There are things that drift away like our endless numbered days. (Iron and Wine's song "Passing Afternoon." Yes, it was used on House and I find it fitting for this story.)
Author's Note: No, I don't own the characters/show or any rights. Don't you think that if I did the show wouldn't have been how it was? Thank you for the reviews. People who write moronic, homophobic quips don't get my vote, that was a waste and it's the 21st century-grow up and be more open minded. As a side note-Yes, I understand that homophobic people have the right to their opinion, we all do, but promoting hatred or the notion that someone is inferior to another group of people isn't humanistic and in fact comes off as ignorant. (Also it shows their own insecurities and need to feel powerful by marginalizing others; it's a false superiority complex. Now I'm done with my rant.) About the writing to come…I'm going to be messing around with slightly more abstract writing (occasionally) and so I hope its enjoyable.
"I feel like we're falling apart." Marissa said with desperation and sadness laced throughout each word. She stood in the middle of Alex's kitchen, her arms tightly wrapped around her midsection, trying to confine herself and seemingly her emotions that were threatening to spill over and become painfully present.
Sensing that her girlfriend was withdrawing from her she tried to joke while looking around as though searching for something…
"I swear I have some glue around here," Alex offered, trying to lightly joke to provide some comic relief and she saw the corners of Marissa's lips curl up unintentionally. She let her shoulders fall when Marissa didn't respond the way she was hoping. Everything felt like it was a reaction to something, every facial expression, every word, every sigh…
Alex looked down at the floor, getting lost in the dark wood and the lines that went through them. Their imperfections and simple aesthetic beauty that always went overlooked.
"I can't do this anymore." Marissa said in a whisper. Those words made Alex's head shoot up, her attention snapping back to her girlfriend or could she call her that now?
4 months earlier….
She didn't feel the usual warmth or embrace that came when she woke up, stretching out careful to avoid bringing any pain to her ribs Alex looked around the room. It was very much like Marissa's personality and what she noted that she liked about it the most was the smell. Marissa's scent was always in the room and Alex loved it when she rolled over and breathed in the pillow next to her; though she was reminded that Marissa wasn't there, the side of the large bed unoccupied by her taller girlfriend. Looking around again she noticed the clock that read 9:32. She was late for work…
Damn it, damn it, fuck…
Reaching over for her phone she hit the speed dial and connected with Jodie.
"Why aren't you asleep?" The short girl said with disinterest and sounded preoccupied.
"Morning to you too," Alex grumbled and laid back into the bed, pulling the covers around her more, knowing a lecture was coming on based on the other woman's tone.
"Marissa already called, she said you were going to sleep in, you aren't coming in today and…" Jodie left off as Alex heard papers being moved in the background.
"And…?" Alex said impatiently.
"I'm dropping off Liv tonight because Marissa wants her back," Jodie supplied.
"Huh, it sounds like you had an actual conversation with her," Alex noted with somewhat shock.
"Yeah, she even asked me how I was. I was surprised she was capable of being considerate," Jodie half joked making Alex roll her eyes and lift her arm over her head to stretch again, this time her hand hit a piece of paper, making a rumbled noise that woke her up a little more. "But I can tell you're still sleep drunk," Jodie noted, her own terminology coming out to show that Alex wasn't fully awake.
"Mhm, so if I'll see you later then," Alex said as she picked up the small piece of paper and held it before her face, her eyes trying to focus on it.
"Yeah, bye," Jodie said and hung up the phone, her attention already on something else knowing that Alex's typical phone etiquette didn't involve saying goodbye. Shutting off her phone and setting it on the bed near her hip as to not have it get lost in the blankets she pulled the note closer and read it.
Morning…this sort of popped into my head while you were sleeping and I wanted to tell you-
perhaps this is blind lament falling on deaf ears
because you're unaware of all the things I could do
to hurt you
or the (desperate) apologies that will inevitably come
YOU, with your painfully, beautiful optimism throws off-challenges my cynicism
and I'm left fearful of loving you
if I withhold or feel as though I may not meet you half way
when I know I should
if not out of fairness (for the viewpoint that all is fair in love and war to be false)
but the mentality that there should be a balance
with loving and being loved
Alex had to read it again, she wasn't completely awake and this wasn't expected.
That was beautiful…depressing at the same time, but Jesus. That was a lot…and…she thinks she's going to hurt me. Which yeah…we always hurt the ones we love. Oh hell I'm referencing Buffy quotes this early… but really? I'm optimistic? Okay maybe in comparison to Marissa I seem it, but… Alex's thoughts ended there, she kept staring at the small piece of paper and soon enough nearly six minutes had passed.
Deciding it was time to get up, take a shower, get dressed she folded the piece of paper neatly and set it on the small table. Looking around the room she found her clothes that were thrown across the floor and a towel draped over a chair. Slowly getting out of bed and feeling exposed she grabbed the towel, loosely wrapped it around herself and crossed the room into the connected bathroom to take a warm shower.
When she came out ten minutes later she was more relaxed than usual, climbing back into bed without any clothes on after hanging up the towel she looked around the room again. The dresser had high end perfumes and makeup on it, the walk in closet no doubt had a massive collection of clothes that Alex knew didn't suit her so she didn't bother rummaging through to find something for herself to wear, rather much liking her state of undress at the moment…
A bookshelf that was full of some poetry, some random, unexpected books such as Jack Kerouac, Aldous Huxley, even Lewis Carol's Alice in Wonderland, the abridged version. Marissa appeared to be shallow and maybe even vapid to people at first glace, Alex was sure of that, likely because she was surprisingly quiet and was certain people would mistake that for being arrogant or a bit of a rich snob, but Marissa wasn't completely like that. Yes, everyone had their bad days and Marissa had more than her fair share but after contemplating it a bit more…yeah, Marissa was a bit of a brat, she had expectations and to a degree she was spoiled but she meant well, she had a good heart and she loved her.