closed in spent passion. He leaned over the Osiris student, his expression once more serious, having lost that adoring glow about him. They stared into each other's eyes. The only indication that anything had occurred was the sensation of heavy breaths on tender skin. Slowly, Haou leaned down and let his lips touch Juudai's in a ginger, innocent kiss. A small lick was donned by Juudai, and the ghost of a smile lingered on Haou's mouth as he straightened up to a sitting position.
"That…was nice," He remarked, wiping the saliva from his mouth, his golden eyes dancing in amusement though his face remained hardened, "I should like to do that again sometime."
Grinning weakly, Juudai sat up as well, and captured Haou in a small hug. "Of course…it was…great."
"So you'll try for me?" Haou asked, grazing his lips against the shell of Juudai's ear. He pushed the other away and held him at arms' length, gazing upon him sternly and solemnly.
Juudai's smile faded and his expression morphed to a more serious look. Nodding, he agreed. "Yes. I'll do what I can."
"Good." Haou pushed him away, squaring his shoulders and holding his chin parallel to the ground. He had regained his regal demeanor.
Juudai would have liked to have stayed, but Haou insisted that he leave. He gave him a little push and a frown, telling him that he had things to think about. When Juudai protested, Haou reminded him that he needed to go see about bettering himself. He had to go out and see his friends sometime. He could not hole up in the Osiris dorm all day. And even though Juudai strongly disagreed, Haou eventually got his way and forced Juudai back to consciousness.
When Juudai opened his eyes and found the room coming slowly into focus, he wondered if it had all been a dream and he had simply fallen asleep. However, when he moved slightly, he felt more than a little sore. Picking up the sheets, he peered down to see, much to his dismay, he had a mess to clean up. Well, at least no one was there to catch him. He could clean up in peace.
Thinking back on what had happened and what had been said, Juudai really wondered how they could continue to hold a relationship like that. He did not really have a problem with it but sometimes he wondered what the future would hold for them. Truly, though, it was almost even a good thing to be with oneself. At least Haou could never fully leave him. No matter what Haou would always be around if he needed him. He derived some comfort from that.
And even though he had initially wondered if it were Haou's fault that those things had happened, it really was not. The other had even somewhat saved him, if he thought about it a certain way. No, things were not so bad. Perhaps he could do as Haou requested.
A small smile tugged at his lips at the thought of Haou. He could feel the other's embarrassment and could not help but be amused. Closing his eyes, he breathed a sigh of contentment. He really did love Haou. He had not thought it possible but…he did. And he supposed he always would in some way or another. No matter what they could take care of each other.
After cleaning up and bathing, he lay down again to rest his aching body, to try to get some sleep. It was then that he felt something brush his shoulders. Glancing over, he noticed Haou was curled up against his body, having decided to come back out. Smiling, he snuggled against his counterpart and closed his eyes, indulging in the warm embrace.
"I love you," Juudai whispered softly into the darkness.
There was a long pause and Juudai could feel that Haou was debating with himself. He felt Haou's embarrassment and the twinge of guilt. Finally, sounding annoyed, Haou did respond. For once, it was not the way he said it but the words themselves, and the meaning they carried with them.
"I love you too."
And Juudai knew that he really meant what he said.
A/N: Ummm tl;dr. Lemme guess. Skipped everything but the lemon. XDD Yeah I know you did. I do that sometimes. –ashamed- But that's not the point. Umm ya sorry about that and all…I just had to write it. X.x Plz forgive me and don't bitch me out. I was not too concerned about certain things here…I DID try to make it as IC as I could as far as the situation was concerned but… PHAIL. As long as it's plausible. : / I mean, at least it's more reasonable than them slobbering all over each other and crying every five seconds. At least I tried to be reasonable. Ya so…tell me yer thoughts on it. If you feel like it. C: I actually like it so shuddup! 8D lol jk