This is a reworked story of mine from the pre-HBP days. Non-canon compliant. Just meant to be light-hearted fun.
The Amazing Bouncing Ferret Strikes Again!
It was a nice spring day and N.E.W.T.S were ages away, no matter what Hermione tried telling Harry and me. The clear sky and green grass made everything perfect. Except for the blond prick coming our direction, shadowed by two fat lumps. I growled, causing Hermione to look up from her revision text and Harry from the chess game that I was trouncing him in.
"If Malfoy calls you Mudblood one more time, I swear I'll…" I muttered, sending my knight into an awkward position on the chess board because of my anger.
"You'll keep your wand to yourself Ronald. I'm eighteen and perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Goodness! I don't need a babysitter," Hermione snapped. Her bushy brown hair shook with indignation. "No wonder Ginny stole your broom when she was younger."
"But Hermione!" Harry whined. "We don't want to put up with his pureblood cronies any more than you do! Let us have some fun! Please?" I backed him up in pouting pitifully.
Hermione didn't stand a chance. "Oh alright, Hermione agreed. "I wouldn't be able to stop you, would I?"
"Nope," we grinned in quite a good imitation of Fred and George, causing Hermione to sigh. Before she could try and argue with us, we were interrupted.
"Oy! Crabbe! Goyle! Look who it is, Potty and the Weasel! Malfoy said. "Sounds like a Muggle band."
"Resorting to insults borrowed from Peeves? How original for a pureblood. I'm surprised you didn't pay someone to come up with one for you specifically. Oh, wait, that'd cost you a precious Knut that you don't want to spend," Hermione scoffed, mirroring Malfoy's sneer. It is quite disturbing to see your girlfriend use the same sneer as your enemy. Harry and I looked at each other and began to inch our hands closer to our wand holsters. "Oh look, bucktooth Granger has to stand up for them! Malfoy snickered.
"Be quiet Malfoy, Harry even said as he ran his hand through his messy black hair. He was still incredibly scrawny. Even Hermione and Malfoy stood slightly taller than him. His quiet tone said, "I defeated a Dark Lord. Do you want to try me?"
"Or what Scarhead? Gonna get your little girlfriend Weaselette to hex me? Oh no! I'm so scared!" Malfoy cried in falsetto. Now I was reaching for my wand like there was no tomorrow. How dare he talk about my sister!
Before I could even think of a spell, let alone Malfoy try to realize what was going on, Hermione had punched him in the face. Straight in the jaw. He reeled back and fell over. "No, Ginny actually has the good sense not to talk to you. Me, however, your stupidity has rubbed off on me, so I do respond when you pitifully try to insult me. And I am getting payback for the past seven years, Hermione said coldly. "Harry, do you have Colin's new camera?" Her eyes and wand never left Malfoy.
"The video one?" Harry asked as he rummaged through Hermione's bag. He began throwing books out of it. "Sweet Merlin Hermione, how many books do you have in here?"
"Let me guess Harry, a bit of light reading?" I joked as I picked up a heavy tome and threw it at Goyle.
"Ronald!" Hermione shrieked. "Don't throw my Charms text around!"
"What do you want me to do? Let him hex you?" I asked, bewildered. I was just trying to help for goodness sake!
Thankfully, Harry found the camera before we had the chance to get caught up in another argument. "Got it Hermione." He pressed one of the shiny buttons, causing one of the screens to light up. Instantly, it showed Malfoy.
"Why is it showing Malfoy?" I asked.
"Because I'm pointing the camera at him. When I press the button, it'll start recording what he's doing and saying. It's better than a Wizarding picture that way."
"Wait, you can't use Muggle objects here! Their substitutes for magic all go haywire around Hogwarts, there's too much magic in the air." Draco spat out the word Muggle like it was a foul, odorous waste product.
"And we are rolling. Colin is revolutionizing the photography industry. Or don't you read the Daily Prophet Malfoy? So smile, you're on candid camera!" Harry said gleefully. Revenge is so sweet.
"Now Malfoy, I am going to give this school a memory that will last forever. And this is one rule that I don't mind breaking. Transfigura Mustela putorius furo!" Hermione said clearly. Where I had just seen Malfoy's head, I now saw the trees in the distance. Looking down, way down, I saw a pure white ferret and Crabbe's meaty hands going after it.
I grinned and mimicked Mad-Eye-Moody's voice and I said, "Laddie, LEAVE IT! Or else there will be twenty points off Slytherin! To my amazement, he froze. Literally froze. Then I looked at Harry. He was grinning like a Chesh, a Cheshi-oh yeah-like that Cheshire cat thing. I couldn't hear what Hermione had said, but Malfoy's ferret body was starting to bash against the rocks and go catapulting into the air. Up and down and up and down.
Then I heard Harry yell, "Wake up Ron!" Why do I need to wake up? I am awake. And watching Malfoy get bruised within an inch of his life. But Harry continued. "Wake up Ron! Wake up Ron! Accio Ron's covers! I jolted back to reality as Harry yelled, "Ron! We're going to be late for Potions! C'mon! Hurry up! I quickly got dressed, got my books and ran down to the dungeons with Harry, very disappointed that it was only a dream.
At least I can put it in Trelawney's dumb Dream Journal. I don't know why Harry and I actually decided to go for a N.E.W.T. in that worthless fraud's class. It'd probably be better to just walk out on the bat. Maybe I could get Harry and the twins to help. . .